id tell him i would pack his bags. if my husband said this to me he would be the one sitting in hospital he laid the seed of a baby so he should stop being a baby and wait till you have recovered.dont let him pressure you into anything you dont want to do

Dear Anonymous

This is YOURE body and if you don't want to have sex don't, let him leave, you will be happier without him controlling you, I was in an abusive relationship a few years back and personally find it very hard to be intimate with my current partner we have two wonderful children but he accepts that we might only have sex once a month, if he loves you he will be patient and will wait if not ask yourself do you like the way he makes you feel, You are as valuable as any other women and DESERVE to be treated with the utmost RESPECT!!!! Don't put up with this if you feel you could do better!  Look after no 1 YOU!!!!

Charza

I can't begin to imagine what you must be going through at the moment.  But I know that I would want to protect my child and myself.  PLEASE go to someone for help if you can't bring yourself to leave. Go see a neighbour, a friend, a relative, your doctor, your church, even the police!  Anyone who you think will be there for you and will help you to find the courage to do the right thing.  Don't think he'll change or things will get better, it is not worth the risk.  Someone exerting such control now will usually only get worse not better.  Besides do you really want to take the chance.  I hope you find the strength to do what is right for your baby and yourself.

People have really reacted strongly to your question, sweetie. I know we may not have come accross as really supportive and encouraging in all this, but we're worried about you. We care enough to tell you the harsh truth. We're not wanting to scare you, we're wanting to help you and to motivate you. It seems many of us here have seen the harsh relatities that lie ahead for women in your shoes, and we don't want youto go through that. We don't even know who you are, just Ms. Anonymous, but we care about you anyways, and want all the best for you. Sadly, this seems to be more than your husband (who isn't being very husbandly and doesn't really deserve the word, but in any case). You are valuable and lovely and worth being treated better than this. Life on governement/ social assistance  isn't easy, but it's a far cry better than what you've got. And I do beleive your family will be there as soon as you tell them- if not, then their just as bad and you need to get counselling or other support ASAP.

Please, reply to us and let us know how you are. I think a lot of us are worried about you!

I'd offer you a friend request, but I don't know who you are...

I Am's Child.

One word: LEAVE! Don't wait until he leaves you, you get rid of him NOW!!!

This will only get WAY MUCH WORSE for you.

If you don't understand that or think you have no way of getting out, check my advice list. In particular, the one's titled Domestic Violence, why you must get out while you still can; and The Practical aspects of escaping domestic violence.

Make no more excuses, get to a women's shelter, call the police, get out of there now. YOu're life may very well be at serious risk, and your daughter's as well! If you don't get rid of this abusive man IMMEDIATELY.

Harsh, Yes, it is, but if you've lived my life you'd be saying the same if I was posting your question.

Cheers, DA

Hey there, i think you need to read what you have written as if you were reading it from some one else not your self, you have just had a baby, things arent going to be right down there yet, if you had any tearing of the skin what so ever he could give you an infection or worse tear you open even more. You have just given birth to his child, if he respects that in anyway he will back off, and with all that energy he seems to have perhaps he can give you a break from the baby. If however have sexual interactions with your partner is something YOU would like to do, perhaps you could try a bit of oral sex, gradually intriducing intercourse by first letting him play (inside) with his finger if it feels right keep going, if it doesnt then stop. If you dont think he can respect the fact it may hurt then perhaps you should test the sensitivity your self when you have some alone time. Good luck and all the best congratulations on the birth of your baby and i really hope things look up for you.

Ok firstly If you are in Australia you should be getting at least a parenting payment of some sort, is there anyway you can hold some of this money bak?? this way you should be able to save enough to be able to get back to your family, I know he might of cut you off of your family but I am sure you still have at least one family member's no., If you could possibly ring them and organise to stay with them for a while.

My 2nd piece of advice is go get counselling and self confidence for yourself, the counselling for the emotional abuse and physical abuse he has put you thru, you may not admit it to yourself, but it seems like he has damaged your psyche.

3rdly I would go to support groups and mothers group to help make friends and a support network, this is where you can discuss any problems you have with your child/ren. This will also allow your child/ren to socialise and make friends around their own age.

I know you may think I am harsh but it is best if you have an escape plan in place, and also tell him that you do not care if he leaves as you shouldn't have sex for at least 6 weeks after giving birth. If he does leave he is not worth your time, but if he stays this means he respects you and truly cares bout you. This will give you more power in the relationship and you will feel better either way.

I hope this helps you.

Cheers Queenie

xoxoxoxoxoxox

I am in shock that you are being treated like this (almost slave like). Darling this is Physical and Emotional Abuse that you should not put up with. My advice is get in touch with The Salvation Army or the likes if you are in Australia, also make an appontment with Centrelink about financing you, you need to leave him, you deserve better.

You need to allow at least 6 weeks to heal after having a bub and it is not just Physical healing, your emotions and hormones are all over the shop at the moment.

You should be leaving him as this is not good for you and as it is upsetting you, this will transfer to your baby and your baby will be suffering also.

Please have the strenghth you need to do this and get some help, this is your life and you should not be in an over-bearing relationship like that

Please look after yourself and your bub and forget about him there are plenty of nice guys out there that would treat you with the love respect and dignity that you deserve

You should just let him leave!! You dont need to put up with that so soon or at all. i dont get sex as often as i want but i would rather we both enjoy it and want to do it rather than it be due to pressure.someone who loves and respects you like any husband should wouldnt do this to you.i hope u get the help u need!!!

If you let him control you, each time he does this to you it takes a toll on your soul.  You deserve the best in life for yourself & your children.  Are you going to raise your children to treat women like this?  Seek help from Centrelink about finances. 

this seems like a Macho that want his way or no way it is very dangerous for your life as well as your health, on your next doctors appointment you should bring him with you and explain to the doctor the situation and let him/her explin things to him, or he is going to raising that baby on his own. having sex right after birth is a very serious problem that men dont seem to understand your utarus is getting back into its normal size so it needs to rest for 45 days.

Rape is Rape- whether you're married or not. If it is forced, coerced or unwanted, it's rape.It's your body, not his. If he's quoting scripture at you to say otherwise, Minti mail me and i can give you some scripture to fight back with. Don't know your situation, but some people will do this.

Control of your finances, friends, body, decisions, is control, and are kinds of domestic violence. Domestic violence usually starts small but escalates over time. It is almost always worse during pregnancy and shortly after. Women can die from physical abuse during pregnancy... and so do babies.

I strongly suggest you do something before this escalates. If it does escalate, your children will be unsafe as a result, and then you could be looking at involvement from your local child protection agency, because in refusing to do something to end the violence, you are failing to protect your children... Services would range from in home services to the possibility of removing your children IF this escalates.

Right now, I don't see an immediate harm to your child from the little you've said, but I STRONGLY encourage you to do something BEFORE it escalates... be the responcible Mom you are...

This is a hard one - I worked at a community house helping women and children who have been abused and swore it would never happen to me but it did. This is typical of how these things start out. If he has ever hit you please get help for yourself. I waited til it was too late and it took 3 broken ribs a broken nose and bloodclots on the brain for me to come to my senses that even though he is their dad he had no right to teach them that sort of thing. What you are dealing with is a control freak. Does he control your friends too? We are all your friends here and will be your support. Don't let anyone hold you down and remember he might have married you but that doesn't means he owns you. Lots of love to you doll.

My mum had the same problem and had three kids to my father, the controlling turned to abuse that we had to watch her suffer through and watch him hold us over using us to blackmailing her into doing what he wanted she finally left him when I was 17 because I told her I would apply for custody of my sisters if she didn't leave him I know it sounds cruel but I would lay awake at night and hear everything. I stll haven't completely forgivn my mother for keeping me in a place like that nor for bringing two more innocent children into that lifestyle. I know that she was scared and felt like she was alone but I could never keep my child in a home that was dictated by fear and not filled with love. There are refuges you can call that will supply you with protection and a place to stay and help you get back on your feet. You're obviously a strong person because you took the first step and sought help. The best advice I could give you is think about your baby you deserve better, and good luck with everything, also don't fall for any false promises they rarely change. I know the thought of being a single mum can be terrifing but I become a single mum at 18 and my daughter is now 8 and in the top of her class. It might not seem like it but one loving parent is better then a controlled one and an abuser. Ask yourself if it was your daughter in this position would you want her to stay in it? I wish you the best of luck and all the strength you need you have.

Wow, he sounds very selfish... He should be loving and supporting you since you have just been through childbirth... He is obviously trying to control you even more by threatening to leave... Let him leave! You need to go see a women's help centre, ring a domestic violence hotline, or police if he is violent... Do you have family who can help you ? No body should be treated like that, EVER! He is supposed to love you , and care for you, not dictate your life... He is your PARTNER, not father!!! You deserve to have a happy life, free of abuse - whether physical or mental or sexual, it is all abuse and it is about power... He likes to have power over you, and you need to break that power he has... If he is violent, obviously you will need to be careful, have someone you trust 100% to help you... If you do not want to have sex so soon after giving birth then it is YOUR choice... You do not want to be in that sort of relationship do you? And your daughter deserves to grow up knowing what a normal loving relationship is like... I left my power hungry ex because of my sons, so that they can grow up knowing it is NOT normal and NOT OK to do that sort of thing to women... my ex was violent and mentally and sexually abusive, and it was hard to leave, but it is better to leave than have an unhappy life filled with that sort of crap....

 I hope you have not given in to his demands, this is totally wrong how could he. This is no life for you or your new bub and is so sad that he has put you in this situation. There are plenty of organisations out there that will help you  start a new life. Stand up to him sweetie and tell him for healing and medical reasons you shouldn't have sex for at least 6to 8 weeks after a birth.

Janice

Awww sweetie, this is horrible. He is abusing you and he shoudn't be treating you this way! It is WAY too soon after giving birth to be having sex. You need to wait at least 6-8 weeks and even after that time has gone by it will still feel uncomfortable and hurt for the first time. And although it's your own personal choice I wouldn't be having unprotected sex so soon after giving birth because DR.s will tell you that your body needs at least a year to recover after giving birth before you fall pregnant again. And it can happen! You say you have no money but do you have any family support? Is there a friend or a family member who knows what is going on that can help you find your feet? You could stay with them and would be entitled to government benefits considering your child is so young. If your husband threatens leaving you again then maybe it's for the best. You and your little princess should be treated with the utmost loving care and neither of you deserve the treatment that you are getting. I really hope all works out for you and remember that you are not alone! All of us here at Minti will help you at the drop of a hat!

Sending all my love your way, hugs and kisses, Samantha.

Honey, that is so wrong and no one deserves that sort of treatment..

He should be pampering you like a princess..

I think for the best  for you and your bub you leave this guy and have the services that are available out there help you,, He cant hurt you and u deserve better..

PLEASE ASK FOR SOME HELP..

XX cazza