Have you asked her why she doesn't want to stay in her room? My son still has days where he thinks bears are in his room under his bed. We had to develop a 'special stone' that would protect him and his room.

Hi.Have you tried those lamps that have pictures on them?What they do is when you turn them on the pictures reflect on the walls that help my boys or there is the glow worm that also helped my boys go to sleep when they were tots.Give it a try you never know.

Just wondering seeing she is 81/2 Have you asked her Whats scarey about her bed or bedroom?. If you stayed in your bedroom being given a reward or a new toy that needs a cuddle to be cared for just like your sister or brother?? Just a suggestion may work.  If it does can you let me know leave a message on my site see above? 

 Hi Jillby,

I feel your pain! I have a 7yr old who has alot of trouble settling by herself. My husband works nights so she often wants to stay with me and sleep in my bed (particularly if I go to bed early). I have just had a baby six weeks ago, so we had to do something to get her to go to bed on her own and stay there. It was a real problem. Sometimes I would be sending her back up to three and four times and for hours. I was exhausted and once bub was born, there was the added jeolousy of the baby being in the room with me and my seven year old feeling pushed out.  It got really out of hand.

We recently started a reward chart for the evenings. The main aim was to get the bedtime routine sorted, but I included some other things aswell, mainly so she could get some sense of achievement before the tough stuff later in the evening.  The chart is divided into seven columns - one for each hour leading up to bed time and one bonus column. I award a star for achieving the goal for the hour. Each hour has a different goal. For instance having a shower or bath, eating her dinner and of course going to bed and settling. If she gets her star for each hour then she gets the bonus star. I have attached a financial reward of 5 cents per star and twenty cents for the bonus (so she can earn 50 cents for the day if it all goes well). 

My daughter can usually keep it up for a day or three but then we often get into difficulty after that. I have made the reward increase up to 10 cents after three days (with a bonus of 40 cents earning $1 for a good day) and then on the seventh day of the week it goes up to 15 cents with a bonus of 60c making her booty $1.50. The whole week of achievement is her pocket money. I award extra stars for really good behavior like feeding the pets without being asked or helping out in the yard. I once had to take her back to the begining of the week with no increment to the next "value" because she just wasn't achieving enough of her goals. In fact she was being downright naughty. 

 I am pleased to say the chart is working wonders in many ways. We are still ironing out some of the aspects of it. She isn't always achieving her goal, and it's really obvious when she looks at all the stars and then the bed time column is blank! We just talk up the good stuff and then just say something like "why don't we try again tonight and see if you can get that bonus". 

On the nights when she isn't going to bed, I remind her that she has the chance to earn that star and the money which she can use to buy something for herself. 

There are some other factors which I found helpful too. We looked at the bedroom environment (hers versus mine and what made my room so inviting apart from just being with mum), her food at night and changing some of her diet, how I  was reacting to her behaviour. It's too much to mention here, but if you would like me to go into it more, or offer any other suggestions, please feel free to email me.

I hope that helps!

Fiona

I had a night time wanderer too - my 3 year old son. He would come in every 2 minutes for hours on end each night - no matter how many times I put him back to bed, left the light on, played music, yelled or just ignored....

We bought  a baby gate. Then, he could have his bedroom door open, but still be shut in there. After a couple of nights of standing at the door calling out, he realised he wasn't going to get any attention, so he ended up going back to sleeping all night.

It was especially useful after his sister was born too - he could have toys out in his room, and not have her crawl in there and get at tiny pieces and make a mess in "his space".

Hi

my son(s) all did the same things at a much earlier age, for 1 child it was a sticker chart and at the end of 1 week a small reward and at the end of 1 month a bigger reward, etc and so on. this worked for only 1 child, number 2 son grounding eg not playing computer, playstation etc worked wonders and if he stayed in his bed, he got half hour extra. Number 3 child none of the above worked so told him I was talking to a policeman who said that it was the law that all children slept in thier own beds, wow believe me this did the trick and I got some much needed sleep funny how Dads have selected hearing. Good luck

Dera Jilby,

My youngest at 10 years remains a light sleeper.  We (I ) explained to her when she was much younger - that a Mummy woken in the middle of the night was a grumpy Mummy!  Did she want a grumpy Mummy ALL day? 

We reassured her that if they felt sick or had a real nightmare, of course they could come in, but if it was just a bad habit and wanted a cuddle - that waking me or making me sleep with a crooked neck had repurcussions the next day.  This seemed to work.  For a while we did leave a little bed beside ours for her to come into (I seriously wake up with a really bad neck with extras in the bed). 

But at 8 years old, it may be more attention seeking, especially with a bub on the way.  Not sure how to reassure her that she will remain just as important and even more so being a big sister.

Good luck with the problem and the new baby.

Steph

Hi!  My husband and I had the same problem only it was two kids and not one.  We sat them down told them they have to stay in their own rooms and if they didn't they would be in trouble.  We locked our bedroom door at midnight and a few times we woke up to them asleep by our door.  After a few days of not being able to watch tv at all they got the picture!  So you can try to lock your door at a certain time, then any time she crys, knocks, or you wake up to her asleep at the door punish her.  I hope this helps!

BEST OF LUCK!

Call me cruel if you like, but at that age, I'd be just putting my foot down and saying it isn't happening and she'd be in trouble if she kept it up. I'd find a little punishment and for every time she came in she'd suffer that punishment which would add on for each offence including protesting about it. If she cried, tough luck. She's a big girl now, not a baby.

My 9 year old recently started giving me grief about going to bed, refusing to stay there if he knew I had a particular friend over at the time, and he'd be sneaking out for every reason you can think of plus a few you'd never have imagined, until all hours of the night... eventually I gave him a baby potty, a roll of toilet paper, a bottle of water, a touch lamp, and literally took the door handle off so he couldn't open the door again until morning. He had no need to leave his room and couldn't get out of his room, so he stopped whinging and went to sleep. Mind you, it was 3am when I resorted to this!!! Only had to do it once and he got the idea that just because a particular person was here it was unacceptable for him to play up like that.

Hi ther jilby!  I know how you must be feeling.  We had the same problem with our son, but he was only 2 1/2 at the the time.  We made a bed up for him on the floor in our room that he was allowed in, but we told him he wasn't allowed in our bed.  Once he was used to sleeping on his own we started getting him to sleep in his own bed again, and it worked.

As your daughter is older this may or may not work.  The other thing you might be able to try would be a reward system.  If she stays in her bed all night she is rewarded with something small, but something she will love.  But working up to a good size reward for keeping up sleeping in her own bed.  After a set amount of time and once the problem is fixed, she receives the reward she has been promised.  It may help for her to see and know that you have the reward ready waiting as a reminder to her.

Anyway, best of luck, let me know how you go.

Regards, Dee