1. i dont believe people can change others - i would simply let them know your opinion and your reasoning, but not expect them to change their opinion.
2. no you are not being unreasonable.

that's a tough position for you to be in, and from what you have written it is easy to see that you are the reponsible one here and that your sister has a lot of maturing to do in order to get her life together.  Most people do, but sadly som do not and will drift through life relying on the help of other people - my brother who is now 40 is one of those.

For years, whenever his life goes turtle up, he heads back to my parents.  He can't hold down a job for long so they help him fniancially, they cook for him, do his washing when he is home, etc.

Mum asked me a few years ago "why does he keep coming back home?  Obviously he feels safe here"  I said "But you make it too easy for him - you bend over backwards and you are ENABLING his reliance on you.  He then treats you like a doormat, leaves without contact for months, then you take him back next time as if it's the natural thing to do". 

Sometimes, psychologically, parents seem to have a need to help the one they think they failed on, and I think this is what your Mum (and my parents) is doing.

NO!  You don't sound unreasonable at all!!!  There comes a point when someone has to be the responsible adult.  Your sister made an agreement with you and let you down at the 11th hour.  If her attitude is "He is your child...." then she should have said that at the outset.  Besides that, after all you have done for her, asking for help babysitting is only fair and reasonable on occasion!!

Stand your ground.  Tell both your sister and your Mum that you cannot keep propping your sister up - that you have given time and again and she just seems happy taking.  Explain to your sister that if she continues to treat her friends and family this way she will eventually lose everyone when they finally get sick of her using them.

Good luck - I really hope you can get through to her and your Mum; it's in her best long term niterests.

 I am the middle child of 3, my bro is 19mths older then me and my sister is 3 yrs younger.

My Mum only just stopped helping my 25yr old sister half way through last year!!! My sister still lives at home, does not clean the house, rarely buys food, never pays bills, has a drug and alcohol problem and was still getting money off my Mum because she was 'fired' and hasnt looked for work since the middle of last year. When she lost her job and license (same month!) that was when my Mum realised that she needed to cut the apron strings. Has told my sister nicely whenever she asks for money "Sorry, I cant help you" * big smiles * 

My sister was what my Mum and I had arguments over because I couldnt stand the way she was bludgin off Mum and Mum didnt like being questioned about how she was helping my sister, but when I made the decision to back off, my Mum started to see it for herself. 

Dont let it get to you, she is so wrapped up in herself, she cant even see or doesnt even think that what she does is wrong! On that note, I wouldnt even say anything to her, she just wants the power and the only way to get that is for her to try and get a rise out of you. Go on like nothing is amiss, just dont do anything for her.

I hope that helps. 

Peace, Hannah

Well for starters at least you know know that she is totally irresponsible and should NOT be babysitting your child.. You would hate to think on what 'could' happen if something went wrong. She would not be able to handle any situation by the way you describe her poor behaviour. I agree with what the others said that your parents are allowing her bad behaviour- unfortuately they prob wont listen to your side as parents most likely wont unsupport a child no matter how old they are, however most bro and sis do more easily....  I dont really want to say turn your back on your family, maybe just a bit of "TIME OUT" from them. Especially if your parents take notice of your absences and when they ask you why?? you then put your point across why you havent spoken to them (you then mention about your sister behaviour )- not when you are annoyed with your sister as they prob disregard it too easily and they prob think your just picking at her.... hope that made sense to you????   

 It is unfair.  Both my husband and I are the oldest kids of our families.  It seems to be a pattern.  The oldest kid is responsible and the youngest gets away with everything and is supported no matter what.

I have 2 children.  Have had very little support from my family.  When my sister's baby was born - my mum would phone me up (when I was sick with the flu) and told me to go help her!!!! I never got any help.

But I think we just have to remember that we have the best lives.  Our responsiblity is rewarded.  We don't have to rely on others. In the end we are better off.  But it would be nice to have more support.  Or at least acknowledgement that we worked hard for the things we have.  

Eventually she will probably have kids!  Perhaps you could remind her of her callous statement then.

Oh, there is no telling the parents.  They never see that they are being unfair. 

Hope she grows up soon.

I'm gonna get a bit Dr Phil. Your parents are ENABLING her behaviour. There are no consequences for her behaviour. They have spoiled her. My parents did the same to my bro. He was a spoiled brat who always got what he wanted until mum & dad busted up and he came live with me. 3 days later, he was on his own looking for a place live and job! ( I kicked him out for disrespecting me!)

I would suggest that they watch Dr Phil or in a sneaky way mention simalar situations that Dr Phil has had on his shows. "Moochers" I think is the titles of those shows. I would also never ask her do any thing for you again. Pay the money to have a babysitter. Shes not worth hassle 'specially when your having a baby. She simple can't be trusted. Sorry if that offends.  I couldn't trust my bro for along time, but life has a way of biting them in the arse! (Think of karma and "My name is Earl") Now at 28 my bro is responsible and I can trust him with my kids, even my anaphylatic child. There is hope, you just have to wait for "karma" to bite back!

Do't let it get you down!

Hi

You can't make your parents see that what they are doing is not helping and you are not being unreasonable.  Don't expect your sister to be something she is not (responsible reliable etc)  that is not her.  Your sisters' txt response was justher way of  making herself not responsible - it seems she does not wish to be in control of her life -  and she doesn't need to be if her parents keep on bailing her out  and fighting her battles for her.  Try findababysitter.com.au I got a great relaible babysitter thru that website.  If you wish to have a relationship with your sister don't expect her to live to your expectations - you will continually get hurt.  Your parents love you, but they know you can take care of yourself; so can your sister - they just don't think so.  All the best

1. You can't make them realize anything. You're the sister, they're the parent. You don't get to tell other parents how to raise kids or make them realize anything. I understand your frustration because I don't agree with anything my parents did, raising me. But that doesn't mean I have the right to tell them how to raise my brothers.

2. I think calling an hour to let you know is acceptable on your behalf. But I do think you're seriously over-reacting. But I think that is because there is more to the problem. For example, you mention how much you have achieved compared to your sister and I think you still hold on to anger that she gets more attention than you do and you haven't recieved any praise for what you have accomplished. Well done by the way, I am proud of how much you have achieved.

The conclusion I have come to (sorry I don't write what people want to hear, whether I get flamed or not) is to hire a babysitter not your sister in the future. She let you down and obviously isn't mature enough yet to think like you do. How stupid of your parents to call on her behalf but still, you can't tell them what they can and can't do with their kids.

I don't think it's worth the hassle. You missed a dinner, quite unconvienient but nothing to start family world war III over. I think if you have unresolved issues you need to sit down with your parents and tell them how you feel about the way they raised you. They may not listen but at least you get it off your chest. Counselling can help too.

I can't stand the way my parents make excuses for my brothers. But they're not my responsibility. If they want to enter the big, wide world with limited people skills and respect for others, they'll get what they deserve in due time. In the mean time I put differences aside and enjoy being their sister, not their parent because I think I could raise them with better morals. I'll have my own children for that.

wow, i would be sooo pissed. having a similar rocky relationship with my sister, i understand the want sometimes to cut her out of my life. My oldest sister i have nothing to do with, she is very selfish, only out for number one, but of course its not her its everyone else. anyway, massive long story there for both. Your sister, sounds immature. i would definately expect an apology.while i would probably just stop talking to her (if this was me) (in saying that im looking at it as if it was my sister  etc) its a massive step. if soemthing was to happen to her, youll you have regrets about the way your relationship went? You definately need to talk to your parents, however, if it were my parents, i would be told to get over it or something similar. But, you need to make yourself be heard. Nothing worse than being the door mat in your family. Do what will make you happy. good luck.