Hi, a few years ago, me, my hubby and 2 children had to move back in with my mum. We looked for our own place for 9 months and when I had my 3rd bub, it got really cramped so we moved interstate and got a house in 3 weeks. We helped with bills and bought the food for the house and kept the place clean.... my sister also lives with my mum. At the time, I was 26, my sis was 23. She is now 25 and still lives at home. Mum has to hound her every week for the rent (she works casual), she smokes and drinks every weekend, does nothing in the house, will buy food only for herself, expects Mum to do her laundry! I use to talk to Mum about it and she would get upset with me but now, she is over it. She cannot wait for my sister to move out but still wont give her the push to leave as she is the baby and Mum is use to having her there. She put restrictions on what my sister can do at the house. No men are allowed to sleep overnight, no drinking. So now, my sister wants to move out but because she has had it so easy, she doesnt want to leave cause she knows she will have to do everything for herself. But I do know she will be moving out, my sister has told me she wants to be able to do what she wants in her own home so I give her a couple of months then she will move out. Mum cannot wait! 

So, are your children still living at home? Do you do everything for them? Laundry? clean their rooms? buy all their food? prepare their food?

If so, then just start small, stop doing their laundry. Let them know that they have to start doing it themselves, when they run out of clothes, they will realise you wont be doing it anymore no matter what.

I hope this helps, let me know how it goes.

Hannah

I am going through the same situation and yes you have to let go but it doesn't have to be all at once just slowly start easing into it.

They have to become resposible and independant or they will rely on you for everything.This is a normal step to happen.You can still do things for them but let them make their own way.

They have to learn how to pay their own bills,make appointments,cook ,clean ect but that doesn't mean you are completely out of their life although sometimes it feels that way.They still come to Mum for advice and you will always be there to listen.

At times they will make decisions that you are not happy with but just grit your teeth and let them be adults who can make mistakes and good decisions like the rest of us,after all you have brought them up and they have learn't alot from you they will be fine.

You also don't want them to feel like you are smothering them just let them be in charge of their own life.They will thankyou for it in the end. 

 

I believe it's important for adult-children to learn to carry their own weight. (Of course if they're going to school they may need some support but outside of that, I think it can be a slippery slope).

I'd also be concerned if they are being too much of a burden on you. Are you able to do all the things you want to do?

Could try here for a start.

http://www.minti.com/parenting-advice/8442/Adult-Children/