minti, powered by parents Powered by Parents
First Visit?     Register     Login
 
RSS

Lissi
Lissi | November 2008

how to cope with "THE OTHER SIDE"

 sounds dramatic i know.. well its like this, on saturday just gone, my 12 yo daughter ran away from home and decided that she wanted to move in with her father. Apparently its a decision that she has been wanting to make for a long time.. If i thought what she was doing was a healthy normal phase for her and it was truely only between myself and her and her dad.. then i wouldnt be so concerned. What happened at the friends house that she went to was that she supposedly refused to talk to me, we had had an arguement and they were tellin her from inside not to come out and sort things out with her mum.. these people were of no relation at all and i was devastated to be told to go away and locked away from my child .. I called the police to help but they wanted court papers which i didnt have.. my child has been with me since she was born and all of a sudden after not having been away from her longer than a week, I am tryin to come to terms with never seein her on a regular basis as one of the kids in my house!! I have 6 children all up including her and the other 5 are confused and upset  and dont understand why they cant all just go and live with him instead.....anyone have any advice as to how i can help the situation with my daughter and to help my kids understand what is going on.. she turned up at school the last couple of days with brand new clothes and she gets spoiled rotten by them..theyre even talking about cuttin her out of her dancing class that she used to love .. my thoughts are it is to avoid me and not in her best interests either!! these people are lettin my daughter make adult decisions and ripping my family apart. They are isolating her from her siblings and I dont know if she will ever realise what a mistake it is .. I'm scared for her, and for my family that they wont stay bonded with my other kids... I dont believe kids should be separated after a divorce coz they are such a huge support for each other even when the parents obviously are not.. any ideas.. would appreciate it.. confused xo



Write Answer Got an answer... share it now Report

Other answers to this question:


jaccaj
November 2008 | jaccaj
Re: how to cope with

Dont worry I'd just stay away, the ex is only getting what he wants by your stressing and sleepness nights, ask yourself why you left in the first place and remember it, because this is his only way of getting at you nthat ur not thereto chastise, the thrill will pass for your daughter when your ex becomes bored with ur non reaction, it is only natural for a teen to crave attention, deep down she knows its wrong, and she will come round give her time..

Also when you do get the opportunity to be near her give her the kind of attention only a mother knows how to give, and concentrate on fullfilling the other kids needs they are more upset at the time and effort you spend on the sister now shes gone than they are that she is gone. Kids are selfish and rightly so they should be, we brought them into the world, that too was maybe selfish.



Reply Reply Report
purplecupcake
November 2008 | purplecupcake
Re: how to cope with

go to a lawer tell them everything go back to the police and dont leave without a good answer as to why, threten to sue and splash them all over the news and local t.v. call extra, today tonight and make sure you get her back.... she's 12 in your care. not a strangers. stand up and fight back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! even if she dosent want to live with you, you get a say in her life hun, go for it.



Reply Reply Report
TravellingMum
November 2008 | TravellingMum
Re: how to cope with

Well if you were awarded custody she won't be alowed to move out with her father or anyone without court orders being issued/changed.  I would seek legal advice if I was you.  But I was a bit confused by what you wrote about her moving in with her Dad, then you said "what happened at the friends house".  Either way, get advise.

Sharon



Reply Reply Report
      Lissi
November 2008 | Lissi
Re: how to cope with

She first went to his mates house and they had me locked out of the house away from her ..totally confused and crying to the point that i called the police to help me get them to let her out to talk to me..they said it was her choice not to talk to me.. but seriously..she's 12yo she had half a dozen kids and 2 adults tellin her not to.. what do you think she would do?? I have sought legal advice and they tell me that i cannot get custody of her if she doesnt want to live with me..but the other 5 kids i will be gettin legal papers for most likely soon



Reply Reply Report
           TravellingMum
November 2008 | TravellingMum
Re: how to cope with

That's strange advice if she is only 12!  How long has she been in your sole custody?  Did you have custody orders in place before this happened?  Or was he the kind of guy who was happy for you to take responsibility for all his kids?  Have you thought of getting a second opinion or even asking directly at the Family law court in your state?



Reply Reply Report
                Lissi
November 2008 | Lissi
Re: how to cope with

I havent been away from my daughter for longer than a week in her 12 years.. It was a really difficult break up and their dad left me 7 months pregnant with our baby girl.. he continues to have the other 5 kids on a fortnightly basis but neither of us has got sole custody orders in place because i felt it was a terrible thing to put the kids thru if we were fighting about who has who etc.. he just literally left me to do all the work and pays me barely anything in maintenence.. hes never set foot on their school grounds, never participated in his autistic sons theropy.. and would be lucky to have attended one or more sporting events thru the school..strangely enough he is able to just step in and say.. ok my turn now and i am expected to just lump it because my daughter wants to go.. feeling very unsure or what is going to happen when the other 5 kids have an opinion on where they live and do the same thing..obviously, for a child, it works and these days they get their own way.. the system is not only built to protect kids..but its built to over ride the parents ability to protect their own kids aswell.. if they leave home..they will take them whereever they want to go...



Reply Reply Report

Related Content

Add

No related content has been added

Related Tags

Add

None

Bookmarks

No bookmarks found