please check out the advice on my home page , please keep in mind to reassure the child that they have nothing to do with their fathers behavior

My son was of a "one night stand" and grew up with no Father. a mistake that I never regret! I was always truthful, and told him what he could understand, depending at what age he was. He asked to meet his Father. I arranged a meeting that lasted all of half hour and that time the child was spoken to once! That was 2 years ago. He is now 15, and not asked about or seen his Father since.. But, he now has a Dad!! In the last 2 years, I have married a beautiful man that has accepted him as his own Son and we have given him a beautiful Sister who is now 3 months old.. He couldn't be happier, and neither could I.. Good things come to those who wait!

There is advice written in the advice section. I think also if you can go through the questions, there was a similar question with some really great answers. God bless

Hi im a single mum i have been for 8 years now when my son asks where his dad is i just tell him that his dad has another family now and cant see him as he lives to far away he gets upset but is ok with this answer i tell him that his father loves him as i feel he is to young to know that his father never wanted anything to do with him when his freinds ask where his dad is he tell thm that he lives in china lol but i also live at home with my mum and dad and my brother and my grandmother so he has a very big happy home i dont feel it bothers him at all just every now and then like fathers day but i tell him he can make his granddad a card and he loves it your daughter will be fine and trust me its better not to have them in there life as you dont have share care your child so i see myself as being very lucky i dont have to my son up on weekends or holidays so please let her know she will be fine i was 22 when i feel preg i had my son when i was 23 on my birthday and he is the best thing that has ever happened to me and i wouldnt change it for the world i am now 31 and i am very happy thats its just my son and i we have a speachel bond so tell your daughter she is a very lucky girl to have a child that she dosnt have share and when her child asks her about her father  he lives far away you still have to tell them they love them or it breacks there hearts i learnt that the hard way they dont need to know till they are older much older im thinking when my son is 14 or 16 i will tell him but by then he will know him self so it will be easyer anyway good luck and just think and thank your self for being so lucky i do every day

cheers codysbluedragon

its a hard situation to be in.  im in it now i had a short time relationship he left 1 wk before i found out pregnant he knows he has a son but has never contacted or helped.  my son askes about his dad a lot because he  sees other kids with dads.  i was given all sort of advice like say he died but that could back fire ect. the best thing i found for my self  was i never critisise his father and tell him he lives a long way away and get him enough male interaction with people i trust.  all children need interaction with both genders to help them become well rounded people. schools also help our school teaches children to understand about one parent families their are many in this world. i have also found honesty is the best policy when they are old enough to comprehend, dont know what age that is all kids mature differently it should be when you think they are ready and not vunerable especially after a argument.  but i do know one thing never lie to a child it can back fire on you my mother did this to us about my father and it back fired i eventually discovered the truth about him myself but a lot of people got hurt along the way.  children have long memories.

my mum never referred to my biological father as my 'dad', she always called him the man who helped her make a baby, and when i was older 'sperm donor' lol, and she explained to me that a man who helps make a baby and a dad are not the same thing, a dad is a man who loves you and is always there for you, and she was still looking for a dad that can love us and be there for us. i found this to be a nice explanation

its also probably better to explain it to him as early as possible, so he doesn't feel lied to later on, and to always be close with other men in the family, like grandpas and uncles

Hi there,

This situation sounds identical to my sisters situation a few years back.. her daughter is now 11yo. She had a short relationship with the guy, who was into drugs and all sorts. the difference is I suppose that when she fell pregnant he threatened her that if she left he would come after her and the baby. By some weird twist of fate, she miscarried a baby the week later and ended up at the hospital bleeding and it was certain that she would lose the baby.. He wasnt supportive at all. She broke up with him when she saw his reaction to this situation I guess but not before she stayed with him for a couple more weeks. When she went to the doc's to get the results of her miscarriage blood test confirmation to see if she needed a curette etc. She mentioned that she was again late with her period and the doc did another test.. She was pregnant now without his knowledge!!

She went thru about 4 gruelling years of feeling like has she done the right thing etc... eventually I helped her decide to track him down and write out a letter with a contact number and photo of his daughter (not an address) this gave him the ability to get in touch with her daughter if that was what he intended to do, and that is what he did. He came out the other side of a bad time in his life and became a part of my nieces life, to be honest hes still pretty much absent from her life.. she recently saw him again for the first time in about 2 years..

Sounds like your daughter has let the dad know already that he exists, and its really up to him if he participates in his life etc.. As he gets older, he will likely see other children at school with fathers also and want to know where his is. I guess all you can really do is remind the child that he has a loving family, always give him access to his details that you still have and make sure he knows who his dad is.. Unless the dad goes through some change in his life he will probably still be a deadbeat, and this may end up being very dissappointing, but at least he will know why he hasnt been in his life and that his mother is protecting him pretty much..as you do, when you love your kids.

We dont always have the luck of picking dad of the year for our kids, and its hard on us and our kids when it happens, but letting our children know that we had them because we loved them soo much the moment we knew they existed..reguardless of how their existance came about..they are a much wanted and loved child. My rule in parenting is to only answer questions that are asked, dont give any extra information that isnt necessary, and only use simple terms until the child is much older and can understand feelings etc.. my advice would be to focus on the mothers relationship with the child and making sure he is constantly reminded and surrounded by those who love him and look after him, be it a rule not to deny him access to the details of who his dad is simply because as he gets older it will be his choice to seek out his father or not, and the mothers job to support him in his mission and make him aware of any dangers i guess but not until he is old enough to understand what those dangers are.. hurt feelings, physical threat possibilities etc.. Perhaps tell him that he may meet daddy one day when the time is right..

I wish you all the best in this .. Cheers from Mel xx

I'm definitely not an expert when it comes to this as this has never happened in my family. But I guess if I was put on the spot with my son and I was in this situation I would probably just tell him that sometimes mummies and daddies don't get along and so they need to live separately so they dont upset him and it's not his fault. That could probably be the wrong thing to say but like I said, I have no experience and I'm just having a go.