Hi,

I can say from experience that bankruptcy is not an option, I went bankrupt 10 years ago, and even with an early discharge I am still suffering consequences from it.  At the time it did seem the most viable option.  Now I will also say that suicide should also not be an option for anyone.

My own financial history has been has been erratic at the best of times, casual jobs, spending on unnessesary things.  My chosen career path came to a halt when my back went on me a couple of years ago.  I have been through a divorce, and a later separation where I had to fight for access to my children, then her mother tried to sue me as well ( I think that was because I would'nt give up the fight to see my children).

My road has been long and hard, many times I had thought about ending it all, but my thoughts turned to my children.  My own mother had also said she was suprised that I was still alive after all I had been through.

Now I am not saying Woe is me, but I have been there, getting further in debt with no way to pay things off, relying on food vouchers from Centrelink, hocking everything of value, even getting kicked out of Housing Commission because we could not afford the subsidised rent.  My health was also failing with ulcers and problems due to stress, always tired, lethargic, and depressed.  Many times I could not see a way out.

What I am saying is No Matter what we go through, there is always light at the end of the tunnel, we just have to start looking for it.  The real changes started earlier this year, what I did was change my attitude.  I realised that thinking on the down side all the time only made matters worse, always telling yourself there is no way out is the perfect way to give yourself no way out.

Crrently I am still in debt, still paying rent, and driving a run down car which is slowly dying.  But at the very least I do know that my children love me and look forward to seeing me, my debts are being paid off slowly but surely, and that light at the end of the tunnel is getting closer.

Everytime I start to think things are bad, and that I am struggling, I pull myself up and think about the good things that I have had, and that I am looking forward to.  Have FAITH in yourself, and listen with your heart for the opportunities that are out there, no-one was meant to live a life of hardships and poverty.  I am not a bible reader, but there is one quote in it that stands out: BELIEVE, AND IT IS DONE UNTO YOU.

Sincerely wishing you all the happiness and prosperity you want.

I'm in debt  consolidation with a wonderful company, but I still have recent bills that I must take care of using my SSD money. 

My husband gave me a Target card to buy things with in time of need.  I started to pay the balance and found out that in order to keep charging me a late fee they are holding out on sending my payment through until it is past the day that was agreed.  Thus my balance never  has dropped.  I'm reporting it to the Federal Trade Commission here in the US.  You should look into this because it is illligal to keep you in a hold as you are. 

Hope to be of some help.

E-

The best way to see hope is to have a plan. Start small. Look for where you can save a few dollars to take care of something small. Set a little goal, like " This week I'm going to save 25$ for ..." Through your week, watch for any little place you can save any money. Start with an amount that seems slightly easy. And when you have reached your goal, use it for what you had planned. If you did it sooner than you had planned, reward yourself. Go for a walk, or turn up the music and dance with your kids, or whatever. Set a new goal and keep going. If it's harder than you thought, be patient, be watchful, and keep working at it. That's how you learn to use wht you do have wisely... with practice! Watch for places where you can save a little. Even 25$ on a bill gives you the knowledge that you've done something to address that mountain. The only way to climb a mountain is one step at a time. Setting goals is like looking at a point just a little ways ahead instead of looking at the top. That way we don't get overwhelmed by the size of it. And when you reach your spot, you enjoy it, then set the next one. And every once in a long while you look at the overall goal to see the big progress, like looking up at the top of the mountain to see that you really are getting closer.  you will get there. I beleive it. Just one step at at time.

It can also be looked at like a baby starting to walk. when a baby starts to walk, they fall down lots. But then they get up, and try again. And eventually they are walking, with little baby steps. But it doesn't take long before they're running... still with little baby steps, just lots of them!

hope I've helped a little. Iamschild.

Given that a lot of the financial trouble is credit card spending unless you were buying essential things like white goods or so, then disreguard, but maybe you could sell off some of the things to make a bit of the money back and put it into your cards straight away. I watched a great show on Dr. Phil and Oprah the other day and it was all about this. People were spending way above there means but this was non-essential spending. Credit cards are a trap as he was showing that a $100 item ended up being $500 if it was paid off with the minimum monthly payments over the length of time it took to pay it off. They had some great tips to live happily within a small budget so get some financial advice as it is not worth taking your life over money.

When I was going down the financial drain a few years back I put all my finances into the hands of a SA business called My Budget. They got me out of debt faster than I ever could have alone, without having to consolidate debts and take out different loans and all that stuff, they dealt with all the creditors and companies so they all stopped phoning me asking for money cause they then phoned My Budget instead, and that helped me out heaps, especially regarding the stress levels! It's amazing how much easier things get when someone else can take over and cop the phone calls about over due bills for you! I don't know if they'd be able to help you, but it never hurts to get in touch and find out. They do charge fees for their service, but for me it was worth it, as it was better than drowning in interest rates and late fees and bank charges for over-drawn accounts which when all added up was more than My Budget charged, that's for sure!

Suicide won't help matters at all and could make everything worse! So don't think like that - says the woman that thinks that way every day! Just don't do it okay! Thinking about it is one thing, acting on it is another entirely. Seeing a counselor or mental health worker could also go a long way towards helping with your stress levels, as everything is ten times harder to deal with when you're under stress like you are. If you can learn to better deal with the stress you'll be able to think clearer and may suddenly think of ways out of your problem that you hadn't considered before.

Good luck with it all, it's damn rough, I KNOW! But you'll survive, we all do. I wonder how sometimes, but we do it all the same.

Cheers, DA

If you live in QLD message me and I'll see what I can do. I won't give you money but I will help you with your necessities.

I went out last night and spent a few hundred dollars then came home and read this and I actually cried. I climbed in to bed with my partner and sobbed for a good hour. The money I wasted could have gone to more important things.

Thank you for teaching me a valuabe lesson.

Hi there darl the only thing I have to say is DONT FILE FOR BANKRUPTCY You will still have to pay off your debts plus more it is NOT the easy way out like people think. YOU WILL BE WORSE OFF...... I know this for a fact been there done that. It will get easier over time just be positive and go with the flow your kids need you and you need them. No matter how hard it gets there is always someone out there to help and you have the love of your kids. So please  dont do any thing silly and definately DONT go BANKRUPT. I know where your coming from and its hard but just hang in there.....xoxoxoxox

Hi there, I am a single mum of 5 as well. Last year I lost my house as I just couldnt pay the mortgage and earlier this year I went into bankruptcy as I couldnt even afford any repayments. I have sold furniture in order to eat some weeks and felt such a failure that I couldnt even support my children properly I felt like you do. But you know...the kids dont care about the stuff and truely understand when I say "sorry cant afford it". Honestly I am starting to beleive they will be better people for it. They really do understand the value of things and apprieciate everything they have.

Im going to check through my bankruptcy paperwork and see if they say anything about being a citizen and get back to you. It was a saviour in my case and once done, I beleive it was the best decision I could have made for us.

There has been lots of great advice here, and the best thing is knowing how normal it actually is and that its ok!

Please mail me if you want to chat!

My thoughts are with you.....Miriam

DEBT EDUCATION AND MEDIATION CENTER 99% success rate to date last i checked... they might be able to negotiate interest freezes, payment plans, and if you can can come up with a small lumps sum of mony they may be able to negotiate a settlement deal (negotiate the debt down). Cant make any guarantees but they saved my hide... Um they also have heaps of other services available to like pay day administration and stuff... there phone n umber is 1300731722 or 32005140

i cant offer you money but i can offer advice, number one you have the right attitude, the kids, i have been in your situation and was there for many years, and yes suicide is sometimes an option but as i said the kids = the right attitude. someone said to call fox symes, they wont help you unless you have a mortgage or own a house (i tried them not even 18mnths ago), i like you was working (10pm to 6am), i had a border living rent free and giving me $40 a fortnight to pay for bills, and he bought his own food, if this helps make sure it is someone that you trust with your kids. someone else suggested cutting all your credit cards except 1 if you do this put your credit card in a glass half filled with water and then put it in the freezer, that way you have to wait till it is defrosted before you can use it at shops, (i am a spur of the moment buyer, the more i got depressed because i didnt have enough to pay bills etc, the more useless items i bought at shops), the other big things at the moment are christmas, food etc. first off they can take your credit cards, but you cannot get utilitys cut off. as long as you are paying something (even if it is $10 a week they cannot cut you off it is illegal) however they can harass you (and it is merciless), my suggestion would be to ring up all the people who you owe money to, tell them that you are struggling financially, and tell them (regardless of what they say) that at the moment this is all you can pay, tell them to direct debit it if they can (some wont allow that unless it meets THEIR minimum repayments) make sure you emphasize that this is temporary if they ask how long it will take tell them you dont know. if you rent make sure that is payed add on an additional $10 a week, they cannot complain unless you fall more than 2 weeks behind and you are not making any effort to pay it $10 covers you. next is food, i found plenty of fast easy and most importantly CHEAP meals that can be made with enough to last for lunch, (you have a family of 5 so maybe just a night time meal) these involve all the good stuff but a lot cheaper. also as people have previously mentioned go to the local churches, salvos ask for centrelink statements etc but explain to them you dont have any of that and explain why (as they are a church based orginization they morally cannot report you for not being an australian resident). as for chrissie presents it is hard but you cannot and i repeat cannot get them the latest thing on the market and you really cannot afford to get them a lot, even though you want to, i did christmas on ebay this year (started early) and generally i would spend over the course of the year around 300 on each of my two children at the time, i couldnt do it this year, but with the help of ebay i managed to on 3 children spend about 350 on all three and they each get more! yay i'm thrifty for once lol. but as it is really close to christmas my suggestion would be to get them each something brand new (holly got a $5 barbie from safeway, harmony got a set of $5 floating turtles and conner got  a $6 lego set thingy), go to the op shops or ebay and look for good quality second hand items (my two girls have each got a talking my little pony second hand, except for the fact of no packaging you cant tell). i will tell that i have been struggling getting companies off my back for a lonnnng time, not because i dont want to pay my bills, or was on illegal substances (i wasnt) or anything like that i just couldnt, even when i got a job, because i found a cheap rental out of town i then lost most of the extra money i had in petrol, so it really didnt help. but i have managed and am now seeing the light but the past 3 years (i broke up with the father of my first children) have been a living hell. if you want reassurance that you are not alone i can give you that and so have all the other respnses. if i could i would invite you to have christmas with us, as i was always taught thats what christmas is all about PEOPLE. but unless you live near me i cannot, but i can offer you brilliant healthy meals, to satisfy even the largest of eaters, please email me, even if its just for other helpful tips on beating the biliing department or just to talk. good luck and keep struggling cause where i am starting to be now, it is so worth it and nobody can take the pride away from me.

don't forget that salvos and St Vinnies will give you vouchers towards your phone and pwer. I know it can be embarrassing to ask them but I had to recently becuase I lost my wallet with all my money in it. They can also give you a bit towards your food and I know somebody who gets a xmas hamper from them every year so their kids dont miss out at xmas.

If you got to a family support service they may be able to refer you to some free financial advice how to refinance your credit card loans and get a lower interest rate so you can start putting a dent in it.

Give your kids a hug tonight and remember that nothing is as important that you are all together, happy and healthy.

oh you poor thing, i am here if ya need a chat just minti mail me and we can chat, i am going through debt problems like most of us, but my husband always says money isnt everything family is, your kids are the ones that are important. I lost my family home thanks to the intrest rate last year/this year, and that was tough, couldnt pay my mortgage, food was more important, you can always have a roof over your head. We we prob have a debt from that but we havnt heard just as yet, please chat if you want, i think you need it

Cheers Tassie 

Hey there, i can help, minti mail me and i'll let you know how

I would love to send you a bear hug but don't know who to sent it to. I have also been in your financial position. I found myself alone in a new area with four children, no husband, a failing business and no way to make ends meet. We did not know where our next meal was coming from. There is help however. Please give a local church a call. They are there to help in times of crisis. They can't usually pay your bills but they can help in other ways and can often provide counselling or help you find the counselling you need. Asking for help in this area is not failing it is taking control of your life. Congratulations for taking a step and asking the minti community for help. Some people I know contacted a group called Debt Assist. This agency , I believe, looks at all your debts and arranges them to be paid off in certain amounts. It does have an effect on your credit rating but is not as final as bankruptcy. The percentage they work out alows enough money for you to live on. Sometimes credit companies do not seem to listen to us but do listen to other recognized groups. Give it a go. Please remember you are not alone. There is always someone wanting to help even if it is only encouragement. Hang in there, it is always darkest just before dawn.

If you are a permanent resident you are probably eligible for benefits... The family tax benefit can help you out a great deal and you can get rental assistance too if you're renting a place. Also check out your local charities. They can help with food and paying your bills until you're back on your feet. They can also recommend other places that can help you. I know it's hard to go to places like that and ask for help, but that's what they're there for and they are very glad to help. After you receive this immediate help then I would suggest doing what the others have said about talking to someone about debt consolidation.

I have read all the responses you have gotten to your question and there is some FANTASTIC advice there. Make sure you try everything that everyone's said, especially about consolidating all your credit card debt into one loan. Also until you manage to get on top of your finances, cut up every credit card except one - that can be used for emergencies only!!

Ok the next thing is (as you can probably already see) you are not alone!!! Just yesterday I wrote a blog on my minti page about how much my finances were stressing me out. I just had surgery done which cost me about $3,000; my hubby is now sick and so far the bills for that are totalling around $500; I am behind in rent - $1,400 and I haven't boought anything for Christmas yet! I am lucky though that I don't have any credit card debt and I do have savings - I just don't like touching them as I have saved it up for a deposit to buy my first house! So here are a few tips that help me:

1. I have joined to savings websites which are great with finances: www.cheapskates.com.au and www.simplesavings.com.au At the moment cheapskates is running a competition for one lucky person to win a budget renovation for a year. The sites do cost money to join, cheapskates is the cheapest (and probably the best) and it is well worth the money in the end (it's $22 to join at the moment). They also send out free newsletters and stuff so it is still worth a look.

2. Cook cheap meals and plan ahead for what you want to eat. One dish I make that is SO simple and tasty for the price is a pasta dish. Buy 500g of homebrand pasta (either shells or spirals), buy two tins of homebrand chopped tomatoes with basil and garlic flavour and grate up whatever cheese you have in your fridge. I cook the pasta following the packet directions, pour the 2 tins of tomato into a small pot and let it simmer until hot, I add a squirt of tomato sauce, a pinch of salt and bit of pepper to add a little more flavour. Then once the pasta is cooked I drain the water and then stir the sauce through the pasta. The grated cheese can be sprinkled on top. This dish for my family only costs me about $2.00 to make so it shouldn't cost you anymore than $4.00-$5.00 to feed 4!! And there may even be leftovers!!

3. Please get some help for your depression and don't do anything silly. I almost committed suiced a couple of months ago and if it wasn't for everyone here on Minti I would have gone through with it. I just saw no way out. Now I am receiving councelling from a social worker and I see a psychiatrist as well - all for free!!

Now depending on where abouts you live in Australia (I'm in WA) I would really like to help. I donate HUGE amounts of money to the Salvo's every year as well as sponsoring people in 3rd world countries but this year for Christmas I wanted to actually help someone who I knew "existed". If that makes any sense. So I would love to be able to buy you a membership to the cheapskates website or send you a Christmas hamper or some pressies for the kids. Let me know and I'm here anytime if you want to talk! You can always minti-mail me privately. I hope this helps and good luck for the future!! And remember your kids love you and need you so please don't leave this world!!

My husband and i got married young and have always struggled sometimes we have no money left after payday once all our bills are payed. So i know how you feel we are a single income family. I would suggest calling your card companies directly and seeing if you can ask for a lower interest explain your problem they are able to offer lower rates they just dont tell anyone this.Why not see if you can defer your payments for a few months (interest free) on a few of them they can also do this to. Most are willing to help as they would rather have some money then none. Lastly try not to let this get you down the worst you can end up with is a bad credit rating which will clear in 7 years anyway.Money can always be found and lent even to people who have a bad credit rating .Good luck

 Hey there...I really wish I could see you face to face and tell you how much your family needs you and it's not even worth considering suicide. Your kids would rather live on the street rather then without their mum. 

  I worked in a bankruptcy law firm for quite a while. I learned a lot and also saw a lot of hurting people. People often have the idea that those who file bankruptcy are reckless moochers of society, but majority, probably 95% of the people we saw were just ordinary people who life happened to and found themselves in a hole they could not get out. Sadly, most of us have been there or close to it. 

   As far as paying off your credit cards, normally I would say try to pay off the ones with the most interest on them first. Seeing as you are in pretty dire straits I would do as someone else had said, (sorry, can't remember who), pay your utilities, food, mortgage, all the necessities first. Then see how much you have left over. Make sure you have enough to pay your minimum balances first, and if you have any extra then put that extra bit towards the card with the highest interest. Also, there are a few tricks I've learned about. Usually if you call and ask a credit card company to close your account, they will try to negotiate with you. You may be able to get a lower interest rate.

 I don't know about Australia, but over here we ended up with a lot of clients who had came to us after they had tried to go with a credit consolidation company. BE CAREFUL! A lot of those companies will take you worse then you were before. I had a friend who worked for one of those companies before and this is how they work. They give you a figure to pay them each month. They take their cut of the payment first, then with whatever is left distribute to whoever they want - usually whichever company cuts them a deal gets first dibs. Problem is that quite often they either take so long working out a deal or getting the money necessary to people necessary, if it gets there at all, that the debtors have gone ahead and filed suits with the person owing. The clients then call and ask what happened and find out that they have been swindled out of money they needed and still in debt. Most of these places are not in business to help people, but to make money off people who need help. 

 I'd be willing to help in anyway I can. I know what it's like to have mouths to feed and you are the only one bringing in money. My husband couldn't work for the first 2 years or so, that we were married, and I got pregnant 3 months into the marriage. It wasn't until recently that we finally came over the poverty line. I know how to stretch a dollar. I'll understand if you don't feel comfortable sharing your finances and stuff with me, but I want you to know I am here if you need me. 

Contact the bank/s that you hold your cards with to see if there is anyway you can consolidate your debts with a loan instead.  The interest rate is often lower than that of a credit card. Most banks have a variety of credit cards, check to make sure you are on the card with the lowest interest rate, (don't worry about flyby points and all that rubbish), this will also help you with repayments.  Apply for a new credit card with another bank and take advantage of their interest free period for credit transfers to pay off as much as you can before the interest free period is over.

You need to get some legal advice.  Rukia has given you a link to a law firm that is very good, so check them out.

Whatever you do, don't give in.  You have made some bad choices, but don't we all?  I know my partner and I have, and it nearly cost us everything too.  Being harsh on yourself is going to make the situation worse.  Try and think of the experience as a learning curve, as that is what it is, just one more life lesson.

Just because you don't use your credit cards any more doesn't mean your balance won't increase.  The interest you pay is calculated daily and charged to you monthly.  Can be very expensive to say the least.

You say you aren't an Australian Citizen.  How long have you lived in Australia for?  Are you a resident?  Maybe it is time to become an Australian Citizen, as more help services will be available to you and your family.

call fox syms they are aust wide. they helped my BIL get his house back and he is now debt free.

you also can get help from centerlink.

first of all, breathe! second, im giving you a hug.

you know, times are really bad at the moment. for aloty of people. im shocking with money. we are so far under we are drowning. all we can do is pay what we can, our first priortys, rent, then power, then food. we are a family of four surviving on 70 a week for food. ok so we eat the same crap everyday sausgaes, poatoe, and mixed vege. and jam and bread,  but we save so much money. and its not going to be for much longer cause we stick to it! you need to find someone to budget you, usually professional budgeters can ring companys for you and cut you some slack. get rid of the credit cards. i understand your need to use them sometimes but you just cant. cut them up throw tham away. sit down every week or however often you get paid, and make sure you have set a writtten budget for that pay packet. $x for rent $x for power $x for food,  and dont go past that budget. when we went and saw a budgeter he told us, pay what you have to, then any left over money, put that on your smallest bill. once that smallest bill is paid, then you can take that money for example its 20 a week, take that 20 and put it on your next smallest bill.

Hope i make sense, good luck, and please dont hesitate to minti mail me for anything else.

You should call centrelink or lifeline or the salvos or just someone who might be able to put you onto a financial advisor you won't have to pay for.  I'm sure any of those I've just listed are more than willing to help you and show you what to do.  I'd love to be able to give you more specific answers, but the truth is without knowing exactly what your figures are and things like how many credit cards and the differences between the cards etc and things like your income, expenditure and just pretty much the details, I can't really give any more advice.  If you are willing to private message me with more details, I can take a look and see if there is anything I can advise you to do.  I'm good with money, but I'm no professional. 

Is there anyway you can talk to a financial advisor or have any family to turn to?