First my mom and younger sisters came up here - rather not talk about it, then my lovely sister-in-law and niece stayed with us for 2 weeks. We just said goodbye yesterday and the atmosphere around here is quite subdued - the dog included. We had a really great time, except for when the two older cousins were trying their best to argue and annoy. Things seem so quite and empty around here now. It's going to take an adjustment to get back to the way things were.

It was awesome to get to know my SIL, or exquisite flower, as some of you know her, better. This is the most time we have been able to spend together in one consistent time and it left me knowing that I am indeed blessed to have the family I have. This was also the first time she was able to meet my youngest - outside my belly - and I believe they both left a lasting, good impression on each other. It is my hearts desire that it just won't be another handful of years before we see each other face-to-face again. 

Cheers to all!

Signing off.

-Philosopher13

 We did have a little bit of a scare today.... I got a really bad migraine and was throwing up and retching for a while, along with the head splitting and fatigue. I layed down while the boys napped, but when I went to the bathroom later and wiped there was a bit of bloody stuff. I was really freaked out, but when I called the doctor she told me to just keep an eye on it and as long as it was only when I wiped and not gushing or cramping I should be ok. She called and checked on me a couple hours later which did make me feel good about her (new doctor), and she assured me that this happened sometimes. I tried to take it as easy as I could until my husband got home and when we checked later it was almost all gone. 

 Mike and I are so thrilled about this new addition! Although, we are pretty sure this is the last and finally child - unless we adopt. After my recent surgery and some other problems since my first pregnancy, I just don't think my body would be able to handle anymore without leaving me in nasty shape. So... the next order of business around here, after the baby, is first a vasectomy, then a breast reduction/lift. LOL!

Signing Off.

-Chelle

Samuel also had his "first" full day of potty training today and did excellent. He did poop on the potty TWICE! We tried a few months back, but he wasn't ready yet. He certainly appears ready now. 

It seems hard to believe but Mike didn't really get a chance to put the wonderful Tike that the boys beautiful auntie got them until Monday. Solomon loves it, (Sam is still too small), and calls it his "motorcycle". Hopefully the link I added will work and you can see a picture of him on it.

As for me, well I have officially applied for a volunteer job with an organization called Play Rugby USA. They are primarily focused on spreading the sport of rugby across America to help the country become more competitive on an international scale. They mostly specifically focus on bringing rugby to schools. It's a great cause, and they have done a lot of good in some New York inner city schools. Kids lives have been changed with the introduction of the sport and the principles it teaches. For those interested you can find out more at playrugbyusa.com.

Because a lot of the work takes place in schools, background checks are required. The guy I spoke with also asked me for a resume - CV to some of you, so I very anxiously typed one up and passed it on. I felt silly trying so hard for a volunteer job, but it's been 3 years since I had a "proper" job, and longer then that since I've had to write a resume. I want to do well and present myself well no matter what the job.

Well that does it for now.

Signing Off.

-Chelle

 As this time of year does, but more so this year then usual, being back home and all, my mind has been plagued with tough questions and answers. Where am I? Where am I going? Where have I been? How did I get where I am? And that always fun - "What if?" But enough of that for now. I am not ready to really put it all out on the table yet.

 Now on to more pleasant matters.... Christmas was delightful - both of them. LOL! The first Christmas was at my aunt house in Brooklyn. (There are 5 sisters on my mom's side, 4 in New York, so every year they rotate Christmas.) The whole presents thing was a bit chaotic and overwhelming. The boys made out like bandits! Mike got to be Santa's helper for the first time - yet another duty, along with Santa, that gets passed through the family. The boys got along great with their cousins, and of course, I with mine. It was a fun time of food and fellowship and with bouts of all out goofiness. We even sang the 12 days of Christmas, with each of us pairing off and singing our parts in order. Everything I missed about past Christmases from my childhood - before we left New York.

 The second Christmas was in Long Island at my other aunts house, two days after Christmas. One of my cousins is going through a separation/divorce and his kids weren't able to have Christmas with us originally, so we had another Christmas for them. Keep in mind that I have a BIG family and for each Christmas, everyone showed up. Well, I take that back. My grandmother who has pneumonia right now, was too tired to make it, so one of my aunts stayed with her. Saturday I think was even more enjoyable without all the chaos of gift exchange. For the first time I was able to really get to know one of my uncles and just really relax and spend time with everyone. I know there will probably be times where I will be on Minti complaining about the same family, but in general, I look at what they have here and I can't comprehend how my life was so different from this. My family here is far from perfect, but they are so full of love. And everyone of us, sincerely loves to be around each other. We have so much fun together. Even the in-laws. And extended family? My aunts ex-husband and his family regularly attend functions at her place. Her roommate and old family friend, brought a big truck with for the sole purpose of driving my cousins around, to and fro, university and home. I cannot say enough about how wonderful they are...

 Well, that's it for now. Time for me to start folding laundry. Funny, putting it off never seems to get it done. LOL.

 Signing off.

 -Chelle

 I was on the phone with my mom when she accidently knocked over a box with her foot. Apparently the box was full of screws and nuts that my dad had just sorted or something. He immediately started screaming at her, asked her what was wrong with her, then demanded that she pick up every last one of them, "NOW! No, I mean right NOW!", as if she were a child. She tried to laugh it off and told him it was his fault for leaving it out on the floor. And she does have a point especially seeing how she is severely legally blind. I heard the discomfort in my mom's bravado as she stood up to him. I wanted to get off the phone as they kept going on, but I felt like she needed me to stay on for her sake. Seriously, his voice - it was so angry. I was almost worried that he was going to start hitting her, the way he sounded. It really hurts to see and hear that going on. And this is the man who accused my husband of not being secure in his manhood because he stood up for himself and his family to my parents. My husband has never once talked to me like that and if he did, that would be the last time.

 My little, youngest sister was there. She is only 14. Her and my other younger sister who is 17, still live with my parents. And it scares me for them. The older of the two is going to college close by to watch out for our youngest sister. Urrr, my family is so dysfunctional but they still try and pretend like everything is ok. The go to church, pray to God and act like they have all their ducks in a row. My dad used to say, "Well, at least I don't come home, get drunk and beat you." Well, gee thanks dad. I kind of wish you did drink because at least that would give some kind of explanation to your behavior. He never really "beat" us per se, but he was very loose with his hands, and belt, and whatever other object he could get his hands on if he felt disrespected somehow.

 I'm scared for my family because I see my mother driving herself crazy with worry about her body and mind. She is watching her mother-in-law go in and out of the looney bin, driven there by my grandfather's years of verbal and mental and emotional abuse. My mom is going through menopause, but it's not just that. She is driven by fear and insecurity and jealously. It would take pages and pages to really describe everything going on.... I honestly think part of the reason they are so controlling and sheltering of my little sisters is because they are afraid of what is going to happen once my sisters leave. I know I am. But that is the bed they made for themselves and it is not fair to force the rest of us to deal with the shit -hole they have created.

 Can I just vent some more? The man apparently "saved up for a year" and bought himself two flat-screen tv/computer monitors. Then he has the balls, after my mom mentioned getting a new tv stand, saying that he'll get HER the tv stand for her Christmas present! WTF?! For her?! I come home to find a no reason surprise of roses from my husband and she gets a freaking tv stand for his tvs for Christmas. Last year, he bought her the new kitchen table. Wow.  Mike and I had no words.

   It makes me grateful for the awesome, considerate husband I have. But it hurts me to see how my mom gets the scraps from the table while my dad puts himself first. But she thinks he's a wonderful husband because, and I quote, "He is a good provider." I just hope and pray that my little sisters won't settle for anything but the best for them. I'm mostly worried about my youngest sister. She takes the brunt of the abuse now that I am gone. She is a little on the chubby side, although very active, while my other sister is slim. So she is constantly reminded about her weight and food, as well as being compared to my other sister. I don't get the big deal. I was not fat, but a bit curvier then my older sister when we were little, now she is like twice my size and I'm the "skinny" one. I use that term lightly since I've had children. LOL! I'm trying to get back there anyhow.

  Well, for anyone who actually took the time to read this epistle - thank you. I just needed to let that out. Sometimes I wish I could just hit a switch inside of me and not care anymore. But I realize my caring is what makes me human, and able to love and forgive. 

Signing Off.

-Chelle

Signing Off.

-Chelle

  I'm in kind of a reflective, stream-of-conscience mood. Random thoughts floating around in circles in my head, ranging from I really need to fold that last bit of laundry to have I really dealt with my issues with a particular person. The thoughts have started firing off to fast now. I am having difficulty clearing through them and writing in a sensical manner. I get like that sometimes. I think too much too fast. It makes talking difficult sometimes. I end up stumbling over my words and sounding stupid. And when I read, if I slow down long enough to pay attention to what I am doing, I read sentences in random pieces, somehow it all making sense in my head.

  It feels kind of lonely right now. I wouldn't mind someone to bounce thoughts off with. Maybe tackle some deeper issues...contemplate the true meaning of life... or what exactly that fuzzy stuff is doing in my belly button. Hehe....

   Ever feel like there is something you are avoiding thinking about, or talking about. Why do things from the past have to bother our present so much? You think you are over it. You've moved on. It doesn't really bother you like it used to, then you watch a movie or see a show or read a book or article, whatever and BAM! It's back in your face, screaming like a spoiled child who wants attention and wants it NOW. So you deal with it - maybe, you move on and wait until the next breakdown?

Signing Off.

-Chelle

  On a good note, it snowed today!!!!!!!!!!!! My boys finally got to see it for the first time. 

 Signing Off.

 -Chelle

  Well, we got some good pics of Times Square to share. As good as they are though, they still don't do justice. As the boys and I stepped out of the subway Solomon said, " Wow. It's bright out here. Mommy, is it daytime now?" LOL!

                                               ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Ok, I'm back. I'm not sure how to get the pics into my blog so I'm just going to add them in my family pics or something. If anyone is interested, check them out.

Signing Off.

-Chelle

 Adult and stimulating conversation and thought. It's a nice break being with two little people under 5 all day.

2. whats something funny thats happened to you recently?

It's not really something funny that has happened to me, but I've recently discovered how fun wood floors can be. I was teaching my boys the other day how to do the "Tom Cruise" slide across the floor in my socks. 

3. whats a word you kid/s say/said thats pronounces funny / cute? 

     Statue of Delivery

4. if you could be someone famous for a say who would it be and why? 

dj Rap, I would love to be able to hit the turntables for a day. Plus, I wouldn't mind borrowing her never-been-pregnant body!

5. sum up what minti means for you in 5 words

sharing friendship communication helpfulness fun

  As mentioned in EF's blog, the Tike will be wrapped and placed under the tree as a Christmas present from their auntie. Or at least placed near the tree as we have a little 3 ft., fiber-optic tree! LOL! And I too am looking forward to seeing EF "try it out" when she arrives hopefully early next year. Pictures are promised as - drum roll please....WE GOT OUR NEW CAMERA TODAY TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  What a morning full of excitement for us! The only thing that would make it better would be my tummy feeling better. LOL. 

   So as soon as I get the camera charged up and figure it out, I will be uploading pics of my adorably handsome boys to Minti.

 Signing Off.

-Chelle

  I am thankful for a loving and understanding husband who has the patience of saint. (I love you!) I am thankful for two lively, healthy, intelligent, loving boys who bring joy to my life. I am thankful that I am what I have become from a past much different from the present. I am thankful for my great and awesome God, who never left my side even when I denied Him. I am grateful.

 And of course, I am thankful for the wonderful place called Minti, and all the wonderful people that make up it's world. I am thankful for those who have let me share in a part of their lives even though we have never properly met. I am grateful.

Signing off.

-Chelle

 Mike took the boys out back to watch the fish and kick the ball around for a bit, then we took a walk around the neighborhood. We stopped in the barbershop and got Samuel's first haircut. (We were tired of people telling us what a beautiful girl we have!) He looks absolutely adorable! He did really well considering it was his first time too. 

  We then walked around a bit more, walked back to the apartment for the car, drove to Blockbuster for a movie, picked up a pizza and some donuts from a couple local shops, then sat down as a family and watched Wall-E. Btw, that movie was actually really enjoyable for the whole family and there was nothing we felt uncomfortable letting the boys watch. There are so many "children's" movies out now-a-days that have so many double messages and adult jokes, it was refreshing.  

  Mike and I put the boys down, ordered a camera on-line (YEAH!!!!!!), and are planning to go shower then watch our own movie. All in all, a really lovely family day. 

 PS

I'm super-duper excited about the camera! We haven't had a working digital camera in about a year or so. We just haven't been able to afford it until now. I am so excited to be able to put pictures of my boys up on Minti now! Hey EF, now you can finally see what your nephews look like now!

 Solomon and I sat on the outside side deck, and while chilly was a nice treat. He pointed out every boat and helicopter and airplane we encountered on the journey. He wouldn't tell me the name of the Statue of Liberty though. He was embarrassed because he made Mike laugh the first time when he said, "Look Daddy! The Statue of Delivery!" LOL. Poor little guy. 

 We spent most of the day walking around the city. We did have a nice meal for lunch. Ate at a lovely place called Juniors. It was a very laid back, friendly atmosphere - a nice break from the hustle and bustle of the city. We walked some more, fruitlessly trying to find Old Navy, which I was certain would have the things for the boys that we've been looking for... snow pants, etc.... We ended up stopping in on my other aunt at her work and took a much needed potty break and directions. 

 After much more walking, we finally ended up at the 4-level Old Navy, only to find that for all it's 4 levels, it only had girls snow pants and not much more in the way of boys stuff. Grrrr. I found some really cute stuff, but just ended up in frustration. The pants were too long, and the shirts too big or too small. Sometimes I despise my body....

 Actually, there were a few shirts that would have looked really good had it not been for my still swollen, saggy top tender abdomen. I've gone done freaking, like 3 pants sizes, have lost weight everywhere on my body, but because some surgeon had a bad day, my stomach is popping out on top!!!!  I wasn't really angry before, but as time goes on I find myself more and more pissed at what happened. It's effected my life in so many ways, and I don't know if my tummy will ever go back to semi-normal. I'm still having trouble lifting some stuff, I go through periods where random activity will cause discomfort, and it's just the ugliness I have to look at in the mirror. 

 People ask me all the time if or when I am going to sue the doctor, but I just want to move on with my life. Still, I can't help but sometimes wonder if I was just played the fool though when I look back over the circumstances surrounding it. But what can I sue them for that I can get back? The damage to my body has already been done. I lost 4 and a half days with my children that I can never get back, including that Solomon's 4th birthday. What can they give me? Really? 

 All I wanted was an apology. I have yet to receive one. Instead it was like nothing every happened and the surgery went as planned. The way they stuck me away in a room, where I had to fight to get sanitary conditions or any kind of medical attention some nights... Hell, as soon as I got back from surgery recovery, the nurse that took me to my room had me move myself from the gurney to the bed - with NO assistance! I didn't know what had happened yet and I felt like a big wimp because it hurt so bad and was so hard for me to move. Little did I know that I wasn't supposed to be moving like that, and could have seriously injured myself. In fact, it wasn't until my 3rd day there that I finally got a nurse that got me a brace/girdle thing that I was supposed to be wearing. She was also the first person there to help me get right in the bed without me having to ask for help or struggle to do it myself. And if it weren't for Mike giving me a sponge bath everyday.... ugh. I've been through some hard stuff in my life, but that time in that hospital still ranks as some of the hardest for me to get through. I felt like a prisoner, unable to see my children or leave by my own free will. It still upsets me thinking about it. It seems ridiculous considering everything else I've gotten through in this life, but, that was.... 

 Well, I've blabbered on much more then I intended. 

 Signing off.

 - Chelle

I came home from a tiring afternoon to find a box leaning up against my door. I thought they must have gotten the wrong apartment, as we've just moved here and haven't ordered anything. But I checked and sure enough it was addressed to me. I opened it up to find 18 long-stem roses and a note from my husband saying, "For all you are, for all you do, I just wanted to say I love you. All my love -Mike". They are absolutely gorgeous flowers! And that note? He still knows how to make my heart flutter. 

So sorry girls, I've got the man you're looking for, and he's ALL mine. 

Signing off.

-Chelle

 I had never actually been to Staten Island before I came here to see my new apartment. And I had never seen the Statue of Liberty "up close", until I rode the ferry from Manhattan to Staten Island. It was kind of a patriotic moment for me. I think it's awesome that everyday, my husband, an immigrant to this country, passes it on the way to work.  I also like that even the people who have lived here for years, brave the chilly winds to go on deck and watch Lady Liberty as the ferry passes by.

 There is not much I don't like about this place. Even though I have never even been to Staten Island before now, New York itself has always been home to me. I love the pizza - heck pretty much all the food here. I love the people, the mix of all different races and heritages. I love the sounds... the church bells me and the boys listen out for throughout the day... the hoot of the ferry at night... the voices rising from the streets into our windows... even the steady whir of passing cars and horns. I love the smells. And I love the beauty - the red and orange and yellow leaves still hanging on to baring tree limbs. Oh the sights...

 We live within walking distance of the ferry, in the St. George area of the Island. And when walking along the pier, or even driving over the top of a hill facing northeast on a clear day, the city skyline rises majestically in the distance. It's a beautiful skyline - tall buildings and structures all clustered together. Yet, as full as it is, it always seems to empty to me. A sad reminder of what once was there. 

 See, when I was little my family - all my family - would often gather at my grandmother's apartment in Manhattan. It would get so hot in that apartment during the holiday season, with all the people and the heat on, so I would sneak outside into the hallway. My grandma's apartment was at the end of the hallway and it had a grated window overlooking the city skyline and bridges. I would press my warm face up against the cool bars and stare at the lights and listen to the sounds of all the beautiful chaos below me. It was a sight forever engrained in my brain. 

 This past May was the first time I had been back to New York City since 9/11. When I saw what the city looked like now, I felt robbed. Like someone had stolen a piece of my childhood away - a piece of this great city. And the really have, I suppose. My hurt seems so selfish and insignificant though in comparison to those who lived through it here. I almost lost family, but there are so many here who did. 

   Every time I ride on the ferry, all I can think as I look out, is how hard this must have been and must still be to those who make this trip everyday, and knew what this city was like before. Staten Island lost more people in the WTC then any other borough in New York. Almost 270 people. They have their own memorial here because there were so many that died, friends and family here needed someplace to visit. My husband and sons walked over there today. (I haven't been able to make the trip yet.) My husband said he and my 4-year-old couldn't help but tear up when they were reading the names of those who died. He said one after another it read "Firefighter, Firefighter, Firefighter..." . Such a great loss of such honorable people. 

Signing off.

-Chelle

Well, at least I've gotten some quiet time around here. No kids, no husby, no tv, no cleaning, just pure Minti time!  I think I have officially developed an addiction. LOL! I love this place though. There are so many cool people, such great advice on topics and oh so much fun! LOL! Ah, can you tell I'm tired?

Signing off.

-Chelle