You really need to broach the subject with her as soon as you can.

Keep it simple and be direct.  You agreed to look after the kids 4 afternoons a week and you really need her to provide a packed dinner or some money towards dinner for you when you do that.

Remind her that you are also a single mum on a limited budget trying to do the best you can for your kids as well, so you know how it feels. 

It is inappropropriate for her to 'hit it' with her mates with arranging care for her kids, let her know that you are there to help, however you will not be taken advantage of or walked over.

If she doesn't get with the program, you may need to start taking some of the steps that the others have mentioned; don't escalate matters unless you feel in your heart that you have no other choice as it can get messy.

 I understand why you don't want to hurt the kids in the process, but your own children need to be your priority right now. Be up front and honest with her. Tell her you can't afford to keep feeding her kids as well as yours. As a single mum she should be understanding. I know sometimes jobs don't go as planned, and I can understand wanting to blow off steam, but not at the expense of her children. 

I guess what it comes down to is whether the mother has always been negligent towards her children, or whether she is just using Miriam as a baby sitter. I'm assuming you've been neighbours for a while so what do you think Mir?

I have only now looked through some of the comments.

you could try to talk to her... I'm not sure I would if i wasn't a protection worker.

I will write an advice later today with a bunch of information for you about this kind of situation. It is the most common complaint we get.

When situations are this severe, often it's best to let the experts talk to them. That way, she's even less likely to blame you, and mroe likely to look at you as a support. Which will be important if you agree to keep her kids while she gets help.

I wouldn't mess around with this. The potential for harm is too high whenever those kids aren't with you.

In fact, you shouldnt' wait for the next party like i suggested earlier. Call it in now. And then again at the next party. And again when you run out of food. And keep calling until those babies are safe. Document, Document, Document.

Ike. I can go on for ever. I'll write that advice after work. Feel free to Minti Mail me if you need to talk more freely. The more info I have the more i can help you. Until then. Iamschild.

this is a classic kind of situaiton that I deal with all the time. This is actually the typical pattern in what we call alcohol related neglect.  To be really short about it, DO NOT force these kids to go home. They may not be safe there. Call your local child protection services. Tell them what's going on. Tell them you'll keep the kids, but your running out of food etc. don't specificly ask for money or they'll question your motives. Just talk about your own shortages and that you would rather they stay with you than go to a stranger.

But the important thing is that these kids need to be in care. you can be set up as a caregiver for them, if you want, (there is financial support for that ), but they need to be apprehended. That's the only way the parents will change.

So, the next time they drink, call it in. This is abuse.

Oh, you may want to read the advice i wrote called About Reporting Child Abuse and Neglect. i wrote it to help people report.

P.S. If you don't know yet, i'm a child protection worker.

I think you have taken on way too much of her responsibilities and it is time to make her see that they are her kids and she needs to look after them.

Talk to her about it.  Tell her that you thought it was only going to be sometimes, and not every night and that you are not happy feeding her kids when you don't have the money for it.

If she doesn't listen, get the welfare services involved.  Those children are who responsibility not yours, and if she doesn't want them, then welfare services will find a place for them where they are looked after properly.

It sounds harsh, but you didn't have those children, she made the choice to have them therefore, she made the choice to be responsible for them.  You need to take care of your own family before you can take care of anyone elses.

Wow! Thankyou to all who took the time to respond. There is certainly alot of food for thought. I do truely care for these little people and it is so sad. I know I need to discuss it, and its best to come at it from a point of concern.

Wish me luck!

Cheers, and thanks once again ,Miriam

I had the same thing happen to me, with my next door neighor. Here is what I done, I went over there, to her house, when she was at home. I started to cook the kids meals there, give yourself about half are an hour. That way you are not leaving you house to long. make sure you have your own kids with you. Cook a meal, for them.And if your neighors asks you what are you doing? tell her, the truth, you have not got the extra food there, for her children. Don't talk in front of the kids. Because you do not want that problem of upset kids. If she does like the idea of you cooking under her roof, go to the frige and get food for the kids of her's. And say to her while if you want me to look after your kids when ever you want. I have to feed them. But remember be nice. And everytime the kids come over, let the mother know to give them food, because you are a single mum too. It is a good idea, about the dairy,and salvo's. They are great people. send them to your neighor. Karen

I know that you dont want those kids to suffer. And your neighbour has picked up on that. The more you give the more she will take.

Your first obligation is to your own children. Besides feeding them, your kids and yourself need your own space from them.

Unfortunately I dont think there is anyway to discuss this with her without it putting a strain. Perhaps you should explain to her how you feel about the kids eating over there etc, then give her the chance to do the right thing, then if she doesnt tell her you will report it.

Another option might be to talk to an organisation like salvos and explain your situation and that you really care for the kids and just want them to eat.. They might help you with a food coupon.

I totally understand how you feel for the Children. As it is not their problem they are being neglected from their mum. What I would do is grab a diary and write down everything in regard to her children in case you need it in the future. Tell the children before you tell their mother that you care for them and can come over and talk to you if they need anything. Then tell the mother that you think her children need to spend more time with her and you are concerned that they are not wanting to go home (try and be friendly about it and act like a concerned friend giving advice). See what happens, If  the Children do get left at home to fend for themselves or you notice mum getting drunk then jot it down in your diary and if you get too concerned for the children then refer Community Services. All Children deserve to be loved and in safe, happy environments and is a mothers job job to provide this for Children. Also it is a hard job raising your own Children but even harder taking care of someone elses

 Hi Champers, I totally agree with Mystikal, the mother knows what she is doing and will continue to do it unless you tell her. I understand your feeling of being torn but her children are not yours to take care of and that might be bad to say cause it does sound like they need someone but that someone is their mum who sounds like a very selfish and self centred person. 

No matter how you say it, she is gonna take offence and will probably crack up, no one likes to be told they are a bad parent/person. Just stay calm. You are really in a no win situation, if you dont say anything, you will continue to be taken advantage of and the strain and stress on you will not be good for you and your family. If you do say anything, she will probably make her kids stay away and like you said, they will have to fend for themselves. It does sound like they dont like the situation either especially if they dont wanna go home! 

I really feel for you and them and I hope it all works out for everyone. Good luck and stay strong! Peace

Hannah

People who have great kindness behind their eyes are often taken advantage of. Don't let people take advantage of you. Shine your light where it is needed and shut it off where you know the light doesn't shine. As many great people have already mentioned, hand UP not OUT. You know you are being taken advantage of. You only feel guilty because of what the kids have told you. It is not your responsibility nor is it your job to take care of these kids. You probably feel guilty because of what you want to say but I'm here to assure you that what will be, will always be no matter what. You can't stop it. Some people will disagree with me but you can't always try to prevent, the unpreventable if you get my drift. Even if you try to take these kids aboard, eventually the mother will think she is doing great and just go back to whatever it is that makes her, her. It is not your burden to carry and people have life lessons to learn. You can't interfere. But those are my personal beliefs so take it with a grain of salt.