children sometimes find it difficult to adjust to new surroundings and routines

I've seen this many times in the childcare centre in which i work at. Some children find it hard to adjust whilst others take to it easily. question.. when you put him into care with your family memebers, did you ease him into family memebers having him on his own for short periods of time or straight into drooping him off? Sometimes children adjust a bit better when eased into it though not all children!

He'll adjust sooner or later!! chin up and keep smiling :-)

As a mother of two I really feel for where you are at the moment.  When my eldest was 18 months we moved countries, I went back to full time work, and my husband was deployed to Iraqi for 6 months.  To say it was a bit rocky was an understatement!!. 

Your little one does not hate you, you have not "gone wrong" with him ... He is just little and wants his own way!!  Please try not to get too attached to what others think about you as a parent - others will always be willing to give their opinions, largely with what worked for their circumstances in their lives.  Just remember you are the expert in your life - and just the mear fact that you are worried about this situation shows you are a loving parent. 

Just a question... How do your family say he is when you are at work - does he scream all day or does he turn it on when you are there.  I only ask because both of mine were great at doing the "your a bad parent and I hate you for leaving me routine" when they went to daycare - however I was assured that this lasted the required few minutes until I was safely out of ear shot and then they went on and had perfectly wonderful days!!  Just remeber it is not seperation anxiety if it is short term.  What I really found worked was to be as matter-of-fact as possible and keep the goodbyes short and pleasant.  I used to say to them.. "Mummy goes to work and you go to daycare, I love you and will see you after work" and then i would move quickly towards to nearest exit!!  No matter what tantrum was being pulled.  It gets better - don't give up!! 

A lot of my friends went through the same thing and getting everything moving smoothly takes some time.   There is no one solution.  I had friends who found moving their childs daycare worked for them, I had friends who cut back their hours, I had friends who left work and went back a little later.  Do you remember what it was like adapting to a new baby in the house?  Maybe this is just something else new for you two to learn together.  One thing that I really found worked for me was to keep a really ridgid routine on the home front.  YOU ARE THE ADULT - YOU DECIDE THE ROUTINE.  The more uncertain a child is the more rigid their routine needs to be.  Just tell him what will be happening and then carry it through EVERY SINGLE TIME!! 

This is only temporary - you have not lost your bond with him - he is just at that stage where he is testing how far he can manipulate you.  You can do it - we all have times like this when we are trying to juggle multiple obligations and stradeling the whole guilt thing about "am I a good mummy if I go back to work".  Your son will not always be happy in life but this does not mean you are a bad parent.  All any of us can do with our children is to contunue loving them when they are right royal pains - and believe me they only get more painful as they get older.

Keep positive - Good luck out there!!

It does sound like he has seperation issues and probably has got use the other family members that look after him. I am sure the situation will improve now that you have given up work. Don't stress too much I'm sure it will not take long for your relationship to get back on track. I think it is a bit hard to disapline at this age he is only 13 months old. Don't be so hard on yourself of course you still have that bond with him.