This friend has since moved away and is not returning phone calls. She was due back over a week ago and I have been trying to get a hold of her to return her kittens.

I thought this person and I had a pretty good friendship. Well was I wrong about that! How can someone treat a person that way. I am not a bad person but feel as if I have done something wrong to have been treated this way. I am now left wondering what to do. I have 2 kittens that I cannot keep long term and am out a lot of money as I have wormed them and de-flead them and groomed them (they are 2 pure white kittens and need brushing etc) fed them and looked after them as if they were my own.  I feel so used.

The bump on his head has gone down quite a bit and doesn't look so red and angry this morning. So hopefully it will be okay.

The doctors aren't sure what the lump is under my scar. They are thinking it may be a congealed blood clot. If that is the case it will go down in time. The antibiotics they have me on are pretty strong and will help to keep the infection at bay. But if I start feeling ill with a temp and nausea etc I have to go back to the doc. I'm just waiting on an appt to go to the outpatients clinic to have a needle put in to it under ultrasound to have it investigated further.

At least the docs have stopped talking about a hernia! If that is what the lump is then it would mean more surgery and an extra 8 weeks off work. That would mean I would lose my job. The staff can't keep covering for me for much longer. They are exhausted and want off. I am so grateful to them for taking my shifts and I want to get back to work as soon as I can. Being at home is driving me crazy!

So here is hoping my 'cycle of suck' is nearing it's completion and life will get back to normal!

Boy was I wrong!

My teen threw a fit because we wouldn't take her to mcdonalds to buy herself (and nobody else) dinner. I had dinner sitting on the stove at home waiting. Though she was easy to deal with!

But you wouldn't believe it...... Of all the places my little man could have an accident, he chose the waiting room of the doctors surgery!!!

I was standing there talking to a friend that happened to be there and his daughter (whom I have known since she was born) and the next minute I see J doing a nose dive of the chair he was sitting on. J had been rocking on it and lost his grip.

Face first into the concrete floor!!!!!!! Well, did he scream!

My poor little man ended up having to see the doctor himself and he now has a huge 'egg' on his head and a wicked headache to boot.

Tomorrow is going to be fun.

J quite often bumps his head and every time, for about 2 days afterwards, he is grumpy and mean and just downright horrible! Aren't I lucky I love him so darned much lol.

At the moment he is sleeping on the couch in the lounge room, I have made a bed up so I can lay next to him as I don't want him sleeping alone tonight. It was a pretty hard fall from about a metre high. So I will be up all night worrying about him.

Don't our lovely munchkins keep us on our toes  They are so beautiful and sweet and loving but boy can they scare the pants of you sometimes.

It looks like I am having some problems with my appendix site. There is a huge lump under the scar and it could be a hernia. Here's hoping it's not as it will mean more surgery for me and then 8 weeks of recovery. That will mean complete bed rest, no working and what the bejeezers will I do with my kids for that amount of time?!? Not to mention no earnings from me and the savings almost completely depleted. Boy, aren't I a picture of happiness and laughter today. We are in a cycle of suck right now and things are hard. Stress is taking its toll on me and I really can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Yep, you guessed it. This is a vent blog for me. I get so angry right now, my partner can't see that money is a worry for me right now. Having very little income, normal bills to pay  plus medical expenses on top of it all, why shouldn't I worry? And then to top it off he comes home last week with his first pay in 2 1/2 months and proceeds to give $540 of it to someone he owes money to from February, they were quite happy to wait for it mind you knowing that we weren't in the position to pay it anytime soon. So there went 2 thirds of his pay in a second. Then R proceeds to tell me he is going to Broome in 2 weeks and needs to organise the flights up there and back!!!!! Why do some men have no notion of priorities and family? It can't be that hard., we have been together for years and he sees me struggle to pay the bills etc every week and he goes and throws this trip at me. $800 just in airfares out of our last $2000. I feel like screaming and crying and kicking and punching something. I feel worthless in this relationship right now. I have no say over anything. R has this notion that it is his money and he can do what he pleases with it. But when you are a family, family comes first. Am I wrong? Is there maybe something I don't know? An unwritten rule maybe that says he can do what he wants when he wants and stuff the partner and kids. They can sit there with no money while I go away for speedway for three days.

Is there not priorities when you are in a long term relationship?  Maybe I have the wrong end of the stick? Maybe all the things I learnt from my parents marriage and friends marriages and relationships about fairness and equality do not apply to me and my relationship. Because all I can see is that since he earns the money it is his and I have to ask for even the slightest amount if I need to buy anything.

Aaargh! I think I will go and bang my head against the wall.

If you have read this far, I thank you for listening to me vent. It is much appreciated.

It's off to work in an hour and take JB to daycare. S is in Ellenbrook babysitting for the night so thank goodness I don't have to worry about her until this afternoon.

I have an 8 hour work day ahead of me and I think I will have to live on caffeine all day. I am so not a morning person, I love my sleep. I love my bed. Oh I so want to go back to bed.

With only one wage now the savings are being depleted pretty fast. I am thinking of asking the boss if I can pick up some more hours at work. I am already doing 32 and 37 hour weeks but I am sure I can find some more hours there. This sucks having only one wage. R had better go and find another job soon or we will be cutting back dramatically. That will mean NO speedway for him!

My middle child, S, is severly pushing my buttons. How can a child be so defiant and rude! I know I didn't raise her to be like this. S has always had a temper, ever since she was born, violent and uncontrolable outbursts that could last for minutes or hours. Now she is 13yrs old and I can't control her. Doors slam, outbursts of swearing, throwing objects and just complete nastiness. I am afraid for our little boy, JB, as he can cop a lot of nastiness from his sister just for looking at her. He is only 4yrs old and idolises his big sister.

I sit here sometimes and wonder if my family is falling apart and how to fix it. My mental health is suffering from all this stress and my Bi Polar and BPD are playing up a bit. I am trying so hard to keep everything and everyone together that I am finding it increasingly harder to keep me together.