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SilverMom
SilverMom | March 2009

Second child guilt

I am really hoping that I am not alone in this, and that someone can help me work through it.

My daughter will be 2 the end of the month. She is a wonderful, sweet yet fiery little girl. She is at a great age where she is talking more, and is very playful and interactive. My son is 8 weeks old. He is a very typical 8 week old baby. My problem is, compared to a 2 year old toddler, he is boring. Because of this I do spend more time with my daughter. Please don't get me wrong. I do spend time with just him. I talk to him, and play with him, and hug and kiss him.

I just feel that I'm not bonding well with him. He isn't any different than my daughter was at that age, however since she is so engaging now, I guess deep down I'm disappointed that I have to wait 2 years for him to get to this wonderful age.

I do love them both dearly, but my lack of strong bonding with him, makes me feel guilty but I don't know how to fix it.



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MEL192
March 2009 | MEL192
Re: Second child guilt

 It took me ages to bond with my second son!  He is now 16 months and a happy little man and I love him completely.

When you have a second child you just need to feed change and give some hugs - they will turn out fine.  You have known your daughter for so much longer - so it is normal to feel like you have a stronger bond with her.  

DON'T feel guilty.  Just set aside 10 minutes in the day when you can talk to your new baby. He will grow up with the benefit of having an older sister and that will make up for any time you spend with her now.  

Also spending more time with the big one helps reduce sibling rivalry.  

You are also a much less anxious mum when you have the second baby, so he is also benefitting from all the knowledge and skills you have gained from raising your daughter.

Take lots of photos of your little one (especially when the 2 of them are together).  Because he will be a big boy sooner than you think.

Don't feel guilty, just enjoy this time with both of them so small.



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blue-raven
March 2009 | blue-raven
Re: Second child guilt

Don't worry your a great mum, at that age the tend to sleep more. It won't be long and he'll be laughing and exploring your face and giving you "kisses". Talk to your health professional about it, you may be suffering from a little post partum depression. Don't forget YOU ARE A GREAT MOTHER!



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Arna
March 2009 | Arna
Re: Second child guilt

Of course he is boring.  He can't play and interact like your daughter can, but he will in time.  In the next few weeks, he will become a little more aware of his surroundings, and really start to interact with you more, as well as his big sister.

One way you could bond better with him, is to do this with your daughter.  When you are feeding him, have your daughter beside you so your son can learn what communication is better.  They will both enjoy it.

Not everyone can be a 'baby' person, so don't feel bad about it.  I was the same with my second baby, and I still feel as though I'm not as close to her as I should be, but I still love her and would do anything for her.

You won't have to wait 2 years before he is engaging.  Once he starts reaching his mile stones, you will find him fascinating.  You will be wondering what you were worried about as you encourage him to roll, sit up and crawl.  You will be wishing he was still a baby as he learns to stand up, walk and climb furniture.

If you feel there is more going on here than just not bonding with him, then see your local health nurse or dr, and ask them for advice.  They might be able to send you to a group that teaches you how to interact and enjoy your baby.



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proudmumof2
March 2009 | proudmumof2
Re: Second child guilt

you sound like you are a loving mother but your could be experiencing post natal depression. often the first sign of it are excess tiredness, sensitivity and lack of bond with your baby. i had a pretty severe case when my daughter was born and i didn't have that bond with her. i could be wrong its just a suggestion, but always remeber he'll be interacting more with you very soon and that your a great mum and whatever your feeling is ok and not to feel bad about it. sorry i couldn't be anymore help. good luck :o)



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