Hey Sefanie,

My husband was an alocoholic. I was fortuneate though, as he was not abusive or anything. Quite the opposite. He was just as loving sober as he was drunk. However, it was difficult and there were times I didn't think I could put up with the drinking anymore - I did though.

He ended up giving up the booze and sustained from drinking for two years nearly - a little too late though as he passed away of liver failure.

I guess it all depends on what you're putting up with. I found it difficult when he would pass out on the floor, or go walk-a-bouts, wake up thinking we had visitors, him forgetting where the toilet was, and/or having to chase him to make sure he was going to the right place. The hardest though - trying to keep the worst from my kids, something that you can not do as they see it regardless...

Its hard because you are put second to the booze. He might not see it that way, but it feels that way, well - it felt that way for me. Its hard because you are always trying to find the money to compensate the drinking - its hard for a number of reasons.

I think back to what it was like, and I don't know how I dealt with it, 'cause it was hard, it was draining and it was frustrating as hell at times....It was harder to watch him die of it - I wish that you could take all the alcohoics of the world into a room and have them talk to the ones who are dying from it. Make them watch someone die of it.

What ever do, do keep it a secret - make sure you allow others to know what you're going through. Support was one of the most important things for me. I had a couple of great friends who knew the truth, who supported me through the days I didn't think I could do it, and would support me regardless of my choices....if you are going to continue to stay with an alcoholic, then you'll need this the most.

Good Luck

OB

 I grew up with a alcoholic father who was abusive when he was on a binge,   I so feel for you, especially if your husband is abusive you need serious help. Arna has covered many  ways to help you.

Your husband needs to acknowledge he has a problem which is the hardest thing for a alcoholic to do.....if this fails ring AA's life line and they will talk you through step by step of what to do.

I wish you well.

i have an alcoholic sister, she is abusive, and scary, i dont have anythng to do with her anymore, from my exp, your partner HAS to WANT to get better, if he doesnt, then im afraid your better off without. you cant force him to change, as it never works. My sisters problem is that she like hurting those around her, she likes the drama, she likes the drink. she has been to countless detoxs but always pulls out before treatment ends, because se doesnt want to change.

Good luck, i hope you and hubby can work things out and he can sort his stuff out xoxox

I don't have that problem (our wine collection is covered in 5 inches of dust!), but i know others who have been through the same.

It isn't going to be easy.  He needs to admit he has a problem or he won't get better.  Alcoholism is a disease and a trait of people with an addictive personality.

Your special person is going to require counselling and full time care when he detoxes, probably with no kids around as he might get quite verbally abusive for a while and say hurtful things.  It is going to take the rest of his life to get better, in other words, the addiction is always going to be there.

You and your family wiill need to be supportive and will all need 'training'on how to help him.  There are special groups out there for families of alcoholics too.

If he doesn't want to get help, then you have to decide on what is more important to you- Haivng him there no matter what or providing a safe enviornment for you and your family.  Often alcoholics can be dangerous to be around, even if they are not physically abusive, because they don't pay attention to much except their drink, which means that they don't make for good child supervisors.   then of course there is the mental and emotional issues that children can suffer from seeing a parent go through the drinking and the things it makes them do. eg, falling down and generally behaving really drunk.