We remember our fallen comrads, we give thanks for the freedom that we are granted as Canadian citizens, free of war, free of opression.

I think about my friend who have given the ultimate sacrifice to help others in less fortunate and understanding nations, of my friends who's last trip is home to Canada in a coffin only to travel the Highway of Heros to Pearson International (Trenton to Toronto) to make their last trip home. I think of their loved ones, of their families, of their children who they will never see grow up.

I'm thankful for today. I'm thankful that I've never had to make the choice that some of my peers have had to make... to open fire at a car full of kids and a parent who will not stop driving towards them (inspite of signs posted in every language you could reasonably expecect the parent to understand). I hope I never have to make this choice, but it is the reality that I have chosen as a member of the Canadian Military, that this may be a choice I have to make. I may have to put myself into a situation that leads my daughter to grow up without a mother.

My partner doen't understand my meloncholy today. I come home today,  after several drinks with my work mates after the (freezing!!!) rememberance day ceremony (and an hour in advance call that I will be home, and am starving), to no supper and a man standing over the stove staring at a package of butter chicken (full of soy, which I am allerigic to, and have repeatedly asked him not to bring into the house). I'm bloody starving, just waiting for Lily to go to bed so I can make my self a box of KD.

Is this a big deal? In the long term, does it really matter that I came home and am hungry? Well, yes, to me it does. It's the inconsideration that gets to me. The fact that somehow he can't remember that when I eat soy I pretty much feel like I have an instant flu and end up covered in hives.  Right now I need comfort and love from my family. I need to feel taken care of. I'm a soldier, but I am a person too, and today is a really hard day for me.

And then everything comes full circle. How in Hell can I feel upset about no supper when some of my friends will never eat supper again with their families? (Mind you, they'll never be hungry again). How can I be pissy at my partner when there is so much bull shit going on in the world? How do I take him forgranted when several of my friends have come home from Afgahnistan to an empty house and a "Dear John" letter?

Sad day for me.

Cheers to tomorrow tho. Tomorrow is always better, isn't it?

We went out to beautiful Powder Point. I'm part of a club that owns a cabin out there, and it was my first trip out. There was a fishing derby for all of the kids.

Beautiful scenery, we saw 2 bald eagles flying around. Lily caught her first fish, a 3lb 10 oz pike. Man, those sure are some UGLY fish!!! One of the boys filleted them up and we had a fish fry.... ugly, but oh so yummy... lol

Lily won a prize for the second biggest fish. Whooo Hooo!!!! She won a fishing rod (a barbie fishing rod, lol).

So now I'm exhausted, and will be taking myself to bed shortly!

Enjoy some pics!!!!

This is about an hour out of town, along the Ingram Trail (where the Ice Road Truckers travel in the winter!!)

It's just soooo beautiful here.

The beginning of Lily's first boat ride! She wasn't a fan to start, but by the end of the day she had definately found her "lake legs"! lol

Getting ready to go out and catch some fishies!!! PFDs of course!

Fishing with Mommy

Fishing with Daddy

Looking for fishies!

Reeling in the fish!!!!

Ugly sucker, eh?

3lbs 10 oz, and half as tall as Lily!!!

Here's me, catching my only fish of the day. This is about 1 minute after the motor died and I was reeling it in to go have a look and see if I could fix it. BTW.... we were out of gas!

Pike are groooooossssss!!!!!

Ok... I guess they're ok

Freeing the fish!

Lily getting her prize

The infamous Barbie Fishing Rod!!!

I'm so excited! My little girl is growing up and is going to be learning a bunch of neat things. I hope she likes it there!

And OMG what do I make for her lunch?????

I'll be sure to post pics tomorrow!!!!!

Another part of our welfare system is that they will pay for you to go back to school, to make it easier for you to get a job afterwards. They'll even pay for your daycare while you're going to school or out job huntiing.

Now, the school thing is awesome, and I know alot of people (mostly single parents) who have taken advantage of it and have bettered themselves and moved on past the welfare stage of their lives and are now productive, tax-paying members of the work force.

Now for the rant part.

I recently saw a memeber of my family who I know hasn't worked in near forever online. So I say to her, "Oh, you've got a computer and the internet now?". She says that, yup, she does. " So you've got a job now, then?" I say. Oh god no, she couldn't possibly get a job. I blocked her right then, I was so bloody mad.

Why the hell do I have to work my ass off, being away from my daughter for 50 hours a week, and sometimes for a couple weeks to a month, when this person can sit on their butt and have the same luxuries that I do? (Yes, I consider internet and a laptop a luxury, not a neccessity). They can sit there, and play with their children (even tho I'm sure they aren't, judging by the number of facebook apps I get sent from them), while I have to work, spending 4 hours a day with my daughter.

What about all the people who sit at home all day, their kids off in gouvernement funded day-care, smoking pot, and generally doing nothing?

I've got nothing against a working person, who comes home after a long day, who puts their kids to bed, maybe goes outside and has a little joint before relaxing and watching tv or something. It's these people who take MY tax dollars and spend it on weed and internet and have no drive to try to find a job, who's carreer path is maybe taking another gouv't funded course so that they can stay on pogie.

I say drug test the lot of them. Every single person who is on welfare. If they come up positive, cut off their money and send them to a rehab. Drug test them every month until they have a job. It might be more expensive at first, but I know that I, as a tax-payer, would certainly rather see my tax-dollars going into rehab and drug tests to turn these lazy bums into productive members of the work force.

I'm not saying that welfare isn't useful for certain people. It's just not fair that other people get to party with my money. lol

I'm at my parents in New Brunswick. Swimming, going to the cottage, ice cream and sunshine (well, except rain today)!

And I've finally got a chance to upload my pics from the Operation up North.

North of 80 baby! This time, in the "summer". It was nice tho, snow was mostly gone, and the temp was between 5 and 15 C. It's just so amazing up there. The silence is crazy. We went to Ward Hunt island, which is the place where all of those crazy people who decide to walk to the North Pole take off. It's also the most Northernly point in North America.

I'm just back from another bloody trip up north. This time we got super close to the north pole (450Km away)

I'll be glad when it's October and I can be home for more than a month at a time!!!!

I've a tonne more pics to post up late today.

I miss you all from here!!!

Canada is soooo beautiful, no wonder the Russians are trying to slowly steal it from us!

*yawn*

can some one write me a sick note? I wanna go back to bed.

I shave my legs,
I sit down to pee.
And I can justify
any shopping spree.

Don't go to a barber,
but a beauty salon.
I can get a massage
without a hard-on.

I can balance the checkbook,
I can pump my own gas.
Can talk to my friends,
about the size of my ass.

My beauty's a masterpiece,
and yes, it takes long.
At least I can admit,
to others when I'm wrong.

I don't drive in circles,
at any cost.
And I don't have a problem,
admitting I'm lost.

I never forget,
an important date.
You just gotta deal with it,
I'm usually late.

I don't watch movies,
with lots of gore.
Don't need instant replay,
to remember the score.

I won't lose my hair,
I don't get jock itch.
And just cause I'm assertive,
Don't call me a bitch.

Don't say to your friends,
Oh yeah, I can get her.
In your dreams, my dear,
I can do better!

Flowers are okay,
But jewelry's best.
Look at me you idiot...
Not at my chest????

I don't have a problem,
With Expressing my feelings.
I know when you're lying,
You look at the ceiling.

call me a GIRL ,
a BABE or a CHICK .
I am a WOMAN.

Get it?, you DICK!?!

One of the things I've always wanted to do was go dog sledding. Since I had friends up from down south I figured now was the time!

It was bloody amazing!!!! Lily had a blast and the only time that she was upset at all was on the way back, when we were getting ready to go she freaked out and wanted to go on the "motorcycle".  She wanted to ride back on the skidoo!!! Awwww... my cute little canadian girl... it's in the blood I guess!!!

And of course afterwards there were the cute little future snowdogs to play with!!!

I thought that they were shepard pups, but aparently they are a sledding breed called Alaskan Huskey. Sooooo cute!!! I just wanted to take her home and cuddle her all the time!

Cheers from up north!

I have friends visiting from down south, and they brought me a tonne of curry spices!!! hourah!!! One thing that I have missed since moving here was Indian food, which is my absolute favorite. 2 friends came up last Tuesday and brought me like 6 packages of curry and butter chicken spices. I'm so HAPPY!!!! I'm sitting here having last nights curry for breakfast. Wonder how that's going to work out for my tummy.... oh well, it tastes GREAT!

Recently found out that I'm going to have to be going WAY up north for pretty much 10 weeks between mid May and end July. Back and forth back and forth. Grrr.... I really don't much like flying, but I guess I'm going to have to suck it up! The trip is still going to be awesome, sadly I can't bring Lily with me, and I'm not really sure what I'm going to do with her! I've a friend who offered to watch her for me, and she gets on good with her 2 kids, so I guess that's what I will have to do!

I haven't left her for that long before, and it does stress me out a little bit. But for now I'm just going ot concentrate on the yuminess of curry breakfast!

And I just noticed! I finally got out of the 500+ group! All the way up to 99! WOOT!!!! I really don't care what my rank is, but I just wanted to get out of the bottom!

2 pics I did of lily.... soooo cute! i love my little girl!

Yesterday I went to pick my friend up from her job at a local hotel, so we could go out and do some holiday shopping. Was I ever suprised to see her holding a 6 month old baby!!!

Our girls day was postponed til today. The reason she was holding the baby was because the father had left him in the hotel room to go out drinking. Alcoholism is a very big problem here.

She saw the man leaving, drunk as a skunk at 4 pm, and knew he had a baby in the room, and hadn't checked in anyone else to that room. So shortly after he left, she went and knocked on the door. Being a mom herself, she was concerned for the child, and just wanted to make sure that there was someone there watching him, or he had been taken to someone and she hadn't noticed.

No answer to her knock and call of "HOUSEKEEPING" so she went in. The baby was laying on the bed, and there was noone around. Who the hell leaves a 6 month old baby, alone in a hotel room, and to top it all off.... on the bed!!!!

Obviously she called the police, and child services. They came and took the child, as they should.

He has the child back. Less than 24 fucking hours. Wanna know why? Because he is aboriginal. Appearantly by being aboriginal (and I mean Native American aboriginal, not Austrailian) he is allowed to leave his child unattended in a dangerous situation.

I've only been here since August, and already I have seen children left in the back of cars (in -40 weather, no less) parked outside of bars. I have already called the police twice because of this. Know what happens? They take the child til mommy and daddy sober up, then the kid goes right back to them, and the next night they are back in the bar, and the child is back freezing in the car while their parents get their drink on.

A friends wife is a social worker, and OMG the absolute horror stories that she tells. Because the children are aboriginal too, obviously, the cannot be placed with a non-aboriginal family. Even for foster care.

I understand wanting to keep your heritage, but these people's ancestors did not leave their children in the cold alone so they could go out and hunt and fish.

I AM NOT a racist. I'm 1/8th metis myself. But I SWEAR!!!!! HOW CAN THEY BE ALLOWED TO DO THIS????

Is abuse and hypothermia a better situation than possibly losing a tiny bit of their culture????

So sorry if you think I'm out of line, or exagerating (which I am not) but this is how I feel.

It hurts my soul, and I cry for every single one of them. I may not have ever met them, but they are my brothers and sisters. They are my family. I cry for their familys, especially their children.

I wish the war was over. I hope we have made a difference. I hope that by my fellow soldiers giving the ultimate sacrifice, someone else doesn't lose their mother or father or child. I hope my family never has to open the door to a clergy man and a Military Police officer. I hope they never get that call at 3 am. I am petrified that I might leave my daughter behind to grow up without a mother. I hope that if I do, that she will be proud of me, and not angry that I had to leave this world early.

Thank heavens that we are not in the American Army, where the numbers of lives lost is pretty much too high to count. Where they have 400 people who's only job is to make that horrible housecall.

Bit of a downer blog, I guess, but I just need to express my pain.

Thank God I live in this country where freedom is a right, not a priveledge.

Please let it not all be in vain.

its hard to take good pictures of white things in the snow!

Its dark when I get to work at 8, and the sun is starting to set while Im still at work! The first time I looked out the hanger doors at 3:30 and realized it was dusk I almost fainted!

But the ptarmigan are out in full force! Went hunting with one of my friends from work last weekend and we shot about 15. I'm sure I've ran over just as many! Ptarmigan are incredibly cute (and yummy!) but also the stupidest birds alive! You shoot at them and they fly up and then land right beside you! or you shoot and they just kinda look up at you and keep on doing what they were at before. If you're driving, they will just stand in the road and look at you. No amount of honking or  slowly driving towards them will deter them from their mission to stand directly in the middle of the road!

So they get run over.... it's kinda sad....

I'm not one for killing wild animals just for fun, but meat here is excessively expensive, and really not that good. Plus it's all full of chemicals and pesticides and preservatives, because it takes so long to get here.  So Lily and I are eating alot of wild meat. Well... not alot, because we dont eat alot of meat, but most of what we do is either ptarmigan, or rabbit or muskox.

And the fish here is amazing!!!!!

Artic Char... omg...... I wish I could share the sheer yumminess of fresh char. I've never been a big fish eater, inspite of growing up on the east coast, where the sea food is always fresh, but I think the char has converted me!

Lily loves it here! Every morning as we're leaving she says "mommy, more snowing?" to which I say "yes baby, it snowed again"

"I love snowing mommy!" Its just soooo cute. I'm glad she likes to play outside. They actually have shut the roads in one part of town, because there is a big hill and everyone goes there to slide. I think that's where they pile some of the snow from the roads and parking lots.

All in all, life is good here. The communtiy is so tight and helpful. There were so many people at the rememberance day ceremony yesterday.... at least 2000. Which is crazy because this is a town of around 18000 people.

Lily's dad left yesterday, so for the next week or so, I'm prepared with my usual "Daddy lives in Toronto and had to go back to work" to all the questions from Lil as to where her daddy is now. It breaks my heart, and I think that the pain that causes me is a big part of my bitterness (and mean-ness) towards her dad. I took the day off to de-compress from his visit, and to spend time with Lily. She must have been so tired from yesterday! she went to bed at 5:30 and slept til 8 this morning!!!!

I thought she was just going to have a 45 minute nap and get up for supper! Well... thats enough for now. Now that I've finally put the studded tires on my car I can go out and get some pictures!!!

As long as I do it between 9 and 3.... while there is still light!

XD

I found this really interesting. I hope they do more reseach!

THIS SAYS IT ALL

Time passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.

Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Men don't do what they're supposed to do.

Hearts break.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Careers end.

BUT.........
Sisters are there,
no matter how much time and how
many miles are between you.
A girl friend is never farther away
than needing her can reach.

When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you
have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life
will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on,
praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on
your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the
valley's end.

Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk
beside you...Or come in and carry you out.
Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters,

daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law,Mothers,
Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended
family, all bless our life!

The world wouldn't be the same without women, and
neither would I. When we began this adventure called
womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or
sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we
would need each other.
Every day, we need each other still.

YAY!!!!!

Its snowing so much here today

I can't believe it... yesterday it was fairly warm, and today.... like 8 inches of snow!!! I'm going to have to buy a sled... or a 4x4!!!

Cant wait to go sledding!!!!