I think it's lovely for her that you are considering her needs as well as your own need to share your daughters' memory.  Good for you!!

What does your partner think?  And importantly, is his ex a reasonable person or would she use this revelation to attack you and your partner if she found out you had shared it with ehr child?  I think this is an important consideration in making your decision.

Also - is your step daughter a "wise for her age" child, or is she not emotionally mature (as much as a 31/2 yo can be) for her age?

If I was you, I would probably not mention it just now, especially as this is her first visit to your house.  Maybe wait until she is a little older and then when you do tell her, ask her if she would like to help you make a little fairy garden in honour of your daughter.  That would be a nice project for the two of you to work on and would be a nice bonding edperience.  It will also take the seriousness of death away somewhat.

Good luck - ultimately it is up to you and her Dad how and when you share this news with her though.

Good luck!  Sharon x

hi newstepmum,

first of all  i would like to say i'm very sorry for your loss,i have 2 boys aged 6 months and 3 years and i couldn't imagine not having them around. i don't think that you should remove your daughters picture, she was a part of you and still is. when your stepdaughter asks about her you could just gently explain to her that your daughter was here for only a little while and ( i don't know how you feel about god,i'm not very religious but this is how we explained a passing in our family to our 3 year old) that she had to go to heaven and help the angels watch over us . and maybe you could also talk to her dad and mum about this and ask what they think is appropriate. just because people are gone doesn't mean that they are never far away. i hope some of this helps

Hi,

I'm not really an expert on this subject but do have a bit of knowledge on grief.  At 3 1/2 she may possibly understand the concept of death.  Do not put your precious photo away. If and only if she asks about the little girl in the photo then just tell her she is with the stars.  If she starts her relationship with you knowing of your daughter then later on it will be easier to explain what happened.  Please don't hide your child.  You need that as well.  My middle daughter's father was killed in an accident before she was born but she has known of what happened from the moment she first asked 'Where's my dad'.  She is now 7 and she still asks questions but they are not as hard to deal with because she has known about the accident all along.

Hope this helps or I could just be rambling.

Kiera

 I would say it depends on how comfortable you are talking about it. Kids look to us for clues on how to react to things. If you are open and honest with your kids though, I think they will learn to be open and honest back as they get older. Unfortuantly death is a part of everyday life, but that doesn't mean we have to be scared of it. You might want to let her know that you were and are very sad about the loss of your child,  and that you will never forget her or stop loving her. But you might also let her know that it's ok to be happy again too. 

I hope that helps. 

Hi, 1st off, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Its up to you whether you want to talk about it with your step daughter but her being so young, she might not be able to grasp the meaning of your loss. My hubby and I lost a dear friend a couple of years ago and we told our 4yr old daughter that she went to heaven to be with JESUS and she sobbed and sobbed! It broke my heart to see her so upset that it took me most of the day to calm her down. From my experience, I wouldnt tell her just yet but that doesnt mean you have to hide your babys picture. I can see your dilemma, you dont want to keep this part of your life hidden but because of your stepdaughters age, it might be hard for her to comprehend.

Ask yourself this question... how would you feel if she did ask? Everytime you look at your bubs pic, do you break down? If that does happen, then you dont want your step daughter seeing you like that. Have you spoken to her dad about it? Maybe, you and him have a yarn about it first and go from there.

I hope this helps. (cuddles*)