Hi

I do sympathise with you.  Some kids have a wonderful strong will, extreme determination and find it hard to self regulate their emotions.  And the hardest part is that this is the time that we as parents persevere with them teaching them and loving them through it.

I'm not sure if this will help- but my advise would be... be consistent.  what ever strategy you try do it well, never threaten anything your not going to follow through with and where you can have time together where the child has all you attention and can do what they want with you, something easy/simple but fun.  If everything fails after 2 or 3 months of being consistent, then you may need more professional help- maybe start with your GP.  Hang in there :)

I'm no expert because I am going through it myself. However, I read in a book that if you give them a choice between 2 situations/objects then they react a lot better. Apparently not more than 2 choices. We tried it and it worked for us. So for instance my daughter refuses to get dressed. So I pick out 2 dresses for her and take them to her and say " which one would you like to wear?" She starts thinking about which one and seems to let down her resistance and her focus on the word "no".If doesn't always work but it does about 85% of the time. Also we make sure we don't just go spring it on her that she has to do something..we prepare her for it and let her do it within her time, within reason of course.

When she is really tired and we know her little mind is not coping we just give in because it is just impossible to reason with her and she can get herself into a state. So if she goes out in her pyjamas then so be it.

And last of all...being patient works a treat. I don't  always practice it myself but I do try and it works well.

I'm can sympathize with you....my daughter is 21 mo old and we are quickly heading towards what it sounds like is going on with your son.  I just started reading a book called "Positive Discipline" by Jane Nelson.  It's a totally different approach to anything I've ever been exposed to....but I really like it!!  It really makes sense & from everyone I talk to it really works.  I think there is an edition of the same book that is specifically geared towards toddlers/preschoolers too.  I'd highly recommend looking for it - I ordered my copy on Amazon. 

Regardless of the method you choose though....consistency is the key!!  Hang in there & best of luck!

Thanks for the advice everybody!  Unfortunately, I have tried all your suggestions (except the book - which I do plan to look for).  He can be soo sweet one minute and just losing it the next.  Some days are worse than others and the daycare he goes to tells me he doesn't do it at all.  I don't know, just trying to be patient with him.

My now 6 yr old grandson developed a terrible tantrum habit last year. After much frustration & failed fixes, we tried completely ignoring the outbursts after telling him exactly what would happen when he next lost control. He had a meltdown a few days later & his Grandmother left the room & phoned me, we talked for a long while as he ranted & screamed. We were committed to riding it out while making sure that he was physically safe. After what seemed an endless assault on our ears, he calmed down. Nothing was said about the outburst, which certainly was contrary to our instincts, but he realized that his acting out did not get him anything, & the tantrums subsided.

He was being whiny & annoying in a store a few months ago & was told I would take him to the car if he did not behave. He did not & I hauled him out, which did not make him happy. He threw a fit in the car while his Grandmother shopped, & I ignored his antics. He finally calmed down & got himself under control. Since starting this method, he is happier & much more pleasant to be around.

Every kid is a different case: we were babysitting a 4 yr old with behavioral issues (we believe undiagnosed autism) & had had a great day playing ball, etc. with him. He ruined our grandson's video game system & started a whining loud cry which he habitually does. We ignored it as we had successfully done in the past, but it was getting worse. I finally picked up a plush toy & started playing with him using the toy. In just a few minutes he was laughing at the toy & forgot his tantrum completely. He was redirectable. Next time he might not be & might respond to ignoring his antics. Point is, tailor the response top the child, but be consistent in how you approach the behavior. Kids like to know what to expect in their environment.

I too am experiencing the same tantrums with my 28 month old son. What i find works to deter/distract him from continuing this behaviour is asking him to tell me about something.. For example, i will quickly say, "oh remember the other day when we went to the zoo, what animals did you see?" I find that immediately i have his attention as he loves to mention all the animals that he is just learning about. Or i will ask, "what did you do at the beach the other day?" .. and he loves to tell me about throwing sand, making sand castles and splashing in the water. I find that quickly distracting them from continuing tantrums in a positive way, provides for their undivided attention to talk about something they get excited about, and then from there you can continue to have a 'peacful' environment. Hope this helps!

I have a 2 year old and she tries to tell me what to do and she will go off now and then.  It is hard I know.  Try looking out side the box. When does he get upset. Is it after different types of food, not getting what he wants. Was he the first boy in the family? These things can all play apart. Also if he was let go a little bit too much when he was younger he may not see it as right that now you are telling him what to do.  I don't know about the last point I can't see him or know how he acts. Just keep trying.  Pick away you want to get him out of it and try for a month. Then see if you have any luck, just make sure that it is what he is eatting first. Some kids can go off with different types of food. Ever white bread.

I went through the same thing with my son who is now six and sometimes still think hes having the terrible twos i tried time out ignoring him ect i was told this is a very common faze one thing i found that helped me to stop stressing and understand things was a book someone recommended to me and still use now and again  which is new toddler taming by dr christopher green

Try taking no out of your vocabulary, instead of getting angry with him and giving him attention just nicely say, "mummy dosen't want you to do that" or "could you stop that and do _____"  (add what ever it is you want him to do).  "Please don't hit it hurts people"  

Be consistant and follow through with what ever you are going to do.  If you say to him "please could you be quiet or we will go home", then make sure you follow through with what you say, and go home if he continues to be noisy.  "Don't thorw the block or they will go away for a week."  Follow through put the blocks away for a week, if he continues to throw them. 

 Ingore the tantrums walk away and let him have the tanturm then ask him after it was over why exactly did he have the tantrum in the first place, makes him think about it.  It will take time but hopefully he will understand and soon stop saying no. 

I understand how frustrating that is and would like to give a little something maybe you could possibly try. Sometimes children do things for attention, any kind of attention. Some children require or should I say want a little more attention then others do. When he's calm and comfortable, maybe sit him down and have a heart to heart talk with him. Let him know that it makes you sad or unhappy when he acts like this. Say it in a calm gentle voice so he doesnt feel cornered or in trouble and he may begin to understand a bit more. I know he's young, but I believe any age child knows when mommy or daddy is upset. Try letting him know how your feeling and let him know you understand how he is feeling.  I hope that helps a little.

Good luck, I hope things get better :)

i dont really know how 2 stop it as i am goin through the same at the moment and i know how frustratin it is, but i just thought i'd pass on a lil info that i was told recently by a midwife

apparently lil boys round 2ish have as much testosterone running through their lil bodies as a teenage boy  crazy hey....so is it any wonder that they cant control themselves? they just dont understand their emotions properly yet and it must be very confusin for them so try to be understanding as i'm sure you do even though it feels like ur getting know where and persiver with what you've ben doin aswell

chin up apparently it slowly decreases until they are bout 5ish then they  go 2 school lol

anyway good luck its a very tryin time (beleive me i feel your pain)

xoxo jade

i hope this www.minti.com/parenting-advice/10312/getting-your-child-from-no-to-yes/ helps.

Maybe you could try ignoring it. I know this is hard, but no harder than what you're already suffering. My guess is he says no because he gets more attention from you when he does. Attention - good or bad- is still attention. If you praise him when he says the words you like and ignore him when he says the words you don't like, he will soon get the message that he will only get attention when he says the words you like. It could take some time, (habits are hard to beat)  but this method really does work.