I find the time outs working as well, we put our todler on the step if he's misbehaving and after 3 min there we expect appology and better behaviour from him. We'd give him a warning and then bring him on to the step if he ignored the warning.

Something else to try which I have found works with my almost 3 year old boys is to threaten to take something away that means alot to them.  Usually all I need to do is threaten and my boys will stop whatever behaviour is taking place however on the rare occassion that the behaviour has continued I have taken away the item (I give it back later) and I have found since I started doing this I usually only need to threaten to do it the once and they immediately do as I ask.

My son is the same way. I have found the following helpful. Whatever you decide you must be strong and both parents must be on the same page.

When my son is bad I do not raise my voice but I change the tone and ask him three times to stop after the third time he gets a time out (put in a room where he can't hurt himself) for three minutes.Stating as I close the door 'you are having a time out for three minutes)  if needed I stand there and hold the door closed but do not speak to him.

After doing it this way for a couple of days, I decided to give him a choice. When he is bad I ask him if he would like a 'time out' or would he like to 'do whatever i wanted him to do at the time'. If he says a time out give him one. If he ignores you ask three times and then give him a time out anyway.

As to the hitting, when he hits you give him a time out straight away and just say this is for hitting and hitting is bad.

Once I started this my sons behaviour got better. I also once he understood time outs decided to reward the good behaviour with praise.

Hope this helps.

I agree with the link posted and the advise there was amazing.

What I would add is, no one likes to be told what to do all the time.  I know because I dont so a 3 year old would fight even harder for their right to be individuals and make decisions.

It may be a small thing but maybe when things can be reworded to ask which of the things you want done does he want to do right now and when will he do the next it could help give him some of the independance he may be looking for.

Hitting back when he hits you is not always the answer because it promotes his activity as being correct so handling that should be dealt with in a better way.  Maybe, question if he likes to be hit and reafirm that if he does not like it why would you like it?  Ask if he wants to be hit too and do what he says with a strong arm and strong voice so that you reafirm that it is not something anyone likes.

I dont have any instant fixes for you either but sometimes we have to give a little, like independance in a form, to get something back, just like we expect from our kids.

I wrote a comment as advice... didn't link automatically for some reason!

You can find my 2 cents worth at the link below:

http://www.minti.com/parenting-advice/10925/Discipline-Its-too-important-to-leave-undone/

hey! i know of two things you could try fistly you could try positive redirection. Tell him that what he is doing is not the right thing to do and maybe he should come with you and read a book or do a puzzle or another activity that he is interested in.

or

try to not react to his bad behaviour and he'll soon find another way to get your attention. Children sometimes do things for attention and hey usually get the most attention when they do the wrong thing. try to always stay positive.

hope these help.