I agree with daddy bear. I don't think you're a bad person and I don't think your parents are bad people either. Sure it's nice to get something for our birthdays but aren't we a little old to worry about whether we get more than a card now that we have a little boy to buy presents for?

If your parents buy something for him for Christmas then that's great because Christmas is about children and grand children more than for adults.

If you want to buy them a gift because you're that type of person then you can do it. If you want to react the same way by not buying them anything for birthdays/christmas other than cards then that's good too. But don't punish them for being them.

They might be scum but they're doing what's REALLY important here, which is acknowledging your son at Christmas. That's the most important thing.

My parents are scum too but my family is not allowed to bad mouth my partner and my partner is not allowed to bad mouth my family.

If you feel bad about it then tell your partner to STOP IT and you MEAN IT. Tell them yes they may be scum but they are your family and your mum will always be your mum, your dad will always be your dad and you don't want to hear it.

 

Hi, no you are not a bad person, neither are your parents.  Everyone just sees things in a different way.  I do not know your family history, but am guessing that this goes back to when you left home with your partner.  Some parents don't know how to accept thier "baby" leaving home, other parents just forget things.  I can' remember the last time I sent cards to my family, or received 1 from them, but we all know we are still a family and still love each other.

On the other side your partner saying they are scum is irrelevant, it is not his place to judge them, for any reason.  It took me a long time for me to realise this, I always blamed my ex's mother for coming between us and finaly splitting us up.  I know this was not so, there were problems on both sides.

The point is that Christmas is a time for giving, in fact any time is.  Life is not about what we receive but what we give to others ( I have a hard time trying to explain this to my children).  If you let it upset you, it will.  Let it go and don't 'expect' to receive anything, then if you do it will be an even better suprise for you, dwelling on things only makes matters worse.

As I said, let it go, and just enjoy the spirit of Christmas. (The spirit of giving).

Wishing you all the very best in life.  Have a Happy and joyful Christmas.

i dont know your history with your family but I dislike my family to the point where i wont go to certian places in Perth cause I know they go there. (sadly I had to today and ran into them getting the 3rd degree for them not seeing my kids this year)

No your are not a bad person. you are a very lovely person. dont let it upset you.

I dont know the history of you and your parents, nor their side of the story so I find it difficult to comment.

However, what I do know is that it is extremely inappropriate for partners to make comments like the one your partner has made. What ever is going on between you and your parents it is your relationship with them not his. Just as its inappropriate for them to make comments about your partner and interfear in your relationship with your partner its is not his place to do the same. He can comfort you if your hurt, hold you, and love you but not interfear in a parent child relationship.

Family is important, and at times relationships go through bad patches especially when there is a change in dynamics like when a parents child becomes an adult. Sometimes a child is ready to move to the next level but the parent isnt. Or there is a confusion on when that new adult wants to be grown up and when they still need to be a child.

One tip, when you talk to your parents think about how you would feel if it was your son as a grown-up  saying the same thing. Sometimes its a good way to judge how you sound.

Your parents will always be your parents whether the relationship is strained or not. Your kids need their grandparents and showing respect for your elders teaches your children to do the same and treat your parents as you would want to be treated by your children when they grow up.

Christmas is time for family and for forgiveness and love!

No, I don't think so. We are supposed to stick up for and defend our parents when a third person calls them scum, but given your circumstances and they way theytreated you , it is natural to be angry and disappointed. More over when you are in relationship it is natural that your partner will try to protect you and say bad things about any one who hurts you. It is also natural to want to be protected(not physically but imotionally). You are a very good person that you are right now thininkg that you did wrong. You are still very loyal to your parents.

If you want peace of mind, talk to your partner later, tell him that you were angry with your parents and that's why didn't say anything when he called them scum. But right now in a calmer mind you don't think it is a good idea to call them that, because what ever thier fault may be but they are still your parents.

Hope this helps,

Warm regards!!!

Hey there if your Parents are not showing you honour and respect, then your are not a bad person for not honouring them back.

Just because children become adults does not mean that they can be side lined, we are all children at heart and need to be shown our parents love in little ways through life and vice versa.

If your parents can "forget" your Birthday and find no consequence in that, then you deserve to feel upset..

As for them being scum, well hun, I am not sure I know what that means, but I think if it means hurting their childs (you) feelings constantly, then I probably agree.

 Parents generally get the respect they nurture and seems you are feeling what they have sown. That does not make you a bad person.

Just my thoughts. Luv Winnie.xxxx