great advice, totally agree.

Thank you! I'm going to give the stickers a go! I'll have to wait until after my operation though before I cna make a run to the shop and then hopefully the stickers work wonders lol!

Wow I know! I never meant to create such a stir! I just felt bad and needed other mums to talk to. I follow your nappy changing technique to a tee, I mean I follow all of that. But and believe me when I say this - I am tiny!! And my hand is too small to get a good enough grip around both his ankles which is how he gets away from me so easy!! Trust me when  I say he is one big baby for such a tiny mummy - even the midwifes were shocked when he came out of me. So he is difficult to hold down and sometimes he whinges when I have my hand around his ankles and I worry that I'm hurting him by holding on too tight. So as you can see I try very hard not to hurt him, but this time no technique was getting through and so eventually SMACK! It probably was an outlet for me - I don't know - but it was a very last resort! Oh and I read your advice so I will comment on that later - I thought it was very good!

I guess i am lucky i have big hands!!  I am glad you tried it anyway, sorry it didn't work.

As for the advice, I wrote that based on personal experience.  My husband suffers from depression and has the occassional outburst of anger that he sometimes takes out on the kids (he is now medicated with antidepressants, otherwise i wouldn't risk my kids being in that environment).  I have watched the same situation unfold: kids playing up, dad getting frustrated, dad losing control of emotions and lashing out with a smack.  He also attended some counselling to help him stop losing his temper, and have other outlets, other than on the kids.

I too reach my limits ( and i have had to learn new techniques), my kids can be very difficult, especially with a baby to deal with as well, but i am lucky that i am a naturally calm and controlled person. other people (like my husband) have to work a bit harder at it.

Good idea I will give this a go! I have tried similar in the past but he is one determined child so I don't want to be at it for hours! Thanks for your suggestion :o)

I hate to say this but I must be honest.  You might have to do it for a while even an hour.  The whole point is for him as it was for my daughter to understand that you are not going to let up. 

It didn't work the first time for me so please do not think it will work the first time for you.

But I tried the special toy, sticker etc and it didn't help.  She would play with them then  drop them and then start to try and roll and move to get them back. 

Lastly I noted a comment that you would hold is legs but he whinged and you were worried that you were hurting him.  I have to ask a question did you really think you were hurting him or is this some sort of guilt you have because of what you have read, people have said etc.  I do think parents are given a plate full of guilt from society and I do think it stops them from effectively parenting in many situations.   Take for example I would hold Lillian down gently but firmly as I was teaching her to lie still, yes she whinged and should get an acadamey award for it.  Now if I worried about this and if I didn't trust myself in knowing my child I couldn't have achieved what I did.   So were you really hurting him or was he just putting it on out of frustration of not being able to do what he wants?

This is not only important in this situation but in all situations where you are trying to change your sons habits.  If he is as stubborn as my daughter and if he puts on the water works each time and you fall for them, you will never get anywhere.

The number one parenting rule I was told is that you must follow through.  No matter how many times or how frustrating you must follow through.

Oh with the lying down you do it as soon as he moves an inch.  Don't wait until he is sitting up an inch right hand on right shoulder and "Lie down"

Actually whether I tap him or that one time I smacked him, he marked up just the same. I probably did hit him too hard for a child though but he forgot about it in 30 seconds so it couldn't have been that bad. I just felt real bad. My son hits out all the time and he started this way before I even smacked him so i don't know where he got it from. But I don't smack him when he hits me, I just grab his hands and say NO and if he keeps on hitting me then so be it. I just ignore him lol! He's such a terror!!

I think if threatening the wooden spoon is enough to get your child to behave then that is good that you don't have to actually hit him. From memory my Mum's hand always hurt more than the spoon. Mum said nothing scared me as a kid she could belt me for ages before she'd have to give up. Then when I fell pregant she said I hope you get a child as difficult to you as you were to me and thank you mum because your wish came true lol!!

did you realise that is child abuse? as a mandated notifier of child abuse, if i saw you in a clinical situation, i would be obliged to report you!!  You should NEVER use objects to threaten or beat your children with. No wonder it works, your child FEARS you.  It does not promote a healthy respect for parents.

In the state where I currently reside MY right to spank my child is protected!! I know my laws. I live in the USA so things are different here, I guess. And yes, my child's DR do knwo I spank my son and they understand. Completely. It's NOT chidl abuse, sorry to have to correct you. I do not go about BEATING my child. I sapnk him in a calm manner afeter he knows what he did. It is NOT done in anger at all as it seems may think.

He does not fear me. Actually it is QUITE the complete opposite, I am the first he turns to for comfort in a room full of people. He has been through MANY medical procedure and he ALWAYS turns to DH and I for comfort. He does not shy away form either of us and most certianly to use YOUR words, he DOES NOT FEAR ME!!!!

I would appriate it if you would refrain form judging me as you are NOT in my shoes and obviosuly donto knwo the laws where I LIVE.....

Good for you!  Stand up for yourself.  Unfortunately today there are too many do-gooders who assume the worst without having all their facts.  I think some people on this issue have been quite harsh and judgemental.

There is a BIG difference between BEATING and SMACKING - whether or not a mark is left from a hand, it is still a smack if it is only one.

I know a woman who has broken a hair brush and wooden spoon on her kids, and yes, they FEAR her.  She is the kind of parent who can't control herself when she is upset and the poor kids cop it.  That is NOT smacking, it IS beating though and she even once told her son to tell his father when on an access visit that he "fell off a swing int he park".  Unless the ground had fingers, there was no way the bruising on his bottom and leg was from falling off a swing!

Don't let the people who criticise get you down.  They are NOT walking in your shoes and they don't know you.  My kids knew if I even mentioned wooden spoon they were pushing in the wrong direction and I didn't even have to use it - just the idea of it was enough.  and my kids don't fear me either, exactly the opposite in fact.

As for laws, yep, they vary from country to country and state to state.  I think it's a sad measure of society when parents (within limits) are ot allowed to discipline their kids without fear of prosecution - no one knows each child better than their parents, and most paretns are moderate in their discipline.

We are breeding a generation of kids who will no repsect authority - which we all need to do to a point to get along in society.  We are also not living i the same world we lived in 15, 20 or 30 years ago.

One more thing...LOL

Ther is a HUGE HUGE difference between legal spanking and illigal beating. Our laws have it clearly well defined.

What I do is NOT BEAT  him, to use your words again, that is incorrect terminology accoridng to where I live, we spank, not beat. And we do it on the appropriate part of the body and in the appropriate manner.

Matey I am sure that nobody could seriously believe that you would ever beat the lovely little Jedd... They are just objecting to the use of a wooden spoon - though a generation or two ago, it was quite the norm! 

You spoke honestly about what goes on in your own home and people should respect that, even if they disagree with your method.  What point is a discussion if everyone agrees all the time?!

I understand it's just that the comment made by josierm I feel were not really necessary so I felt in needed to explain a few things.

There were others on this deiscussion who DID however equate using the spoon with beating. So I really felt that I needed to further explain it.

let me just give you a bit of my background before you judge my comments.  i am  a paediatric nurse and i have cared for many many familes coping with a child with chronic illness (it sounds from your comments that Jedd may have similar issues). From this experience i have seen what works and what doesn't.  I have to attend child abuse/mandated notifier updates regulary and legally report suspicious circumstances.   I am also a mother of 3 young children, so i understand the difficulties of discipline.  Just because you know the laws where you live, doesn't make it right.  do you think you would actually USE a wooden spoon in public, or would your conscience get the better of you.

You may want to read up on child attachment theory as well.  a child will always go back to you for comfort, no matter how badly he or she is treated.  The child feels conflicted: the parent is supposed to be a base in which the child can safely return to, but that parent causes the child harm, which causes confusion. (i have done papers on this in my post graduate studies)

i realise that i am probably not going to change your behaviour in this matter.  i just wish you and your son all the best, and hope that one day he may break the cycle.

I firmly belive that the laws where I live are correct and should stand as such. Yes, I have spanked Jedd out in public and noone blinked an eye at me or gave me disapproving looks either.

I too have passed the teacher courses (in the states) for training for spotting and reporting child abuse and neglect. I HAVE in the past called CPS on such parents. Believe me, there is a HUGE differnce between what we are doing in our home verses what I have seen in others.  The courses I have taken go in great depth as to the difference between true abuse and spanking. There is a whole section on it so that teachers/caregivers can be well versed in it.

Believe me, we are well within what is acceptable.

I think what this all boils down to is the fact that the "feelings" in my country particularly where I am located (the South) are MUCH different that the views/opinions of your country.

But to say that Jedd will always return to me no matter how badly he is treated should just NOT have been said....really. Come on....That  implies that I am somehow greatly Mistreating my son...and that is not the case, The underhanded way that you are stating it is, to me, not an acceptable way of stating things.

Belive me, Jedd is NOT confused about what is going on at all. After he is spanked he knows exaclty why he was and knows not to do it again. When we fist started, he got it often now it is rarely. He has learned over a short period of time.

And I am sure that my son will not feel the need to "break the cycle" again, I feel that  your wording in this manner is treaing ME as an abuser. Like I said before, I think that is just an underhanded way to call me an abuser and that my son needs to be somehow be "liberated" from it and "break the cycle"

That is a term her in the states that people use when referring to Domestic Abuse. So in the US that phrase is not something you would say to someone who is NOT abusing ther child. So maybe that is why that particular phrase is upsetting me.

It just makes my blood boil when people think this way about how we have decided to raise our child. Or that the view of spanking is "arhchaic" and "abusing". It just is not. It is the complete opposite.

I would put him up with the best of kids his age and see who behaves the better. Believe me I have seen kids a the mall who get timeouts older than Jedd who behave ten times worse. They get up and do the same exact thing right again. Or their Mother just talks to them. The child is not listening at all. Where as, at 2 I rarely have to discipline in public. He is extremely well behaved.

And yes, I understand the "child attachemnt theory" I have my Elemtary Ed degree so I know about it.

I don't think I'll respond to this thread again, because it feels like all that is happening is a "pissing contest" on who thinks they KNOW more.....and frankly I am above that.

I have never been one to come on here and BRAG about all I know about EVERY subject. I offer advice and tell the person they can MintiMail me if they want further help. As a matter of fact I don't think I have even ever mentioned that I have my Bachelor's Degree and have worked on my Master's. It's noones business. I also taught in K-5 for almost 10 years.

But all that aside, it doesn't make my opinion any more BETTER than anyone else's at all. Which is what I feel is coming across in your posts. Your trying to "convince" me that what I am doing is wrong becuase you are more educated. That just balogna.

I apologise.  I admit I have approached this topic the wrong way and have been quite judgemental.  I also admit that my responses were emotion fuelled, which i am sure you can appreciate, and it seems we both have strong beliefs about the topic either way.  Although i still have plenty to say on the topic, i wont.  Shall we just agree to disagree.

I can certainly see why you would feel that you had to explain yourself... These people don't walk in your shoes (or Jedd's) and they don't know your situation.  I hope that this discussion helps people understand different points of view and having yours here is just as important as the rest.

Touch!!  It is sad that she had to explain herself or justify her actions to complete strangers though, isn't it?

Sometimes people seems to be so fixed on their point of view which is applicable to their situation and don't stop to think there are all sorts of situations that see people react differently.

To be honest, I think some of the comments here have been a bit critical and I thought more of most Mintiers.  Instead of coming from a judgement position, we should all be trying to understand each other and our motives.

As I said, I have rarely resorted to smacking, but on the odd occasion when nothing else is getting through I have done it (and yes, felt horrible afterwards) but sometimes merely the shock of it is eough to pull kids back into line.  I have no doubt my smacking was driven by emotional and physical stress on occasion - I was a single Mum, was working two jobs, and sometimes just not coping.  NO, this does NOT justify it, but it is a fact of life we all have our breaking points, and as humans we all deal with things differently.

Thanks

Good for you!  I am continually amazed that parents think their kids "don't understand" so many things at different ages!  Well, I agree with you that they do - but they are marvelous manipulators and parents just can't see it.

I threatened mine with the spoon when they were out of control one day - never had to use it though as the threat was enough.  I did the same as you - if I saw something coming I would whisper about the spoon and the behaviour would return to normal.

I have rarely even had to smack my children, and never would I actually use a weapon on them.  But I did teach them from a very young age that no matter if they are having a bad day, tired or upset those things are NO excuse for treating people around them badly or having a tantrum when they don't get their own way.  Seems to have worked well.  They have NEVER thrown tantrums in public or at home, never lashed out at other children or adults, and have never been destructive or disruptive.

Parenting takes a horrendously large emotional toll on me as I believe in constant discussion about behaviours and consequences to help them see that every situation has several options for how it should be handled, and what the benefits or negatives of the different approaches are. 

Thank you! Yes I know children are major manipulators haha! It can be cute when you're not stressed out but when you've got about a hundred other things going on at once its hard to turn the other cheek. I think if a child knew what a smack felt like and threatening a smack from then on was enough to keep them in good behaviour then that is great!! I can't stand parents who just let their children run a muck (especially in shops) and they get no discipline whatsoever. In some cases I believe the wooden spoon should come out. For example: I was shopping at the newsagents and a Mum with her kids in the trolley lined up right next to me. Her eldest kid got the broomstick out of the trolley and started swinging it around in the air - he hit me and my son who was a newborn at the time. I was so MAD and the mum just ignored the behaviour. I didn't know who deserved a whipping more - the mum or the child. I don't want to smack my child but I don't want to be a push-over either. Kids need to respect others and in that case that kid was being way out of line! You can't ignore that kind of behaviour it needs to be addressed. And if you have to threaten a smack then so be it.

Dont kow about where you are but here in Australia youa re not allowed to use "wooden spoons". I honestly dont see what hitting your child with a wooden spoon is going to do, its not good to to threaten your children with weapons.

Again, like I stated before, a wooden spoon is NOT consider a weapon here in my state where I live. I really wish people would stop refering to my spoon as a weapon. It's not. Please give me a break......Again, in my state is it perfectly LEGAL to use a wooden spoon to spank yoru child. MY rights are clear protected.

It is being made to sound like I hold my son down and beat the living stuffigns out of him, that is NOT true.

I know this will probalby get reported but really come on people do you really  think I would beat my son. Serisously.

We remove rewards rather than threaten to hit... We also discuss the type of behaviour that we want before we go out.  If that behaviour isn't exhibited we either come home, or the bike goes in the garage for a day or a week.  No sleep and tantrums = no training at the gym, we find that the mere mention of that usually gets a very positive change of behaviour.

Well I know he knows what NO means thats for sure! And I know he thinks change time is a big game to him but I have to say the smack did work. Yes it made me feel guilty but so far no repeat behavior which means instead of spending over 10 minutes trying to change him I can now get it done in about 30 seconds. And I have tried the method of distraction and to no avail. But I can see where you're coming from - it's a fantastic time to get attention from Mummy lol!! Thanks for your help!

I used to change my son on a change table but I stopped for 2 reasons: 1. I am really really really really short and couldn't reach him on the change table lol and 2. I have no room for his change table anymore as I've moved into a unit where all my Grandad's stuff is stored so there was only room for his cot and his wardrobe. So unfortunately I now change him on a bed - he is even worse if I try to change him on the floor. I think the stickers are a great idea too and I'm going to give that a go. I think that would keep him plenty entertained. I tell ya I can't wait until he is potty trained although I am sure that will bring up plenty more dilemnas. And thank you for thinking I am not a bad Mum - up until he was 18 months old I too thought I would never smack my son because he was just too cute and then they develop these little devilish personalities and boy do they know how to push your buttons. I certainly wouldn't have smacked him though if it wasn't warranted.

You can also get change mats that are slightly padded and have raised sides, it just might help to keep him in position for long enough to change him.  They are cheap enough and you can get them from Big W and places like that.....just some thoughts.  Julie

Thank you!!

That's a good suggestion DW... Maybe you can even buy some with little tie downs, like when you change them at the shops.  Trust me, it really is only a phase and eventually you will find the right distraction. 

Wriggling when you are getting your nappy changed really isn't naughty, it's just a game to him.  You change the game to suit you; you can do it, you're the adult and the mum, use your imagination and don't give up trying new ideas  ; )

Wriggling isn't naughty I know that! I wouldn't have smacked him just for wriggling. What he does is rolls over off the change mat and puts poo everywhere and he does it after I have warned him not to and he knows he is being naughty. He already understands what NO means and even though he got the message he continued with the bad behaviour. Trust me he would have had to have been very naughty for me to have responded that way as I am the calmest and most placid mum that everybody knows!! Other people lose their temper with my son before I do so as you can see he would have to have been VERY naughty for me to have done that!

I'm sorry to hear the supernanny didn't work - I was counting on that lol! Oh well I'll give it a shot and fingers crossed it works. I agree that a smack gets the point across quickly and he did have that look of shock - he only cried for about a minute before completely forgetting about it so that was good. And it's true I don't have any family to help me out so I've got to do what I've got to do. I think it would be a lot easier if I got to see at least one adult once a week lol! Thanks for all your help!!

Samantha

supernanny worked for me,  you have to do it properly and understand the psychology behind it.

Thank you so much for saying you think I'm a great mum  that means a lot to me!! I questioned myself straight after I did it and kissed him and cuddled him for AGES lol!

That is horrible what your mum's cousin used to do to those kids. The poor darlings!! My dad used to get beaten up as a child and I think that's why he was so strict on us and my mum would be disciplined harshly which is probably why she smacked me with the wooden spoon lots lol! But back in the day kids used to get whipped by their parents and given the belt by their teachers so I'm glad those days are well and truly over!

I know that at 21 months he knows right from wrong but I also know, like what you said, that he doesn't fully understand the consequences of what is right and what is wrong. Once he hits 2, or so Supernanny says, he can grasp "time-out" and maybe even a rewards chart so I'm looking forward to Valentine's Day when he turns 2. What a lovely gift for me lol! Then the naughty chair and the star chart is coming out!

When he is throwing a tantrum in public I usually go straight home (from sheer embarassment haha) or I simply tell him off and then ignore his behaviour. The other day he had been such a good boy while I had all these appointments to go to and a long bus ride home, that when he became irritable I didn't punish him for I knew he wasn't being naughty he was just bored and tired and so instead I praised him for having been such a good boy all day long and told him that as soon as I was finished I would buy him a muffin - and that's exactly what I did! Not that I think he understood most of it hehe - he was probably thinking "yay a muffin, where'd that come from" LOL!

So anyway sorry for my long-winded reply and thank you again for not making me feel bad!!

Samantha xox

See you ARE a good Mummy!  Your story about him getting upset on the long bus ride home after a long and boring day proves it.  In that instance, rewarding him for being good and patient was right (even if he did throw a wobbly at the end).  At 21 months they can only handle so much before they snap, and that is understandable.

Don't bother following Supernanny too much - I reckon if she was so good her show would still be in production!  Sure she got good results with some kids, but we would all have some great successes working with so many kids with so many issues and behaviours.  Besides, she has no kids of her own and working with them is different to living with them round the clock!  She also had a team of child behavioural experts to refer to off camera - we'd all benefit from that advice LOL

Keep up what you are doing.  I wrote an article on discipline and kids a few weeks ago so have a read of that.  I personally don't like the naughty chair as I find it humiliating - like putting the kid on show for all to see "Oh, look, he's/she's been naughty".  Psychologists say shaming kids out of thier behaviour isn't the right way to go.

Sharon

Hehe thank you!! Yeah wouldn't we all be on top of the world if we could have a handful of experts at our fingertips. Ahh what a dream lol! Its true there are so many different types of disciplining a child and I think all have their positives and negatives - I can see now that you have to do what works best for you and that particular child. And how spot on is it that all these "child experts" don't have any children of their own . . very interesting!!

Thank you so much for your reply Ian. I too was smacked a lot as a kid and often got the wooden spoon. I vividly remember one time when I was much older my father smacking me and my sister really hard for stealing his chocolate even though it was our brother who had done it but other than than I probably deserved all the smacks and wooden spoon treatment I got lol! Smacking today was my last resort and would only ever be my last resort and that was only because poo was going to go EVERYWHERE. I have never smacked him for general misbehaviour, such as destroying everything in my house haha, as I am waiting until he reaches that good old age of two and therefore will better grasp the concept of a rewards chart and a time out chair. So thank you for thinking I am not a bad mother because I love my son very much. Actually all the kissing and cuddling I gave him after it probably undid all the disciplinary action the smack was supposed to enforce but I just felt too bad lol!

Samantha

Hmm I don't agree that smacking should be illegal if it leaves a mark. Maybe if it left a bruise or significant swelling that would be fair. Young children are so susceptible to bruising, scratching and marking that any smack is going to leave a mark no matter how lightly it is performed. My son fell over on my Mum's cork floors when he was first learning to walk and he knocked his tooth out of position and hit his lip leaving his cheeks to puff up, his whole face to be bruised, his lip swelled considerably and there was blood everywhere. One look at him and you would think he was being abused or had had a serious injury but it was only a light fall. I cried my eyes out for him because it was the first time I'd seen him in pain but babies mark so easily there is nothing you can do. I am against child abuse 100% and I can never understand how a parent can hit  a child - but I don't see significant harm in a diciplinary smack. I used to get the wooden spoon when I was a kid and there was one time I remember when my Dad smacked me and my sister way too hard for something our brother did but other than that I deserved everything I got and I can't even remember all the times I've been smacked. It hasn't harmed me emotionally or physically. I understand there is this huge debate on smacking vs non-smacking and I'm an advocate for non-smacking but there are times when all other methods fail and we have to enforce a smack. 1. The child may be putting his health at risk and 2. The child may be putting his life in danger. I smack my son's hand away if he goes to pull something down on top of him (such as a mug of boiling water), putting something in an electric socket, etc. and if he is going to put his health in danger such as putting his hands and feet in his poo which could make him incredibly sick and he could even die from dehydration caused by a gastro infection. So as you can see there are some cases where an authoritative voice just won't work as your child is learning to push boundaries because it may not work in time and you could lose your child because of it. Before today I had never smacked my child only lightly tapped him on the hand so sometimes they got to an age and in a certain situation where other methods just won't work. In my Mother's group one Mum was smacking her child from a really early age just because he was exploring. This made me and all the other mum's uncomfortable as we are all very anti-smacking but all of us now admit that we have smacked our kids once or twice, now that they are older. I never could have imagined doing this to him before this age, so if you have a very young child you may not understand what it is like yet. And finally I don't want to cause a debate on here so we can agree to disagree but there is a BIG difference between child abuse/neglect and a disciplinary smack. I could never, have never and would never abuse a child, apply my full force to the child, or beat a child. I hopefully will never have to smack him again if some of the suggestions here work but if it is going to save him health-wise or safety-wise then I have to do what I have to do, even if I feel God-awful for doing it.

I'm surprised someone didn't say something about the mum at the mother's group.  At our Playgroup, we have a no smacking policy in force....maybe you should get some guidelines in place so everyone is on the same page and no one needs to feel uncomfortable to say something.

It's not a playgroup - its a mother's group where we were all introduced to one another when our babies were newborns so the mother's can do as they wish and I guess if one of us doesn't like it then we can leave. She is a "tough-love" mum and it isn't really our place to say anything. We may not agree but she said that's the way she is and unfortunately there isn't much more that can be done.

She smacked her child for exploring???  None of you said anything?  What would she do if he was actually misbehaving?  Generally it is quite obvious when someone has been hit regularly compared to normal childhood injuries.

Just because smacking was acceptable in the past does not make it acceptable now.  There are so many other alternatives and I would like to think that the average parent has access to far more knowledge and support in parenting then our predecessors.  I like to believe that each generation should aspire to improve upon the last in every possible way.  People used to think the world was flat too...

Yup, I guess she considered it misbehaving but us other mum's considered it exploring. He was wearing jeans and a nappy though so she wasn't hurting him. She still smacks him just the same. And it isn't our place to say anything, how one woman decides to parent her child is up to her, it's none of our business. As you can see from some of the responses here, some mums believe in smacking others don't and what we also have to keep in mind is that some children can be more difficult than others. Some children may respond well to reward charts and praise while others need a bit of "tough-love" to get through to them. My question wasn't whether smacking was good all round but whether I was out of line or not in my particular case. After much consideration I realised I could have handled the situation better but I wouldn't take it back because it got the message through and also made me think about different ways of handling his misbehaviour in the future. I may smack again, I may not - but I will never ever abuse my child. I believe there is a big big difference.

Yes I did smack him on the upper thigh as I couldn't get to his bum due to pooey nappy and the only other place I've ever smacked him is on the back of the hand as well whenever he reaches for something dangerous. And I did give him several warnings that he would get a smack if he didn't lay still and when he didn't obey after about the 5th time that's when I smacked him.

Lol and I have tried distracting him with everything imaginable. It used to work until he realised I was tricking him and now he knows not to fall for it. Thank you so much for your suggestions though - I might try giving him a jar of baby cream only to play with when I'm changing him.

And thanks for not making me sound like a bad parent! I would never abuse my son, he just pushed my buttons this time and unfortunately all else failed in trying to get him to lay still lol.

Thanks again Dika!

Samantha xox

Thank you very much for your suggestions and letting me know I'm not the only one out there. Jesse (my son) used to wriggle and laugh during nappy changes when he was younger too but I knew he was just having fun. Now that he's at 21 months he knows he is being naughty and purposely puts his hand and feet in his poo. It stops being cute when they know what they're doing lol!!

I did think leaving a red mark was excessive but whether I tap him lightly or smack him hard (like I did today) he always comes up in a red mark. I can't get any help holding him down as I am the only one at home and I have tried holding him down but that never works as he just wriggles free. I plan on beginning reward charts/naughty chair when he turns 2 as this is what the Supernanny suggests in her books as he is just too young at this this age to understand a star chart or a naughty mat. He does however know he is being naughty.

I do have everything at my fingertips when I change him and smacking was my last resort. Before that he got more than 3 warnings and 3 light taps on the thigh before I finally smacked him. That is the first time I've done it and hopefully the last but he isn't learning any other way which is why I don't know what to do.

He's not too young to understand when he is being rewarded for good behaviour... Books are great to get ideas from, however when it comes to practical parenting skills, nothing beats your own trial and error.  You don't need a naughty chair, 'time out' can be as simple as sitting facing away from his toys, tv or any other distractions for 30seconds or so each time he acts up.  If he won't sit there by himself, sit behind him and hold his shoulders firmly and don't talk to him, the idea is NOT to give him attention when he misbehaves and heap praise and attention on him when he is good.  Get some little stickers or a cute stamp that you can put on his hand or let him put in a little book or something.  Even those cheap coloured tennis balls you get at $2 shops.  Tell him before you change him that if he lies still, you are going to give him a treat.

He is acting up because it causes a reaction in you that he finds amusing.  Perhaps you need to work on a different response.  If he really is that dirty try changing him on a change mat in the bathroom and jumping straight in the shower with him to give him a good clean.  When something isn't working, you need to change the way you are doing it... Keep trying different things until you find a routine that works for you.  A 19mth old is less equipped to understand why he is physically being punished, he isn't going to learn anything from it except resentment and fear.  Patience and persistence is the key to gaining his respect and

I like the stamp on the hand idea - that is a really good one. I will give that a go next time!

Thank you so much for your suggestions. I definitely made sure smacking was the last response - I only did it because all else failed.

I very rarely smack my son unless he is about to do something dangerous such as reach for a hot oven, etc. and then I will smack his hand away. I gave him several warnings and 3 light taps before I finally lost it and smacked him, it was the only thing that would work.

Well I think that is alright, I have also read some of the other responses. We have a little change table, that can fit on a table or a bed if we even want too it can sit on top of the cot, it doesn't come with a stand. Maybe if you shopped around you could fine one of these as they have the straps which would help keep him still.

Our's currently sits on the dining room table as we hardly ever eat there and you can always pack it up so it can sit out of the way, I can not remember how much or where we got it from but I am sure you can find one fairly cheap.

Cheers Queenie

xoxoxoxxoxoxoxo

Thanks Queenie xoxox