on somewhat happier news my in laws have offered to buy us a house which we will rent from them (at a reduced cost) until they die basicly and then it will be ours. this is huge and I'm having difficulty accepting because who buys people houses. I mean I know it is very generous and it will provide sercurity and stability for my family but I'm concerned as to how this will affect our relationship with them. I find my mother in law very controlling and she tends only to do things that benefit her so I'm causcious to accept the gift. but hubby is convinced that it's just to help us out and no strings attached but I was raised on the pholosophy that their not such things as a free lunch or a free ride and not to accept handouts, so I'm feeling a tad overwhelmed by all this as they want to make it happen by april next year. mmmm not sure how to take this...

along with confusing dicissions I have to organise my uni studies for next year this week an am not a 100% sure what I'm wanting to do ( a bit frazzled by the fact someone is buying me a house I think  ).

well I hope everyone has a fantastic christmas and a safe and happy new years...

It's hectic and crazy and to be honest by the time the actual day has arrived I'm over it. we have our first of many christmas does this sunday, yay me a month of christmas instead of 1 day it loses it's meaning in the end...

I'm so sick and tried of complaining and whinging that my life isn't what I want it to be , so I have got my self into gear and I am decluttering my house, finances etc and setting my self new goals for next year which I'm starting to implament now.

my first goal is the household budget, I've started an on-line marketting program with the hopes to earn some extra cash to supplement the budget as if I went to work outside the home I would have to stopp my studies and I would lose most of my pay to out of school care and day care. my goal is to set limits on my spending ( mainly on food) and to stick to it come hell or high water and to start on building a nest egg (savings) even if it is $5 a week until I can do more just so we have some form of buffer for emergencies etc.

my second goal is my weight issues I'm planning to make lifestyle changes and to get regular sleep, drink plenty of water and to find and exercise I love and am happy to do 3-4 times a week.

I also plan to keep up with my uni studies and my volunteer stuff just not as much so cut back a bit on the time I put into these. so with uni I will do part time study next year instead of full time and keep my volunteer time to one day a week not the ebery other day time I do now.

I also endeavour to put more time and effort into doing things the kids love and to maintianing my home and garden.

when I put it down onto paper (well computor screen) it sounds like a lot but I feel if I just structure my time and plan what and when I'm going to do things then I don't see why I can't do it all  and succeed. Just simply from decluttering my house I feel better so hopefully I can keep on going and feel better more often rather the stressed and streched to my limits.

here to new endeavours and a positive out look (we'll see how long it lasts)

I have been asked to remain on at the kindy as treasurer/bookeeper next year even with Jai leaving due to lack of volunteers and I still have Uni going on (Yay me I actually passed this year which was such a relief and shock I thought I had done terribly) so what I though would be a nice quiet period has just been forgotten as I have yet more work to do. I just cannot believe the lack of support my kindy has had this year, you would think parents would want the best for their children and have a say and input into their educations but nooooo.

so along with my schedual going pear shaped my budget has seemed to follow suit as money I thought we were going to get before christmas has fallen through and I have had to do some fancy foot work to make sure the bills are paid and my little ones get something anything for under the tree. I had so many big plans this year for what I wanted to have achieved by the end of the year and for christmas and it seems (excluding my passing uni which was a priority) all my plans have fallen short of their mark and now christmas is what 6 weeks away and I'm in a fluster.

I don't think this is going to put me on a good whicket for the new year... grrrrr

Everything has been so hard and stressful lately and now it's all kind of subsitted. I mean the problems with hubby and the in laws are still present (although hubby and I have had some long discussions the last few days and it feels as if we have reconnected and made some perminate improvements which is a weight off my shoulders, our only prob is what to do about to interferng in laws and their drama), Uni has finished for this year and my commitments to the kindy will end in about a month so I am at a loss of what to do with my self. I have a list of things to get done but it's not very big and I have never been one for tele I'm just worried that now I have spare time I'm going to get board and cranky (just like the kids over school holidays). I don't ususally have time to my self as I am always so busy so I feel lost and not sure where to start on my to do list as I want to stretch it out and christmas is still months away so can't get busy there yet.

this is some what a strange perdiciment I have found my self in and is the reason I stay so very busy as I can't handle free time it drive me nuts not to have things to do as there is only so many times one can go for a walk, clean there house, read, watch tele or bake...

ekk! I'm not normal

but the worst part is that because hubby keeps saying that I'm making mountains out of mole hills I'm starting to believe that the issues are in my head and I am the bad guy who keeps saying no the the grandparents etc. at first I thought it was them and now I just think Im crazy and feeling hopeless.

That was until today (well more so for the entire time we have been seeing them again) you see a few weeks ago we had a huge family bbq planned to welcome back Justin's parents and to our knowledge that should have been the first time Charli meet her new cousin but when we mentioned this to her she told us that she already knows her because she sees her all the time with her mother (the ex) well Justin let this slide as sometimes charli says things off the cuff and there not ture well I was having lunch with the dear old mother in law today (yay me) and she mentioned seeing charli yesterday (not an access day for us) when she picked up her dog from my brother in law's wife and the ex had been there ( apparently she was shopping down that way, only about 2 hours from where she lives and happened to pass by so thought to drop in for coffee) well I told Justin this when I picked him up from work and he's furious. 

we are so frustrated with the lies, if they want a relationship with her fine we just want them to be open and honest about it so that Justin knows where he stands with them but they lie to his face about being with her and it's taking it's toll on the relationships. It's hard enough that we are trying to deal with nani and pop over stepping their boundaries, we are now back to square one with his brother again. I must say I miss when we weren't talking to Justin's side of the family there was a lot less drama and stress.

is it like this with everyone and their in laws, I love my sister in law (my brothers wife and my other brothers girlfriend, but my brother in law and his wife and my parent in laws are a complete nightmare).  

I was so angry and not with the kids because I knew they would do this it's with my in laws (nani and pop) as they razz the kids up let them run wild and then try to discipline them and what do they get 3 kids who wont listen because they don't think nani and pop are being serious, so nani and pop get sick of them and send them home. I don't know how many times I've explained to my in laws that they need to set firm boundaries and rules and follow through with the concequienceswhen the kids don't follow those rules but no nani lets them do what ever until pop steps in because he's had enough and then nani sides with pop. I have asked that they have similar rules to what we have at home so the kids have consistancy from on place to the next but they seem to have no rules until they feel tired and worn out.

I'm so angry and annoyed I have spoken to them countless times and I've tried to get Justin to as well but because their his parents he wont be firm with them and I'm sick of constantly being the bad guy with the in laws. I'm so sick of my mother in law using the line "I'm nani I can get away with it" because she can't and I've said that to her she just wont listen and hopw can I expect my kids to listen to me when another grown up wont. I'm so angry right now

I don't know if I just need a break or whats going on but I need to re-focus and to get back on track.

heres to hoping the week ahead is a good one

the other reasons that I'm cranky is I feel that my mother in law is over stepping her boundaries and it's trying my limits with her "but I'm nani so I can" attitude. For example we had Justin's family over for dinner last night and Jai decidied to through a hum dinger of a tanty so he was sent to his room to cool down and to come speak to me when he felt ready but due to him carrying on for about 5 minutes my MIL felt it was her place to go in and talk to Jai, to which he just screamed at her for (as I knew he would), But I was handling it fine and she without asking if she should or could go in she did it anyway and I'm getting so sick of talking to her about this along with the way she babies charli and indulges charli's diva moments making it ten times harder to get her under control. I'm almost about to put Nani on a time out from the kids if she continues but I don't know how to go about doing it. It's bad enough Charli is going through a huge Diva phase at present but I'm finding it even harder when I say no to her just to have her Nani say it's okay even when we are in my house. Although it is not always just Charli my MIL tends to over indulge all the kids I have noticed a distinct favouring towards Charli and I hate it.

I have mentioned this to Justin but I have buckleys of him speaking to her about it, so I constantly feel like to bad guy at present saying no to every body all the time.

So as you can see I'm a tad cranky and tired and really would love to just get away for a while and regain some control and sanity before xmas sends us for a spin as it always does.

Quin who is typically shy, quiet and very reserved has come out of his shell and is now involved with scouts, taekwondo and soccer. He has lots of school friends casual and some more closer "best" friends (which is nice to see) and he's more direct with what he wants and what he's not happy with.

Jai who has hated kindy for so long now actually tells me to go as he wants to have fun and stay. Jai was my happy baby who was so very easy to manage has turned into a nightmare (forget terrible 2's it's the terrible 4's) he will not do as he's asked, he trows the biggest tantrums everywhere and any where for no reason at all. Jai has also become very mean to Charli and makes life difficult every time she visits.

Charli has gotten soockier (if that is at all possible) which is not helped by the way justin's parents let her soock and climb all over them even after we have said not to. It's so frustrating.

And then there's baby Dex who is as most one year olds getting into EVERYTHING and finds it funny as you chase him all over the house making sure he doesn't injure himself or the house.

I just can't believe that it is almost the end of the year and I think I've blinked and missed the transformation in my little ones. 

Hoping this fines you all well rested.

wow we are so close to the end of yet another year and it's as if I blinked and time ran away. my littlest man is now 1 and sadly not walking as yet but he's trying, hubby is set to have his 30th next month which is exciting but somewhat hectic to try an organise everyone time to see him ( to many people not enough time) my other babies are all doing well. charli and jai have started gymnastics which they are loving quin's settled on scouts and taekowdo for now I think he'ld still love to do soccer but not much luck in finding a club for his age in our area and my self well lets just say there is not enough hours in the day to allow me to get everything done and then some days not even what simply needs to be done so have had some mini meltdowns of late. other then that things seem smooth sailing and peachy (knock on wood that dosen't change). we have dinner with the in laws tomorrow which is always interesting to say the least.

Hoping this finds you all well

my in laws are back ( que the horror movie music now). it hasn't been to bad as we have been just to busy to see them but that wont last long i'm waiting with baited breath for their pop ins to begin.

not much else going on just the normal chaotic mess that is my life currently.

hoping this finds you all well.

although since then we have had drama, i managed to injure my back quite badly and have been laid up in bed with justin nedding the entire week off work to manage the children. and we were expecting a nice big tax return as per stated on our etax staement only to find that child support has taken most of it for a debt justin didn't even know he had incurred so we are now disputing it  and have the fun of organising all that and I'm also completely swomped with uni, work and the general running of a household full. not to mention charli isn't wanting to go back to her other house again and is really stressed about things again. it just makes me so sad at how her poor little life is panning out. I'm hoping things will be easier soon, we are going to start gymnastics with her tomoorow so hopefully she will get some friends for when she's at our place and can have more things to look forward to when she comes and stays.

well just a quicky as i have a million things to get on with, i hope this finds you all well,

I am currently studying 3 units for uni, still doing kindy work ( yes even in the holidays) and I'm going to have a 4 of my babies home (usually only have one due to school and kindy) we have numerous playdates planned, a trip to the museum and arts, crafts and baking. I pray they don't get bored.

wishing all parents a sane holiday break

Well the last few months have been hard with Charli, we've been having behaviour issues (such as violent outburst, harassing her siblings, refusing to co-operate when asked to help out, wont do things with out fussing/ tantrums etc) this is the sort of thing that happened when she was littler ( 2-4) and it turned out that her BM wasn't caring for her properly and we ended up in a horrible court battle (that lasted over 2 years, all to be told there wasn't enough evidence for the courts to take Charli away from that horrible woman). Well as I was saying the last few months have been hard again and then this weekend we get Charli with an infestation of lice (we had discovered them a month ago and told BM to treat it, she said she did) It was so bad it was disgusting (we ended up treating it). Also Charli  was physically filthy, you know the general muck that kids get covered in over a day, well Charli had a few days worth of dirt and muck covering her. She also had torn pj's on, no socks or undergarments in this cold weather. I was so mad at BM for allowing Charli to be that way. Also Charli again was complaining of feeling unwell, the last few weekends we've had Charli with stomach troubles such as throwing up, off her food or the signs of a cold ( Charli says it's the food her BM and BM's partner feed her that make her feel yucky, we don't know why) And then to make matters worse Charli was saying "I don't want to go back", "I don't want to live with my Mum any more" this was heartbreaking to hear. you see usually Charli will say when she's big and gets to choose where she wants to live she's going to come live with us which is great and we are use to her saying that but now it's changed to she doesn't even want to go back to her other house, but she wont tell us why it's so bad ( she does occassionally say BM and her partner aren't very nice but not what makes them not very nice) or whats happening she just says she doesn't want to be there any more.

I just don't know what to do anymore I have though of calling child services and seeing if they can give me any advice, they already have a file on BM from a few years ago when the first lot of trouble started, so I don't know what will happen this time.

The back story for all this horrible and horribly long mess is (I will try to condense) BM left Justin ( taking baby Charli with her, they had broken up before they found out about Charli but when discovering they where going to have a baby though they would try again) when Charli was 7-8 months old ( I helped Justin through the seperation , as I've been a family friend for years and we started offically dating when Charli was around 1 years old, but I have known her her whole life) And it was meant to be that charli stay with BM mon-fri and with Justin on weekends but just after Charli turned 1 BM cut off access completely just sending texts Saying Charli was unavalible that weekend, this went on for a few months when justin sort a court order for shared custody of Charli but after a the long seperation, the distance BM lived from Justin and Charli's age Justin only got his access back. This was very upsetting for everyone. Access was shaking for months during this time Justin would get Charli filthy, soiled clothes, sick, and one time she even had a black eye ( we contacted Child services and BM told them Charli went to bed without it woke up with it) and another time she had scratches all over her and BM said she fell into a rose bush. But then when Charli was around 3-4 she came to us again with brusing ( which Charli said was because BM hit her) so we took BM to court again for full custody due to abuse/ negligence but due to lack of more evidence  and Charli's age ( they couldn't take what she said into account) we had to give Charli back after her living with us full time for 6 months (that was heartbreaking) well things were very bad during this stage and we didn't trust BM one bit but she was living with her mother who has been a (primary carer, from what we know of, BM pretty much always left Charli with her mother when she had had enough, and Charli always would speak of her grandma more then her BM) carer for Charli since the day she was born, moved in with BM and Charli so we felt better ( to date BM has moved 11 times and had 7 different men in her life also she has had 4-5 different flat mates. Charli has changed school twice where she's been enroled under BM last name not her own, she's in grade 2) things started to get better for a bit .BM got a new partner (that she's now living defacto with as they have a baby whoes over 1 and is def and mentaly retarted, Charli was delayed in her development and is now a slow learner) but now that they have moved clear across town (ever move BM  did was further away from us) away from Charli's grandmother ( BM's mother, who Charli says she doesn't get to see as much any more because she told BM off for her treatment of Charli) it's going backwards again, Charli doesn't speak of BM's partner except to say BM makes her call him Dad and they want to chnage Charli's last name to a hyphin Of BM's and the partners ,dropping justin's name all together (we've checked BM cannot do this with out a go ahead from Justin which he will never do, although we are now concerned for BM making Charli's last name an assumed name of what she wants that can then become a legal name). When we ask Charli sayas she's not happy at the other house and that she misses us to much when she's away and ( as stated before) that BM and her partner aren't that nice.

So that is it in a nut shell, excluding the part where Justin's family are still in contact with BM and will have her over for dinner etc, even after she said horrible things about them in the court papers ( they say it is because they want to see Charli more, yet they don't make time with us), the amount of damage BM has done to our clothes, toys, accessaries etc that we use to send Charli home  in/with ( we have since stopped and use only BM's clothes for handovers, she has her own things here but nothing of our house goes back ever now) they way BM uses the large amount of child support that Justin pays for herself and Charli doesn't do any extra activities or has nice things.

I was hoping it had gotten better but now I'm very worried again and concerned for what will happen to Charli in the furture. I never thought I would hate someone so much in my life but I do very much.

Sorry this is so long but I needed to get it off my chest. ta

my second term of uni work has started and the work load is intence, and it only gets worse in a few weeks as my other units start. Because some of my study periods overlap, so for about 3 months this year it will be like i'm a full time student ; which is very very scary.  4-5  more years of this yikes!!!

the kids are doing fairly okay, we seem to have hit a rough patch in regards to behaviour. quin's not wanting to do any extra activities because he wants to just sit and play video games which just dosen't happen around here, so he's cranky. jaiden doesn't want to go to kindy anymore and so is making any kindy days difficult and not to mention the regular 4 year dramas. dexy is still not sleeping which is draining me ALOT, but other wise a goreous baba although not crawling yet which i'm getting concerned about.

And then well theres charli my darling step-monster... don't get me wrong I love her to bits and have been in her life since she was born, first as a family friend and then as a step mother from when she was 2. but this weekend just gone she did scare me something cronic. jaiden who is 4 wanred to play with the barbie dolls (all the childrens toys are in the playroom not their bedrooms so they have to share them, their special cuddly toys and trinkets are kept in their rooms away from everyone else so they stay special) and charli didn't want him to ( i don't know why she has over 10-15 dolls and accesaries) so instead of telling him no she grab him by the throat and threw him into the toys and screamed at him (she's almost 8, and a lot stronger then him). she did this with enough force to break the toy jai landed on. when we asked her why she did this she had no responce at all she didn't even want to apologise. we haven't had problems like these with charli for a long time, when she was younger we had violent outbursts mainly tantrums and lying etc which was bad enough but now to be hurting her younger brothers i was gob smacked. we sent her to her room until she apologised (which she didn't for a long few hours) and then we spoke to her about how not only did she physically hurt her brother but she emotionally upset him as well ( we used language she would understand) but i just don't know if we got through to her. when her bm came to pick her up we spoke to her about what happened but all she said was " she doesn't do that at my house,  i'll keep an eye on her". bm didn't even seem upset by what charli had done, I was and still am. I just don't know what to do with charli sometimes and worse still is even when we make progress with missy and her behaviour she has to go back to the other house and all our good work is lost and we have to start over again when she returns.

I'm starting to feel very run down at present, what with uni, starting our own business, the children and dealing with charli's bm and family it feels a lot over whelming at times.

I have been insanely busy with Uni, kindy work , 4 kids, scouts and now we've started our own business. I a complete wreck, not really just feeling it a tad. we to begin with filling everyone in.

well my big news or the issue at the forfront of my mind is that my horrid in-laws you to this date have lived interstate are moving back in a couple of months. I say horrid as they HATE me and love hubbys ex from over 7 years ago and so they don't tend to be to kind to me or my boys. and every time I mean EVERY time my mother-in-law is visiting hubby and I fight like cat and dog it's awful because we hardly fight any other time. so I am feeling very stressed about this as I know things are going to change around here and I don't like change so very nervious for the future.

Uni is going great I'm managing well for my first full year which is great, I was concerned but now am in a groove and it's working fine. I love that I'm doing english literature, psychology and ancient history.

my other little projects are plucking along doing well, I have just started a non contact boxing class which is so much fun but man am I sore and tired.

the kids are doing beautifully, Quin is still loving school even after the holidays which I was worried he wouldn't want to go back but no he couldn't wait to get back and see his friends. Jai is doing fairly well at kindy he sometimes dosen't want to go but then ends up having a great day. Charli is manageble at present, we are having some issues with her bm but nothing major more annoyance then anything, such as not getting her hair cut , doing her nails, de-bugging her hair when she got lice and sending her in to small/ not weather appropriate clothes, all the things that are horrible but wont change with that women.... GRRRRR.

Dexy is growing so quickly he is already onto big people food and hates baby mush. he still doesn't sleep at night I tend to get up to him 2-3 times but hopefully that will change soon. he is sitting up on his own now, saying a few words, holding his own bottle and we've taken and interest in crawling but are not quite doing it properly as yet.

Justin is great and is about to start working from home for a trial run to see if it works, so very excited about that. he has also joined in at helping out with Quinny's scout group which is really nice and he loves it to they are about to go on camp, so Quinny's first ever camp very exciting.

well that about sums up our little adventures thus far, we are all peachy and managing minus the threat of the in-law invation we should hopefully stay peachy... we'll see

happy parenting