Best Wishes,

Lady Lavenda

Monday - far from being a special time to spend with my partner, it was one in which I wanted to sleep and "shut down". I was very stressed about Daniel being in Day Care. Also I felt, as if all day my partner was being so critical of me and his housework related comments did hurt. I don't seem to get praise from him about anything lately and yes it's all just "expected" of me that the housework is done etc.

I was very quiet all day, I did not feel like talking to my partner. My head pounded from a headache. I felt very alone all day in my worry about Daniel, until I had my baby boy back in my arms where he belongs. My partner spent a few hours in the garden and did tidy up "Daniel's garden" and plant a few plants into pots while I slept. We hope they will grow and someday some can be moved around to the front door area and dress it up a bit. Sadly not even getting plants really cheered me up. And I really usually like pants and would have got excited about plant shopping. Daniel did not eat for the Carer. Once home he ate his lunch and dinner and then was so exhausted that he fell asleep in my arms at 6.15pm.

Tuesday- Daniel was very quiet in care and clinging to the Carer. He refused to eat. Once home again he ate all his lunch and dinner and was happy and smiling. It's eating me up inside being away from him and him not eating while in Day Care.

On Wednesday morning the Carer stated that she thought Daniel looked ill as I dropped him off to her. He had not slept well over night and needless to say neither had I. I was tired and emotional. Daniel was not unwell. He cried in the car on the trip to the Carers. He brightened a little when the Carer cuddled him. I sat in the car outside and felt horrid. I felt that he would never adjust and was I doing the right thing? I felt pressured by my partner to be in paid work. My anger and depression was growing.

Right then and there I wanted to go back to the Carer and get him and tell my partner where "this job" can go. Ok this is not just any job, this is a dream role and would be all that I want.... *sigh*

Instead I drove a short way into The Glen shopping centre (I had to get cash to pay the Carer). Once there I tried calling my partner and told him my worry, he said we'd talk about it that night. I felt no better. I paced inside the shops and then as my anxiety rose I called my Mum and Dad who calmly listened to what I had to say. My Mum was very understanding and clamed me down, which was rather surprising but rather wonderful at the same time! 

She agreed that I have to do what is best for Daniel and for me. She also reminded me of our very precious (not likely to be more children) he is and still so very young baby boy. She wished she and my Dad were younger so they could take him.... I wished they were too. Daniel adores my parents and eats, drinks etc for them without any problems. I told them how David floated the idea of going back to England so his Mum could look after Daniel. I also wished David's Mum was close by. But that is not the case... Moving to the UK just isn't an option as David would not find a role there that pays as well as he gets at present. He said so himself.

My Mum sent my Dad over to visit me at home and we went to the shops and talked and talked. We got some nice clothes for Daniel and I felt better as we explored and shopped and talked. My Dad encouraged me to give Daniel more time to adjust and perhaps look into not taking on such a "high powered role" but instead just work nights or weekends so Daniel can be with his Dad. I agreed with that as a great option. After all, Daniel comes first now, not my career!

I then decided to call my new boss and confide. She agreed to let me start as late as 10am the three days a week and is understanding re my concerns about Daniel. I felt so much better after talking to her! She invited me and Daniel to lunch 1pm Friday and we happily agreed. I do enjoy showing off my little man. *happy smile*

Thursday - House keeping, unexpected visit from my Minister Sharon and her grand daughter Jess and then a planned visit from my parents. My Mum later took me shopping and she really spoilt me and Daniel. I was so moved I couldn't help but be amazed and delighted and so happy. My parents have really been so supportive and so loving of both me and naturally there only grandson Daniel. They do not want us to move away and I reassured them that it is not an option in any case.

On Thursday, Daniel stayed home with me, he acted like my little man, happy, laughing, playing and crawling! He ate heaps and even accepted snacks! He was cuddled by both my Mum and Dad and even slept for one hour in the afternoon.... *smiles*   So I'm tired again, but from good reasons...

The Day Care thing I'll try longer... I really want what is best for Daniel, what is best for the family income and for me. I'm not going to listen to any negative comments made by people regarding Day Care and my working. I will just try a bit longer and see how it goes. On the plus side Daniel gets much needed interaction from other little children and I think his confidence and exposure to new experiences will grow rapidly. The Carer does many games and outings with the children. *smiles*

I just want my little man to eat, sleep and be happier in Day Care.     

I have not been online much at all this past week.

I start work October 1st 2007. Daniel will be 9 days shy of 11 months old when I start.

Last week was very hard for me.

Daniel and I were seperated for the first time (for an extended period of time) ever on Monday. He was in Day Care. Day Care started the 17th and will be three days a week.

Both he and I shed tears. He when he realised that he was staying and I wasn't. Me in the car outside the Day Care home and at home alone. My partner I think really didn't understand how bad I felt as a Mum. He is usually not with Daniel during the day so he has not felt the same connection. Plus when he goes to work, his son was left with his Mum and therefore he had nothing to worry about.

By Thursday morning, I was emotionally and physically exhausted and trying to recover. I had been upset and stressed.

During the three days in Day Care Daniel refused to eat and drink the first day, refused food the second and on the third only took a mouthful of food and had his drink.

Each day I rushed there at 4pm (yes 1 hour early) to pick him up and take him home and feed him. The Carer did not call me the first day to tell me what was happening and I was naturally upset that she had not called. It has hampered my trust in her and I have made that clear to my partner. Her lack of calling me, did make me worry about the following days and if she would call me regarding any questions/concerns.

By the third day, he and I were really tired, both not sleeping well at night. I wanted to cancel the whole idea. It was too hard to deal with and he is still so young. I felt I am being forced to go back to work by my career path and by my partner who saids that my income is essential to family happiness. I felt like crying most of Wednesday. I cleaned house the three days and tried to keep busy...which I did as I got stuck into so many tasks that had been far too time consuming while Daniel was home to try and do and not finish within 30 minutes.

Wednesday I collected Daniel at 4pm, he had been cuddled by the Carer and seemed happier than at the same time previous days. He brightened up even more when he saw me and smiled and reached for me. My heart melted and I was so happy that he was happy. He had had a good day in Day Care and is getting to know his Carer. But the way he acted when he saw me was so wonderful and so loving! It felt soooooo good to have him in my arms!!

Being separated from my boy I think is the hardest experience I have ever faced (so far) as a parent.

The days I do get to spend with him alone, I think I will pack more "Fun", "Cuddles", "Play" and "Love" into!

A photo display of Daniel, Mum and Dad.

Well I have done soooo much since I last posted on here. Mainly errands etc.

Today I went to Lysterfield Park and met Bel. Absolutely lovely attractive person! It is rare that someone online turns out to be as nice offline.

I went with my partner David and son Daniel. I met up with a friend and her father as well. I took some family pictures. I am hoping that Bel can arrange future picnics. I suggested the next one be at Jells Park. It has lush green grass areas. Large BBQ areas, bike tracks, large group covered eating areas plus even its own cafe. I find I enjoy the lake there and the stroll alone is definetely worth it for all those that might have to travel a fair way to get there. So a great idea Bel!  Five stars! *****

I got the job! Yep I am returning to work. I am nervous and excited and happy and sad all at once! I know I will worry about Daniel. I know it will be hardest on me being away from him. Frankly the idea causes me to hurt but I had no choice. I need an income to provide for my family.

I also know that Daniel being in day care a few days each week will in the long term be better for him in some ways. He will meet other children on those days and have an extended play time with them. He will have the same carer on these days. His carer has experience dating back till 1979 plus has raised two children of her own. She has all the required first aid skills and has a teaching background. She has sooo many age appropriate toys and educational equipment that I was pleasantly stunned! She has a lovely thoughtful manner and English is her first lanuage, non smoker with no pets in her house. All this helped ease my worry.

So I do know deep down that Daniel will have so much and gain so much from being in day care! Plus he will have friends around his age and he really does enjoy watching and playing with young children.

Yet I still hurt a bit. I know I'll worry and I'll miss him. I know it will take time for the carer to "know" Daniel and for him to "know" her.

Yet at 10 months of age, I have been reasurred that is is a great time for him to go and get some day care as it should be an easier transition than at 21/2 years old etc.

I guess I can see the special time of being mainly "alone" with Daniel as coming to an end and I grieve that. I have enjoyed the experience and I do thank God that I had the opportunity to become a Mum and had that "alone" time. That time was precious.

Until I write again,

Lady Lavenda

You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.

You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.

So far no word from either recruitment agency regarding the two different roles that I had applied for.

I am beginning to accept that perhaps my returning to the work force isn't part of the grand design just yet. I am telling myself to "Just relax and go with the flow" in that regard. 

I have to believe "that it was meant to be that I will find the right role that fits the hours that I want to work". I am trying to keep an open mind about opportunities and being patient. I have already knocked back one job as I just knew from how the interview went that the manager would not be good to work for. I'd never knocked back a job before!

I have been very honest about what I'm looking for in each interview. I am letting God take care of the rest.

The Thursday interview went very well. It's a bit further away than I really wanted but the manager is friendly, open and honest. It was a fun, chatty interview. So I am keen to be contacted for a second more serious interview! The pay is an improvement on my last role too!

The Friday interview was ok. I mean I did impress them but I did read the body lanuage and noted the crossed arms and hostile way the CEO was to me. The pay would be great but the expectations are not worth losing my soul for! Plus they ingnored my statement about being part time! They expect full time and unpaid over time with it!. After the interview I felt like I should withdraw my application. Yet instead, I felt that they surely will find someone to accept their working conditions whereas I will not so I haven't bothered with submitting a retraction of my interest in the role. If I get asked to go for a second interview then that is when I'll formally retract my expression of interest.

I am enjoying my time with my son. His smiles and laughter. So I know I'm not going to be in a rush to accept any role that is not going to be right for me, my son and family.

Take Care,

Lavendalady

I freely admit I adore my son. He has changed my life in so many ways. He brings out the best in me! He is so amazing and so chatty. *biggest smile*

I started writing him a letter for his birthday and plan to do one for each of them.

I discovered that I have admin functions today! Pretty cool stuff!

Take Care,

Lavendalady

Well the crying is getting to me *sigh* It's not the distressed cry. It's the "I want to be picked up etc cry". Even the use of his dummy does not work when he stubbornly refuses to shhh until he is being actually cuddled or held by me or his Dad. Naturally this is very hard to do as you are cooking and chopping veggies.

Below is a new picture of Daniel sitting on my chair.

I have prepared a dish called Greek Prawns for tonights dinner. It's a case of me wanting to spoil myself and David for a change. The yucky parts were having to shell the prawns and NOT eat any! Plus chopping the onion makes my eyes sting! I altered the dish by adding a nice white sauce base to the botton, then the tomatoe and prawn mixture and then the shreded soft cheese on top.

Tonight I have to study up on all of the Age Care Standards to prepare for Friday's interview. Hard work *frown*

Tommorow I have a day of housework till 1230pm. My Dad arrives at 2pm to watch Daniel. A job interview at 2.30pm and then to see the counsel at 4pm regarding finding child care. After that I think I will need a sleep!

Well it's nearly 4pm and Daniel has started calling out again so I best go and attend to him. I don't think he slept from 3.15pm but at least I think he rested some *I Hope*

Take Care,

Jenni

Yes I know we not just I need to establish a FIXED bed time routine with Daniel. The routine used to be that I would change him into his PJ's, then cuddle and then put him into bed almost asleep. It worked until the endless nights where he's wake up numerous times over night!

So we had to change our plan.

I extended his bedtime and increased his activities throughout the day. His Dad tried for two nights with the idea of a bed time story and then putting him to bed fully awake but did not continue with it. The distressed crying did bother him and he wanted to go back to me settling Daniel at night. I suspect it was the easier emotionally and physically for him. I also don't blame him as I can imagine dealing with an upset baby instead of the usual cuddly baby boy after a long day at work must really have upset him.

Anyway Daniel was so tired after a busy day out with me and Grandpa, that he fell asleep in my arms at 6pm and in bed at 6.10pm.

At 7.0pm we had our dinner. At 8pm his Dad dressed him into his PJ's and resettled him nicely.

The crying..... *sigh* It really wasn't that bad admittedly. I guess mainly it was my Dad that felt it was not good. And that worried me that my Dad was not coping!

But in all honesty it is hard for a 65 year old man who has very limited baby experience to handle baby crying. Also with the trying to reduce the dummy usage it does not help matters. The crying was today about a pooey nappy, being thirsty and wanting a cuddle... rather hard to get my Dad to understand really. He rather wanted Daniel to act like the happy self he is at home while he is being entertained/playing with his toys.

A change of routine certainly does throw a baby! I sincerely hope my Dad does not reconsider he and my Mum looking after Daniel one day a week. *worried look*

Anyway enough of my rambles!

Oh wait! The reason I was out with my Dad today was to get a dress to wear for the job interview on Friday. My Dad helped me by being with Daniel while I was trying on clothes to wear for my job interview on Friday. My Dad is good that way and understands about the need to work.

Take Care,

Thankyou to those that requested that I add them as a friend and to those I requested. I now have a few friends on Minti. It made me smile today to see that! I even replied to emails!

Its nice finally siting down on the rocking chair in the lounge. It's 10.20am and I am waiting for the new lounge suite to arrive while watching an old TNG episode. I do enjoy a little science fiction *grin*  I rather like Riker! Anyway David and I had been wanting/needing a new suite since March. So.. it will be delivered today! Yay! A new lounge suite will make it easier for my Dad to be comfy as the old was not comfy and hard for him to get out of.

It was sad saying goodbye to my old lounge suite. I'd had it since 1996. We took some last pictures of Daniel on it before it left with it's new owners. A picture is below. I think I am just getting more sentimental as I get older.. perhaps I am now more aware of time passing..

Daniel as per his habit & age, is having a morning rest. I expect he'll wake at 1100-1130 and be wanting a cuddle and lunch.

This week I hope to reduce the dummy habit Daniel has. I do not regreat the dummy use. I have read it has a 90% reduction on the likeihood of SIDS! Plus it is a real parent sanity saver and sooths baby so well. My aim is to try and reduce it's use to when Daniel is getting sleepy/bed time/really upset/unwell or teething. Yesterday (Day 1) was hard work (lots of crying out for his dummy habit) but thankfully David helped alot (with lots of TLC and Daniel distraction) which meant I had time to bake, orgainse tonights dinner and clean up the kitchen. Tonight we are having fish mornay. A first for me to make!

My parents have been wonderful with getting Daniel some really cute things. Check out the white bunny PJ's Daniel is wearing below.

I best go now. I'll check in a bit later to read and play a bit.

Take Care,

I am new here. Found this site today and have not been able to stop reading. Such great stories, advice and sharing! So needless to say I joined.

The picture below is of myself, David and Daniel taken in Feb 2007.

I am from Melbourne Australia. I am 36 years old and am a new Mum to my darling adorable baby boy Daniel. Daniel is nine months old. I am engaged to my partner David and we are not married yet. I am hopeful that in Feb 2008 when some of David's family are able to visit from Canada that he will agree that is the best time. A big part of me wants to me married not just engaged.

For new Mum's I suggest getting a copy of "What to expect the first year". It is easy to read as well as insightful. Plus also get a copy of the DVD's "Mum To Mum". Read often and watch these DVD's as they give you confidence in what you are doing even when you are soo sleep deprived!

I am a registered nurse and am currently on maternity leave. I am also currently dealing with the issue of wanting to be with my son 24/7 and not go back to work. Yet I will have to return to continue my career. Yet finding work of the right kind locally is turning out to be rather painful as they (the age care facilities) expect full time! I just can't imagine working full time when I have such a little boy (9 months old) that needs me. Also finding someone to care for my under one year old via the council is really hard. Plus in all honesty I am not sure I could cope away from him for hours on end.

I'd love to hear from Mum's local and far far away and make new friends.

Take Care,

Lavendalady