beshortt's Minti Blog

New Family Driver and Winter Driving Conditions

beshortt — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 19:16:21 -0800

My 19 year old son, Ben, was using a visit up North of our city, to practice his driving for his G2 driving test. This was Friday last which was the 9th of January and his test was scheduled for Monday January 12.

Road conditions do tend to be worse north of the city, however, there had been no snow and the road conditions seem favourable as we drove to Durham College main campus in Oshawa. After a short visit there we were headed to the Uxbridge campus a little more north and west of the main campus.

Needless to say we his a concession road that lacked, plowing,sanding, salting and was therefore more of a winter road hazard than the roads that Ben was used to.

Now I can say this a number of way like, Ben was too inexperienced to handle the car on this type of conditions, or that I should have recognized that Ben should not have been driving on this road in it's winter conditions and taken the driving position.

As niether of these things are relevent now, let us just say that once the car was out of control, there was nothing that could be done except hope to not hit anything.

Unfortunately for Ben, and my car, there was a hydro pole in the area of the ditch that we landed in.

They say the best accident is the one you can walk out of without injury so we had the best accident that you can have. The car, however, would disagree. Fortunately we were in a well maintained 1994 Chrysler New Yorker where when these were made they still had a large front and rear end which almost matched the interior seating area of the car. The car was made of steel and so were the bumpers at that time and with (not relevent but needs to be said) only 123K on the original engine, was a great car.

It is now a shorter car as the front end no longer exists so the fact that the KM were very low for that particular year and model, the engine is no longer part of the car either.

I must say that although I was very "hurt" about the fact that my beautiful car was now scrap metall, I did not let my son know this even after all the insurance reporting necessary for this type of accident.

The local police faulted the road conditions without question and my son now appreciates why his mother does not wish to drive him when certain road conditions may or do exist.

Ben passed his G2 driving test and can now drive on his own.

A car of course is now required before that can happen.

Here is where parenting is very costly both financially and emotionally even when your son helps with the financial costs.

On a positive note, We were not hurt and Ben is a better, and wiser driver than he was on January 8!

Any Advise on Adult Children and Discipline

beshortt — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 13:07:06 -0800

It started Nov 19, my bday I was away with the boys at there home and Frank forgot my bday, no big I am old enough not to want to remember anyway.
Next day,the 20th, was Franks bday so I rushed to finish at the boys and went home to be with him on his bday. We had a fight which left me promptly back at the boys house as it was the only way I could deal with things.

After dealing with the argument, I called home and told Frank I was returning, that was Sat the 22nd and Frank informed me of the changes that had occured since my leaving on Thur nite.

Then my world disappeared and all of a sudden I was forced into a world I did not want to be in.

Frank and I live with one of his daughters by necessity but it was to be only for awhile which has now lasted over a year. His second daughter was on her own and now moving back in. That was not the problem.

Erika, who works 4 days a week and sleeps 5 out of 7 days a week is the daughter living with us and although we have discussed with her on numerous occasions that she has no time for a dog and that we, her father and I do not want a dog as it is we have 4 cats, Erika went with her sister on Friday nite and brought home a puppy. Not just a dog but a 6 week old puppy.

To make matters worse, her sister was moving back in with her 8 month old great dane puppy, 2 ferrits and a pet mouse. She also brought her 120 gal fish tank to set up and have an aquarium.

Not the world I want to live in.

I lasted the weekend last and then went to visit my boys as I sometimes do, to regain my sanity. Frank never comes with me he believes that that is for me to have to get away from things.

After two days I came back home and the pets and kids have now taken over the whole house except the master bedroom and I flat out told Frank that it is now time we get a place of our own. He agrees.

Getting a place of our own was what we thought we had done last year but it seems the girls have a different view on that. So we are looking for our own "sancturary" that is non-kid and only a cat for a pet if that.

Now you all know why I am spiralling.

Being BiPolar, and having anxiety disorder makes change and dealing with day to day life overwelming at best but trying to discipline adult children is impossible so the feeling of being overwelmed is so great that it has left me feeling that my life is being dictated by the kids and I dont want to live the way the kids do.

So, I am not accepting their way but I wonder if I can stay sane enough to get a place of my/our own.

Hard to write advice

beshortt — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 08:06:07 -0800

I read the advice articles and am taken back to a day when these would have been so helpful as a single mom with two boys to raise.

It is refreshing to see all the parents on this site helping each other and giving each other the strength to pull through what feels like the toughest time you will ever face with your young one.

Sometimes I feel I have nothing to offer all you young parents as all my experience is older and thus not often accepted in the new ways of parenting. As a mom of adults it is a two way street now as I often learn a lot from them and how they view things so different from the way I see things. Often they have helped me learn about me and my relationship which is only 3 years old.

Nice to have their support and not having to try to pull myself in all directions as I would when they were young but still a long way away from what most people on Minti seem to be experiencing.

Thanks for all who are there just to talk to.

Visiting your Young Adult kids

beshortt — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 22:49:38 -0800

I am thinking of all the things I have to take with me for my visit to the boys tommorrow (today).

Wow, just last year in the summer they were living with me now they are both living on their own (in their messy house) and I go visiting for a day or two as often as time allows.

It is strange to think of having Adult kids. All the kids around me are young adults now and have their own insights and opinions. Opinions on how to maintain a house (or not), when to go to bed, if they need to buy groceries and even when, what and if they eat healthy.

I enjoy my visits and like that I can help as much as they let me. Sometimes I admit to getting frustrated on how they keep the house, especially when their bedrooms are soooo clean. No really, there is no mess at all in the bedrooms but the living room, kitchen and laundry room are usually disaster zones. They dont care, and their friends dont care and although I do care it is not my house so I have to not care.

Everyone says that they will come around, that if their rooms are so clean then eventually the house will look the same. Some of the mess is just plain moving in and not unpacking, it's only been a year and a bit. When I indicate that they say "it's getting done".

So how do you visit and look past the mess? Well they have an extra bedroom with a TV and a sitting area for me (guests, for me) and that is how. You clean the kitchen for them and look the otherway at everything else, commenting only and nagging never. I learned that nagging just gets me uninvited, LOL

So now I have everything its time to sleep and look forward to seeing my boys (babies), adult kids.

Bad News and Bipolar

beshortt — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 07:46:08 -0800

I wonder sometimes how people take bad news when they are not BiPolar. Even worse is when you're already in a manic low and your just pulling up.

Well I know what it is like when your in a manic state of low because my son called and told me his cat was sick and needed to go to the vet.

Not a big deal?

Well when you are BiPolar and have Anxiety it is a big deal. When you're dealing with a manic low and are experiencing Social Anxiety that make it worse.

Then worse still is the cost of the vet when you know you dont have it.

My son is going through for a vet and the money we have is paycheck to paycheck.

Kids in college have a habit of doing that. That with my medical bills and my oldest boy, Adam's, medical bills take all the extra we have. I have never been good at telling my kids, no matter their age, that we cant do something. We always manage somehow, but faced withe the vet bills and already suicidal just doesnt mix.

I went to bed and cryed. This morning I am numb from the thought, just numb.

It would be nice just once to take news of anykind with a it's ok attitude, that we will manage and get by no matter what the news is.

My new meds have not kicked in, it will be another week or two they say, what do we do in the meantime anyway. Do doctors really think about that when they are telling you that you will feel better in a month?

Oh well, if anyone is like me, they know it all works out but it would be nice not to cry everytime we hear something new.

Bipolar and med changes

beshortt — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 07:43:01 -0800

I have not been on this site for a few days as the doctors are changing my meds and I have been very suicidcal. All I have been doing is feeling so ill that I just want to crawl and curl up in bed and sleep the rest of my life away.

Today is a week since the change and though I am doing better it has been very difficult to stay out of bed and accomplish anything at all. Thanks to Frank and my boys I have stayed out of trouble and felt supported if not well.

Soon I am told that the new medication will kick in and I will not feel so depressed and so ill from the meds.

It is always hard to stay tough when the lows hit but I think of all that my support team does for me and I respect them enough to at least stay here in this life that really is not as bad as it seems right now.

For anyone who has suicidal thoughts, use your support team and do what is right, dont give in.

It's been one of those years

beshortt — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 08:49:32 -0800

Here I am a year later and again I have not been on Minti. This is not a good thing so I am going to make it a point to log in everyday.

Been Away

beshortt — Sun, 18 Nov 2007 06:58:38 -0800

I would like to apologies to all you out there as I have been away from Mini for awhile.

Thank you to everyone who took the advise I had and made a choice with it that would suit their needs and that of their childs.

I love my children and they are a very special part of my life. I am becoming an empty nester ad that is a hard road for me so any advise on those changes would be helpful.

Thanks for your patience, and having me here with you all.

Brenda