And I just don't understand it.

My friend has six children. The oldest is 20. The youngest is one.

I am not railling at the unfairness of life. I've lived long enough to know life is unfair. God and I have had the "I don't understand" conversation more than once. Many, many times.

I call my friend--her name is Roxanne and her husband always called her Rocky--and check on her. She's doing okay even as she wonders how she does this for the rest of her life. The nights are the worst because she and her husband liked to cuddle together at night.

I know how much my heart is hurting for Roxanne. I can only begin to imagine how much her heart aches.

I want to somehow make things better for her. And I know I can't.

So, I'll just stick close by her. I'll just walk alongside her. Cry with her. Try to think of the right thing to say. Say nothing when I can't.

Despite days of crazy Colorado weather--rain, hail, sunshine, and even some snow--my son and his bride had an outdoor wedding. Jenelle looked beautiful--and Josh got tears in his eyes when he saw her walking towards him with her father.

Little tiny snowflakes fell during the ceremony and then the sun came out when they said their vows. It was like something out of a romantic movie.

I've never seen my son happier.

Family and friends from all over the world (literally!) came to celebrate with them. The weekend flew by too fast--and then they were off a brief honeymoon in the mountains

Now they're back, packing up wedding presents and all the things Josh had left behind when he moved out. Tomorrow they head across country as husband and wife.

So far,

I've lost my cell phone (and found it after lots and lots of searching)

Jen, my future daughter-in-law, lost her wallet on the plane (and found it in Seattle--and it is now being FedExed back here--AMAZING!!)

Josh's flight was delayed 2 1/2 hours

Such are the stories of wedding...

The weather may not cooperate--but lots of friends and family are praying--and I am believing we will have sunshine and NO RAIN for the outdoor ceremony. Come what may, we will have a wedding and a celebration!

I blogged some more thoughts about all this over at my Mommy-Come-Lately blog. The entry is called So My Son's Getting Married.

I'm doing silly things like cleaing the the kitchen tile grout and having my husband touch up the paint on the walls and assemble new lawn furniture...company's coming and I want the house to look good.

In the midst of all the silly To Dos, I find myself being so amazingly thankful that Josh is so, so happy and so, so in love.
I've asked him several times, "Any cold feet?"

"No, Mom. We're ready for this. We want to be together. This is right."

I am so thankful he is so certain.

I know that a lot of hard work goes into "Happily Every After"--but right now, I want my son and his fiancee to enjoy being in love and anticipating their outdoor wedding against the backdrop of the Colorado mountains. Looks like the weather is going to cooperate.

The soon-to-be Josh and Jen Vogt

I''m holding steady at 50 percent. Not multi-tasking, which is less than desirable for a mom--and really less than desirable when my son is gettng married in 12 days.

The minute he called to say he was engaged, I had a To Do list that rivaled my daughter's Christmas wish list. Here I am, with 12 days to go--and most of it isn't going to get done. That's what happens when you get sick and lose 2 months.

And I'm okay with that. I'm good at closing doors on the messy rooms when company comes to visit. I'm good at delegating chores--or just realizing they don't need to get done. And because I'm still recovering, I just don't have the emotional energy to worry about too much right now. That's a good thing too.

I did find a dress--and I made sure my three daughtes and my mother-in-law found dresses too. That was quite enough shopping for me, thank you. Someone told me that the mother of the groom is to wear beige and blend into the background. My dress is a light yellow--so not quite beige. But I don't intend to steal a moment of Josh and Jen's day. It is all about them

I blogged a few things I wanted to say to Josh over at my Mommy-Come-Lately website. It's called Things to Say.

Am not even close to normal.

Boy, do I miss normal.

I miss being a mom and a wife and a writer--and just having my normal life.

And, yes, my son is still getting married in early May. Gotta' get well so I can dance at the wedding. That's reason enough.

I've missed my involvement at Minti too.

Slowly but surely I'll be back.

I'm down with the flu, having to ignore all the things I have to do. It will all be waiting for me when I'm up and at 'em again. I'm ready to be back to normal.

The wedding is planned for May 6th--a few short months from now.

I love Jenelle, his future wife, and know that she will bring new beauty to our family.

Big changes are coming.

Even as I write those words, I realize I have no idea--no idea--of just what those changes are.

Funny story:

When Josh was about nine years old, he told me he couldn't have a girlfriend yet. I asked him why.

"Well, I know I have to have at least a hundred dollars in the bank before I have a girlfriend," he replied.

I'm not sure how he figured out girlfriends cost money.

Last night she sat at the kitchen counter and colored her unicorn Valentines and wrote her name in red.

Back when I was in school you addressed each Valentine to each individual classmate. Not anymore. It's easier to leave the cards unaddressed so the child can hand them out without having to match the right card to the right child. Easier, yes. But it seemed like it was cheating a little to me.

Oh, well. It's the thought that counts, right?

This is one of the fun things about going around the mommy-block again--enjoying Valentine's Day with a six-year old. I wonder if she'll share any of her candy with me?

You, too, I imagine.

But, no complaining for me.

I'm off to a writers conference this week--so it's okay if the early part of the week is a bit crazy. I want to make sure everything else is settled before I give everyone a hug and a kiss goodbye and head out the door to go soak up a lot of knowledge and encouragement from those farther along the writing road than I am.

Truth be told, the conference is right here in town at the stellar Broadmoor hotel, so I'll be coming back home to sleep in my own bed. But. for the most part, I'll be an extremely part-time mom this week.

But, before that, I'll be doing laundry and running errands and getting life in order so I can play hooky!! All the extra effort will be worth it.

Now, I'll just keep repeating that to myself as I head out the door to go to the library and to the dry cleaners and to one of those "big box" stores and, oh, maybe I'll have time to find a blouse I'm looking for to complete an outfit I want to wear...

Okay, I'm griping.

I apologize.

I just got back from a field trip with my daughter's kindergarten class. One teacher. Five moms. Seventeen kids. We had a wonderful time watching an ice skating competition. How do people dance on ice skates? I can't even skate on ice skates!

But I am worn out. The kiddos were great. I think it is just the sum of driving through highway construction and keeping track of a very active bunch of five and six year olds and telling two little boys it was okay to use the girls bathroom just this once...and then making it back to the school when it was all over.

I need a nap.

Normal for moms is not normal.

Let me rephrase that.

If I had a spreadsheet of all my days as a mom--somebody do the math of how many days there are in 23 years of mothering or else I can ask my husband later--I think I would find that I had very few normal days. Very few days that looked alike. Very few days that were repeats.

So why is it I spend so much of my time wishing for them?

It's a waste of my time. It causes frustration. Major frustration.

Sure, I can plan ahead. Sure, I can try to establish routines and habits.

But if I am the mom of toddlers or tweens or teens or twentysomethings--then I should know that my life is going to be interrupted by them.

Today my To Do list was up-ended by my six-year-old's totally unplanned ear infection and, consequently, her irritableness.

Then my eighteen-year-old stood in front of me while I was on the phone having a nice chat with a friend--and I noticed she looked kind of teary-eyed. So, time to say, "Can I call you back?" to my friend, and spend some time with my daughter, listening to her, giving her some TLC, and praying for her.

I'm a mom. It's what I do.

Who cares about normal?!

Give me a minute to catch my breath...

I'm thankful:

for the chance to duck in the local Goodwill store and find some inexpensive books to read

for a good night's sleep last night (since Christa has woken up once--sometimes twice--during the night for the past week)

I've lost 10 pounds!!! (But losing it because of a dental disaster and migraines is a rough way to do it)

a midweek lunch date with my three daughters (Kate, 20, Amy, 18, and Christa, 6) where we laughed so much that the two hostesses laughed at us/with us. Priceless.

May your day be anchored in gratefulness.

I just came across a writing contest--but you have to be willing to 'fess up to a dumb mom moment.

Gee, just one?

So, if you're interested, check out the link here.

I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours.

And here's a one time good deal--for the first three people who ask, I'll give your story a read-through/edit before you submit it to the contest.

Tears. Fears.

She spent some time at a friend's house a few days ago and saw a "scary'" movie. Doesn't know what the movie was--says it had an alien in it--some kind of monster made out of sticks. I don't watch alien movies. I don't know.

Here's my frustration:

Christa is six years old. She was over my friend's house because I was out of town and my friend was watching her until Rob got off work.

I don't think a six-year-old is able to monitor movies. I don't think a six-year-old should have to monitor movies. That's what moms and dads are for.

And--when a young child is over visiting or playing at my house, I only put in movies that they are comfortable with--even if these movies are "young" for the other kids in my house.

Is that reasonable?

We're going to celebrate as only girlfriends can--soaking in a jacuzzi and getting massages and painting our toenails and--yum!--enjoying a chocolate fountain! But the part I'm looking forward to is when we get a chance to speak a blessing over my precious friend.

Maybe turning 40 gave her an extra dose of boldness, but she spoke up and told us she wants all God wants for her this coming year--and wants us to pray for her.

Wow. To be part of that is a privilege that doesn't happen often.

So, since I'll be traveling, I'm saying what I'm grateful for a day early:

I'm grateful for the blessing of girlfriends--for the laughter they bring, for they support they provide, for how they make me a better woman, for all they teach me about life, love, and the pursuit of so much more than happiness.

May your day be anchored in gratefulness.

I'm working on a humorous essay--about a disastrous dental appointment, no less. Having a few chuckles as I polish it before submitting it to a contest.

Then I turn my editor's eye to an personal essay and find myself stopping to put my head down on my keyboard and cry.

Ah. The wonderful writing life.

There's a saying that I'll paraphrase (because I don't want to take the time to look up): If there are no tears in the writer, there are no tears in the reader.

I think that's true. If, as a writer, I am not willing to be honest about my struggles, my fears, my heartaches--then my readers will not connect with what I write on a heart-level. And then they will probably think, "Why am I bothering to read what she's writing?"

So that's what today has been like for me. Laughter and tears.

I also joined the Inventions are the Mother group--after staring at the thumbs up/thumbs down icon for weeks and weeks and weeks. I figured I had nothing to offer this group.I haven't invented anything to make mothering easier. The only thing I've developed in my 23 years of mothering is a finer sense of humor.

Truthfully, the best thing I've done as a mom is to find other moms I respect, watch what they do--and then do it. Sure, I may tweak their parenting technique a bit to work for my children. But, if I see another mom (or dad) raising good kids, then why re-invent the parenting wheel?

• the zingy aroma of mint tea that helps me wake up and start getting my day in order
• a day that isn't overflowing with things to do--how rare are days like today!
• the time? Well after midnight. The sound? The front door opening and then my 18-year-old daughter making her way upstairs, past my bedroom and into her own. I call out, "I love you, Cookie." "Love you too, Mom." I'm especially grateful for that.

And now for something for Foto Friday:

I blogged about Christa losing her first tooth over at Mommy Musings.

Ta Da!