But justin case i will warn RH in case he doesent get full pay as they take our rent out direct debit now and i dont want them taking it if it isnt going to be there they dont takeit untill 31st and he gets paid on 28th and then if they domnt pay him i can stop them taking the rent for the moment .

Girls had their jabs :(:( . Kylie went first it made sense doing oldest first . I was really worried about hers as i have never took her for an injection and i looked in her book this morning and she hasnt had a jab since she was 4 months old. OMG!! So as the pre school has the 2nd mmr in it she has to do it in 2 lots as she hasnt had the 1st mmr yet so she had that and her preschool and she has to go back in 3 months for the 2nd mmr . She was really brave i prepared her for 1 and she had 2 and shje never even cried she just squeezed me. Absolutly fantastic although tonight she has a bit of a temp but hopefully that will be down by morning ,

Chloe on the other hand i wasnt worried about as last month she never even cried she just sat and had it done this time though totally differant story . First leg she was ok for a few seconds then screamed it was out though before she got her hands free,  Then was for the other leg omg she absolutly screamed she struggled to get away and the nurse had hold of her leg and i had her arms but she managed to move her leg and she could just about touch the nedle and luckily it only just scraped her poor little thing she has a bit of a scratch there now but nothing to write home about. She seems ok she was very grumpy before bed and wanted her cot so she is in her cot tonight but im hoping both girls will be fine tomorrow.

Luv Emz xxx

I told her they admit i was given back my foetus although it didnt have any live parts . (apparantly) . Although they denie her saying 'its ok its only a miscarriage. Well obviously to me it wasnt just a miscarriage this has turnt my world upside down, I told her they were asking if i had ever made mistakes before and comparing themto her mistake and she told me yes hse made a mistake and it was NOT my fault and when a mistake is made the person who makes the mistake pays for their mistake.

So i wait for this letter in hopefully a few days and then we can start taking this even further as my complaint has NOT  been addressed its all to do with my emotions and that is rubbish also bringing this up in a meeting and having a room made for miscarrying mothers is not enough for what i am being put through bythe hospital.

So we will see manager of the hospital is getting on to Karen McMahom about my letter i should have recieved over a week ago at least and  boytth i and my advocate will get a copy.

Luv Emz xxx

The girls didnt have their jabs haha its tomorrrow i am such a idiot good job i checked the date on the com,puter else i would have picked kylie up early and all sorts hehe. But thats cool because i took Kylie along to my appointment as she is really scared about hewr injection so  i suggested she asked my doctor what happens when she has her injection in a sense that she wouldent be so scared. She did do quite a good job actually  she told her she could either have it in her bum or her leg leg. She said she would like it in her leg. She would need o pull only her trousers down so nobody will see her bum (something she was worried about) she will sit on mummy cuddle mummy and count to 5 aand i promise by the time you get to 5 it will all be over all you will feel is a tiny scratchy like when your puppy nips you. Then she can have a sticker . It did work Kylie is feeling a bit better about it and is now going to be brave.

Me on the other hand was pretty much a waste of time. I told he all tjhis bleeding is really getting me down and making me feel really crap i have had enough of it its been 2 months and if i see any more blood i am going to go crazy im sick of it. So she said if it is effecting me that much as it has now been 2 months and it is a long time to bleed. She has given me some tablets to hopefully stop the bleeding over the next week. At least that will keep me going until my scan on 14th which i am really not looking forward too if only you could get a scan at the doctors lol. If not after this scan so we can get everything ruled out and i am still bleeding they will doanother blood test to check if im aeneamic again.

As for the eating thing she thinks the reason i have lost my appetite because of the stress and depression thing which she doesent think is going to go away any time soon. She weighed me and cos im 52.1 and was only 54.2 3 months ago she isnt worried about it . So instead she has gave me some anti sickness differant to the last one they tried and then apparantly i might not feel      sickand vomit i i eat or even smell food other than the obvious.

She said it really isnt looking good and wants me to see her the day after my scan to see where to go from here with a bit of hope the scan gives us some answeers. I dont know i give up . bSleeping tablets have stopped working imup til gone 1am every nght i went to bed at midnight last night and i was up at 4.30. Anti depressants stop me from crying and make me bottle things up they dont me feel any better . I juast feel like i am taking all these tablets and not even sure any of this is going to work :(

Luv Emz xxx

PERVERT!!!!!

My puppy is a pervert i just went to stroke him and what do i find my bloody  knickers and my bra in his mouth gggrrrrr. He got them out the washing. I have to hide underwear from him because he chews them he is only 11 weeks old. So i have now put my bra on him he has spent the last half hour maybe more running round trying to get the bra off hahahahahahaha i may put him out of his misery and take it off but he can try a biut longer first heghehehe.

Luv Emz xxx

YAY monday tomorrow i cant wait Kylie goes to school in themorning thisweekend she has drove me absolutly crazy. Everything has to be about her it does my head in there is more people in this family other than Kylie . Though she doesent seem to think so . I had a 3 hour wobbly this morning from Kylie because she wanted to go to the park bearing in mind it was absolutly hammeringi t down with rain alsso she wanted to go in a skirt. I told her the park was wet so she will have to wait for a dry day and she isnt going out in the rain in a skirt . 3 hours she was screaming for and everytime i spoke to chloe she would shout at me 'its not fair on me ' . LOL.

Tomorrow the girls have their jabs tomorrow afternoon. Chloe didnt even cry last time but she has to have 2 this time so hopefully she will react just as well as last time. On the other hand Kylies i am NOT looking forward to it at all. She knows she is having it but she say  sheisnt going to be brave and is going to scream:( . So i have a child that is scared of the jab that i have never got jabbed before :( Kylie hasnt had an imunisation since she was 12 months old . I never tok her on properly until she was 13 months old so i dont have a clue how she is going to react to it. I know what to expect from Chloe as im used to it but Kylie i m not.

I need to see the doctor too . 7th augustis just such a long time to wait for some more councelling that isnt even goig to help me she has already told me she isnt experienced to deal wth my problem .Also this bleeding needs sorting out it is driving me up the wall . I wish they would just stop it. somehow. How many periods can u have in a ,month?? seriouly its stupid bleed stop for a few days and what do u know it bloody return AGAIN ARGH . If that isnt enough my diet is doing my head in all i can eat without throwing my guts up or being able to eat it is tomato and cucumber sandwiches yeah ok so its healthy enough but that is all i ever eat . Knowing thaty you would think i would either stay the same weight or loose some but no not me im putting it on . I dont   get it. I think i really need to talk ot the doctor tomorow .

Might try and get an early night tonight seems im home all alone. But then again i might not because i will be jumping to every noise i hear . LOL . Im a right chicken slightest noise and i have barry checking the windows and doors.

I will get Chloe weighed tomorrow afternoon at baby clinic to shut the health visitor up moaning.I bet she weighs loads i havent had her weighed for a year nowi havent neeeded too. Anyway i will stop moaning LOL

Luv Emz xxx

Health visitor rang today she wanted to do Chloes 2 year check i was about to go into town so i had to tell barry to forgetit i will have to stay home as the health visitor wanted to come TODAY. Chloe didnt like her very much. Neither did i to be honest . Anyway i h ave to start taking Chle to toddler groups bit hard when my confidence and self esteem has gone totally down hill. Chloe got some new boos she loves them. She tried to weigh chloe but she sat down for a minute and then jumpedo ff and wouldent go back on so i have to take her to baby clinic. She kept asking how i was coping when barry is at work i told her i am just fine, She was asking stupid questions like can she count does she know her alphebet . Give me a break she was only 2 last week.. I told her she can say around 50 words and her biggest sentence is 'i love you' . She said i should put chloes hair up more often as its bushy but why shiuld i she has beautiful longish curly hair why should i tie it back because she wants me too? ggrrr.

My computer is the most powerful its been all week ive suddenly got nearly 6 meg YAY that is much better not as much as it should be but its enough lol. Engineer is coming out again monday they have been playibf with the line today so who knows?

Luv Emz xxx

Got alot of washing and washing done today. So hopefully the weekend i will just be able to relax well i can wish LOL . This week has been so busy we have cleared out the spare room , made it into chloes bedroom moved Kylies bedroom round to suit her , changed ourr oom around and put barrys computer inthere and i am bit by bit cleaningout every room every cupboard and every corner, It is getting there slowly,

I didnt get to bed until 1am agaion last night but naughty me over slept i never heard my alarm and chloe woke me up calling me at 7.45 this morning . I guess the extra tablet worked LOL i just didnt hear my alarm,

Me and Chloe are going into town tomorrow to spend the rest of her birthday money. Barry has physio at 11.30 so he is going to drop me off before he goes and hopefully when im finnished he will be finnished too so he can pixk me up. Chloei s still doing really well in her bed her cot is no longer in her room so she couldent climb in it she sat in her bded reading her books forabout an hour and then she called for some juice and went to sleep.

Funny enough hospital still havent got back to me  but my advocate will be calling me tomorrow hopefully  dont miss her call again. She sentme a letter today saying she tried contacting me but i was out oopsie .

Luv Emz xxx

Got up late this morning Kylie had a shocker when i siad quick eat your brekfast else we will be late for school and i really meant it it was like 7.45 utoh good job chloe woke me up. She sits in her bed and shouts me its so cute. She is doing so well in her bed . Even though she snuck into her cot last night andi  had to put her back inher bed i had much more problems getting Kylie into her bed.

Anyway lots of housework to do and an internet connection to fix ggrrr then i can post this does my head in they best sortthis barry is goingto ring BT now,

Luv Emz xxx

Chloe is doing really well in her bed now we have only done it 3 nights so it is early days but last night she played up quite alot i was chasing her for a few hours in the end i was so tired i ended up putting her in the cot. I wentin there tonight cos i could hear her and it didnt come from her bed. Where is she ? In her cot ? How i will never know she was sat there reading a book looking at me all cheeky.so i got her out put her bk in bed wth her books i told her to get bk into bed another time i went in 5 mins later and she was out for the count bless her. She is doing so well.

Buster isnt talking to me as i really shouted at him because he pooped on my sofa. GGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRR. He has been in his bed since sulking . Well i am peeved i have a really sore eye it has been hurting since monday morning barry wokw me up at 4.45 with a punch in the eye. Nice huh? Also the engineer came to fix my internet today and his laptop came bk recieving 7 and a half gig yet im not even getting 1 therefore it has to be barrys computer or the homehub . But we have jerry's spare homehub and its plugged straight to my computer and its still stupidly slow its hard just to get a connection. Barry is going to ring BT again tomorrow and sort it out . Stupid thing.

Anyway im gonna take my tablets abd hopefukky i will soon be asleep.

Luv Emz xxx

Im fed up with waiting for my letter about that meeting at the hospital she was meant to get back to me that week that was weeks ago now . So i will be ringing Karen tomorrow to find out what is goin on there. ICAS are calling me on 5th so my advocate can discuss my complaint more with me and advise me what i am to do about Dr Ranjit calling me a liar and refusing to let me proove it, as  i do have proof and i am not backing down from this i want a bloody apology from that stupid woman .

I had a chat with my doctor today though and i just had t ask her what that dr wrote on Chloe's records and it is nothing bad at all i was just over reacting stupid me it just says Chloe was very quiet so it was worth her seein the health visitor to check on the nappy rash and oral thrush . She asked about my mental health and i told her i have been non stop cleaning and still not sleeping even takingthese sleeping tablets it takes hours for me to fall asleep and at 1am i am cleaning . So she has put the sleeping tablets up to see if that helps as barry is home if i cant wake up to the girls andi have to go back to her in a few days . I told her that councellor i saw told me to go to that meeting and say i forgive the dr for what she did and said the evening i was at the hospital councelling over i told he i cant forgive that easy i just cant forgive her so she says i have to go back to see caroline again until they can come up with omething else . More waiting though havent got an apppointment until august 7th like over a month away yet. I will be totaly cray by then  i am just so fed up with it i need a decent councellor and it seems there is nobody that can help me :( so we will see.

Barry has been having problems with his work about him being off sick and they have told him tey are NOT going to pay him not even SSP .This morning they rang him and said he had been told he had been to a interview at nationwide while he has been off sick which is absolute rubbish . He had to reassure him he is coming back he is just having his physio first. Then this afternoon barry rang him to ask if he gives his sick notes to him or job centre as if he isnt going to pay him we have to somehow cover our rent and bills etc. He told him, he needs them because his boss has told him that he haas to pay barry full pay . So barry ha given his sick notes to carl and he i s only giving them to him if he promises he is giving barry full pay and i have took photocopies of them just in case .

Anyway i iwll stop rambling with my rubbish.

Luv Emz xxx

Though tonight is a totally differant story 3 times i had to tell her to get back into bed . Within 15 mins of me putting her to bed she was out for the count i am so proud of her she is such a good girl i love her so much. YAY she did it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway while i am on Chloe i can finally upload some photos from chloes birthday now that my stupid computer is sort of working lol. Ive not been able to get ionline properly fgor over 2 days something wrong with the connection i dont know too technical for me lol i leave this kinda stufff to barry he rang bt so he now knows what the problem is and he has got my computer working but slow.

Chloe jumping on her trampoline.

Chloe guarding her trampoline its HERS!!!!

Me & my baby

Chloe blowing her candles out.

Chloe taking candles out her cake.

Chloe helping to cut the cake.

Chloe playing her guitar.

Then Chloe got sick and we spent the rest of the night on the sofa oh and cant forget buster is there taking a nap too lol.

Now if this dont work this computer is going out the window.

Luv Emz xxx

When i got bk i was reminded i promised Kylie i would take her in town to get a new school dress at the weekend. So of course i couldent let her dow nso town it waas i gave kylie her £12 and chloe had her birthday mney . The girls got hemselfs lots of toys and chloe has got a toilet seat for the big girl toilet daddy is going to fix it on for her :)

While we was in town we came to the decision that we cant get chloe into her own bed while she is sharing with Kylie as Kylie encourage s her to get up and wakes her up and stuff. Therefore the only way to do it is to move Chloe out of kylies bedroom for a while, So we are going to change the spare room into a little bedroom for chloe. get some carpet down and put hewr bed and toys in there so whe nwe got home i started clearing out the spare room ts coming alng nicely now. I didnt sit down until 9pm.

I sat here on minti and fell asleep lol. Barry woke me up when he got in lol. Well it was a long walk barry took me on some mission where he didnt know where he was going. It would have been much quicker my way. Barry isnt allowed to drive at the moment as he has whplash.  I think its going to be an eatly night for me tonight. Im done in.

Chloe still has £16 left so we are going to go and get her a present with it on mondsay before wee go to parents morning so i must text her tomorrow.

Luv Emz xxx

WOW  i have a happy baby ok she may not want a drink or anything to eat at the moment but at least she is happy:) She is playing and is runing  around and asking me to blow up balloons. YIPPEE. I am so glad. She doesent seem to be in any pain.

So now i can i am going to do some housework now that i can. I have to kick Kylies butt as she is saying she is not putting her washing away little does she know if she doesent she isnt getting any sweets :)

I wonder  how long it takes them to get back to fighting lol. Kylie hasa big shck becauselittle sister is bettermummy can now see thather room is a state and oopsie she is going to be tidying it !! Thats of course if she wants to go  to the pet shop. I need to get Buster some more toys that are more  fun for him as it seems he prefers the girls toys to his own . Not that he has got away with chewing any as f yet but beforee he does.

anytway i am going to kick Kylies butt she is getting a bit too mouthy for her own good her attitude stinks at the moment, Right handful kids dont you just l;ove them .

Luv Emz xxx

I had this parent afternoon today it was take a parent to school afternoon. On the letter it said lst time yr 6's were disappointed nobody showed for them to show around. So i got Barry to watch Chloe and i went to this parent afternoon. I was the only parent that came in Kylies class. It was nice Kylie was showing me what she was doing at school and i could addres a few prolems i feel she has.

Chloe's tongue has been so sore she isnt eating anything apart from rusks so if anyone has any melting food ideas please leave a suggestion as so far thats all i can get her to eat. She wont drink anythig apart from milk either , juice / water she just throws sheh as tried juice anad as soon as it touches her togue she ethrows it.

Anyway im going to get off with a bit of hope that tonight  i am going to get some sleep feed the animals and off to bed for me . Night

Luv Emz xxx

Chloe had an appointment for the doctors at 10.45 i seen a totally differant doctor. I told himeverything that was wrong with her. He started asking me weird questions like who do u live withg ? do u have any other chiuildren? when did shew last see a health visitore? how old is my step child ? he basically made me feel chloe being ill is my fault.

She is indeed teething i alredy knew that she has thrush in her mouth rom it ttoo and just to top it off she has a really sore bum too not scabby or anything just very rashy i explained to him i was kind of relieved as i thought she had chicken pox and i told him she had been awake since 2am,I saw him wrie on her notes that i was very anxious that chloe was very unwel. So im going to take her to see health visitor tomorrow and see what she hinks of it.

Chloe has been stuck to me allday now. She is asleep on my shouler now. My tummy is killing and my bacxk is sore seems i have got a proper period now and boty is it real painful and real heavy.Chloe really isnt settlibng in her cot which i have put in our roomsom she is sleeping in my bed tonight. She is so porly.

I got an hour and  a half sleep last night. Seems i took a sleping tablet im really tired and after what the doctor said made me feel awful i took chloe home and went to ge t her medicine and i just cried . When i got back i told barry what the dr said he told me not to worry about it they can come and see that i am doing just fine with the girls there is no problem . So tonight it is a case of 3 in the bed and the little one said well yo all know how it goes . Im just glad he has took her to bed while i finnis off here as im aching all over and i need 5 mins break. She has just had 10mls calpol as the doctor ordered so im hoping the quietness means they have gone to sleep or at last chloe

Barry has to go for some physio on his back tomorrow he has to ring the hospital back first thing for a appointment time . I think ive half lost my computer too kylie is addicted to  the cbeebies site i put it on for     her yeasterday and well she has been sat there most of the time . Anyway i better shoot i beter go bed in a min keep my princess cossy.

Luv Emz xxx

But all in all she did have a good birthday she enjoyed it as much as her teeth would possibly let her. She did love that guitar oh my her face was a picture. She didnt actually see her trampoline until lunchtime as it had to be made up and believe me it was hard work LOL. When it says it takes2 adults it means 2 adults that know what the hell they are doing . I got it out the box and i was like WTF how does this work then whats with all the tools and screws argh . Why do i never think ofg these things ?? But an hour on it was together and she was happily hmping on it :) She asbsolutly loved it, Her guitar is very noisy but thats ok because it hasa volume button  hehe . Now that is cool. Although choe dont agree.

She blew out her candles by herself and i helped her to cut the cake and she cut herself 2 rather big slices and guess what she ate thee lot little piggy. She wanted the whole lot hehe. When barry gets the lead tomorrow i will upload some photos that we took of her then.

I just hope she settles soon i have been trying to settle her since 6.30 but she just isnt settling at all so far i have had her in bed 8 times and its neasarly 11pm poor litle thing. I cant believe she is 2 already, I cant believe i had her 2 years ago just goes so quick. Its quite sad really. This time 2 years ago i was in hospital feding my gorgeous new baby girl. She was born at 4.18pm weighing 6Ib 13 . What a lovely thought. Now she is so big growing into a little girl:( .

Well im gonna try and put her back to bed.

Luv Emz xxx

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETHEART I LOVE U SOOOOO MUCH HAVE A FANTASTIC DAY!!!!!!!!!!!

ALL MY LOVE , HUGS & KISSES YOUR MUMMY. XXXXXX

Kylie kicked off because i refused to make her porridge at 5am my brain just isnt up to cooking at that time of day lol. So we had a 2 hour fight to get her to eat her breakfast . Then wondered why she didnt get any sweets ? Hmm i wonder why that was?LOL

But we did manage to get Kylie into school early for a change we were there before the 2nd gate even opened now that is a first for us . Lately we seem to be late most mornings lol. So it was straight from there into town to get the last of Chloes birthday presents she has loads now and good mummy has wrapped it all ready for when she wakes up tomorrow. I got her this guitar it is just so cool it has flashing lights proper strings music and everything its just wicked heres a little pic for now.cool huh??? Barry loves it!!! I was pretty chuffed with myself ive been struggling to get out so going into town with Chloe did me a bit of good lol.

When we got back home Chloe was totally whacked out . She had filled her belly got so excited seeing all the toys i was picking up little did she know they are for her lol. Then i went off food shopping to et a few bits and pick up barrys prescription which they didnt have AGAIN .

I got Kylie from school and got on wit hthe cleaning which isnt yet done. (a friend turnt up needing a ear and shoulder) even as i sit here writting this i am sat here blowing up balllons . Barry just left chloe a little note on the blackboard for the morning saying Happy 2nd Birthday my Darling Chloe XXXX(so sweet).

Well i suppose i better get this housework done so tomorrow i can spend the day with my darling princess oh and i ahve to make er cake in the morning stupid mummy forgot butter only 3 times LOL .

Luv Emz xxx

Now way was i movingthat glass i asked barry to rid of it but he wont touch it. God where is jerry when i need him? i know on holiday. . Its been there bloody days.  Itsbeen curled up since yesterday aftenoon though. I think i have killed it. How mean is that?

I stuck him under a glass took him hostage and starved him to death.Maybe i should do him a funeral to say sorry? Mean mean me.

Anyway better run busy day today my little princesses big day tomorrow i cant believe she is going to be 2 already. Still got presents to get and a cake to bake and decorate and time is running out.

Luv Emz xxx

Oh great a week of Barry moaning a week like today kylie acting the way she does at weekends. I  havea funny feeling this is because he wants his boss to sack him. Every night all he says is i dont want to go work tomorrow.

Im really not looking forward to him being off work for a week i really hope his boss gets him in before then . That sounds horrible but that tme when he is at work is the only peace i get . He just constantly wants me to do something for him as well as me doing the housework and playing and dealing with Chloe. Also we arnt really getting on that well at the moment so im glad when he goes to work to have him out of my hair . Stupid doctor.

Anyway i couldent get in at the doctors but a differant doctor rang me after morning surgery and he sorted me a prescription i could pick up straight away. So i might actually get some sleep tonight. .

Kylies behaviour is really driving me up he wall. She doesent listen to a word i say i may as well talk to the wall. I talk to her and she sits ignoring me and her attitude absolutly stinks. I told barry he needs to start hardening up on her because she is turning into a spolt brat she screams to get her own way and when i say scream i mean deafening screaming.

Luv Emz xxx