Thank you for all the words of encouragement. I took my daughter to her GP yesterday and she has suggested councelling for my daughter. There has to be something bothering her.

The seperation between her father and I happened many years ago so I doubt that is the problem upsetting her. She doesn't remember anything about him. Although she does occasionally mention missing her daddy, but again that could just be her looking for a reaction.  All she's ever known is the two of us. She basically gets all of my attention and we do most things together. I've been told that I spoil her...which I guess is possible. We spend most of her waking hrs doing things together. She understands that I have little energy and is happy to have me watch her ride her bike or jump on the trampoline. We also do a  lot of drawing, painting and colouring, although I sometimes find it hard to keep my eyes open when I focus on detailed pictures.

As for reading, we've spent hrs at a time reading and discussing books. Rather than a teady, my daughter used to go to sleep cuddling a book. Now she's started school I go in once a week and help with reading.

So you see I understand that it's important to spend time with her and let her know she's loved. Last week I bought us matching necklaces in the shape of a heart. Hers says "Daughter" and mine says "Mother". I hung mine on the same chain I have my locket with pictures of her in it. She loves to look in it and talk about the photos. I'm always telling her it's so I have her with me all the time.  Every night, no matter how furios I am with her, as I tuck her into bed I look her in the eye and tell her "Remember I'll always love you".

If my little girl has any doubts as to my feeling towards her there is some major break down in communication. I just want to know what I can do to make her better. I don't want her to be sad or angry anymore.

I think you have been given some excellent advice so far. I have seen a few kids who hit themselves or hit their heads on things deliberately. At such a young age it seems to be the child's last straw- when they've tried to communicate in other ways and it doesn't get through or have the desired effect then they start doing this- out of frustration and as a call for help. I would seek psychological help for her to get to the root of things before it gets worse. Hope thing improve for you soon.

I have experienced,as a child, my single mother being in hospital for quite some time, I felt very insecure and unsure of the future and myself, I felt abandoned, but I never self harmed.  You really need help with your daughter.  I can't manage my son  and I've got my husband!  Our son is having a full psych assesment by a child psychiatrist, and it sounds like this is what your poor daughter needs too.  Hang in there!  Can your parents come over to your place and help you a bit more in the interim? Give her lots of hugs, show her how much you love her don't get angry or dispondent when she becomes violent.  Try and subdue her in a way you feel comfortable - for my son, this is going into his room and staying with him while he looses his temper and stopping him from hurting himself me or the furniture - can take up to 90mins but over time it lessens, my son is a lot more controlled now after only 5 months.  I've said it before and I'll say it again!  Stop talking, start doing.  You are doing an AMAZING job to cope with this by yourself.  All the best. 

 Is your daughter feeling like she is being thrown  from pillar to post, between you and her grandparents. Maybe some reassurance is needed on your behalf, sitting with her and expalining why you are spending so much time away from her....that you still love her. Some quality time spent with her, like drawing, reading, singing songs, just going for walks together maybe to the park, anything just to let her know how important she is to you.

If this does doesn't help she may need profeesional help, talk to your doctor about her actions.

I wish you both well.

It is attention seeking behaviour gone wrong.  It is time to seek out a child behaviouralist in order to get some help for your daughter.  As you are spending a lot of time in hospital, your daughter is being handed around.  She does not know what real security is and is stressed by the situation.  Stability is essential to children, or they will find it hard to cope with life in general.

I understand that you have health issues of your own, but your daughters needs must come first.  She needs consistant rules at home and at the grandparents, if there is no consistancy there, then she is going to walk all over you.

The other thing you need to do is sit down with her and ask why she thinks you hate her.  Let her tell you the real reasons behind it all.  Yes, it is going to hurt you, but you will at least know what your daughters concerns/fears are.  By talking through the issues with her, you are doing several things:

1. You are working out what is causing her to behave this way
2. You are spending quality time with your daughter.
3. You are treating your daughter as a grown up.

The self harming seems to be a cry for attention from you.  Yes, you are sick, but how much energy does it really take to sit and read a book?  Teach your daughter to read?  Help her do puzzles?  Draw with her?  There are always ways to spend good quality time with your daughter, you just have to think like a child.

Hi there,

Initially, I thought alot of what your child was doing was normal, i have 6 wonderfully crazy children and it gets pretty nuts at times.. The thing that worries me here, is the self mutilation, only one of my children have behaved in this manner, head butting walls and all that, its quite frightening when your child harms themself and leaves a mark! My child that did this has a behavioural disorder on the Autism Spectrum, I remember many times wondering why he does the stuff he does and what is making him do this stuff.. honestly, I cannot say whether your child has the same thing or not, I'm not a behavioural thearopist, but to ease your concerns, it may be worth having her assessed.. it could be anything ranging from separation anxiety, to autism or simply being totally unable to understand what is happening. I am a child of a father who was ill, he broke his neck in a diving accident when I was 4 years old, and I remember having to travel up to the hospital and taking in turns with my siblings to go up and spend time with him and my mum. When it wasnt our turn to go up and stay, we stayed with family members and it was a really difficult time for me and my siblings to be without a parent for long periods of time, or trying to understand really adult things with only a childs perspective.. I would talk to your GP about her behaviour. Not only that, but go up and see the school, talk to the co-ordinater/Chaplin/ school councillor and explain to them the behaviour you witnessed, my thoughts would be to get up there first and not just simply let them find the injury and then they become suspicious about why she has marks on her.. you may be able to work together on a solution this way.. I know its difficult, because even when they self harm, you feel that you shouldnt have 'let' them do something like that, but its not your fault and really needs to be addressed for a proper psychological assessment to find out the reasons she went to that extreme.

I feel for you and really hope things get easier for you.. Cheers and all the best from Mel xx

Oh you must be so worried about her.  I don't know if I understand the whole situation  but it seems she might be really reacting to seperation.  She is acting out extremely and I think I would be worried too. Is she close to her Grandparents?  Maybe talking to a professional could help to find out what she is thinking.  Is she afraid of lossing you? Poor child is going through something big.  Best of luck.