Sex should not be the one thing that keeps your relationship alive.  Intimacy is more important.  Ok, so that's confusing.  Intimacy doesn't have to have anything to do with sex.  My partner and I are more intimate when we just talk about things.  We kiss alot and massage each other alot, but these days, that's all we have the energy for.

By starting off slowly, you might find that spark again.  I do have to wonder if the way you see yourself is affecting your sex drive though.  If we think that our bodies don't look the best after having a baby, then that is going to affect every aspect of our lives, especially our sex drives.  Try and bring your own sexiness back by buying clothes you want to wear, including your underwear, you don't have to wear it, just look at it if you like (nursing mum here who looks longingly at her lacey things but practicality says no!!! lol).  I love my body, even though I look like un understuffed teddy bear (in the stomach) because I know that it is the result of 5 babies and helps to define me as a mother.

Finding time for just you and your partner will help too.  Schedule movie nights, where you don't have to leave the house if the budget is tight.  Dinner for 2 could help too or even just taking a shower together (save time, money and water) might help.

If you have suffered from depression at all, then maybe a chat with your doctor will help.   They have access to more help services and could put you in touch with a sex therapist.  Sex therapy doesn't have to be about the physical act, it can help to find the subconcious self doubts you might have and then work through them.  Sessions can be private, couples or even group sessions.  Not tried therapy before myself, but I know people who swear by it.

Above all, take the pressure off yourself and try to not avoid your partner.  If you feel you are, then give him a kiss instead without the expectation that more has to follow.

Take your time and explore ways to ignite that special candle again.

Caring for a baby takes a great deal of energy, emotion and organisation, so it's understandable that your drive.energy levels would be low. Don't be too hard on yourself, just remember to communicate with your partner and continue to suggest romantic/intimate activities(with the understanding there won't be sex). You need to let your partner know you still care for him, so he doesn't resent the baby for taking all your attention and energy. Also, it could be partly hormonal, there is a great upheaval/change after giving birth, things can take time to get back to normal. Talk to your doctor about having a check up?

All the best

traceywestaway

 

sometimes after having a baby we get into such a routien that we just dont have time or energy to think about sex,  its normal to feel this way. To get the spice back into things you and your partner could have a few drinks togethers, put on sum sexy outfits? I find that sumtimes i cant be bothered with sex but i know that once we "get going" ill be in the mood.

xoxo

 

I felt the same when I was pregnant with my son and feel that my sex drive still lacks now when warming up to the idea so to speak.

To try and improve our sex life my partner and I resorted to a intimate game where you can only touch each other without oral sex, Kissing or penetrating. The more we touched each other the more my sex drive became alive,  and we would slowly slip in teasing kisses here and there until we both gave into each other. It really returned the passion and love into our relationship and helped me with arousal.

When your sex drive is lacking I think it is important to take that extra bit of time for foreplay, make it more intimate and don't rush into things.

Hope this helps, good Luck!!