I am going to say something you never thought about.What happens if your little bundle of joy turns out to be a "special needs" bundle of joy, will you be able to cope do you have support and help if you need it, will the father stick around if baby is "special"?

Many years ago my brother was dating a girl who was desperate to keep him so thought to have his baby. Although I am not saying this is you I asked her about medications and family medical problems and the news was not great. I asked her what would happen if she had a handicapped baby but all she could see was this beutiful baby all healthy and perfect. I decided to ask people I knew about risks and the news was not great for her but again she had stars in her eyes. I now have a "special needs" child of my own and although I love her wholeheartedly she is still a right handful and I have no help, support or life of my own.

Talk to your partner about a baby, talk to your doctor and get all the tests you need (rubella,hep b+c, hiv/aids etc) that way if you need any shots or medical treatment then you can ahve them before you fall pregnant.. Find out about the medical history on both sides (cancer, biological conditions, diabetes, depression) speak to your families about your decision and guage whether they will be there to support you should  things not go as planned. Get all the information about birth and pregnancy you can then make your decision based around your findings and not the stars in your eyes. A baby is not a toy and is very hard work, they are not minuture adults they need you to do everything for them and cant tell you what they need. Perhaps you should also look into a pre-parenting course as well to help the research.

Not all parents on Centrelink are bludgers, some like me are in need of it to look after our children and others have their own stories. Admittedly a lot of people have a baby for the money but not everyone is like that.

Wow you certainly have opened a can of worms with this one. Firstly if you truly wanted a baby you wouldn't be concerned about what others may think. 19 isn't that young to have a baby. I fell pregnant at 17 and gave birth just after turning 18. And yes it gets under my skin when people judge you for your age but who cares? They don't know your personal circumstances! And age doesn't define how good of a mother you are.

Secondly you have offended a lot of people with your username and your comment about not wanting to be a Centrelink bludger. But I think I know where you are coming from. You don't want others to see you that way? Am I right? I don't agree with people purposely having children for the baby bonus or teen mums who spend their bonuses on themselves and I am not making judgement here but you do see them on News programs all the time bragging about doing this. Depending on your income you may still receive Centrelink whether you like it or not and you will get the bonus. But instead of throwing it away how about you put it in a bank account for you child when he/she turns 18? That's what I did with my baby bonus. Everything else I bought for my son was out of my own hard earned money that I had been saving since I was 13.

I worked 35 hours a week on top of going to school full time and once I graduated I worked full time up until I was 8 months pregnant. I was a major career person but everything changed when I had my son. Now I want to be there for him and watch him grow up. Yes I will return to study hopefully within the next few years but that doesn't make me a bludger for wanting to stay home and raise my son!

Lastly be really careful about falling pregnant again unless you know you're ready. What happens if you fall pregnant and then your partner leaves you? Will you have a 3rd abortion? These are the things you have to think about. Men, especially when they are so young may change their minds and you have to be prepared to be a single mother just in case that happens. There are so many what ifs and you have to go through all of them before you plan for this baby. My partner and I were dead set on wanting children and we weighed up everything before committing to that decision. We wouldn't change it for the world. But I do know a lot of teen mums who didn't get it so lucky, with their partner eventually straying and that's why I warn you.

I hope for everyone's sake on here though that you at least change your username. I can't believe it was allowed!

Hello there

I do indeed think that you have upset alot of mothers!

Firstly i wana tell you... I am 20 I had my baby at the age of 18 and you know what I am also a single mother. It did not meddle with my career at all up until recently where i lost my job due to personal reasons.

Yeah people will look at you and say your young to be a mother but hey let them say what they want its your choice your life.

TWO ABORTIONS!!! Are you insane girl? Listen each time you have an abortion you snip your chances of having a baby again or if you do want this baby and decide to keep it you will have a chance of miscarrage!

Honestly i agree with some of the mothers that commented on your question you discriminate against young mothers.

Your age doesn't determine whether you will be a good mother or not and if you have a solid foundation (getting married soon with someone you love) I don't see why it wouldn't be a good idea if both you and your partner were feeling ready.

I'm glad you have a career but that doesn't make you anymore important than the mum's here who need centrelink payments to bring their children up sufficiently and to put food on the table.

I'm going to skip my personal opinions on abortion and remind you that you could be entitled to payments while you're on maturnity leave. You may also recieve Family Tax Benefit even if you do have a career. Don't shun the help, when you have a baby you will realise that you need all the extra money and help you need.

And some of these "centerlink blodging mums" are some of the best mothers I've ever heard about. Just be careful, because while a career is awarding in some ways, what are you giving up with your child while you're out chasing your dreams?

My advice would be to chase your dreams first and have a baby when you're ready to sacrifice a little time. It's not a puppy dog, where you can leave it in the backyard with a bucket of water until you get home from work. I understand some mothers need or choose to have careers but many at least take their maternity leave to raise and bond with their children before they go back.

You have your own reasons for your user name but I hope you know you have upset a lot of people.

I think you should really wait and grow up abit love. Youve upset alot of mothers and myself aswell. As far as Im concerned your not ready for a child your tooooo selfish and if you really wanted a baby why have 2 abortions. Id feel sorry for your child if you had one.. Whats with the username?????? You really are nasty..........

personally i think you need to delete this account and choose a different name then come back and ask the STUPID BLUDGING MUMS for some advice. right now i doubt many people are going to be understanding of you because you have gone out of your way to be rude and judgemnteal to people yopu want to ask for help from.

grow up and learn some tact then think about having a baby.

First demonikangels, not every parent gets money off centrelink, yes I did when I first had my son but then my partner got a new job and a massive payrise and we are no longer eligable for support as a result even though we have moments where we struggle financially. If we have another baby we won't be eligable for the baby bonus either as now that is income tested too. The only support we get is some help with daycare and that is only because I am a volunteer at a clinic while he is in daycare.

Secondly Stupidblodging mums, I am in agreeance with you to a degree, I agree it is wrong for a woman to simply have children just so she can get money off the government and not have to work as a result. It is totally condradictory as being a parent is the hardest job any person can have regardless of age, but if you are mature enough to handle it, it is also the most rewarding job you can have. You need to dig down deep and be absolutely certain that you are ready physically emotionally financially etc and be prepared to sacrifice the life you have now as when you have children, they should become your number one priiorty. No time for partying like you can now, you may loose friends as they can be scared off by you having a baby, your partner also needs to be prepared to do the same.

As for the abortions well if they were simply a form of contraception which once again is contradictory as contraception is prevention I am disgusted and I don't care if I get in trouble for saying so either but if for medical reasons I am very sorry you've had to go through that. Having had 2 miscarriages one very very recently and even prior to those I have been of the opinion that if you do the deed you do the time so to speak, if you can't do that then there are other options which should be considered. There are many women and familys waiting to be that cannot concieve or do and for one reason or another can not carry a baby and abortion is taking the privelage of pregnancy forgranted. Not to mention it can also increase your own risk of miscarriage in future pregnancies if able to concieve. Abortion will scar your uterus and make it harder for an embryo to attach thus achieving pregnancy.

I seriously think you and your partner need to sit and discuss this either between yourselves or even with a counsellor present as it is a lifelong committment and I think your previous abortions may be clouding your judgement at present.

i am very offended with your name and question. I had a baby at the age of 18 and his dad wasnt around at the time which forced me to go on centrelink payments. I had NO choice at the time and just because i was recieving those payments doesnt make me a CENTRELINK BLODGING MUM!!! I think its rude how you have put that. I dont like commenting to offensive blogs or questions but this one got to me. My boy celebrated his 18th birthday yesterday and i have 4 kids all up now, my last one being nearly 2 yrs old and i dont work and  i recieve payments from centrelink now so i can raise my daughter, at home, without putting her in ,while my husband works very hard for me to afford to be with her.My recomended advice is to grow up and consider other peoples feelings before you say something so harsh.......

naomi

Perhaps the mere fact that you are concerned about how you will be perceived is answer enough that you are not ready.  No matter what age you choose to have a child there will be others that view your decision as the wrong one.  Your partner and you should choose to have a child when both of you are ready, financially and emotionally.  Not when you feel it will be acceptable to others.

You dont need to be rediculous, people dont look at 19 as being too young, alot of people dont even consider 19 as being a teen parent these days. Especially with the 13 and 14 year old out their having babies of their own.

As for the not wanting to be on centrelink, you will get money from the government if your working or not so you need to do your research on that abit more. You also need to remember it doesnt matter how good your career is at the moment, having a child changes things and you wont be working straight away I would assume so what you do with your life now is basically irrelevant. I do respect that your in a relationship and plan to wed though, its good to have already thought that far though.

I am a 19 year old and and I have 1 on the way and I study. Im on centrelink payments and I dont think that its fair to assume that all those people on centrelink are just out their bludging the system.

I too have had abortitions and once I got engaged I fet that I wanted a baby because I felt I was older and more mature (24 at time of birth) then at the age of my abortion which was 19.  I am not saying that you aren't mature but I still wanted to have fun at that time in my life. 

My now husband and I feel pregnant and were due to have our  first child 2 days after our wedding so that was bought froward as I wanted to be married (my personal choice).

We are a happy family and our daughter is so special we wouldn't change a thing, except for maybe waited 12 months until we bought our house but thats another story.

Just make sure you have a baby because your ready not because you feel guilty for aborting 2 time previously because that not the right reason.

I was engaged and pregnant at 19 (we rushed the wedding so I wasnt a very pregnant bride adn i didnt want to be unwed and a mum)

I think if your partner thinks its ok aswell, go for it. dont care about what other ppl say.

Hi,

I really find it offensive for you to refer to parents who recieve centerlink payments as stupid blodging mums!!!.. I became a mother at 19 myself and I did come across people who looked down upon me , most of them had never experienced being young, alone, and pregnant.. My partner works full-time, and I work hard to raise my 6 children and help him with his 3 children (combined we have 9).. Its called being a full time parent, its recognised as one of the most important jobs one can have and I would hate to see women rushing  to put their children into daycare and try holding down full time jobs, simply because of people ridiculing them for their choice to be a full time parent! I dont see anything wrong with a parent working and raising children if they feel that is the lifestyle for them and i think its a hard job doing both that and coming home to children who need you also... Whatever your lifestyle, I believe we all have the right to some respect and I am quite shocked that a parent website would pass through the name you have chosen to call yourself also!!

I find that you obviously lack the maturity and compassion needed for the job right now and perhaps should wait to have a family .. or even to allow yourself to be sexually active until you have the ability to be an understanding, compassionate, thoughtful parent.. Sorry to sound harsh but i think you have stirred up a few women in here with such disrespect and lack of knowledge.

From Mel

i wanted a baby at a young age, although i waited until i was established in my career and married and living in our own house.  my mum had me when she was 19 and she is the best mum a daughter could ever ask for.  i don't think its your numeric age that counts, rather your emotional maturity and life experience.  If you are mature enough to consider everything that goes along with having a baby- lower income, sleepless nights, future planning, difficulties returing to work, childcare, the effect on your relationship, the list goes on and on and on.  Having a baby is no walk in the park- its not just about cute and cuddles- its about raising a well adjusted child into a well functiong adult- are you ready for that level of responsibility.   all you have to do is look at minti to see the difficulties in raising a child well.  some 19 year olds are ready, some are not.  how does your partner feel about having a child.  a baby changes the dynamics of a relationship and sometimes newlyweds like to have an opportunity to just be newlyweds, before the focus changes.  how does your family feel about this- as they may be the ones who step in to help if you have issues.  i can understand you may have grief and guilt over your previous abortions, and perhaps there may be another way you could deal with this, such as counselling, before you try to fill that void with a new life.  in the end, the decision is your as to whether you are ready or not- but consider all the aspects of having a baby before you jump into it.

hi i had my first baby at aged 19 i was a centrelink mum at first but sometimes you need some help to get on your feet.i did not have a choice back then as i did not have any help or family .do you?getting rid of a baby just becauase you dont want to e on the dole is not a good enough reason .

is the father involved? maybe he could go to work nd ayou stay home ?or you go to work and he stays with the baby .or if you have family that could help maybe the baby could stay wth them while your working or studying .

many of us have done both and you can to .

yes you are young but if you were old enough to be sexually active your old enough to be a mother.

plus as you grow older you will learn that being young just shows you how to cope for wehn you are older .just be sure not to be afraid to ask for help when you need it .i did not have that option.and if you have any odd feelings go to a doctor many gorls your age get depression.

When you have a baby you will recieve money from centerlink where you have a job or not!

I find your name and your question disturbing  

Might be best if you dont have a baby for now.