Both my Wife and myself have come from abusive relationships, and both of us were loyally sticking with the said abusive partners for the sake of the children and to show our families that we had made the right choices, defiantly putting up false fronts so that nobody outside the house knew of the strife that went on daily, my ex-partner was verbally abusive, and constantly putting me and the children down, not to mention members of my extended family, mainly through an alcohol  and substance addiction, she would yell and swear at the kids and shove them around the house, she also would throw things at us  and call us all sorts of derogatory things ,so much so that the kids learned to gather up their younger siblings and bolt to the park or get in the car and lock the doors till i had their mother calmed down enough that she wouldn't hurt them. and my current partner (wife)  was from a physically abusive relationship which included a healthy dose of verbal abuse on a regular basis, and stupid mind games that made her think she was worthless without him and nothing till he came along, if she tried to stand up to him he would lash out at her or torture her cat or punish the children and tell them it is all mums fault, any way we escaped, and it was such a huge relief for every one, the children smile and laugh again and we are sure we did the right thing for all of us, your children can not be happy unless you are, it is not selfish to want to be happy, its every-body's right to be happy, you have too much to lose by staying in an abusive relationship, love and trust in yourself and your children, and the good things will follow, your children will know in time that you did it for the right reasons and you will know straight away that you've done the right thing,  the way i asked myself whether i loved my ex-partner or not was to ask myself if i trusted her, love and trust are one and the same really, love wont exist without trust, if you ask this of yourself and find that you don't trust him, then the answer is clear! good luck,  i hope everything starts to work out for you and please, never be afraid to ask for help.       Ian.

The advice i read here for you is quite right but there all just a bit too mollcoddling i think

firstly if you dont get out your going to be hurt physiucally and mentally as you have allready been.

is it gunna be easy , hell no your going to doubt yourself and he is gunna do everything in his poewwer to get you back mind games  threats apologies beg u forgiveness lie any and all of these to get you back under his POWER.

the bottom line is if you dont want your kids to become abusive  and to live a happy healthy lif e you have to be free of this abusive partner

get help for yourself and yourr kids as soon as you can both physically and mentally to undo the damateb already caused.

Your kids will understand in time and thank you and they will be able too cause they will be alive as you will there are too many people being hurt  and damaged by abusive partners these days  so please dont become another statistic.

be strong and good luck 

love and hugs 

You mentioned that you have too much to loose by leaving.  You have too much to loose by staying with him.  You and your kids deserve better.   Everyone has the right to be happy and feel loved and safe.  It sounds like the kids are at an age where they see what is happening. It doesn't sound like he's willing to admit there's a problem.  You could always suggest the counselling option to him.

You need to do what's right for you and your kids, as hard as it is to take that step.  There will be a day where you will know it was the right thing to do.

Good Luck.

I think you need to be true to youself and put yourself first for once. People in abusive realtionships are made to feel alone and isolated and that if they go they will have nothing but that is not true. There are those friends and family and even commutity organisations that will do everything in there power to make you feel safe and strong and stand up on your own 2 feet again and you will gain more than a few possesions you may have gathered along the way. Reach out to those who care and make a plan to get you and the kids out safely. You deserve much more than you know and once you get over that big hurdle you will look back and say Thank god!!!

I think you know in your heart what you have to do.

Just remember the life you can give your children is going to be alot happier than a life where they are witness to abuse and your depression.

Also you never know, you might actually enjoy time alone and getting to know yourself again insted of constantly pandering to an abusive man. I know I did.

Good luck with everything and stay conected to your friends and this wonderful website so you can get as much support as you may need.

cheers,alyx

Let him stay away, you do not need anything like that at all.

Don't cry there are time for tears later you have to look after your self and you kids

I wrote some advice on leaving

http://www.minti.com/parenting-advice/9584/some-tips-for-leaving-a-dv-relationship/

if you need to know anything else just email me because putting it nicely the court system sucks and you need to make sure you have as much as you need

 I know it is scary when you feel you are going to lose the security that you have for your children but this is no life for them or you and your children are telling you that they are not happy and feeling unloved, that is no environment for your children to be brought up in.

I realise it is also scary making a move but there are a lot of organisations out there that can help you start a new life.

You and your children deserve to be happy.

I wish you and your children all the best.

Regards Janice

i agree do what you need to do to make this happen but get out now things wont get better and you desearve to be happy and so do your kids.I know its hard but in the end it will be worth it i know this because i got out of an abusive relationship a long tie ago and i have never looked back and never been happier. my thoughts are with you and i wish you all the best be happy be safe and live life in peace you desearve happiness health and to be loved.good luck

please get out of there now or if you cant at that moment here is a number to call these people will help you to  make a a plan to get out of there its for your safety and your childrens i dont know what area you live in but in australia the number is for the domestic violence line freecall  1800 656 463 please call it

Darlin.........get out- get out now.   You and your kids deserve soooooo much more than this.  Yes- I won't lie to you- being on you own raising kids is really hard....but it does get a little easier, and at the end of the day- wouldn't you all be better off happy, and alive...rather than living the hell you all must be going through right now?

You owe it to yourself and your kids to get yourself organised to leave...be prepared- so you don't ever have to go back...or you might not get to leave again.  Don't be scared- talk to your friends, and family....they will most likely want to do all that they can to help you.

Be strong- you can do this.

I'll be thinking of you- be safe, be happy.

Ral xo