Hi, thats a real shame. i would suggest being completely upfront with your Mum and just say that it makes you upset that she doesnt put in more of an effort. She might not realise that you want that, to her it might be that youve grown up, moved out and she doesnt want to interfere. Also, have you tried finding a mothers group in your area. They are great, i had my son way before any of my friends were thinking about it so i didnt have that friend base either but mothers group is a good idea. They usualy have them at the early chilhood clinics, or at least they could find you one. Just a thought.....

Well I read everyone else's comments and think wow how lucky they are. My parents live interstate so we are lucky to have them come and visit once a year, and then it's usually because my sister has stuffed her life up again, so they aren't actually coming to visit me but fix my sister's problem. Due to the fact that when they do come my sis usually dumps my niece on em for days at a time they don't feel like looking after Damian, which I can understand.

My In-laws live bout 15 minutes down the road and we usually see them once every couple of months, they work full-time, and my partner works for them so he usually doesn't want to see them much outside of work. But they do help us in other ways, like most of our furniture is 2nd hand off of them, they bought damian a new cot when they found out I was pregnant. If we get kicked outta our house they will help us by lending us the bond for a new place, which we pay back in instalments. So in a way despite them not seeing our son much they are still helping us.

I became a nana when master 8 was three.Daughter and child lived with us for 4 years. Now they live a couple of streets away with  her partner and new baby. We see them all most days and grandson stays most weekends he and master 8 are more like brothers.

Hi there I was thinking that there is a an arcytypal image of a Grandma being a grey haired old lady in a shawl who wants nothing more than to spend her time nurturing her grand kids,LOL. I had one of those and my children have one in my MIL who comes every week and would come every day given the chance,however I would like to retain my sanity,LOL. My mother if she had lived would have been the same,hehe

However I have a young friend who's mother was rather distant in her interaction. The situation got worse rather than better after the second child was born with Downs Syndrome ! I know the Mother and asked her why!

The answer was simple, "I was not prepared to be Granny so young"!!!!!!!!! It scared her. Here was a woman who spent her life looking after her children and also looking forward to having some "Adult Time" to find herself again when her children flew the coop. Suddenly she faced the prospect of being a Granny at age 45yrs and it terrified her to the core!!!!!!!

It turned out that her Mum used to send her and her sibling round to their granny at all possible times and her Grannie was expected to sit at home and be at the families beck and call.

However once she realised that this thinking was not realistic, different dynamics etc she did talk to her daughter and got over the worry. She now feels confident enough to just pop in when passing and have the children for sleep overs, without fear of being the surrogate mother,LOL.

You are young, so I take it your Mum might yet be quite youthfull herself and maybe she has some hidden fears as R's Mum did about becoming "The Archytypal Grannie".

Just some thoughts. Might be worth chatting to your Mum and seeing if she is feeling a bit overwhelmed and worried about it!

Some Mums are as equally unprepared for Granniehood as some Mums feel when becoming a Parent, me for instance when Ruth popped out, I went Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh, help! how did I get to be a Mum,heheheehehe silly questoin to ask oneself,LOL

Many Best Wishes. Luv Winnie.xxxx

I am a grandparent who also raises other children from time to time.  My foster daughter presented me with 3 wonderful grandchildren. I was fortunate because she insisted that I be in the delivery room for all three births, her partner welcomed me also. I looked forward to a great relationship with them. However I found this did not happen. As a first time grandparent I did not like to intrude on my daughters little family and our relationship remained fine over the years even though her life took a much different turn than I expected. The problem was that whenever I visited she did not expect the children to spend time with me so I watched them grow up but did not really get to know them. She was also a very protective parent and worried if I asked to take them for walks etc. We lived quite a distance apart so it was difficult to visit often.

I now have a nine month old grandson who recently came to visit from South Australia. I live in Queensland. He also brought my son and his wife to look after him. They are doing a great job of raising him. The temptation was to have him all the time but I tried to remember that everyone in our home saw him as often as I did - not often. At time if he was crying and his parents were not in the room I would find myself asking if they minded if I picked him up - I did not want to spoil him and unintentionally create a problem for them. It was a delight to cuddle him, play ball with him and generally just have time with him.

He has his own blog which mum and dad keep up to date. They try to help us be as much a part of his life as possible. My daughter in law told me that she sees her mum once a week to visit as a family and also allows her and her husband to babysit for a few hours twice a week while she works until his dad finshes work and picks him up. It seems to be a good arrangement as they live close to her family but are not on each others door step so to speak. It also seems to be a good balance as they see the baby on his own and then share the joy of seeing the family in action.

As for us, we do not see us ever living any closer but I am grateful for modern technology and the opportunity for the window into his life. Hope you can encourage mum to spend more time with this precious little boy.

I have only started talking to my mum again in the last month-ish (after 9 months of not talking) she apologized so I gave her another chance seeing as she could admit her mistakes and the first part of fixing a problem is admitting you have one. She sees him twice a week. Mondays she doesn't work (she works full time) so half the time I drive over for a half hour and she sees him, or on Wednesday nights my partner and I have to go to a business meeting and she watches our son for an hour. We are taking baby steps...I don't feel like we are dumping him on her either because she has arthritis in one of her legs and you can see her running down the door way, down the drive way before we even park the car. Each week she has bought him a new toy to play with. So in a way it's also healing for me because I always thought she was a bad mother but she is making it up to me with how great a grandma she is being to our son. The only thing I hate is when she buys stuff for my son, she keeps it at her house, as though she is trying to tell me that it only belongs to him when he comes over. I don't agree with that but I'm not about to start another year long dispute with her.

On the other side we have my fiances mum, she lives 20-30 minutes away. She was the one who took me in to her home for 3 months and treated me like her daughter. She isn't a very emotional person, she keeps everything on the inside so it's hard to tell if she is happy to see her grandson or not but at the same time she would still do anything for you. She won't look after our son. We have tried to organize with them twice if Raiden could stay with them so we could go out on our anniversary or just needed a break and she won't have him. They will only look after him when he is sleeping and we pop out for a quick lunch or something. She comes to see us once or twice a fortnight. Or we pop in for lunch when we are up that way. I wish she would have more to do with him but if that's who she is then I guess I better respect that. I feel like I can't say anything because I'm too greatful for her help. She took me in so I didn't have to live out of our car when I was pregnant, she helped me by buying all of our house essentials, helping us find a house, put money away for our future, new furniture everytime something goes, got me all the books and tools I needed to learn how to put a business together etc.. So I really need to just be greatful.

So that's how often our mums look after their grandson. If I was in your situation I would probably just ask her why she doesn't visit often? And it makes you feel upset. Everyone has their own beliefs on how they should influence their grandchildrens lives... and from this lesson I've decided that when I'm a grandma I will ask my son what being a grandmother is all about from his prospective, how often he would like me to see the kids, what his rules are and see if we can reach something we're both happy with. I'd love my grandkids to death! Just be thankful you won't be as bitter and your kids will love you and your grandchildren will love you. Be proud that you broke the cycle.

My parents live 5 minutes away from us- my mum used to work part time so we used to spend part of every monday and Tuesday with her, and then at least one visit on the w/e. Now that she works full time we tend to only see her on the weekends, however my dad is always sneaking over in the arvo (he finishes work earlier than her) to 'hog the baby' (as she and he call it )

My in law's live 20 minutes away and I go to them or they come to me at least once a week. Most of the time 2 or 3 times a week. I will be going back to work later in January part time (until I go on mat leave again) and my in-laws have kindly offered to have the little one for the two half days a week when both my husband and I are unable to care for him. I was looking into day care options but my MIL (who is never pushy) insisted that she would really like to do it, that he was still very young and she'd rather have him than see him in daycare. Suits me fine as both MIL and FIL dote on him and are very dependable.

Both sets of parents want to see him all the time and are always offering to babysit- but neither of our parents are pushy or demanding about it.

I thought all this was normal but the more I speak to other people the more I realised we are really REALLY lucky!

Kxoxox

hi my parents are divcored and both remarried and i they have 3 complettely differnt reationships with my son!

all of them live within an hour of our house,

my dad and his wife live in cairns which is an hour away and they have only come 2 visit one time and they came 2 his birthday last year, i think that its just shear lazyness on their part as i make a point in drivin all that way 2 see them otherwise they wouldnt ever see him.

my boyfriends parents live bout 50 mins away and his mum rarely comes over but i exspected that as she HATES kids (my bf is an only child, and he wasnt planned and she has always told him that he was a mistake n stuffed her life.... nice hey) so i dont exspect her 2 visit our boy but her husband is pretty good he works in atherton which is like 8 mins drive from our place and he comes round maybe once a week (i'm usually out when he comes but at least he makes the effort)

and my mum n her hubby are great with him i'm very close 2 my mum (not so close with her hubby but we just clash the main things is that i know how much he loves us) so my mum will come out 2 my place at least once a week but sometimes its up to 4 times a week if shes bored lol, but i also go out 2 their place every weekend for lunch on sunday, they come into town 2 watch my lil boy swimmin on thursdays and then we spend the day 2gether,

as far as any of the baby sittin that doesnt happen very much but thats beacuse i dont feel that i need a break and also i worry 2 much about him, but my dad has watched him for an hour one time coz we went 2 see a movies on our anniversary, tims parent s have never watched him but i woouldnt want her 2 anyway if u get my drift (plus their house is so so so not child friendly! and my mum has just like last week had a couple of sleep overs for new years because we were campin in the rain  (silly i know  lol)

but yer i rekon that if u want ur mum 2 have more 2 do with him sitt down and have a talk with her and tell her how u feel and that you want them 2 have a good realtionship

and also if she doesnt come see you, go see her jessie will thanx you for tryin so hard!!!

do u have friends that u can rely on?

Hello my perants come round once a week they have tea here and my husbands mum and dad once a week to they also cook tea in return. I find that while I am cooking tea my mum and dad have the chance to play with the girls. I think the more you see your mum and dad the more your relationship grows. If I havent seen my mum and dad for say two weeks my girls wonder whats going on they also look after them somtimes to. Good luck wish you well.