I would be honest. Tell her how you're feeling.

I would say something like this: I'd give her a hug. Then say something like.. "Hey I know you said you didn't want anyone feeling sorry for you so I didn't know what to say. So I decided to tell you that I'm here for you if you need to talk to someone if your feelings change."

It would depend on the depth of your friendship and who she is.

For me I would like it to be acknowledged not ignored. My SIL sent me flowers and that was sweet. Just feeling free (not pressured) to talk about it in my way is appreciated.

Just let your friend know that you are there for her, she will see you are sorry without you having to say the words. If she wants to talk then let her talk and you be patient and listen. People vary some want to talk and some don't just be ready and be there for her and give her a hug then she will know you care

Love Pauline

It's a hard one,but if she doesn't want you pittying her perhaps you could just let her know that you are there to listen to her if she needs to talk about it/her feelings, but otherwise will continue to try and act normally around her. If you say this to her then at least she knows you care, you are respecting her wishes, but not ignoring the fact that she has been through a tragedy. Because as much as she might want to pretend it didn't happen, she will have to deal with her grief at some point to be able to move on. So let her know you'll be there to support her when she's ready!

sounds like you are a great friend, good on you.

traceywestaway

A very good friend of mine suffered a miscarriage (loss) at 5 1/2 months pregnancy. 

She has since had a baby and is doing well but she was very depressed for some time.  It is so sad to see someone you love go through that and it is way too common.

I would take a walk with her and tell her you love her and that you are here for her and you would love to listen if she would like to talk to you anytime about her feelings.  Tell her that she is going to be ok and that this happens to a lot of women.  Tell her you believe in her and how strong she is and that even though this is extremely painful and the pain may last for some time you know she will over come it and if there is any thing you can do to aid in her recovery, you will be happy to do so. 

Best of luck to your friend.  Hugs.

Along with the great advice from everyone else I would just like to add two things - first to be led in conversations about her loss by her (it's all too easy when we are feeling awkward to let our mouths shoot away and tell her all about our experiences with both feet firmly in our mouths) and make it clear that she can talk about the baby as much or as little as she wants to. And second - vow never to let phrases such as "I know how you feel" or "you ought to be over it by now" pass your lips! Every loss is unique and mourning can go on for years and flare up from time to time, such as at anniversaries/due dates or at the birth of someone elses baby. Dont run away or avoid her - that's the worst thing. Better to say  "I'm sorry" loads of times than to cross the street to avoid her.

I am going thru this with one of my gf's at the moment. This is her second miscarriage in 3 months. I have just been there for her. Let your friend know that you are there for her to talk whenever she needs you. That is all you can really do. Other than that, i would suggest try to talk about something other than the miscarriage. Talk about happy things. Take her shopping, coffee, lunch.. whatever. She will appreciate you just being there for her.

You could just say that you are there if she needs to talk, that is what I did with my friend and also gave her a big hug.  I gave her and her partner as much support as I could and also went with her to scan just to make sure, she just sobbed on my shoulder.  That was 12 years ago, since then she's had 3 beautiful girls!

Ju xx

Maybe instead of saying "I am sorry to hear about the loss of your baby", how about just asking how she is doing.  Are you ok?

I got a lot of I am sorry too when I had my miscarriage.  And I found that it was easier to deal with when people asked me how I  was doing instead of telling me they were sorry. I knew they were, you could see it, and you could tell it was hard for them as they did not know what to say..

I can tell you what NOT to say....."I know how you must feel"  or "Its probably for the best". These statements hurt. Just let her know that you are here to listen and you care. If she whats to talk about the baby talk about the baby as a person not just a miscarriage. Quite often the mother feels very alone as she was the only one who saw the pregnancy as a real baby so take her lead when talking to her.

As the others have said, talk to her as you would normally just as her friend. And be there for her, dont avoid her she does need her friends. You dont have to feel sorry for her, but do share her grief, just as you would for anyone who has lost a loved one.

I don't think there is anything wrong with "I'm sorry" or "I wish that hadn't happened to you" or "I'm here for you". I agree that you should carry on with your friendship so that she can laugh and have some fun but she will be in emotional pain so she needs to know that you are there, and you care about her loss, but you won't focus on it unless she wants to talk about it...

Hi,

I would carry on your normal friendship with your friend.  Just be your normal self & don't ask any questions.  In time your friend will open up to you & tell you how she felt. Put a smile on your face, tell a joke & make her laugh.  She will value that a lot more knowing that you understand but not giving sentimental, sloppy statements about her miscarriage.  This is what true friendship is all about.

Good luck,

Krys