We don't learn how to have discussions like this with our kids - or anyone else, for that matter. It doesn't have to escalate into a fight, although it could certainly become tense.

First, I assume you recognize that it is your house and that you have the right to make decisions about behavior in the house that impacts you. In other words, you hold the power. Assuming you pay the mortgage, just because it's his home doesn't mean that it's also his house.

Holding the power is key, but be judicious in how you use it. During my business life, one of the things I learned was that the most effective authority figures wore the mantle of their power very quietly.

So, a couple of "don'ts":

• Don't issue angry ultimatums or make judgmental remarks - "If you weren't so selfish, you would care about how we feel." or worse "If you loved us, you wouldn't  be so selfish."
• Don't argue the merits. Give your reasons as a matter of courtesy, but don't think you have to get him to agree that your reasons are good ones.

I would start by having a friendly talk about it. Let him know that the situation simply can't continue as it is. Ask him for input as to what can be done to fix it - always with the quiet insistence that it must be fixed. You might say, "I don't know how to fix this, but it just can't continue." Focus on the problem rather than on him personally.

Depending on the health of the relationship you have with him, this could turn out to be a very easy conversation. Stay open to any suggestions - for instance, maybe something can be done so that the dogs don't bark - that might be workable rather than insisting that there is only one way to fix it.

Ultimately, of course, you may have to decide how important this is to you. That is, are you willing to tell him to find another place to live if it can't be worked out another way. But don't start with this. You may find it easier that you expect.

I think its all about compromise. Fair enough if he is doing it from Mon through to sat morning. Why don't you, hubby and son sit and discuss some kind of arrangement where if he goes out on a work night he must be home by say midnight if he's not home by then don't bother coming home and find an alternative place to stay until a reasonable time where he won't be disturbing people. but then if he goes out on a sat night he can come home when ever he pleases(even if you all agree that it is only ok to do once a fortnight or month if once a week is too much). That way you won't be coming across as totally controlling and demanding but obviously comprimising and willing. He may react to that and be happier to abide by an arrangement like this. if he can't agree and follow through on this kind of arrangement then maybe if circumstances permit he can find an alternative place to live while he is choosing to lead this lifestyle. other wise if he continues it you could get the music cranking and bang and clutter around the house after he has only been asleep for a couple of hours and if he complains about it tell him its ok for him to wake everyone when he gets home at an unreasonable hour and you will do it everytime until he starts showing a bit more respect and coming home by an agreed time by all parties.

In away I would be happy that my child was responsible enough to wait til he was legally allowed to be out doing this rather than doing it at 16- 17y/o but that does not excuse the fact that he is showing a total disreguard for the rest of the family.

It's my opinion that it's wrong to be telling an adult what he is and isn't allowed to do outside the house. But I don't think you're doing that, you just want him in your house before 2am. I think that is more than reasonable, it's your house and when he's coming back to it he should be abiding by those house rules. I'm only just older than your son (22 almost 23) and I think you should just put your foot down. "Be home before 2am, or find somewhere else to sleep" or my parents always told me "If you're going out drinking, be out of that door before people are in bed and don't come home drunk. If you've had too much you can stay out" I had a few bad drinking experiences then just decided not to drink anymore lol

Set clear rules and expectations.  If he continues to disregard your rules and expectations, then you tell him that it is time for him to find another place to stay.  Give him a month to find another place to stay.  If he has troubles finding a place or affording a place, suggest that he find another person to stay with perhaps a friend.  This sort of behavior is unacceptable, and letting him take advantage of you and your family is doing him no good.

When I was that age my parents said the following: If you are going to live here, and you can as long as you want, you ARE going to live by our rules.  If you don't like it, MOVE OUT! No negotiations!  Draw the line in the sand.  If it continues bring home some boxes and start boxing up his things, he will get the point.

Why is he still living with you?Demand that he get a job and be out of the house in 90 days.And dont let him back in ,no matter what!He seriously needs a dose of the real world,If not he will remain the adult baby he is and never grow up.You are not doing him a favor by letting him  hang on to your aprin strings...

Sounds like a reasonable request!  Sometimes guys regress a bit and have troulbe with dealing with hitting the 20's and the responsiblities that come with it. So...what can you do?  Not much if he chooses to defy what you ask and there is nothing to make him comply.  Depends on what you want to do cause if you set a standard and it's not met then what? What concequence do you want? Him to move out cause that is about all you can do. Or if he is not going to act like a caring family member then charge him rent. Rent means freedom but a claw back of family priviledges!!  Lots of work to do and I wish you the best!

I think before 2am is too late.I would give him a curfew yes curfew of midnight if he is staying in your house.Tell him you wait up on him and to do it out of respect for you.