I have been trying to get out from where i live ever since i first had problems with the arrangements (referring to my previous blogs), but sadly fo now that is impossible, i have no income whatsoever and wont be able to provide for my son on my own just yet. I am really trying to get something to hold onto to get outa here. my parents can't understand why i need to move out, they say that i am stealing him away from them and that i only want him to myself. they also think that i will  be abusive towards him if they dont see what i am doing all the time.

this weekend he had a violent fit and i held him close telling him how much i love him and how much i want to help him and after i left him, he played outside quietly and my sister spoke to him and apparently she was telling him not to get dirty in the dirt and he got angry at her, picked up a stone and threw it at her, he missed her but threw out my dad's company vehicle's window. that was not a good thing, i was hurt that he did something like that and started crying when they said to me how its my fault that he is like that, how i am a worthless mother and not doing anything about him, how im not dicipling him and and and. i was sad all day and couldnt stop crying as i really did feel maybe it is my fault that my son is acting out the way he is, maybe i should have never trusted them to look after him while i was trying to find my feet, to build him a better stable life, to build something that he can look back to and say..' i had a good childhood and my mother is the best'. but at this moment i feel that he will look back and say my mother is worthless and she never did anything for me by herself.

i have this really big feeling of regret, fear, worthlessness. maybe it was wrong of me to not listen to my dad when he said to get an abortion, but i felt it was murder. i love my son, i have loved him since i found out i was going to be a mother. i never once said i would rather leave this behind because of the challenges that would lie ahead to be a single mother and unemployed, i took my responsibilities on full ahead. i knew it would be hard, but that is one of the challenges that comes with any parenthood i believe it helps you grow love for your kids and for other people around.

mystikal, dont worry about hurting my feelings before i was a bit over sensitive that day as i did not have the best of days. all my days consist of not good days lately.

i am seeing someone that loves my son to bits and he is paying for the doctor or phycological expences as he is also very worried for my son and me. my son and him are the only people that keeps me going when the days get tough. he sometimes offer to watch my son while i sleep a bit or when i need to relax, he even sent me to a spa this past weekend to help rid of some of the stress. so as soon as he gets steady in his own place and me get a good job we plan to move in together. i cannot have asked for a better man to support my emotional needs, i love him to bits. to be very honest this weekend after the window insident i phoned him up asking if we could maybe hang out together at the park to let my son relax a bit ( as he got a hiding from grandpa for the window and i was very angry at that and told them how i felt). he came and took us out to the park and almost instantly i saw a changed child. he was loving, he actually looked at the worms hanging on webs in the trees and told me he was happy to see animals. so i agree with some of the comments saying that it is the enviroment he is living in.

here is my email adres if any of you want to speak some more or give me more good advice andreabfg@hotmail.com

i am very greatful and appreciate all the advice given to me and i am sure going to try it all until i find the one that works with him.

Thank you Minti moms.

Lotsa love and blessings to you all.

xxx

i hope none of you were harmed in the fires raging in australia and that all of you are still unharmed.

my heart goes out to all of you that has lost something or someone in the fires.

we saw it on the news here in s.a and its devastating.

god bless you all.

xxx

i havent been very active on minti for tha last couple of weeks due to some medical problems.

it all started about three weeks ago when my mentrual cycle began. i am on the noristerat injection (birthcontrol) for over a year and have never had problems with it in the past. in fact it actually helped to calm down my heavy periods and severe cramping since i have been on it.

all went well for the first two to three days when i noticed that it was not just a regular period, i was bleeding heavily and was in severe pain. then it went away for about three days. i went out on the 1st of feb with a friend for the day and while we were out swimming i felt a sharp menstrual like cramp coming on and to my embarrisment my friend told me to get out of the waves coz there was blood coming out of me and not just a little quite alot. ever since sunday i now have the cramps constantly and i bleed quite bad. i first thought that it might just be from my birthcontrol injection but then i did some research and found out that i have the symptoms of a tear in the uterus or uteral lining.

i had a ceaser when i had my son and now i fear that i might have a tear on the scar of the ceaser. when i get the cramps its one particular spot inside a bit to the left.

i feel sick all the time with the blood loss i have been having and dont know if i should rather go see a gynea or wait it out and see what happens. im fed up with blood!

can anyone please give some advice on what i can do????

Today I realised again what joys the little things in life can bring us only if we allow ourselves to have fun and still enjoy what nature has to offer us. Especially spending a day with my adorable angel at the zoo....

The first time I took him to see live animals was when he was only 7months old. Although he enjoyed it he did not really understand about animals yet.

Well today was totally different!!! I am so glad I accepted the offer from my friend to take us to the zoo. At first the day started off miserable it was raining and cloudy and not too warm to enjoy the outdoors. But as the day progressed it became very open and sunny and alot of fun.  Firstly (because of the rain) took him to see the dangerous creatures where we saw snakes of all kinds, lizzards, and crocodiles. He even got the opportunity to touch a birmese python. I was more nervous than him coz he was laughing and smiling and called out mommy snake ssssssssss. I was overjoyed!!!

Then as it got a bit warmer I took him to see the lions and tigers and even took him to the little petting zoo where there was a lecture about panthers. And once again he got to see and touch a panther upclose. His face lit up with joy and my heart melted when he look at me and said mommy grrrrrr goes lions!

After seeing all the animals and having a lunch at the zoo and eating alot of candy we decided it was time to go home and let the little one get some rest. We just started driving out of the gates and he was lights out nite nite. I felt like I must be doing something right if he can recognize animals without me telling him what it before he says it!

So after today I once again really really know its the little things in life that can make us happy.

I still ive with my parents and I dont know if that may be a cause of some of the problems I am experiencing with my son. I am trying my best to find a good job to be able to provide for him myself again, but it seems like no matter what I do I wont ever get respect from them.

Ever since my son was born everything I did became a very big issue for everyone at home. I am under alot of stress. Like for example when I need to go shower after a long day out jobhunting, they give me a certain time that I MUST be finished in. Or when i need to use the bathroom (nature calls) they refuse to look after my son for that ten of fifteen minutes and i have to take him with me. I feel that, that is not a very good  thing for my son. He is not going to be two forever and everytime he goes to the bathroom with me he wants to look at my private parts and no matter how i explain to him that boys dont look at girls private parts it doesnt help coz he has to go to bathroom with me.

Another problem that has been surfacing: I have always been the one to impliment the dicipline. And the method i was using is time outs and rewards for doing good. He has a schedule that i always try to stick to. When I worked I always asked them to stick to this or else he might be confused by the two sets of diciplining. Now i noticed lately that they dont use the time outs but instead give him hidings.... And also when i give him time outs they come and take him out of his naughty zone (which is a chair). He now ignores me completely when he does something wrong and needs a time out.

Also when I say no to something like having a sip of my wine he goes to my sister or father and askes them and they allow him to drink wine. I do not want him drinking alcohol at his age. My sister is his godmother but is it right for her to also teach my son to say bad words and then laugh about it and when i tell him that we do not ssay naughty words and that they are not nice he just ignores me more and more. 

He goes to them for comfort and to get his way. Am i being to strict on him that he does that? Or is it just a case of him getting confused by the two sets of rules that he has at the moment?

I honestly dont feel that leaving him in their care when i start working again would be the best thing for my son. I really really want to put him in a daycare centre to get the right care when I am not home.

What is a single, currently umemployed mother to do?

xxx

It may seem as if you're living with Dracula's daughter, but nope  -- it's just a day with your toddler, who has now entered a biting phase. In most cases, your tiny terror will stop biting once she learns to speak more, and grows more teeth. This phase will pass within a few months, so don't fret.

Reason for biting: Teething  -- biting down makes her gums feel better.
What to do: Offer her a soft teething toy or wet washcloth.

Reason for biting: Frustration  -- lacking language skills, she bites when she can't say what she wants.
What to do: Try to offer the right word. Tell her that biting is not okay, and give her something else to chew.

Reason for biting: Attention  -- unable to speak, she'll try to engage her peers by taking a chunk out of them.
What to do: Model the words for her ("You'd like to play with Sabrina"), and remind her that biting is wrong.

Reason for biting: Anger  -- toddlers are notorious for temper tantrums. Biting may occur during one of these fits.
What to do: Remove your little hothead from the situation; give the no-biting talk once she's cooled down.

Alot of people always said to me 'be careful, he is going to be a handfull'. Well today i just say he is my little handful and i love him more than what words can describe. People also used to say that i wont be a fit mother and that being a single mother would not be the best thing for my son. For months i believed what they told until one day his dad beat me up when he was only three months old. He wal laying in the cot and sleeping. I felt so bad that it had to have happened in front of my son that i sat down that evening thinking about everything. I told myself it would be the best thing for my son to rather have a single mother raise him as i didn't want him to live in an unhappy, abusing home. I broke off everything with his dad and his dad refused to see him afterwards. I just found that he was a much happier baby after the breakup because i had the chance to be happy again and to laugh again.

I sit here today not regretting a single thing and not regretting being a single mother to a very active, healthy, two year old boy. In a way i thank his dad for giving me such a beautiful son and in a way i thank him for if it wasnt for him i would not have opened my eyes to what kind of person he was becoming and i thank him for letting me go to give my son the best life i could possibly offer.

xxx