If they have other children,offer to help with their care. If the mother is staying at the hospital take her decent food as often the hospital food is atrocious. Listen to her. Don't try and make them feel better by telling them other stories about similar cases that were worse than their scenario. Believe me it is not comforting but very annoying. Mostly just be around, but let them have personal time together as well. Don't forget to dote over the surviving baby as this is definitely a positive little miracle.

Help with whatever other practical things that are required, like transport to and from the hospital. Phoning others that they would like you to contact, transporting the grandparents in to visit if they are not confident driving in traffic etc.

Also the funeral needs to be arranged for the deceased baby so offer to assist with this as much as you are able. help with catering, venue if that is needed.

When i had my 4th baby a friend of mine had a still born baby 10 days later. We auctally became closer as friends with this , but  i didnt know what to say to her and didnt want to make her jealous of my baby. It took her a couple of weeks to hold my baby. But make sure you talk about the baby to your friend as my friend and i always talk about her baby espically birthdays and christmas because my friend actually had people be rude to her by saying it should be forgotten about because the baby  wasnt here. If you dont know what to say as i didnt, wait for your friend to start the conversation. Just being there will help espically at the funeral as that was hard on my friend.

Good luck

This is very sad, and it is something that many people have to deal with. There really is nothing you can say to make them feel better, yiu don't want to say anything to upset them, the only thing that you can really do is be there and show them your love and support.

We unfortunately went through this ordeal and we found that people who we thought we new suddenly came to our elbows with confessions that they too had suffered this terrible grief. Just knowing that and having them come forward gave us great strength to move on and put the loss behind us. You never forget, but you must move forward as there is always a reason for what occurs.

Our hearts are open to all who suffere this form of tragedy.

Mothers Blessings be with you all,

William & Patricia

I would just let her know that you are there for her, I would not say at least you still have one.... I am sure that would upset her, she had two babies, she loved two babies and expected to bring two home, raise two, take two to college, and so on. 

Just support her, I did not lose my baby but I know that when he was in the NICU my house was a mess, my fridge was empty, and the nights I could not stay at the hospital were hell. If she is coming home at night, bring her food, and sit with her for a while so she is not alone and worried. Remind her to take care of herself because she needs to be strong and healthy to care for her son.  If she is up for it, and the hospital allows it, go visit her and her son at the hospital and let her show him off, this is something that you miss out on for the first while if your baby is in the NICU. 

There is probably nothing you can say to her to make her feel better, but you can show her you love her, and keep her company so she does not have to face the pain all alone.

There is not much you say but let her know you love her listen if she needs to talk even if you find it hard - I lost a son 32 years ago and one of the most irrelevant things said to me is that with I will get over it - you never really do even thou he wasnt a twin I still remember every birthday and the day he died - even if I am unaware of the date - back then people wouldnt talk about it either and I found the thing i needed most was some one to talk  to or just know that some one was there if I needed but most of all a love you and a cuddle would suffice to let her know you are there

Someone close to me lost one of their twins, and the other one survived. Years later, it is still difficult and every wonderful milestone (birthdays, first steps, first day at school) with her son is a painful reminder that there was a little girl that will never experience those things. The grief is an ongoing process. I agree with what everyone else has said- to be a shoulder to cry on. But also give space where space is needed as well. One thing not to say would be "At least you have the other one". They are entitled to grieve over the loss of this baby as much as anyone else. Maybe you can offer to contact friends and family to let them know, you could take over some food, you could maybe write a card and write in it that you feel profoundly sad for their loss, are lost for words and are not sure what to say, and are available to help with anything they need.

 This is so  sad....just letting your friend know that your there for her, will mean alot. Some people want to talk about their feelings and other people clam up and hold their feelings inside, but at some point she will need a friend to talk to. Let her come to you at her own pace. 

You sound like a sensitive person. It is a tricky situation. Just being there will help you friend.

Let her know you want to support her.  Let her decide how she would like to be supported.  Sometimes pleople need their own space, some people like practical help (eg a lift into hospital to see the baby), a meal cooked for them (once they are home.

Let her know you would love visit her and her son, if she is feeling up to having visitors, ask her if there is anything she would like you to bring for her or her bub.

It is awkward.  Don't be offended by anything she says or does during this time.  She may just want to be left alone. If so, just send a card or letter letting her know that you love her and her sons.

be honest with your friend,

Say you are unable to begin to understand how they are feeling and that you know it must be very difficult and you are there for them, that is all anyone can ask for. Because its true unless you are or have been in that situation you can have no idea of what feelings they are experiencing. Give them your time and a person to talk to. And help with meals and looking after any other children to help minimise external pressures.

Put yourself in their shoes. Imagine if it was you, don't be afraid to shed tears. Then be there for them, bring coffee or tea for them, make some meals for them. When grieving, you don't think to eat also when your stressed and worried. Don't be afraid to express your grief for their loss, often people want their grief acknowledge. When I had my 2nd m/c, my sil sat on my bed and cried with me. I felt like I wasn't alone. Let them  guide you. If they want to talk, listen, if they want to cry, then cry with them. Being there and sharing their grief will help them share the burden they are carrying. Doing the little things helps too. Making sure their pantry and fridge are stocked, seeing that the house work is done. Ask their parents if there is something you can do to help. What they need is real friends, who aren't afraid to step up and help. I hope this helps.

this is so sad.

If it were me I would just say that "when you feel ready to talk or just want a shoulder to cry on, I am here for you". You don't need to say much more than that,  sometimes actions speak louder than words.  Silence is OK, just being there is OK.  Also keep in mind that she may want to be alone with her family at this early stage of grief so let her know that you will not be at all offended if she wants to ask you to leave.  Even with close friends having visitors at this time may be too much to bare.  It all depends on how she copes individually with grief.   Ask her what she needs, don't assume.  NEVER EVER say something like, well at least you still have one of them.  I know it sounds obvious but it does happen.  The loss of a twin is a very confusing time as there is still celebration in the birth, hope and stress over the surviving twin, grief for the lost twin and knowing that the surviving twin is still a twin but has no sibling to show for it.  Grief is difficult to be around and I commend you for trying to be there to support your friend.  Don't forget to offer your congratulations for the surviving boy, it is still a birth, happy event-even through the grief, and needs to be acknowledged.

I wish you and your friend all the best.

I had my son at 26 weeks. Lucky for us he had not many problems. What helped me most was to share him with friends. I can not help with the loss , but i think they would like to talk about the one , who's doing better. I took my friends to visits at the NICU. Making the time at the hospital as normal as i could helped me a lot. 

This is so sad, i dont think there is a lot you can say in a situation like this other than be there for them. Tell them that if there's anything they need they only have to ask. I would never myself say anything to upset them more than they already are as it just adds to the heartache. Just give them all the support they need and lots of hugs.

One wrong thing to say is that you're sorry. It's not your fault, so you shouldn't be sorry. Saying things like that can come across as shallow and meaningless, cause too many people say it when it's not really meaning anything but false pity.

Also don't claim to know how they feel, you don't and never will because you aren't them, even if you have been in the same situation.

Also, don't ask if there is anything you can do to help, or tell them to let you know if you can help in any way, and leave the offer open to anything. There is two reasons for this. 1. they won't be able to think of asking you to help with anything cause the offer is too open at a time of loss like this. 2. they might ask you to do something you simply can't do and then you have to deal with going back on your word of helping them with anything. If however you can see they need help with something or you can think of something you could do, offer with that particular thing. It saves them from having no idea what to ask you for help with and you don't have to risk saying you can't do something.

The right thing to say is usually nothing, just be there to listen. You can't talk and listen at the same time. Better to be seen and not heard in this situation.

So very sad, I feel for them so much.  You know just being there will say it all.  Allow them to talk and just support.  I imagine they will be in shock and might not remember what is said but they will remember some one there to listen.  So very hard!  Best of luck.

Im not sure what to say, but brings tears to my eyes. hugs and support will be needed and even help in arranging funerals, (too hard to think about) and maybe help in having the house looked after. I hope there is good news for the other baby boy !!!

how unfortunate

i am not sure there is too much that you can say... i would just be there for them, give them lots of hugs etc, and dont say much. just show them that you care, and let them know that you are there for them and if they need anything they shouldn't hesitate to ask.