mariamum's Minti Blog http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/ mariamum's Minti Blog Copyright 2008 Minti en-uk I'm sooo excited mariamum After all the waiting I finally got the call to say I can start my library training and I will be doing every day next week.  The woman who called was sooo nice and it made me feel a lot more relaxed about learning a new job.  It will mean that I can't do any of my volunteering jobs next week at school so ... After all the waiting I finally got the call to say I can start my library training and I will be doing every day next week.  The woman who called was sooo nice and it made me feel a lot more relaxed about learning a new job.  It will mean that I can't do any of my volunteering jobs next week at school so I hope they won't be too upset with me.  Had a really good day today took my mum and dad to bluewater (shopping centre) as a treat for my dad's birthday and they loved it, they normally never really go out anywhere so for them anywhere away from home is an outing.

Hope you all have a good week next week and I will try and catch up with you as soon as I can.

 

]]> http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/819424/ http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/819424/ Sun, 28 Sep 2008 12:17:47 -0700 I must be mad!!! mariamum I think I enjoy stress,  I came to this conclusion yesterday at work because it was a particularly busy day and we didn't have enough staff and I really enjoyed it.  I suspect part of this has to do with taking control, I had taken responsibility for most of the jobs and the staff (new members) always come to me for ... I think I enjoy stress,  I came to this conclusion yesterday at work because it was a particularly busy day and we didn't have enough staff and I really enjoyed it.  I suspect part of this has to do with taking control, I had taken responsibility for most of the jobs and the staff (new members) always come to me for advice or help it is the only time in my life I actually feel appreciated and valued   I know that if I had to put up with this stress every day I probably would get sick of it eventually, but I need it to give myself some sense of purpose, I must be mad!!!!

Looking forward to next week not much paid work in the pipeline but manged to get some more days volunteering at the school doing different jobs.  You would not believe how hard it is to get them to give you jobs to do even though you're doing them for free!!!!  There were a few more TA vacancies on the website but I've lost my confidence after not getting a interview from the other TA vacancies I applied for so maybe I'll just wait till I get my TA qualification (June 09) and then try again, what do you think????

You probably think I'm being greedy with my exam inviligation job and my casual library job and my Saturday job but I'm still struggling to pay the bills, lol.  My exam inviligation job is soooo casual I only work a few times in the year June, Nov and Jan and I don't do many hours, the library job still hasn't started yet I haven't got a clue why it's taking so long so I'm still waiting on that one.  Would prefer something more regular but for now I'll think I'll join the queue of other people still looking, lol.

Not much else to report, my eldest is still a stroppy teenager and I'm am soooo tired of nagging him that I totally understand why some parents just give up.   Even the simple jobs like brushing his teeth or using deodourant is something I have to remind him to do all the time, as for his school work all the nagging in the world won't help him there, lol.  I have always wondered about the nature versus nurture debate, where our kids are concerned, I think most of our children have their own unique personality but to what extent do we have an effect on it????

Must stop going on and on, see you all later. Love ya xxxxxxxx

]]> http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/813450/ http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/813450/ Sun, 21 Sep 2008 00:33:35 -0700 Nothing seems to be going right mariamum It all started with the car breaking down, it has since been fixed but with a big repair bill as I needed a new clutch.   Then had to pay for college course fees and car tax etc there is more but basically this month has been very unlucky with regards to money.   I really need to work to make up for ... It all started with the car breaking down, it has since been fixed but with a big repair bill as I needed a new clutch.   Then had to pay for college course fees and car tax etc there is more but basically this month has been very unlucky with regards to money.   I really need to work to make up for all this excessive spending but still not heard anything on the work front and it doesn't help when all you hear on the news is recession, recession.  It can't be easy for all those people out there who have either lost their jobs or having their homes repossessed.  Trying really hard not to let things get me down but feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. Sorry can't even think of anything else to say I'm such a sorry excuse for a human being all I seem to do is lose myself in this stupid downward spiral of despair. Someone please switch my brain off, lol.

]]> http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/807946/ http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/807946/ Sun, 14 Sep 2008 09:57:05 -0700 Help I'm bored!!! mariamum Kids are back at school and I thought I would be enjoying the free time but all I feel like doing is feeling sorry for myself because I'm all alone.    What is wrong with me I would have given my right arm to have just a minutes peace normally so now I've got 6 hours peace I'm going insane???   Still waiting ... Kids are back at school and I thought I would be enjoying the free time but all I feel like doing is feeling sorry for myself because I'm all alone.    What is wrong with me I would have given my right arm to have just a minutes peace normally so now I've got 6 hours peace I'm going insane???   Still waiting to hear about any work at all, did I mention that the problem with doing casual work is that you never know when you next job is.  My brain is constantly churning and I need to keep it occupied and housework doesn't require brain cells just muscle which I haven't got much of, lol.  What do you all do to keep the grey cells occupied???  Not doing a good job of socialising with the school mums finding it really hard to make conversation. Do you have the same problem??? Oh well best be off had enough of the great indoors, lol, maybe some fresh air waiting outside the school gates will do me some good, lol.

]]> http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/803826/ http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/803826/ Tue, 09 Sep 2008 06:22:33 -0700 Thanks for all your beautiful comments on my painting MWAH!!!! mariamum I really love this art prog called Art Rage my eldest told me about it and ever since I've been addicted some pictures I have just done from my head the one of the Isle of wight was copied from my photo.  If anyone loves art without the mess I would suggest this prog it's great and here are a ...

I really love this art prog called Art Rage my eldest told me about it and ever since I've been addicted some pictures I have just done from my head the one of the Isle of wight was copied from my photo.  If anyone loves art without the mess I would suggest this prog it's great and here are a few more I did when I first started. 

]]> http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/791962/ http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/791962/ Sat, 23 Aug 2008 11:28:45 -0700 What do you think of my painting of the Needles on the Isle of Wight that I did on Art Rage prog?? mariamum

]]> http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/791395/ http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/791395/ Fri, 22 Aug 2008 13:06:29 -0700 Photos at last!!! mariamum

]]> http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/791312/ http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/791312/ Fri, 22 Aug 2008 12:49:57 -0700 Have I really been away for THIS long!!!! mariamum Can't believe I haven't blogged in such a long time it just feels like yesterday I was telling you all I was going on holiday.  Well the holiday is over and it was great we were very lucky with the weather it was raining when we arrived there and raining when we left but we had clear skies for  5 ... Can't believe I haven't blogged in such a long time it just feels like yesterday I was telling you all I was going on holiday.  Well the holiday is over and it was great we were very lucky with the weather it was raining when we arrived there and raining when we left but we had clear skies for  5 days.  The Isle of Wight really reminded me of Cornwall and Devon and the beaches were beautiful.  I'm going to put some photos of the scenery on here as soon as I can get someone to teach me how.  However since I've been back have managed to get a job as a casual library assistant and have been helping out at work.  Have also have a nasty cold and cough but that won't stop me enjoying the last two weeks of the school holidays.  There never seems to be enough time to get everything I want done in the school holidays, you would have thought 6 weeks was plenty of time maybe I need to organise myself better, lol. Promise I will get some pics on here for you all.  Hope you are all ok and I promise I will catch up with your blogs soon. 

]]> http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/788886/ http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/788886/ Tue, 19 Aug 2008 07:44:31 -0700 Tired, hot and sticky and had enough! mariamum What a day!!!! It all started at 4am this morning with the worst stomach ache ever and then running to the toilet.  Had offered to go into work today and really could have done with going off sick, anyway did a 10 hour shift and am still wondering why I did it. Well at least the stomach ache has gone ... What a day!!!! It all started at 4am this morning with the worst stomach ache ever and then running to the toilet.  Had offered to go into work today and really could have done with going off sick, anyway did a 10 hour shift and am still wondering why I did it. Well at least the stomach ache has gone and so have the visits to the toilet.  Almost got rid of my cough so was not expecting this at all. Hope none of us get ill when we're on holiday.  Managed to get my mum to look after my rabbit while we are on holiday after my neighbour let me down, she said she could have it in her house and then changed her mind at the last minute (she can be really weird with her mood swings sometimes)  Got sooo much packing to do tomorrow, anyone want to help, lol.

Hope you are all ok and having a good time.  see you later, xxxxxxxx

]]> http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/772596/ http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/772596/ Thu, 31 Jul 2008 13:26:37 -0700 Exhausted mariamum This last week has been the busiest ever, I ended up helping out a work Mon, Tue and Wed and then on Thur and Fri had one of Alex's friends over so ended up driving them around swimming and to the cinema.  My baby rabbit had his op on Wed and has recovered well he's so cute without his front ... This last week has been the busiest ever, I ended up helping out a work Mon, Tue and Wed and then on Thur and Fri had one of Alex's friends over so ended up driving them around swimming and to the cinema.  My baby rabbit had his op on Wed and has recovered well he's so cute without his front teeth he just licks everything now, lol.  Nearly got to work late on Saturday because I didn't wake up when I should have, lol, and the boss decided to do this Saturday, what great timing!!!  Yep she's back and everyone has this false air about them like they are pretending all the time.  I can't even look her in the eye when I talk to her because it feels so false.  She tried really hard to be friendly but it just doesn't feel genuine, maybe it's because after my experiences with her I find it hard to trust anything she says??? Oh well I still need to earn money so best get on with it until I find something else, lol.

I've had this horrible cough that I can't seem to shift for over two weeks now, do you think I should go and see the doc???  Daniel has it as well I think I'm more worried about him than I am about myself. The first day of the school holidays I decided to have a massive clean up and guess what I shouldn't have bothered the place is a mess again, lol. Jon is off now for the next two weeks so I'll be busier than ever so looks like I'll have to catch up with you all when I can.  Hope you are all having a good week, take care.

]]> http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/768208/ http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/768208/ Sun, 27 Jul 2008 00:05:27 -0700 Things are picking up again, yay mariamum It all started on Friday morning I wasn't expecting anything out of the ordinary and a mum came up to me with her daughter and she asked me if I was working today (friday) and I said 'no' and she said her daughter loved it on the days I was there and all she does is talk about me.  I ... It all started on Friday morning I wasn't expecting anything out of the ordinary and a mum came up to me with her daughter and she asked me if I was working today (friday) and I said 'no' and she said her daughter loved it on the days I was there and all she does is talk about me.  I soooo needed that boost to my low self esteem.  Then I went into school for our book reading meeting and we got chatting with the teachers and I mentioned that it was so hard to get a TA job and one of the mum who already had a TA qualification said she was finding it hard to get a job as a TA, too, and one of the teachers who knows I help out in reception said she thinks I would make a lovely TA because I'm always smiling and the children love me. My ego got so big it's a wonder I managed to get out the door, lol.  Then later one of the little boys in my class lost his mum at home time and I helped him find her, and it just took that small incident to remind me who I am.

Then today when I was at work I got asked if I could do a few extra hours on Monday, well that got rid of the paranoia for good.  Funny how a few small things can make such a big difference.  I think we all need to feel needed and for us caring and being cared for is the essential part of being human.  I can find it does me just as much good caring for someone else as it does when someone cares for me.  Does that make sense? 

Only three more days till the school holidays, can't wait, got so much stuff that I want to do just hope I get to do it all.  Have a great 6 weeks off and thank you to everyone that has helped me through these last few days.

]]> http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/762298/ http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/762298/ Sat, 19 Jul 2008 12:06:38 -0700 Questions mariamum Do you ever ask yourself what is the point to your existence??  or Do  you ever ask yourself where am I supposed to be going?? or Am I doing things right or wrong?? Recently I've been driving myself insane by asking myself questions I can't seem to answer.  I keep imagining that people don't like me, this could be my imagination ... Do you ever ask yourself what is the point to your existence??  or Do  you ever ask yourself where am I supposed to be going?? or Am I doing things right or wrong??

Recently I've been driving myself insane by asking myself questions I can't seem to answer.  I keep imagining that people don't like me, this could be my imagination or I could be right but I just don't know...........What a mess.........we all try hard to survive to get by day to day to earn enough money to keep a roof over our heads and food in our stomachs.  Yes I know that in our western economy we have a tad more than people in third world countries but we are still all doing the same thing, surviving.   Recently surviving has got a lot harder with the economy gradually slipping into recession and I'm scared, it's harder to get a job so what happens if you lose the one you've got.  I know I'm being silly because I'm worrying about something that hasn't happened yet but I still can't stop worrying.

]]> http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/760528/ http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/760528/ Thu, 17 Jul 2008 06:12:05 -0700 Today was better mariamum I went for my interview for the TA course and really enjoyed it and I was assured that I will definately be starting the course in September.  It inspired me to believe in my dream again and it really helped me stop feeling sorry for myself because I hadn't had any luck getting any jobs. The best bit was I didn't ... I went for my interview for the TA course and really enjoyed it and I was assured that I will definately be starting the course in September.  It inspired me to believe in my dream again and it really helped me stop feeling sorry for myself because I hadn't had any luck getting any jobs. The best bit was I didn't have to pay the course fees till September, YAY!!!  Then I get a phone call from work to say they need me tomorrow due to lack of staff, so that helped by knowing I'm earning and because it made me feel needed. So not a bad day compared to yesterday well I suppose with every bad day there must be a good one, so about time, LOL. 

Hope you have all had a good day today.  

]]> http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/753864/ http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/753864/ Wed, 09 Jul 2008 11:53:29 -0700 Found the perfect place to VENT mariamum Other than minti I have another place I go to vent about things and listen to other people vent which really makes me laugh and not feel alone.  The place is the BBC news ' Have your Say' website, it's great fun and good for a laugh especially if you feel like venting about the stuff in the news. Well this ... Other than minti I have another place I go to vent about things and listen to other people vent which really makes me laugh and not feel alone.  The place is the BBC news ' Have your Say' website, it's great fun and good for a laugh especially if you feel like venting about the stuff in the news.

Well this is how my morning started and this is how my day is ending.  My baby rabbit went to the vets this morning for his VHD injection and I was concerned about his teeth which seemed really long and he was having problems eating, the vet informed me that his teeth may need to be removed otherwise I will have to have them cut short every two weeks because his teeth are misaligned and will not naturally wear down.  That was the straw that broke the camel's back, for me,  not sure if I'm upset about the cost of the operation or the operation itself but nothing seems to be going right.  Got a letter from one of the schools I applied for and they told me I didn't make the short list for interviews   Then the school rang to say Daniel wasn't not well and complaining of ear ache, strangely enough, as soon as we got home he seems to be fine.

Well the day isn't over yet, think I'll go hide under the duvet till it is, lol.

]]> http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/752532/ http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/752532/ Tue, 08 Jul 2008 02:08:59 -0700 Still not heard anything mariamum Trying so hard to not get annoyed, haven't heard from any of the TA jobs I've applied for, I knew it would be tough, but not this tough.  Not even an interview, it is so heart breaking and yes I am having doubts about whether this will ever work.  Getting so desperate about earning money I am considering maybe selling ... Trying so hard to not get annoyed, haven't heard from any of the TA jobs I've applied for, I knew it would be tough, but not this tough.  Not even an interview, it is so heart breaking and yes I am having doubts about whether this will ever work.  Getting so desperate about earning money I am considering maybe selling my organs, lol.  Sorry just had to get that out.  The economic climate is not at it's best and with prices continually going up I am starting to pull my hair out. I'm sure that everyone is probably all in the same boat. 

I am still missing my counsillor but I think I have got over the cold turkey phase and have stopped being so depressed.  Had some of my youngest (Daniel) school friends over and I didn't realise how much hard work it is looking after 5 year olds.  They are constantly on the go and wanting to look at everything, play with everything and do everything.  Think I'll take a break from inviting them over until they are 7 years old, LOL.

Other than that not much else happening, my eldest has gone back to being lazy, and not even poking him with a hot poker is going to change him.  Reckon I have to find my prodigy elsewhere, LOL.

Hope you are all ok and sending you all my love xxxxxxxxxx

]]> http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/751883/ http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/751883/ Mon, 07 Jul 2008 10:14:36 -0700 Think I know what my problem is mariamum I have worked out these last few days due to certain upsetting experiences that I try to fit in and want to be loved by everyone.  I need to learn to accept that this will never happen even though there may be a few people who will like me for who I am, not everyone will.  I always remember even as ... I have worked out these last few days due to certain upsetting experiences that I try to fit in and want to be loved by everyone.  I need to learn to accept that this will never happen even though there may be a few people who will like me for who I am, not everyone will.  I always remember even as a child I always tried to fit in and would get really upset by school life because everyone was so different and we all just didn't get along.  I think I still have that same hang up even now and I seriously need to deal with it.  Wish me luck.  

]]> http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/746876/ http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/746876/ Tue, 01 Jul 2008 23:12:29 -0700 Back to my old self again!!! mariamum So much for changing my attitude.  This week I have slipped back into feeling sorry for myself and can't seem to dig myself out of this rut.  It hasn't helped that Alex hasn't done very well in his yearly tests at school he managed to score below average in all subjects except science.  He has always been quite lazy when ... So much for changing my attitude.  This week I have slipped back into feeling sorry for myself and can't seem to dig myself out of this rut.  It hasn't helped that Alex hasn't done very well in his yearly tests at school he managed to score below average in all subjects except science.  He has always been quite lazy when comes to school work and I have had to help him and push him to work harder when he was at primary but I really hoped that when he started secondary he would grow up and take responsibility for himself.  How stupid was I to think that was ever possible.  Anyway, my attempts at trying to gain employment have proved unsuccessful and I am just getting so sick and tired of trying time and time again and getting nowhere.  Rejection is the hardest thing to have to cope with, I always feel like I'm square peg trying to fit into a round hole.  Even with the socialising people are all so different and it makes you feel even more of an outcast.  Maybe this is all in my head, I could really do with my counsillor now  I'm really sorry I am on a major downward spiral maybe once I've hit bottom I'll manage to claw my way back up, but for now I prefer to wail and lament, lol.

Have a nice weekend................

]]> http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/743958/ http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/743958/ Sat, 28 Jun 2008 14:13:15 -0700 Sowing the seeds of change mariamum Right the first thing that I needed to do to change the way I've become was to go back to my old sociable self.  So started by inviting some of the boys school friends over for tea and think I will stick to that at least once every week.   Social contact is something I enjoy yet seem to avoid because I ... Right the first thing that I needed to do to change the way I've become was to go back to my old sociable self.  So started by inviting some of the boys school friends over for tea and think I will stick to that at least once every week.   Social contact is something I enjoy yet seem to avoid because I am scared of being hurt, I know that sounds silly, but I have such high expectations of everyone that I expect everyone to understand what I want from a relationship.  But need to learn that not everyone plays by the same rules as me and I should learn to be more flexible.   So here goes hopefully I won't slip back into my old ways and learn to be a lot less judgemental.   Wish me luck

]]> http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/737972/ http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/737972/ Fri, 20 Jun 2008 13:03:50 -0700 Need to change to way I look at things mariamum Had my last free counselling session today and have got to admit she has been really good at helping me see the person I am.  A really important thing I've learnt is how I perceive the world around me and it seems I'm very critical of everything including myself and she has told me to learn to accept that everything ... Had my last free counselling session today and have got to admit she has been really good at helping me see the person I am.  A really important thing I've learnt is how I perceive the world around me and it seems I'm very critical of everything including myself and she has told me to learn to accept that everything isn't perfect and everything isn't a disaster but to find the middle ground like it's not sooo bad but could do with some improvement.  Think I'll need some help because my head sees everything in black and white and I need to get some colour, lol.  I feel so nervous now she has gone, because she was so good at giving me answers to all my confusing questions.  Who will answer them now??????????  I feel like such a messed up individual, lol.  Not sure what to think anymore, feels like she's open up a pandora's box in my head.

Hope you are all ok, not much else to report at my end other than I have some rising damp and I haven't heard anything yet on the job front.

]]> http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/735503/ http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/735503/ Tue, 17 Jun 2008 11:18:41 -0700 Another day mariamum Did my volunteering at school today and am starting to learn a lot about the amount of politically correct rules that surround schools, like for example there was a tear in the carpet and I offered to sort it out with some superglue but was told this was the caretakers job then I heard that the children were not to ... Did my volunteering at school today and am starting to learn a lot about the amount of politically correct rules that surround schools, like for example there was a tear in the carpet and I offered to sort it out with some superglue but was told this was the caretakers job then I heard that the children were not to use the paper towels to wipe their hands because the school can't afford them so I offered to bring in some kitchen towels but was told that I shouldn't.  What a strange world we live in??? The school don't mind donations of tissues for runny noses and paper for the children to draw on it is such a shame that our schools have to struggle like this.  Also the goverment has brought out this thing of learning through play now in my one day at school I have worked out that about a third of the day is spent doing this yet most of the children in my class don't know the alphabet (song) so how is learning through play helping them.  Then there are the children who are clever or who get help from parents at home but what happens to the ones who don't.  I'm sorry I know I shouldn't moan schools do a very hard job but just wish the goverment would recognise the obstacles that they face, especially when they are happy to point the finger and close schools down that don't perform to their targets.   Think I'm getting too emotionally involved with my class, lol.

]]> http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/730848/ http://www.minti.com/members/mariamum/blog/730848/ Wed, 11 Jun 2008 08:36:47 -0700