I won't comment on the porn part of your question as I think all the various sides have been covered adequately.  I would however comment on the part about him looking up his ex etc.  Hey, I've done this myself.  It doesn't mean I don't love and adore the wonderful man I'm with, I'm just curious about what people from my past might be up to (have you ever 'googled' an old school friend or work colleague?).   My feeling is that just because someone is an ex, it doesn't mean you should never think about them again (unless they were truly horrible and you don't want to waste your valuable time thinking about them).  I parted with some of my exes on quite good terms and cared quite a lot for them as people, but we weren't meant to be each other's life long partners.  All of the people in my life have contributed to the person I am today.  I am truly grateful to some of them for helping to shape my life.  So, I guess I'm trying to say is don't necessarily assume the worst, it could all simply be harmless, natural curiosity. 

hi sorry to hear this upsets you.but as you said he was like this when you first met .you knew his addiction and like every addiction just cant be stopped cause you dont like it.its gunna take help to fix this addiction and weather you believe it or not there are groups and support networks for him to help him through this addiction, it cant be stopped just like that. so maybe talking about getting him help for it would work better than giving him an ultimatium. you might find that has a bigger impact on him to show you are supportive instead of him feeling you dont understand. by the sounds of it you got a lot to loose so its worth a try!!

good luck

where do you live?... I may be able to help

I am so sorry you are facing this. It is affecting you and your relationship.  You state some great and wonderful qualities in him.  But you also feel betrayed and can't trust him.  Porn isn't the issue here it is his actions. I have severe issues with porn so I will not comment on it.  His addictive behaviour is an issue and you have to balance what you want out with what you are settling for. I feel that you are risking your well being if you do not settle this as it is coming between you and will always be in the background.  Trust is everything and I think that is what you are after. Best wishes to you.

Ok to start with this answer is both my partners and mine.

Would you rather he looked at porn of these people, or have him go out and have sex with them?? I would say ure answer is you would rather him look at the porn.

My impression of this is you are rather jealous of his ex's?? or you don't think yourself to be pretty or attractive??

But think about it this way, he has chosen you, he might of been able to stay with his ex's but he has you. I think maybe you just need to relax a bit more and say to yourself "I am beatiful" in the mirror after your shower/bath.

Also try to compromise with him, say look if you want to look at porn fine but I don't want you looking at your ex gf's. Or something like well you can spend the same amount of time looking at porn as you do with me.

This way you still look at porn with him and he still gets time to look by himself.

Hope this helps a bit

Ok, you need to see things from his point of view.  It is great that you like to look at porn with him, but he needs something he can do without having you there.  Give him some space and accept that he needs this to himself sometimes.  There are worse things he could be doing, like spending all his time getting drunk at the pub or running off with his mates, so consider yourself to be lucky.

Sure, if he does share it with you, then great, enjoy that.  My partner and I have the occassional look, but we prefer to look at each other, which is cheaper! lol.

Hey  sorry to hear this is a touchy subject with me also. I would give him the fllick real quick . I will not tolerate porn or any lying or hiding.If they got to hide it then what they doing is wrong and they no it..Good luck you can do better.

I don't think that men can control how much porn they look at.  Once they are looking at it they will always look at it.  I think they like to do it in secret.  I'm afraid I don't agree with the let him do it and just get over it answer.  I would say if you are against him viewing porn and if you would be happeir in a relationship where there was no porn then you need to do something about this. 

The first step would be to ask him if he is willing to give it up.  If he is then he is the one that has to do the work - NOT you.  There are internet support groups for men who have realised how porn is hurting their marriges.  I have a friend who runs one and he says that these men can't do it alone.  They have to be accountable to others outside of the relationship.

If he isn't willing to give it up then you have to ask yourself if you are able to give him up.  Because you will be living with this for the rest of your life.  He will promise to change, to do what you ask and he will always fall short.  That is what addiction does.  And yes porn for some is an addiction.

So I guess you have to decide if you can live with porn (as it is now) in your relationship.  If you can then do nothing.  If you can't then you need to have a chat with him and go from there.

This advice is my perspective.  I know that it is not for everyone.  But I thought it would be good to have a balance of ideas for your problem.  Hope it helps.

my bf n i have the same problem....grrrr..... its so annoyin.

its basically only upsets me because he hides it and pretends that hes hasnt been lookin but its pretty obvious beacause for some unknown reason our internet history is always erased ....hhhmmmm like i'm stupid

anyway hun if you every need 2 talk add me as a friend as we obviously have things in common

xoxo

hope ur ok!!!

I work in a male dominated industry and have become ''one of the boys'' over the years, porn is a regular subject... Even amonst the married one's...... and no matter what rules are set by the girlfriends or wifes they will continue to look.........as you have discovered.......

It is not out of spite either, they just cant seem to help themselves...... he will  feel guilty because he knows the way you feel about it but that wont stop him...

I know its hard but try not to take the porn issue to heart, sounds like he loves you very much... you will need to either except it or walk away, sorry for sounding so blunt but if you can find it in your heart and allow him some computer time on his own....  the lies should stop then because you both know what he is doing!

As for the Ex issues i have found most men are curious about "what was" and what are they doing now... as long as he does not take it any further I wouldnt worry to much..........

Good Luck!,

Only you can answer the question of whether to leave or not. You need to ask yourself what YOUR priorities are and what it is that you want from a partner. Clearly his porn and his ex searches are stressing you out and have done practically since the start of your relationship. He has shown you enough times he will not change, even to the point of lying to you. Now is the time to be strong and do 1 of 2 things, firstly accept this is what he does and either forget it and move forward as a couple or leave and move on. You are worried what effect a seperation will have on your child, ask yourself what the tension from this problem is doing to your child. Even if you don't discuss or argue in front of your child, he/she can feel your ill feelings. Because you have a child, you need to nip this in the butt and quickly.  Also don't make empty threats, you gave him back his ring, you told him you would leave if he did it again. He did it again and you didn't leave, he will see this as a game and something you will get over in time. Don't base your decisions on his reactions, make your decision from your priorities and stand by it. Once you have made this decision on your own, you will be a stronger person for it. Remember this...Only you can make your life what you want it to be!

 You have been given some excellent ideas here to try and I sincerely hope if you give one of them a try, that it works for you both.  You have not banned him from watching porn, just as long as he does it with you, and that should be enough and he should respect your wishes, knowing how upset you get....also he shouldn't have any reason to go looking up ex's. I'd be wanting to know why.

You have given some valid reasons why you should stay with this man.....but you have also given a reason why not to.....and that is him lying to you. Maybe I'm from the old school but if someone is lying to me, I can't trust them and without trust there is no relationship.....you feel hurt and betrayed. I hope you both can sit and talk openly about  what concerns you and put your concerns to bed before marriage.

I wish you well.

I don't know if this would work for you or not but it's not as silly or offensive as it might seem to some.

Turn the tables on him ................ how about you start looking up guys, both ex's and porn !

Ok nobody says you have to enjoy it, but maybe it will get your other halfs attention more than any amount of pouting or talking. Men's brains are wired differenty and sometimes you can try to explain to them till the cows come home but they will just never get it .......unless you can create in them the similar feelings and emotions that their behaviour brings out in you !

As far as I can see you've got nothing to lose . When he starts to complain you simply state "whats good for the goose type lines.

The other option though some might say it's a bit extreme is to deny him sex!

Say to him " you're obviously getting your jolly's online so you won't be needing my services " then explain how him using porn behind your back makes you feel cheapened because he see's watching other women have sex as his right.

I'm sure at the moment you are feeling rather un sure of things and i can really see your side of things also. I don't have much advice or answers for this one just hope its not getting you down to much. Have you thought of getting a video camera and having your own stuff for him to look at? Keep your chin up, you will know what the right thing is to do.

He sounds like a fantastic guy, most men are pretty keen on porn as they are generally more likely to be visually stimulated than the average female.  Unless he is looking at underage pictures/movies, chatting up people in chat rooms, checking out illegal and depraved acts, then maybe you should be more lenient... He is probably enjoying it more because you have basically banned him.  Yes you are upset and he should respect that, however rather than getting so emotional about it, maybe you could try to work out some sort of compromise with him and accept him for who he is.  There is no use fretting about something you can't change, you either come to a viable agreement, or you walk away... Leaving would seem rather extreme, don't you think?