It is funny how we wish away the current stages of our lives in seeking those "wonderful" next steps.  The grass is always greener on the other side.  The thing is that we always end up looking back and seeing that we miss something.  Sometimes it is the family vacations of our youth, a high school friend, a relative that has passed away.  There is always something to look forward to and always something that we will miss from our past.  There is also the need to enjoy the moment that we are in.

There is a country song by Trace Adkins called "You're Gonna Miss This".  I know many are not fans of country music but this is a song worth listening to.  It actually made me cry one day.  I had heard it several times but one day I was driving down the road in my car alone and I really listened to the words.  It is so true.

Anyway, I hope everyone has been well.   I hope to have more time to check in over the next few weekes then I have in the past few.

Anyway, I am excited about the day.   I am going to start working on explaining it to him now.  I want him to understand that he will not be going to school for the entire summer.  He does not understand it when has a week off for vacation week so it will be tough to explain the whole summer off.  He is really going to miss his friends.

Needless to say my marriage is on its way out.  I have agreed to go to counselling but my hopes are not high.  I am really terrified at the road ahead.  I am worried about where the kids and i will live.  We have no one that we can move in with.  I have no way of affording child care so I can return to work and have enough left over to pay the bills.

This morning my daughter gave me a little laugh.  She got ahold of a crayon when I was not looking ad drew a mustache on her face.  It is nice to know that no matter what happens I will have my children and they will have me.  Despite it all these little moments are the ones that we remember and look forward to.  So... thank you my little girl for a laugh when I needed it.

I am so upset with my husband for many different reasons that I am really welcoming the break from him tonight.  I have so many different ideas about what I could do without the 3 of them for the night that I can not decide.  It is so much easier to run errands on my own.  No one to rush me along and there will be no sudden panicked statement of , "I have to go to the bathroom" when there is none in sight.  Even if I just stay home and listen to my music a little too loud while I get caught up on things I am sure it will be a great night. 

We are almost done preparing for Easter.  The outfits are ready.  I can't wait to see the kids all dressed up.  I got a great deal for a nice dress for my daughter on eBay and got handsome outfit for my son at Wal-Mart.  I do not have anything to wear myself but we know that once you have kids everyone just looks at them anyway so who cares.  I am not making my own chocolates this year as I have in the past.  There is just not enough time.  Besides that, I really need to watch my son's weight so we are going to get mostly small trinket tops rather than candy for them.

I hope everyone is having a nice day.

So far it is woerking.  I turned on my computer to see that I had an e-mail confirming a decent order from one of my customers.  My 4 year old got himself dressed and he did it quickly.  My daughter is in the other room happily playing on her own.  I have accomplished enough already this morning that I am taking a computer break without the guilt of think I really should be doing something else.

I am going to keep thinking positively and see how the rest of my day turns out.

Last night we had our first thunderstorms of the year.  I love the power of them  They are so interesting to watch.  Kevin used to be afraid of them until we told him that the thunder was giant dump truck in the sky.  Now he loves the idea. 

Before I had children housework was never so exciting.  Partenthood really does change us.  Something about looking forward to housework makes me feel like I am going insane.

At least the money is still there.  We can still go do something.  The thing is my husband does not get a single day off for 2 full weeks and we definatley will not be able to get a sitter.  My parents are the ones that watch them for us and my father is going in for surgery.  It is times like this that I feel the need to tell people about when they are considering having a baby.  It is not always about cute little outfits and giggles. 

When I decided to start having children I was totally prepared for the hard work and loss of sleep.  I was not aware of how tough it is to loose all your freedom.  Don't get me wrong.  I do not in any way regret my decision.  I love my children and I am so happy to have them.  It is just a thing that I think it is very important for someone to think about when they are considering having children.

Oh well!  So now we have some cash and maybe I will take the kids to a movie this week.  I can treat my husband to a couple of nice dinners.  I suppose it will be nice for him to come home to when he is not getting any time off of work for a while.

Happy St Patrick's Day everyone!

It is really going to be a let down for all of us if this does not work out.  The kids really love going over to my parents.  Kevin just picked out a new set of sheets to go on the bed that they have set up for him over there.  My parents had plans to take them out for ice cream and some fun.

My husband I had been planning on going to a place called Bluff Point.  It is a 4 mile hike over looking Long Island Sound.  It is absolutley beautiful.  After that we were going to go for a lunch / dinner out and then perhaps go the casino too. 

I am crossing my fingers.  If it works out and we go I will post some pictures of Bluff Point.

The background is that she hates me.  She never liked me.  The first day my husband brought me to meet his parents when we were dating I got a look from his mother.  If looks could kill.... I am 16 years younger than him and they could just not accept that.  After 3 years of marriage I had enough and I asked my husband to speak to her.  At this point she was not treating my kids equally to her other grandchildren and I was not going to accept that.  She can hate me all she wants but it is not my children's fault.  During this conversation she told my husband that she felt I stole money from her home!!! I was so mad.  Apparently she had a container of quaters that she was saving up and they were gone.  She never locks her door and there are some troubled members of the family.  None of that mattered.  As far as she was concerned it was all my fault.  She started telling people that I stole from her. This money went missing when we were dating.  We have now been married for 6 1/2 years.

Today I saw her pull in my driveway.  I was not happy.  She only stops by 2 or 3 times a year even tough she lives about a 10 minute drive from our home.  Today was not the day for her to visit.  She walked in the door, said Hello and then said, "I am here to apologize".  Apparently she found the money.  7 years later.  7 years of her telling people that I was a thief.  7 years and now she has her precious container of pocket change.

Sure it was a noble thing for her to come apologize but I am not ready to forgive her just yet.  Maybe some day, but not just yet.  I need a couple of days to bask in the wonder of this glorious moment.  I want her to go tell all the people that she told I was a thief that she was wrong.

Tonight is the wake of the father of someone I went to highschool with.  The man died of cancer.  The woman I went to school with has a baby that will never get to know her grandfather.  I am lucky that my father is still alive.

There are many people in this country that do not have a job.  Today's jobless report came back at 651,000.  My husband has a job.  This year his union agreed to give up any raises in return for an agreement that no one would get laid off.  So it looks like we will be okay. 

I am thankful of the warm weather that is coming this weekend.  The forecast for tomorrow says that it may actually reach 60 degrees Farenheit.  Bring it on.  I  am so ready.

Yes, today is indeed a good day. 

My plan for the day is to get the kids out and let them play.  I hope it is not too brutally cold out there later.  I really want to tire them out so I can have some peace this evening.  We live on a one way street.  The plow truck has been by twice this morning and both times he plowed the snow in our direction.  The driver's son and aunt both happen to live on the other side of the street.  Pretty interesting!  We contacted the town about it before but they do not care.  So now I am looking at a 2 1/2 foot pile of snow at the end of my driveway.  Hmmm.. how much snow can a 4 year old shovel.  I guess that will be my problem for a few more years.

Last year at this time we were saying that we were going to move before we had to live through another winter here.  Obviously that did not happen.  I do not think it will happen this year either.  Looking out the window at this sure makes me want to hold on to a little bit of hope that this will be our last winter here.  Anyone in the market for a cute little New England home???? Just kidding...

Anyway, Happy Monday everyone!  I hope you have a great week.

March is almost here.  I can't wait.  I have not seen the ground under the snow since November.  Yes, I know that it is my fault for living in a cold climate.  We are working on moving.  Soon I  hope.

Today I just had one of those mornings.  It was even more overewhelming because I had one of those nights last night too.  I am sitting her writing this and the sound of my son crunching on pretzels is driving me nuts.  I just told him that was going to be his last one.  Time for something a bit less crunchy.

This morning I had said enough and I sat down for a moment of peace to play a game of solitaire on my computer.   Before I cold even get through one hand my daughter needed help using the potty, my mother called and my husband called.  That was just 1 hand of the game!

My husband had the nerve to tell my son last night that ,"Mommy is all worked up!"  First of all, I would not call it worked up.  I call it mad at my husband for not getting his butt of of the sofa.  Second of all her never should spek of me like that to my 4 year old son.  It is not going to acomplish anything and it is just going to teach him disrespect.  After that the arrogant jerk could not figure out why I was mad.

I just wish I could have my husband stay at home with the kids alone for a couple of days to know what it was like. It would never work out because if I leave him alone with them to go run a few errands he just goes off to visit a friend.  He would never have to worry about all the cleaning, maintaining the checkbook and working on my at home craft business. 

I have been asking him to give his dog a bath for 2 weeks.  She stinks and the smell is noticable in the house.  It is a lot easier for him to do it beacuse if I do it I have 2 children "helping:.  I have given up and I will do it myself this afternoon.  I can not stand the stink.

Yes, I know I am lucky to have a husband.  One that is healthy and one that comes home every night.  But that does not mean I have to agree with his arrogance and laziness.

I am so ready for a day away from all of them.

What would happen if I got up tomorrow morning, got in the car and left town for the day?  I wonder what kind of disaster the 3 of them would create while I was gone.  You know, it just might be worth it.

I am now working on a plan.  I am lucky enough to have my sister and my parents living near by.  Both of them I am very comfortable with having them watch my children.  I am hoping that if I start working on a plan with them now I can arrange a day when I can drop them off in the morning at one place and have them share watching the children until the next morning when I go pick them up at the other one's home.  That would give us a full 24 hours without the children.  The idea of driving around and finding a new place for a peacefull lunch sounds great.  Perhaps we could watch a movie too.  I would not have to worry about what time the movie started or ended because I would not have to rush off to pick the kids up.  There is even a possibility of going to the casino.  We live near a couple of very large ones.  Yes, I know it is a waste of money but as long as I set a limit before I even walk in the door then it is safe.  The ATM cards will not be going along for the trip, at least I will not use them.  I know someone who gets herself into a lot of trouble there because she does not know when she has already lost enough money and she keeps going to the ATM for more cash.

Anyway, I am real excited.  The idea of not having to be nailed to a clock to rush back and pick the kids up sounds like a lot of fun.  Looking back now, I wish I appreciated all those child free days when I was single.  It is funny how we take those thinkgs for granted.

As a result of our lack of money and a baby sitter we opted to just go the cheap route.  We stopped at a deli for sandwiches and went for a slow ride around some of the back roads.  It wasn't as great for my husband and I as going to a nice romantic dinner but in a way it was better this way.  The kids got something out of it and that means a lot.

I am spending my night baking for the monthly bake sale at church tomorrow.  Of course, I am sampling as I go. 

Enjoy the rest of your weekend everyone!  For those of you in the US this may be a long one because of the holiday on Monday.

When I pick up the car I am going directly to the gym for some stress relief.  My husband and kids will have to mave do with frozen fish filets for dinner. 

When I went to the gym on Monday I did 60 minutes at 5 mph on the eliptical with it on medium resistance.  The crazy thing is I actually enjoyed it.  It has me thinking that perhaps I should consider doing a road race this year.  I do not expect to win but I think it would be good for me.  Perhaps it would help me be a better role model for the kids.  There is a 7.1 mile race in June.  Maybe I will sign up.

My son is having a Valentine's Day party at school on Friday.  We were told that the children were to bring in a card for each of his classmates.  Since we are stuck inside with this brutally cold weather I decided to make a project out of it.  We took a sheet of red poster board and cut and folded it to make small card.  We are using ribbon, glue, stickers and glitter to complete the project.  We are doing it a little bit at a time so it does not become boring to him.  When he gets home from preschool this afternoon his next step if to write his name on the cards.  It has been a fun project for both of us.