I have had a similar situation with my almost 14 YO, where she had befriended a girl who had left her old school for things that she had been doing.  My daughter had noticed the new girl had no friends & took her in to her group of friends (who did see this girls flaws) but my daughter gave her the benefit of the doubt & started hanging around with her almost all the time.  My partner & I had concerns about her new friend because she just wasn't right & saw our daughter being led down a path we didn't want her to go.  Her attitude about school, her other friends, to her brothers & the way she dressed was just not what we expected from her.  This was far from the realms of just being a teenager & don't think we're prudish parents .Like we told our daughter there wasn't really much we didn't know about & much from experience.  Also her teacher said to me one night at a school event that he felt as if our daughter was being led astray.  We are very lucky that the school our children go to, the teachers have concerns for our children as well.

The comfirmation that something was really going asque was my partner read somethings on her friends 'myspace' when she hadn't logged out.  We brought this up with our daughter for a second time (the first, after the talk with her teacher).  Each time we made her understand that it was because we loved her & we didn't want her to get hurt & we did understand where she was coming from but we didn't think that her friend was good for her & whether or not she was doing things her friend had linked her to, it was the fact that she was associated with this person that others would assume her to be the same.

We did not stop her from seeing her friend as we knew this would cause more problems & she would still see her behind our backs.  But where possible we made it more difficult to she her out of school by do things more with the family that she would have to attend & getting her to do things with other friends.

About a month ago her so called friend dumped her in a very nasty way & a barrage of text messages & our daughter was hurt & felt very used all the things that we said we could see was going to happen.  So all we could do was support her & (it might sound mean) in the nicest way ,say we had told her that this was going to happen.  It was a lesson that she could only learn in this way ,she took our advice & turned off her mobile phone, started mixing with her old friends & improved no end &  her teacher saw the improvement.

She still has that teenage attitude, something that takes time to grow out of, & it was a lesson for her to be learned the hard way, but this is how we learn.  It's hard when their your kids & your thinking where did I go wrong, but at this age they are learning & become a whole person not a child anymore, just not yet an adult & sometimes you just need to stand back a little & let them learn these lessons themselves, if it is not going to cause any danger to them.

while i agree with most of thye comments here the importance for you is to maintainopen and honest comunication

she will have to make her owh mistakes with you there to pick up the pieces when it goes wrong . make time to talk about sex , drugs & alcahol related issues. as important topics but kids dont like to talk too much with parents especially if unable to be open and direct my daughter and i have a few rough hiccups but now getting better (15 yo and emo looks) she will talk if required but also listens when i relay concerns and relate them to her situation or safety. most important is dont let her feel like she is not important or trusted as this comes accross as failed shen she does make mistakes instead explain diferently from other side

 You have been given some excellent advice here. Teenage years are difficult for both child (semi-adult) and parent......you say you and your daughter are close, this is good and should make it easier for you to keep the lines of communication open between the two of you.

If you try and stop her from seeing these friends she will most likely rebel and go behind your back which could be more dangerous......try and have an open conversation with her letting her know of your concerns and also  that you know of what she has done....letting her know that she doesn't have to hide anything from you and that she can talk to you about anything.

As a parent I think my concern would be if she is sexually  active I would be wasting no time in having a conversation  with her about health risks and protection, especially in this day and age.

I wish you well, it is a hard time for all concerned.

Add my two cents worth... I think talking through with your daughter how you are feeling, and why, is probably the best thing that you can do for her, and for the relationship/trust between you.

I agree that attempting to ban her from a friend or group of friends could well back-fire... but if you can honestly and calmly talk about your concerns, she may even echo some of them! Some 14 yr-olds also feel like their friends push or pull them outside of their own value boundaries... but just don't have the maturity to know they can dissent and still survive! (or still have friends). You probably remember yourself how losing your place (acceptance) in a group of friends is one of the biggest fears of the teenage years.

If you tell her you know that, and have felt it too... that you understand that she will make choices that you don't agree with sometimes, and that you'll both survive them... but that you really, really want her to go in to choices with her eyes opened, and empowered to do what SHE thinks is the right thing (not what one manipulative person decides everyone should do!), then you may not have won the 'battle'... but you may equip her to win the war!!

Ok, your daughter is of an age where you need to let her make her own mistakes.  It is going to be heartbreaking, but you have to let go of your little girl and understand that she is on her way to being an adult.

Try and be supportive of her.  Maybe you could get to know her friends a bit, so you get a real feel for what they are like.

I understand what you are going through. I was an absolute cow to my mum at that age (i am still a little bit,lol). Ther best thing I think you can do is try not to smother her, the more you try to stop her from doing these things, the more she is going to do it behind your back.

Try to come to a compromise, eg. she can go out sand see her friends, but if she is going to leave the place she told you she would be, call you and let you know so you dont get worried.

As long as you treat her like the adult she wants to be,(without putting pressure on her to do all the housework and get a job ;) ) she will be alot more willing to talk to you and your bond will get stronger.

Remeber to keep you head up as girls at this age can be extremely difficult.

Lots of love, Toni.

Number one, let her know how concerned you are about her.  Tell her that you are  frightened and that you worry about what could happen.  She will appreciate your honesty and may take it to heart as I'm sure that at her tender age, she hasn't  fully come to realise how her actions affect other people.

Secondly, invite her friends to your own house more often where you can keep a surreptitious eye on her and her friends.  Try a pizza and movie night, or an afternoon b.b.q, let her know that her friends are welcome any time and she may start to spend more time at home with you rather than walking the streets.

Hope these ideas give you a start at least.

I'm dealing with my own lil minni adult at the moment too and i empathise with your situation. MIne is only 12 and already she's ran away, mainly because she knew what it was that was upsetting to me and pushed every button she could find.. The thing with these kids is, the tighter you hang on, the more they pull away!

Infact, anything like banning her from seeing this friend or group of friends is more likely to make her pack her bags and run like mad.. till shes old enough to know what she put you though. The thing is, I dealt with mine the wrong way and now I have lost her till she decides that living with her dad isnt fun and a novelty anymore, and from there, well who knows where she'll end up.

The stuff you can do, is work on your relationship, it sounds like you have a very strong bond with your daughter and i think shes going to come around to your way of thinking well and truely on her own. She's obviously had very strong morals and values instilled in her, well done! The rebellious side of this girl is likely to make her nervous, because she knows shes doing the wrong thing.

So there it is, I know its hard coz they drive you insane, but keep talking with her bout things, boys, drugs, alcohol, parties etc.. knowledge is power and for her to trust you enough to tell you how she feels bout that stuff she needs to feel you arent judgeing her.. its such a tempermental time in their life and on push in the wrong direction can have terrible effects on your ability to see her more often...

I hope your daughter stays with you and keeps up the communication, dont worry bout this other girl, thats for her mum to deal with!! keep your own daughter your business and make sure you have a rock solid bond with her.. all the best in the new year xxxcheers Mel