I just had another really serious gall stone attack. it lasted about three days and i actually ended up in hospital over night so they could control the pain. The funny thing is, it wasn't, by far, the worst attack i've had. i've had a couple that were far worse and lasted far longer. I'm not sure what happened... almost seems like my tolerance and patience for the thing has gone down. I'm thinking that not having 500-600 hours of sick leave credits likely made the difference... too bad those don't come with you job to job. I've only been in this job for two months now, so being out with this has cost me all my sick leave, and most of my overtime and vacation leave. Thank God our Christmas holidays don't come out of our vacation leave- they close the office down and we all get automatic paid holidays. Yay! now that's a perk!

I'm feeling better today, good in fact, and i"m back at work. yay! It feels great to be doing paperwork. Who would've thought? hmph.

The one thing that has come from allthis, is that i'll be having surgery on Nov 24th... thank God for short term disability, so i will still have income... but it means i"ll only have like 3 weeks of work left this year.... hmmm... I wonder how restful it will be? I hear people can recoup pretty quick from this when their gall bladders aren't infected... and mine's not, yay! my white blood count was normal, yay!!!

I had been fighting having this surgery, resisting it tooth and nail... but God works in mysterious ways, and He works all things out for his Glory in the end...

God bless you all.

I am's Child.

I've found it quite an accomplishment getting things done. My kitchen is actually starting to come together. This morning before work, I found the box with my small appliances, so that will be good. Gotta go, update you more later.

Iamschild.

So, I now have the computer set up, and am slowly bringing stuff up from the basement. One step at a time, but the house is coming. I can cook, and wash and do laundry, and now I can even sit at table. I had my first company over for lunch today, and they helped me bring a few things up- the kitchen table, a dresser and a few boxes. So, things are coming good. Not bad for a Sunday.

Well, God bless you all, thanks, and take care out there.

I Am's child.

Since I got my new job, I"ve been looking for a place to live. And between the housing shortage locally and the economy the way it is, finding anywhere I could afford to live- rent or buy!- was very challenging. There only two houses in my price range for sale in the community- and moving out of town and commuting an hour everyday wasn't an option I could  afford either. (I know, I'm spoiled compared to some city dwellers!)

Anyways, I'm all excited because my mortgage was finially approved last night. It took about 2-3 weeks- where most take about 3-4 days! there was just delay after delay, all things that were kinda out of my hands. So, please, rejoice with me-= I won't be homeless next week!

Yay!!!!

However, I'm starting to see that my new challenges will be personal interactions with co workers. People like being critical of each other, and to accuse others of not doing their work properly.It's not easy hearing all this crud. But, with God's help, I beleive balance in my work relationships is in store.

I apprehended my first kids in my new job today. Straight forward, cut and dried situtation. one of those ones that no one would argue about if they knew the details. Some may even have said that it was about time. And so, the story continues and the work goes on.

The housing situaiton is still in God's hands. I'm still waiting, and learning to be patient. Makes me think of the movie Fireproof- where they guy is sitting on his firetruck, waiting for God to salvage his marriage- meanwhile, his wife continues to pursue divorce and gives him various documents, etc. He stands in trust in God- and God is faithful. Amen.

Well, thanks for listening everybody. All the best, and God bless.

I Am's child.

I had my first emergency call today, but there were hands and feet in the community that handled most of it for me, and settled it down until MOnday. So, I get to go up and give someone a gentle but emphatic and much needed earful on the merits of keeping their children safe and properly supervised. And what that looks like.

It's okay, you don't need to call the men in the long white coats, to come and take me away heehee hoohoo. I really am sane, even though I'm enjoying doing my work and excited about going up there on Monday to handle this. It feels strange to actually be excited to go to work. Excited for Monday coming- and it's only Friday night! Wow. Goes to show the strength that comes from being called to something. If I wasn't Called, I'm not sure how I'd do this. But since it was God's idea, not mine, it's working out, even though I'm not really sure how!

God is soooo good! He gets the glory, because I was not capable on my own...

My new job is working with our First Nations people (those who were here before Europeon settlers. The original inhabitants of our great and sad nation.) The work is the same, but it is a different office just down the street. Case loads are smaller, attitudes are better and the people are friendlier. It has been a real blessing. A good bit of why I wasn't on here much for the last 9 months was work related stress. I just don't handle Minti well when my work stress is that high- it is too much the same.

But I'm doing good now. I'm chil-axing, and starting to come around well. It's a joy to be glad to go to work again. And strangely enough, in my new job, I'm freer to talk about God. Oh am I glad not to be with the governement anymore! Relief!!

This one isn't pretty reading. It's hard- it's the cold hard facts. I wrote it mainly because so many times I've been writing replies to people, and dealing with the emotional stuff, but needing to let people know the consequences of their actions. I've been needing to add the cold hard facts to the warm fuzzy encouragement and support. So, I wrote this so that I can just add the link...

Please let me know what you think.

I Am's Child.

Thank you all for your input regarding the whole moving thing. The counsellors didn't come this week, sounds like they'll be here next week, but I will be otherwise engaged then. That's okay.

Today I was talking to the Local Rep from the union (he's the union big shot for our area), (yup, on a saturday!) and he asked me about what happened. He asked me about the office dynamics and stuff. He and I will talk more next week, but from what he said, there is the potential for something to be looked into about the office stuff which contributed to her decision. I am strongly in favour of that. She can no longer speak for herself- so I will be her voice and share what I know. I had told her several times when we used to go shopping and for drives, that if she needed me to, I'd speak up on her behalf. I seriously thought about it, but left it up to her. But now she's gone... someone needs to be her voice. I'm willing. (please, don't knock this idea, I need to cling to it right now- and I'm excited to do it.)

I now know a little more about how she ended up no longer employed... I can't share it, but it is a relief to know. It was both more and less serious than I'd thought. but I thank God that I know, and that someone is taking interest in her death. I thank God that something may be done about this... I thank God we're heading into another round of barganing at this time... It could make for some very interesting, but very hard days ahead. Makes me think of that old " Chinese curse"- "May you live in interesting times". The days ahead will be hard, but I KNOW God is in control, and all things will conform to his Glory in the end.

I was a little puzzled at first that what happened didn't bother me more. I tend to be a pretty sensative, emotional person ( I know, that's not the stereotype of my profession, but it is true), and I almost expected a stronger reaction in myself. But then i realised that I had been expecting her to move away after she was no longer employed here. I hadn't heard of any job opportunities here, and with few ties to the community, i expected her to be moving on. And i had tried to talk to call her a couple times, and she didn't call me back when I left her a message. So, I think i was already distancing myself, preparing for a loss. For me, when you move, your Gone unless you make the effort to stay in touch. I moved a lot as a child, and for me moving is a terminal thing- it ends everything. I tend to be surprised when people stay in touch once they move away... usually it's me moving, and me making the effort to stay in touch. Anyways, back on trackhere, because I have a question for you Minti folks.

Does this seem reasonable? That my expecting her to move and her not returning my phone calls would have affected my heart in such a way that I'm greiving differently? We had been friends when she first came a year ago, but it was a gradual lessening over time... And I've been so busy at work, that I didn't have time for much of anything... other than work!

When it first happened, umm, I had other priorities. And I felt something welling in me, but was focused on my priorities and it went away. That was the first night, the first couple hours after I found out. I've found myself wondering about myself- am I being cold or hard, or just not greiving, or what? Is it just that I was already preparing for her to go?

When I think about it, she's just gone to me. I have memories of the times we spent together, of course, and they don't hurt, but their under a fog or veil in my mind. Their distant and not easy to think of. She'd already been gone, in many ways since she was no longer employed, about a month ago.

So, does this sound like normal greiving for the situation? I creid at the meeting when they gave us more details and we all talked about our reactions and stuff. But I haven't really cried much more than that. There are counsellors coming, and I think I'll probably go see one, just to check on me and make sure that I'm okay. I feel okay, but question it. Am I numb? Am I in denial? Or am I just screening things in my own head, processing only as much as I can handle and still function well, with the emotions almost taking turns? And it seems strange to me that I'm not even fretting about not fretting. it's just a quiet observation of myself.

So, what do you Minti people think? Is this normal greif or am I even greiving?

I'm doing okay. I had been close to her when she first came her, almost a year ago. But over the months, we'd had less and less contact with each other. I knew she was having some trouble at work, but little more. We'd go for drives sometimes, and we'd go shopping. She didn't have a vehicle, and that is extremely issolating when you live in the middle of no where. Then when she was just gone from work, with no explanation, I called her a couple times. The first time, she didn't want to talk. The other two times, I just left messages and she didn't call back. I guess my heart was disconnecting because I figured she'd be moving soon anyways.

I can see how things piled up for her. the isolation, the financial woes, the trauma of whatever happened at work, and being so far from home...

I'm okay, I just needed to talk about it. And I need a hug. I'll be okay, but I'm feeling a need for some support right now. 

I've not been around much, as many of yo have noticed. Life's been nutty, and I've been making nut bars it's so nutty!

To be honest, I haven't had the emotional energy to go to the Q&A in a long time now. There are so many people needing help, that I just wasn't able to manage it along with everying here. So, I've been keeping to my self, taking care of myself, and trying to get caught up at work.

My work related stress has been through the roof since fall, and I think I'm finally getting out of the tunnel. But the walk still seems long... ick.

I'm going to try to be around a little more, we'll see how things are going. I've jsut finished some holidays, so I feel better and able to do stuff. But i have fallen on my face before when I go back, and I can't have that happen this time!

So, that's a little update on me. I'll be around as possible, so feel free to get in touch. All the best to everybody.

I had a good Christmas and New Years, and the new year is treating me well.

God is faithful, and is displaying his faithfulness!

iamschild.

The other day, i was writing a list, and went to type "paperwork". My fingers wrote "paperworker"! This is hilarious to me, because I"ve been doing very little else, and feel more like a paperworker than a social worker!

a little laugh for the paperwieghted!

There were three votes, and the rating was 5 stars... then there were four, and the rating dropped to 3.55. Which can, to my mind, only mean that someone ranked it at a 1, or at best a 2. And you know what, I understand.

All the time, i deal with people who don't like what I have to say. If you heard the things people said to me, some of you would wonder why we don't get hazard pay! Some of them recognise that although they don't like what I'm say, what I'm saying is still true, correct, and said with the intent to help. Other people attack me. And some people attack me personally- verbally.

So now maybe some of you see why I made the crack about not feeling safe the year we apprehended all the drug dealers kids... If it was somewhere else, I could have been personally attacked if they took it the wrong way. And with a drug dealer, would it just be verbally? I've often wondered how workers do it who live in the cities, where most drug dealers are gang connected... even with the expereinces I've had, I can't quite imagine apprehending kids where there is known serious gang involvement... I can't quite imagine what the gangs reaction would be... but I get images of a sea of bikers going down a street... can you imagine that coming to your house? Angry bikers... and not the friendly ones who ride for fun... but the biker gangs... No Thanks. The very thought makes me gllad I don't have kids. For one thing, our department isn't prepared for that kind of thing... The only thing we can do is call the cops, and work would reassign us... but how would they protect us? All I know is I don't want to find out!

In any case, back to my point. The rating is low because some one didn't like what I had to say, and not because what I said was wrong, untrue, or poorly written. They just didn't like hearing the truth.

i was hoping to shed light on why cases like the recent ones in the Australian media happen.

I look forward to hearing what people think, and if this was at all helpful.

I Am's child.

I really became aware of that a few years ago when we apprehended the kids of all the local drug dealers... Not something that makes you feel safe!

In anycase, I've had to tighten up my personal information, and as a result I'm cutting my activity down to things which are not google-able and questions/advice articles. Most of my personal communications will be by Minti mail. In doing this, I've had to cut my friend list down to those I know. I mean no offense in doing this, and I beleive I've kept everybody who's in regular contact for me. If i removed you by accident, please, offer me another friend request. And please, no one be offended if I get to know you before I accept your friend request... it's critical for my personal well being. Also, it means my entries on this blog will be minimal, although I may write on my lounge- or i may not.

I am an open, honest, and upfront person,and if that's a problem- then it's a good thing you don't do my work! 

I'am's child.

I've been a little quick with the pen lately, and stepped on a number of toes. I want it to be known right now that I had no intent of hurting anyone, just encouraging a little change, however, it appears that i was a little less encouraging and a little more confrontational than i intended, and I'm sorry about that.

So, my appologies, and I'm moving along now.

I Am's child.

Will it be easy? Will it be the way I wanted it to be? No. I won't be. But this way, He makes sure I've learned the consequences of my actions, and the lessons will be indelibly written on my heart and on my actions.

There had been some concerns about my work- essentially a lack of organisation that became debilitating and paralysing. And some negative attitudes- HUGE ones.

Yet, God is faithful, even when we're not.

so, it all works out.

Thank you everyone for the prayers, support and encouraging words.

Blessing and Salutations. In His MIGHTy name

I Am's Child.