still no baby, nor the monthly thing you need to HAVE babies..

Think depression is setting in again,

i recently asked a question i hope my friends can answer

Love my new house but DESPERATELY wish that we moved away, seriously... i think living here is half the problem to my ill health!!

sigh. woe is me. i hate being so miserable. but i dont know how to get out of it now.

On Friday my uncle died, my sister had her baby which is a good thing the same day she is hjust beautiful, and despite having 3/4 of all the same dna she looks nothing like my angel. i wont post a pic as i havent asked  permission, but for those who are friends on my facebook and bebo you can see a pic from there.

Then on friday or sat evening my sister who has been living with me aske me for a pair of pants for her son to wear to the tangi (maori funeral) of my uncle, i said it was fine but could i please have the clothes back as i had been looking for a jumper for ages to which i found out my nephew had taken home with him, he lives with his dad. so she came out later and gave itthe missing jumper back and mumbled how she was senstive about the issue and she wouldnt be borrowing clothes. i said why your more than welcome but she took off. my husband told her he would pick her up from work on sunday arvo and we would take her with us to the funeral as we were staying the night, but the bank for some reason wouldnt let us access our money so we had only a small amount of petrol to get us to the funeral so i told her (nicely) that we were sorry but she would have to wait an hour and me and my brother would pick her up after our fishing charter in sundayas it was next door to where she worked anyway, and that it was just the way it had to be. So we picked her up (and waited around for her) and she would not speak to me! well i just was so mad at how PATHETIC SHE WAS BEING!!!At the funeral she was getting madder and madder i could feel it and me and andrew decided she just HAD to leave when we got home as this was ridiculous! she ended up saying she was leaving anyway so we left it, and came home on monday and started puttin her stuff into her room cause she has a habit of taking things that doesnt belong to her. well she got home about ten mins later and stormed in and started throwing thing out the door. I walked in and said what the f*** is your problem(i was spewing at this point) and she LUNGED at me and started trying to hit me and scartch me and slap me. my hubby called the police and they arrived really fast and i didnt press charges but should have. She threatened me and my kids, saying she was going hurt us and i wont say anymore cause i cant QUOTE what she said but the police said she HAD to be removed cause of the threats she was making, anyway we have been living in fear that she will come back, the look in her eyes, was the devil. they were stone cold and black and full of hatred, i have never seen anythign like it. She made fun of my trying to concieve, telling me i was a shitty parent, when a hello, she doesnt even look after her kid he comes and stays every couple of weekends and I look after him and fed him etc. anyway we move this weekend so only a few more nights of scared sleep then she doesnt know where we are going so we should be reasonably safe.Yes i do fear her, now.

Then this morning andrews car broke down and he had to use my batt to jump start it, and sneezed as he was going back into where my car parks and acclorated or something and smashed into my garage. so i have a broken car and a broken garage.

On removing my sisters things this after noon she has sellotaped thigs to the wall which has peeled the paint off the walls. so this week, we have $17 to our name for food and petrol, we will loose our bond which is a grand. i lost my sister. i have lost my dignity. I have lost a safe house for my children for at least the next few days. life is just peachy.

My uncles funeral was so sad.  it was open casket and its maori custom to sleep next to the dead fr 3 days, we only stayed the last night, i have a bit of maori in me, but my uncle isnt maori, he married a maori woman, and when the closed the casket she was bawling and wailing for him, begging him to wake up she wasnt ready to loose him, she loved him and please dont leave her. It was by far the saddest thing i have ever seen. she was trying to jump into the coffin and they had to hold her back.  

i just want to erase the last week.

 I forgot to mention, this is the second partner my unty has buried, her first partner they werent married dropped dead of a heart attack at 33.then she met and married my uncle, and he dies at 49, with a sven year old son, and paused his life for 12 years looking after his sick dad. so unfair...

I love you uncle david, i wish i made more of an effort to come see you, you were doing so well i thought we had more time.

DONT EVER TAKE ANYTHING FOR GRANTEED!!!

Thanks for al your well wishes, she appreciates it! Mum and bubs are fine!!!

well, the last couple of days i have been feeling a bit under the weather and sick so i thought i might have bronchitis as im prone, but just a chest infectiuon so thats good, i can handle that tho i feel like crap, i have been feeling nauceous too as well as a month late, so my doc wanted to do a preg test. I knew the answer would be neg, we have been careful with the meds i was on, but when i took the test, i was devastated, im sick  of seeing just one line. I knew i wasnt preg, i knew it, so why did i get so upset. even thinking about it now makes me tear up. my doc said tho i shouldnt really try on the meds, it wont harm my baby if anything does happen,(they are researching it and nothing has been found so far to be bad for baby) but i dont want to take the risk anyway. anyway cry over.

Also my face looks like a volcano at the moment, shocking!@!!!!! i actually am hiding myself from going outside its that bad. i got some cream for that so hopefully it works and quickly.

ive lost 16kilos all up now, i weighed myself today at my mums, a bit shocked, i have been naughty the last couple of weeks. but 16 kilos is good. still have a way to go but im getting there. In april when i went to christchurch to see in laws i was 16 kilo heavier, so, my MIl is coming up for a visit tonight, i wonder if it will be noticeable??? I get embaarrassed when people say it but im always curious, i dont look at myself and see myself thinning, i see a fat blob. with a crater face. LOL.  and wonder how on earth my husband is with me. i just feel so disgusting and worthless.

anyway i have to go get some house work done. sorry to anyoine who reads this im having a pity party and ill cry if i want to.

I got strep throat a few weeks ago and was sooooo sick. ended up in hospital for rehydration and was knocked out for a whole week. On the lucky side tho andrews work had some to cover him. he had to stay home as i couldnt hardly move, and after day 4 of being sick we attempted food shopping and almost killed myself!so back to bed for another few days. But im all good now so thats good.

So far i have lost between 15-16 kilos! YAY for me! been a bit norty the last two days, but today im bvack on track. my weight loss has slowed down alot, but when i was sick i lost 2 kilos in two day cause i couldnt eat and after a week of starvation i put on a kilo though i was eating well, prbably cause my body was worried i wasnt going to eat again.

Im really annoyed at the fact that i thought loosing weight would get my period back into routine, so i can have a bub. Well, im like 17 days overdue or what ever my ticker says and its really upset me! I wondered if its perhaps the meds im on but im not sure. Speaking of meds, my face looks like erupting volcanoes.im positive this is from the meds.

My sister is due in 10 days, she is quite small and the midwife keeps sending her for scans.anyhoo she is fine, she is still working crazy girl but whatever floats her boat. She was supposed to finish a week aago but apparently she will work til tuesday. My opinion, shes nuts, once this baby is born she will never agaain have sleep ins and stuff, but anyway thats her choice.

Im anxiously awaiting the arrival of Mummyofbabydylansxobaby girl, due in 6 days. We had expected she would have had it already her baby has been locked and loaded for weeks now. But nthing yet and we are really hoping it comes this weeknd as i have the PRIVILIGE of being there at the time!but as of monday for a week i have noone to look after my kidlets should she go into labour during the day so come on this weekend! i took her over a pineapple but that didnt work. I wont encourage sex lol, and she doesnt like curry! It has beeen REALLY bad weather here so no go for walks either..hmmm any ideas? i got caught in a huge hail storm this mornig dropping my boy off to school, luckily i left mikayla home with my sister nd he just made it inside!

We are on the move aagaain, we got two kittens a month and a half or so ago, and when we first moved in the land lady said cats ok no dogs, cause i wanted a dog. Then when we said we wanted to have a kitten i rang and CONFIRMED cats were ok, she said it fine, went on to tell me tho i shouldnt we wouuldnt look after them, and then the Owner of the house came over a few weeks aago and went back and told the lady we had two kittens aand she sent a letter saying we had to get rid of one of them cause we were DECLINED or request for a second kitten! WHAT A LOAD OF BULL! she never said anything about how many we could or couldnt have, and if i wanted to go behind her back and get something she said i couldnt have why on earth didnt i get a dog like i ORIGINALLY wanted. stupid cow. She never fixes anything, our roof looks like its about to collapse and we have DODGY wiring i actually FEAR our house catchig fire and her response is itll be right. Anyway not gong to fight it, we will just leave. Im worried though she will try withhold our bond we need it. Its already going to cost us or entire savings on gettying carpets cleaned and moving costs. not to mention the etxra bond we will need to pay and 2 weeks advance etc. We have stopped looking local for houses and think we will move out to whangaparoa. They have nice houses for good rent, and its closert for andrew to get to work anyway. I dont know how to tell my sister who boards with us cause she has already said she wont move. she wont have anywhere to go but we cant move for her or to suit her because what if she leaves??

I think this move will be good for us anyway, so wish us luck as this is going to break us finncially.

anyway thats about it from me!!! love yas xxx

PS, still havent heard about alex despite me ringing, but he is doing better no fevers only sore bones so thats good! but BLOODY DOCTORS!