You say she is fifteen, one of five, with three at home, so there is an age gap between her and the three you would spend most of your time on (the other in this case would be the middle child, between the two, different kettle of fish), however, it seems to me maybe she is acting this way because it gets YOUR attention. Remember when children crave attention, good or bad, they will get it. They have done their job, now its up to us to provide the attention, the hard bit is, what klind of attention we provide?. If we punish children (smacking, yelling, depriving), then they become accustom to that, and their grooming is complete in ther sense that when they need some attention they will go about it in a NEGATIVE manner.

I am a father of two beautiful girls, one 6, the other 3. I have been a sole foster carer of 4 siblings 2 to 10, so I do know and understand about the, WHEN, HOW DO I, I'v TRIED, bit of making time for one child. Remember this, The easest way is the laziest way!. What I mean by that is, sometimes someone elses need is more great then anyone elses, even our own, and everyting needs (no matter how important), to be put aside and  POSITIVE attention focused on the person of need, something most people dont do.

Communication, re-assurance, consistency, honesty and most important FOLLOW THROUGH. If you say you will, and you dont FOLLOW THROUGH with what you say you will, you can do all the rest til the cows come home, but will mean nothing if one does not stick to their word.

People will say, ' they do make time for their kids', however who's time is it?. Do they stop peeling potatoes when a child says 'I want your time now', or does the person say, ' yes, when Im finished peeling the potatoes'. Now some may say that, children may need to wait, to set boundries and learn patience, but we are not talking about boundries or patience in this matter. We need to set a POSITIVE condition to our children, and allow them to develope.

Sorry, I do not mean too offend, (men are from Mars and all that), but I did not read through the answers, but for a glimps. I think it tragic should you impose at fifteen, a penalty of board, when it is our responsiblity to REAR our children till they become of age, and definately do not punish her, by deprivation, for being a TEENAGER.

Talk to her one on one and give her if only a minute or two a day or every couple of days, but make it HER TIME.

I do hope something POSITIVE works for you, because no matter how well one thinks they have raised their children, one thing all teenagers have in common is that they are teenagers, and the one thing all parents have in common is that they forgat they too were a teenagers once, and you can only be a teenager ONCE.

I think you should come down hard on her, and your partner should also grandparents, and other close relatives, so she sees that no-one is impressed and shes the odd one out, no one apppreciates her disrespect towards her mother and that it is punishable offence.!. Make the punishment harsh so she gets it, but also when she does display good behaviour reward it generously with praise and affection (not material/food reward). Make sure the line is clearly drawn as to how far she can push her new found 'adulthood' yet try to meet her there and find a special connection through your recognition of her growing up and your equality with her as women, make her feel important, it will bring up her self worth and show the younger ones how to be when they get there.

this too shall pass, hun. i have an 18yr old sister & a 16 yr old stepdaughter. luckily my stepdaughter is not much of a problem, but teenagers always think that they know all the answers. the more you tell them not to do something, the more they want to do it. if we asked my sister to do something, she would do the opposite, just to annoy us, but she's grown up so much the last year or so. i work Monday-Friday, but my sister is looking after our 8 month old twin girls, all by herself. my mom will be with her twice a week, but she does everything for them, she bathes them, feeds them, everything. she first offered to do it, but we decided that the money the creche would've gotten, we give to her an she does a pretty good job. there is hope yet, hun. dont give up, she'll still surprise you

Teenagers are so hard to understand.    I agree with mystikal, your daughter is doing really really well being an A grader and having a job, both are more than my teenagers have managed so far.  Pat yourself on the back for that one luv, and the fact that your two older daughters are working and living together.   You've obviously raised a close family unit with good values - Good On You!!!

As far as your teenagers room goes - it's generally the one area in the house they can call their own and realistically how they treat it is their business.   As long as it's not unhygienic, let her live how she likes.   She'll come round - I did.   I would leave it completely up to her and not even go inside, it is her space after all.   If she wants to sleep in a crumpled bed, let her.   If she wants to go to school or work in wrinkled clothes - let her.  But set some rules like - you don't go in there looking for dirty washing etc.   If it's not in the washbasket you don't wash it.

Eating dinner together has always been something I've insisted on in our house, so when my teenager doesn't want to eat at the table, well he just doesn't eat.    One of the most important things to teach teenagers is choice and consequence and that their decisions in life DO have consequence.   I'd rather they learn this lesson at 15 when they have to decide whether to eat with the family or starve, than wait til they've got a drivers licence and decide whether their going to listen to their friends and have an extra beer before driving home.

As far as helping around the house, well you get nothing for nothing in this world.   If she doesn't want to do her appointed chores then charge her board.   She might decide that doing the dishes is better than handing over some of her hard earned money.   Or else she might not and then you at least get paid for doing her chores for her.   She is definately old enough to learn that you have to contribute and pay for what you want in life.

Don't be so hard on yourself hun.   You made it through the older two's teenage years, you'll make it through this ones and the next two's.  

Right now she might think she does more in her life than you do, but wait till she has kids of her own to look after.   Most of teaching a child takes absolutely years for them to totally get, most of the time they don't get it at all till they've had their own kids.

Chin up mate, you'll get through it all.   Have a look at my blog - I PROMISE MYSELF.

Cheers

Darlene

positive reenforcement! reward her when she is doing the right thing rather than concentrating on fighting with her, telling her what to do all the time and perhaps even putting her down because you're sick of her not listening to you. You're the parent, if you lose your temper you lose! Be in control of a situation. If she doesn't sit down with everyone at dinner find out why. It's not that great big of a deal to be honest there are worst things 15 year olds can be doing rather than not sitting down at the dinner table. When I was 15 I wanted to eat when I was hungry and if I happened to be doing something, I wanted to be excluded from the table. If she doesn't make her bed in the morning then it's quite simple, she doesn't go out with friends on the weekend and stick to what you say! Take away something she enjoys doing if she can't follow simple rules but don't waste your time losing your temper or arguing or she wins.