When I was 14 I dated an 18 year old. My parents were totally against it (as I would be) and did everything in there power to stop it, but of course I did everything they didnt want me too because they wouldnt let me!

My sister on the other hand did the same thing and my parenting having learnt from my experience gave her a little more freedom while keeping the lines of communication open and expressing there concerns in an adult manner. My sister ended up not doing the things because she made the active decision and felt that she was respected.

To be honest your daughter is of legal age. I would insist on meeting the man and getting to know him. Maybe limit visits so no sleep overs or no visits on school nights.
Set limits you are comfy with

When i was 14 i wa swith a guy that was 19 my mum swore that he would hurt me and we spent many many hours arguing it came to the point that they had to accept that i was going to be with him because the harder they fought the closer we became, in the end yes this guy hurt me but i wouldnt have left him if i didnt have support, mum was theryre for me at the end of the day and that was the important thing, let her no where you stand but tell her that you support her no matter what and you will always love her and be there for her, if she knows that, You'll be the first she goes too when shes in trouble I went straight to my mum after all the fights and everything i knew she loved me and knew she wouldnt judge me for my mistake, there's nothing more powerful than a mothers love and im only just starting to learn what that means!!

Good Luck im sure shes not a silly girl!

Everyone else has said exacly what i was going to. Meet him, if he seems like a genuinly nice guy, then let her be.

Remember that girls mature alot quicker than boys and the guys her age may just be too young for her. It might work with an older guy, it might not. But now is the time for you to let her make her own decisions. If it turns out to be a mistake then you will be there for her when she needs you.

The only thing i would definately do, is make sure she is using some form of contraception. Even if she is not yet sexually active, it is always better to be safe. 22 year old men tend to only have one thing on their mind in my experience.

Good luck. Im sure she will be fine. You have now trust yourself and the daughter that you raised. xox

Hi,

 When I was 15 I met a guy who was 21, I ended up being with him for 3 years, he was my first boyfriend and he is my eldest son's father... We are still friends now... He was fun to be with and got me out of home which was a stressful place to be sometimes... He met my parents before we started dating, and they realised he was genuine, and after about a year of dating him, my parents allowed him to stay overnight every now and then, as they knew if they didn't give me a bit of leeway, I would have gone to him... Your daughters relationship may not last, but you need to give her a bit of control over her life and give her the trust she wants and needs... I remember thinking I knew everything at that age, and even though my Mum and I were like best friends, I still remember thinking she didn't know much! Honesty is important, so try to be honest with your daughter about how you are feeling, and hopefully she will be honest with you in return...  Kids today are different to when we were kids, and things I thought were pretty rebellious at the time are considered nothing these days!!! I was lucky too that I had great parents who let us express ourselves however we wanted, no matter how crazy they thought we were, and they were there for us when it didn't work out how we wanted ~ one example is when I was 15 and got drunk for the first time, someone rang my Dad, and he came and picked me up. I was expecting a lecture and to be grounded, but all he did was say, "well as long as you had fun".... I know now that my parents were really worried about it and were really quite cranky, but they never let on to me! They told me the right and wrong things to do in life, and then let me make my own mistakes... I am glad that they trusted me enough to let me do it myself...

When I was 16 I went out with 2 guys who were 21. Today I am 33yrs old and one of them is my best friend. He has a partner and 2 kids. The other is my partner of 5 yrs and we have 2 adorable children. Both relationships didn't last that long at the time, but a special bond was made.  If this guy is a good guy I really wouldn't worry. I would try and get to know him before you worry too much.

Honestly? You should invite the guy over and sit down with them both and discuss your feelings and fears. In the end it's best to let her make this choice on her own... it's the only way she'll learn. But at least if you are honest with them both about your concerns and bring it out in the open it will give you a chance to get to know him and maybe you'll all find a happy medium in it.

If you find he's not someone you want her to be with, express this to her when he's not around. Tell her what your fears are, but also tell her you'll support whatever decision she makes because that's all you can really do at this point. If she knows you'll be there for her even though you don't feel good about it, she'll feel less inclined to sneak around and lie to you. She may even be more open with you about it just to put you at ease (or at least attempt to).

Naya

When I was 16 I was with a 22 yr old man, and my parents welcomed it, because of what I'd been through previously in my life, being with him was a positive because he was responsible, sensible, and looked after me, stopped me from getting into a world of trouble with younger guys that I know in hindsight I'd have gotten into trouble with had I not been with him.

Unfortunately, not all 22 yr old guys are responsible, sensible, and look after younger girls like that; as some are totally immature idiots. So I guess the best way for you to react to it would largely depend on your opinion of him and his motives as an individual. If he's a sensible caring young man, then being against it just on age alone could be foolish as your daughter could end up with a younger guy that is a lot worse. If he's a total idiot and always getting into trouble, then I'd be against her seeing him no matter what the age! It all depends on what kind of person he really is. Age alone is not good reason to try and discourage an otherwise good relationship.

Ive been with my partner for 3years now. Im 18 and he is 23. I got togetehr with him when i was 15 and he was the first guy id been with. My mum wasnt happy and what happened was i starte dto hate my mum because she didnt understand where i was coming from. She thought because he was older he onlyw anted to use me. My mum has since then realised that wasnt the case. My partner and I live in our own house for nearly 2 yrs now and we also ahve a 3month old son. He doesnt bother with mates and things anymore but if he wants to go catch up thats fine with me.

Your daughter and this guy could work out, you never know. Just make she doesnt lie about her age, i did this for a few months and it was stupid. I never beleived anything would happen between us so thats why i lied. Because his love was genuine he didnt care about my age, its only a number.

If your daughter goes to school, try and make sure she still goes.. I failed a $2000 course at tafe because i wante dto be with my bf when we forst got together. I just never realised i could do my tafe and when im finsihed see him. I was to rapt up in it all.

Just talk to your daughter and be there for her, My mum and I get along great now that she realises he didnt get with me to use me.

she is old enough to make her own mind up, let her know you are not comfortable with the idea of her dating a 22yr old but let her know you are always there for her no matter what the problem, ask her to bring her BF around for dinner so u can meet him and get to know him as he might (MIGHT) honestly love her,  and ask him questions, like What are his intentions, will he support her if anything happens,

remember its only puppy love  but give her the benifit of the doubt

I went thru similar stuff with my daughter & felt the same about it as you... So I didn't make too big a fuss. Sure I told her how I felt & what I thought.. But in the end I told her it was her choice & that I would be there for her no matter what. I did remember that when I was 16, I thought I was grown up. And that 16yo boys were really far too young to be even remotely interesting... So now its time for the sex talk.. I'm not sure who was more uncomfortable about that, in the case & me & my daughter; a toss up I'd say... moreso b/c its so important to stress the necessity for safe sex & appropriate condom use nowadays... Another aspect is the law; where I am (Australia) the age of consent is 17 (unless the adult is a youth worker/teacher; in which case its 18). So she needs to be aware that if things go that far, her fella could get in a heap of trouble... Its called statutory rape whether she consents or not..

It was a very trying time & I worried about her constantly! Looking back tho; it only really lasted a couple of years.. And she did end up being able to talk to me about anything/everything (not always a comfortable situation, but better than worrying). It didn't take long for her to realise that however appealing older guys might seem (sophisticated etc), it didn't make them any more fun... & sometimes a lot less fun. And when she did get around to 'going all the way' (far earlier than I'd hoped), she was amazed at what all the fuss was about (clearly it wasn't impressive). Whew! What a relief! (For me.) Some of her choices were nice young fellas; some of them were awful! But she was such a rebellious child I learned to be especially nice to the awful ones (for some reason she found them easier to ditch if she thought I liked them). There was one I knew instantly was going to be abusive. I laid on the charm with a trowell! Sure enuff; he complained about/was rude to all her friends & once knocked her down (it was hard to stay calm when she told me, but I just said that if she ever wanted to get the locks changed for her flat, she should call me). It lasted 2 months. And the strangest thing is, in the end the reason why she kicked him out & changed the the locks (I was there with the locksmith 20mins after she called!) was b/c he started putting me down... How ironic! She lost her temper & told him where to get off! So my strategy worked & my instincts were spot on.

My advice is trust your instincts... & go ahead & use reverse psychology if you think it might work.

Good luck; I know its a challenge!

I would have to say let her be. When me an my partner starteds out 1st time round (w e have split and got back together) i was 16 he was 24 my mother did everything in her power to split us up . But this only made me want him more.

If he does break her heart all you can do is be there to support and love her. To be honest she is 16 she is old enough to make her own decisions and al we can do as parents is be there for them when they fall.

Its hard watching your kids make mistakes but we have to all make mistakes as thats what we learn from but i do hope it works out with your daughter and this guy .

Goodluck with it all

I understand that you are concerned for your daughter and want to protect her, but she is old enough to make her own choices, which also means her own mistakes, and you have to learn to respect this.  It is hard, but the only way your daughter is going to make it through life is if you let her make these sorts of choices and wait for her to come to you when she wants your help.

The more you try and force the issue of her not seeing this guy, the more you are going to send her into his arms, so try and be supportive and let them see each other.  If you are worried about sex and the issues that come with it, then maybe it is time to make it so that this occurs under your own roof where you are able to help if things get out of hand.

Your baby is almost a grown woman now, must be sad to think that 16 years ago she was a tiny helpless baby that depended on you to make every decision for her, but she is growing up and needs to have her freedoms too.  Just make sure these freedoms include the freedom to do her own washing, her own dishes and to cook her own meals when you want a night off! lol.

My partner is 52, and I'm 28, and we are very well suited, though I wasn't 16 when I met him.  Sometimes an age gap this size can be a good thing.

Just trust that she will make the right choice for her and that she will come to you when she needs her mum's help.

I agree with silverainbow.  I was 13 and seeing a 19 yr old.  The more my mum forbid it and we fought about it the more I ran to him crying. 

I would make sure she is on the pill or a rod or something and also talk to her about condoms, stds etc then make some boundary rules.  Tell her he is welcome to come to the house when you or your husband are home and limit outings to group dates.  Then be there for her when things go bad.

I wouldnt recommend forbidding her, she has hormones stronger than a mac truck... you will lose!  Good luck!

my sister has been with her partner for 7 years now. she is 22 on nov and he is in his 30's they have 1 son who i 3 and she is step mum to a 17 almost 18 year old and a 12 year old.

Some times it works others it doesnt. and yes they have been together since she was 13/14.

tbh, just support her and be there for her if he does break her heart. as long as she knows you may not agree with it, as long as you have her intrests at heart and she knows that and you are open and honest, thats all that matters.

It's a hard one.  In my experience though, the more you try and talk her out of it, the more she will probably dig her heels in - if for no other reason, than to defy you!

-  Are any of her friends in a similar situation?
-  Maybe she sees it as "cool" that an older guy is interested in her?
-  Do you know anything about this guy - his parents or family; his background? 
-  Have you met him?

Why not say to her "OK, invite him over and let me meet him and then we will discuss it".  Tell her that if she wants you to be happy with his arrangement, she must meet you half way and approach this is a mature manner and the least she can do is to arrange a meeting (stress it is NOT a grilling though LOL)

Perhaps if he is a nice, sensible guy it will put your fears at rest.  If he is not, then at least you will know exactly what you are dealing with. 

I once jokingly told my eldest stepdaughters' new boyfriend (wit arm around his shoulder, and a friendly smile on my face)  that if he hurt her in any way, shape or form her father and I would most certainly hunt him down and he would be very sorry.  He joked about it a few months later.

Teenagers can be like aliens sometimes! 

this is a hard one, I have a friend with the same situation with her 18 year old daughter (a little different as she is of age to consent) she has always liked older men, she give in and let her date the older guy who was 32 years old, he soon realised she was to young and imature, and she realised she didnt fit in with his friends and they had nothing in common.

I think sometimes we need to live and learn from our mistakes.