How do I approach this problem in a strong, firm and yet diplomatic way????
My good friend and her two daughters aged 6 and 9 live across the road from me. I live with my two boys in a shared week on week off situation with their dad. My boys are Toby, 3 and Josh 5.
The kids frequently play at my both my house and over at the girls house.
Lately however, my boys have been complaining more and more about the rough treatment they are getting from the girls which has included the girls throwing dirt in their eyes, pushing them over, and five days ago, my eldest came home WITH A BLACK EYE!
When asked about how he got the black eye, Josh (5) gave stock standard answers, 'i don't know, i forget...' and would run off.
At his day care, the teacher finally got an answer fromToby (3) first, and then confirmed the answer with Josh -:"Who gave you the black eye?" Toby answered "it was Jen", Josh answered "Jen, but she told me to keep it a secret btn her and I"
I haven't known how to handle this situation. I made a decision that I would give the 9 yr old girl the opportunity to 'fess up'. So, Yesterday, I rang up the mother and asked her to send Jen over for a little chat. I told the mum that we believed Josh got his black eye from Jen. Jen came over and we sat and had a 'chat' - I told her the whole story and then asked her if she did actually punch Josh.
She went bright red in the face and denied it - very queitly. "No, i didn't do it" she said, "but we were playing and josh did slip down and hurt himself...." she then went on to dob her younger sister in for the dirt throwing and other little acts of bullying.
I spoke to my x/the boys dad this morning who is livid about the situation as he doesn't like my friend, and he's an extremely protective father. I, despite being a mum who desperaely wants to protect her children, confrontation of any sort, and in particular with this woman, scares the absolute banana's out of me!
She's quick tempered and I'm sure there will be a fight of words - her kids against my kids - type of thing.
But her kids are out of control, they are bullies, bad mannered - I have other examples: I've seen the youngest one who is 6, punch my 3 yr old in the stomache - that made me feel sick. I've seen the eldest one who is 9, smashing bottles on the road to the extent that cars had to drive around them. The discipline they got from their mother - nothing about the punch in the stomache, a yell for throwing the bottles, which then she (the mother) cleaned up herself.
I know with my description of the girls and their mother, the answers seem obvious and right in front of my face - but i have a long history with this woman - a long time before either of us had kids of our own - and we have both been there for each other both emotionally, phsyically, and as mothers helping each other out.
Is it time to let the friendship go? Am I putting too much emphasis on the friendship and not enough on the protection and care of my children? How do I handle this situation? How do I know if my little 5 yr old is telling the truth? (he's been known to lie a lot lately) - but then so do the girls.
Arrgghhh - help please?
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