it started with this...

innocent enough.....

the mail came......

but i dont play favourites lol

so i ask..........

WHO NEXT?

to be continued..............

lol xxxnat

i thought tobi has been teething for sum time, the dribble gumming on everything in sight and becoming unsettled during the night changing his routine that sort of thing.....

well NOW i KNOW it has! we had serious screaming ! i have gone from having a placid bubbly calm baby to a screaming mess who cant sleep, wants to feed all the time and cant do that, sooking, grizzling, burnt bum and obviously the dribbling and the gummingn on everything in sight as usual!

he cried for 3 hours straight the other night, from 3am to 6am chloe and i had no sleep because the hysterics began when i just couldnt let him feed anymore! he finally slept and my alarm went off at 7 and he was totally wiped out (so was i, so was chloe) so we wentt o school late and explained that we have a teether in the midst! they understand so thats good, chloes teacher is away coz she has the flu and so is half the class.

so last nite when it started again i switched off the alarm and just gave up on the idea of school today, i know thats a terrible thing to do but honestly our house is tiny so chloe wakes to every cry as i do and we are BOTH wiped out completly from lack of sleep!

the first night i cried too i was so tired and felt so alone, i had alot of irrational thoughts of calling N and telling him i needed help, that woudl just be stupid though hes really mad at me right now coz i had to let child support know he was the father.....

i read up on the whole teething advice thing last nite and set to work this morning with the info i had gained il outline.....

NEUROFEN:

doesnt really help all that much, i thought it woudl help more. he went to sleep ok but woke up just as many times it was easier to get him BACK to sleep though for the first few hours.

PANODOL

well i thought it would b the same as neurofen but it actually worked better? he became alot more settled after 10 min of having it and i got a smile out of him. he has also slept a few hours since having it which didnt happen with the neurfen?

DISTRACTION

works a charm, chloe and i sat on the floor and sang nursury rhymes for one HOUR today lol he was ok while we sang, when we stopped DIFFERENT story! also walking him around will stop the noise for a few mins while i collect my senses.

TEETHING RINGS

well hes always loved his teething ring and its a super duper fandangled thing with everything, BUT it doesnt seem to be giving him all that much relief now, i have the bibs with the teething bits too and hes not interested, freezing the ring didnt help he seemed very excited for a few seconds then screamed blue murder! he does seem to like teething on his toes... hmmm

PICKLES

i was ready to try ANYTHING you hear! yes the pickles work! he has had 4 today gumming away happily for a couple of hours on them and loved it! the crying ceased and he became intent on killing the pickle instead.

BONJELA

well not quite bonjela, i got the herron baby teething gel.

didnt help much i thought it was some miracle cure that once i had gone out and bought it my dreams would be answered... um NO i rubbed it on his gums... he liked that, i rubbed sum more.... liked that too... i had finished rubbing ....... he SCREAMED :( *sigh!

well the journey continues i may just invest in earplugs..... and PICKLES. out to roadtest the rest of the advice i was given.... LUCK please be on my side!

yeah i know hes cute lol i spose it all worth it :)

xxxnat

was a great nite no N in sight haha

i got my hair straightened and spraypainted black and wore a bloody red tutu with a devil tail haha and horns i LOVED my horns!

me with sum of my most sexiest friends lol

me with my horns lol

ok yes i was drunk and got given a wig and told to pose....

after everyone else got changed and i refused lol

me with another drunken friend hah

me with my one of my fav girls in the world emily!

whos the devil lol

ok so there they are it was a great nite but i missed tobi pretty quick and came home with sum mates haha waaay b4 i had to!

xxnat

thanks to those lovely ladies for your concern!

the kids and i are good, chloe just had her dance esteidford and loved doing it she was very brave and did a fab job on stage for a kid who hasnt been dancing very long. she loved the whole dress up aspect of it all and enjoyed having her "hooker makeup" oops i mean dance makeup on  all day hehe. it cost me the BOMB to send her but was fully worth it.

chloe in the car on her way to dance going noooo dont touch my hair!

chloes hooker makeup haha

chloe at my nans right b4 we got to the D.E.C

hehe chloes lost a ton off teeth all at once and looks so freakishly weird but i still think shes adorable!

now onto tobias! tobis CAN sit now hurrah hes been able to since he was close to 6 months old, yes ppl hes over 6 months old now! the year is going so fast i feel liek im missing things while im watching!

so he CAN sit but he doesnt haha, he will sit if its at his v tech activity centre but anywhere else is i NO GO ZONE haha hes a lazy lil mite!

hehe lil bugger he is!

tobias is teething like MAD has been for almost a month now and the dribble is amazing haha hes been a lil irritable but hes generally a cheerful bub.

the DRIBBLER!

i havent seen tobis dad my "best mate" in over 6 weeks now, he got a gf and has been "busy" so after alot of tears and anger from me ive just started to pick myself up and dust it all off and realise im better off and so is tobias.

ive beeen taking herbal tea from a natrapath for about 5 weeks for anxiety and depression and OMG it has helped soooo much! i feel much calmer and i go to bed alot earlier than i used to and im feeling alot more liek myself in public, alot more confident again

part of that i suppose is to do with the fact ive lost over 10 kilo in the last 6 weeks too haah

i dropped to a size 12 last week and im still dropping but i got checked by my doctor and she thinks its fine, im ooober healthy im just loosing weight really quickly! it may be to do with the b feeding or the tea who knows really its just one of those things! so ive started tai bo at home to tone up so i look good not flabby and even though the temptation of not walking anywhere during the school holidays is almost to much to bear i have been taking walks still hehe

got a costume party to go to soon and im super excited about that too! N will prob be there but i dont care il just prance around like i own the place haha... maybe? i HAVE asked a friend to pass on the fact that i will be there and that id rather not have to see the girlfriend right now i just want to have a fun night and a break from looking after a baby full time by myself.

my matey lara is coming to stay a week with me so tobi gets used to her so i can go out and she will babysit! how sweet is she! i have to think of somethin awsum to do for her to show her how much i luv and appreiciate her......

well guys i shall b off. hope everyone is well and happy

xxxnat

my sis and chloe at th pool^

we did most of the theme parks and chloe LOVED IT, tobi was really good and let me drag him from pillar to post untill the 7th day when he spat it and i think just wanted to go home haha!me with tobi

he had a great time at white water world, that was really the only place that he had anything he could do haha i bought him a rip curl wetsuit/sunsuit rash vest thingo and he looked soooo cute in it!

seaworld are shitheads i went there twice the first time was only for 15 mins because they wouldnt hire me a stroller so i ahd to go buy one! grr tobi liked the sesame street show tho and started yelling at grover!

we have pics of him on my sisters camera with him staring at big bird how scary is he!

heres chloe with the pelicans they bloody stank! bleh she was like muuum nooo i cant stay here for the photoooooooo

all the other mums and dads at the resort were awsum fun to be around when the kids went into the pajama party session of a night we wouldnt know what to do with ourselves! half of them just played with tobi while we drank cocktails in the spa haha

managed to catch up with one of my stepbros while i was there didnt have time to see the other one! we were flat out everyday!

we did 10 days in all b4 we came home and hurrah! we got to see tee on our way home! shes excactly the bloody same awsum chicky ive known for ages and i loved her to death, dammit i didnt wanna leave after seein her and the girls! katherine wanted to come home with me haha!  i woulda taken her if tee wasnt looking! shhh tho!

see ya ladies xxhugs

chloe posing for emo album cover haha

nah shes too sweet! this is her getting ready for school by the way haha

and heres my lil grinner bubba boy

hope u like the pics! we are enjoying the school holidays to the max! even tho im not well i love having chloe home with me and "helping" haha

xxxnat

N is spendin alot of time with tobi and hes doing sooo well it surprised me! hes going to canada this year so hes tryin to be with tobi as much as he can, he just broke his arm so hes got out of nappy duty....for now! haha

we argue about alot of crap but thats nothing new we always have! haah

he told his parents and they took it pretty well apparently i havent spoken to him much about it, im leaving him to make whatever choice hes going to.

YAY im going on holiday next week! im so excited! chloe and i have matching pink suitcases haah!

i went to the docs today about my face and i have staph and a blood infection! arrrgh! so gross!

im taking antiboitics and using a prescribed antibiotic for now, my antibodies protected tobi untill JUST now! he has one mark on his chest which is healing well so the doc said he might be sick for a few days but he will be fine. PHEW!

my face is a mass of scabs and scar tissue and its really depessing! but at least i know it will go away now, the doc was surprised it had cleared up as much as it did, i spose its because i went TOTALLY overboard with the teatree morning noon and night!

so right now my entire body is covered under the skin with bumps and it itches like hell! even my scalp itches!

i apparently got it from a boil i had soon after i had tobi. it was really big and turned black and only last week did it start to heal.the staph was prob in that infection and i scratched it and got a pimple on my face and scratched that and it spread from there! ive never had pimples b4 and i suddenly have acne!

other than that im good!

xxxnat

spose it must have been bought in by all the stress recently and tobi prob doesnt like the taste of my milk atm.

my face looks like crap! ive never had pimples and i got kinda like acne, weeping pimples that crusted over and one side of my face looks horrendous! ive had to go get breastfeeding suppliments, lucky chloes grandmas a midwife and asked if i have any cuts and i said yes and she said what are they like, i can get a paper cut and it will start off tiny then turn BLACK and the scab will stick around for 3 weeks! she suggested im low in magnesium calcium and zinc. so off i toodled to the chemist to have them looked at. im using tea tree on them so they have dried out and are healing but it still looks bad and it STINGS like a u know what!

my mate and i are talking about things. for starters he explained to me he only wants the FIRST visit to be without me with his parents, its really complicated but they are a family who dont talk about their private lives so i told him i didnt like it but i understood but that hes NOT taking tobi for a few more months, he has to learn to be a parent first.

so hes been coming over every night and has taken over the bedtime routine with tobi and hes doing really well. its hard for me because im not used to it, im used to doing everything by myself and i kinda felt to start with that i was "training" him so he can start pushing e out of my babies life. i had thoughts of sabotage and showing him how much tobi needs me to be around,( that its easier when its at my house with me wandering around) by going outside and not speaking for 20 mins lol but i didnt do it. im pleased that he cares and that hes trying so hard and that he wants to be involved , i just dont want him taking him away

but tonight i actually managed to explain how i feel about it all and how hard its been for me to think of being seperated from tobi seeing as tho ive never had anyone help me for a break except once to go out and he was asleep the whole time. i explained i really dont yet "feel" like we are seperate ppl even though he sees us as that, i threat myself the same way i did while i was pregnant and i dont take breaks from parenting its a 24 hour thing for me so hes  aprt of me. thats how i feel anyway.

hes been great about that and said i shoudl have explained it that way b4 hahah

chloes really happy about everything, i thought it would be hard on her too coz she thinks of tobi as "our" baby and has never had to share him b4, my mate was worried about how she woudl react and what coudl he do to make it better for her and i decided on just saying it was so she coudl spend more time with my without me having to jump to tobi and for him to learn so could she please help him learn about tobias and what eh likes?

shes taken to those ideas like a duck! shes very good with tobi so she likes to explain to N what he likes and how to play with him and do thinsg for him and shes really really enjoying me being able to play games and read to her without tobi plonked on my lap being cuddled b4 bed. tonight N played games with her while i fed tobi too so she lapped that up and had an argument with him over the footy! haha

so for now things are pretty good. he wasnt going to tell his parents about tobi for a few more months utill he can take him for a half hour on his own but hes been thinking about telling them this weekend and maybe taking me or just telling them he needs time to learn if they want to meet him on his own. i think eitehr way it will be difficult but id MUCH rather they were distracted by tobi the first time rather than it being me in the limelight! and i wouldnt feel good about tobi just being taken when he shoudl be with me.

so its eitehr they meet him in a few months for a half hour OR they meet him soon with me

wish me luck!

xxxnat

sorry i didnt update sooner ive been pretty confused and a bit down, thankyou all for your support!

im sooo tired and drained! i got the results at around 11 last nite and my mate is tobis dad after all....

i didnt really ahve much to say i was kinda shocked so he left for awhile and came back later so he could be with tobi this morning.

im not sure how i feel really, im happy for tobi he has a dad now but its alot to take in and adjust to . i feel like writing a very strongly worded letter to my doc!

so now i know that tobis twin prob died because i took the morning after pill, my mum thinks i may need sum councilling to deal with it all.

all in all its good tho, im just not used to asking anyones opinion when it comes to tobias hes always just been MY baby.

xxx nat

the email ahs thus far sat in my email box since 3 30 this afternoon unopened! im still waiting for my mate to get off his butt and get here!

he said around 10 tonight so another hour maybe!

i dont think he is the father judging by the ph call with the company....

i called them and the lady said i can give u the results now and i said no sorry i cant i ahve to open it with the person involved and seh goes ohhhhhh are u sure? i can tell u right now?

hmmm says to me maybe its negative! well if it is its only what i have thought all along anyway going by the docs.....

thanks to everyone for being so supportive! its kept me sane (ish) this week!

luv nat xxx

thanks for everyones well wishes! LUV U GUYS!

xxxnat

whatever it is il deal with it, if my ex really is the father well nothing has changed and if its my mate well.... we will deal with that!

im really nervous!

ive sent a sms to tell my mate the email will be here tonight, he hasnt written back but he said the other day he wants to find out the same time as me, i just hope he doesnt try not turning up to force me into waiting for the letter coz that wont work, il just open the email alone.... i need to do this now for myself and the kids im just not coping well not knowing the truth.

xxxnat

life has shown me a few big surprises of late that have put me in a bit of a tailspin! i wont go into great detail because im not really ready to do that but i feel that writing about this will make me feel a bit better...

those who know my story over the last year know its been a rollercoaster and it seems i havent got off this ride yet!

when i found out i was pregnant it was april last year i thought the baby was a product of a  rebound fling i had with my best friend after my break up with the asshole bf.

when i went to the docs they sent me on a date finder scan because they thought i was a bit further along and told me i was 9 weeks 4 days which meant i fell preg 12 to 14 feb, the 12th i had my implanon taken out! they also told me the reason why the morning after pill i used with my friend didnt work because i must have already been pregnant.

this meant my ex was tobias' father, not my friend so i dealt with that and moved forward, i suffered alot telling my ex bf and spent alot of last year worrying that he woudl folow thru with his threats when tobi was born, i knew he would have nothing to do with tobi and frankly thats a good thing for both myself and tobi.

tobi was born a week late and was brought on my breaking my waters his head wasnt engaged yet.

well! when tobi was born he looked nothing like my ex! ive wondered for awhile but dismissed it staying with the facts my doc gave me, yes tobi does look a bit like my friend but i thought that was more to do with the fact they are around each other alot, i heard that adopted kids often have the same facial expressions as their parents.

i was still in a bit of doubt so i used a conception calculator put in both my due date and tobis birth date and they BOTH said that i fell preg in march! i have no idea HOW the docs gave me the dates they did and i was really confused! i spoke to my mumm and she said she has known a long time that tobi wasnt my exs baby, that things just didnt add up (why do ppl not tell ME these things!)

i spoke to my mate and he said that he wasnt retarted that he thought there was a big chance tobi was his too and he wanted to take a test if it was ok with me, i said yes.

we have taken the test and now im waiting for the results to come back...

im so upset! i feel like an idiot! im so angry at myself for everything! im so ashamed!

and yet im happy i had tobi and regardless of the results hes still my adorable baby boy we have done it alone so far so well but if i had of known that the dates might ahve been wrong life last year wouldve been alot easier! i just NEED to know!

so now we wait

xxxnat

been buying up a storm on ebay i checked tobis clothes and id forgotten to buy 00 so i had to get more quick smart!

chloes doing well at school and loves her new teacher and is happy to be in the same class as alot of her friends, shes lost BOTH front teeth so she looks hilarious at the moment!

chloes not be great sadly, shes been really sad and burst into tears this week and said she didnt want to be left alone with her dads gf anymore, ive called her dad and told him and he has admitted previously that since his gf had her baby she hasnt been very nice to chloe and has alot of weird rules that apply ONLY to chloe....he said he would speak to her about it and ive organised her to see a councillor yet again over this! i swear i have been patient and understanding to my limits the woman needs to be stopped or rick needs to leave her END OF STORY! its really hard because i cant do much, but anythin chloe says will be documented and acted on if need be in counselling.

tobi is the weirdest child ever! hes 13 weeks old tomorow and i havent done alot of tummy time with him because he has reflux up untill this point he lies on my tummy and does it that way but seeinga s tho the reflux has settled somewhat i thought id give it a go more often.

he detests tummytime with a passion hes ok with it for a lil bit but he seems to find it frustrating and FAR to much work for a lil man!

i put him on his tummy and walked out of the room saturday and when i walked back in he was on his back, i said to chloe "please leave him sweetheart he needs tummy time" and flipped him back over then i watched as he rocked and threw himself back over with a grin! the lil scamp learnt how to roll JUST to get out of tummytime! HOW LAZY

well im off to facebook hope you all are doing great and enjoying life!

luv nat xxx

i met up with emily early on in the night and she was already drunk as haha but she wanted to dance right away and that was a bit much for me i hadnt been out in over a year and was feeling a bit frumpy and odd.

we had a few shots and i had my FIRST drink in aggggggges ahh burbon! i missed it!

the bands were terrific and i had a great time dancing away, i EVEN had boys fight over me on the dance floor haha it was scary but if drunk ppl say you are cute WELL! it MUST be tru hahah

i spent the night chatting to heap of my mates that i havent seen in ages and it was really nice seeing everyone, the pub is in the neighbourhood i grew up in so i knew pretty much everyone there and it was a really good turn out.

i sooo wanted to call my mum but was talked out of it so placated myself with checking the ph every few mins for missed calls rather than strapping it to my body set to vibrate lol which i thought to do at one point!

my mate neilo turned up at bout 1 30 and i was soo relieved i ended up staying till 2 and got invited to 3 after parties but refused and forced neil to take me home b4 he coudl go to pick up a packet of smokes and meet me back at my house.

tobi didnt cry the whole night for mum, he took his bottle and was still awake lying in his cot like a lil cherub when i got home, i had the best time but i missed him so much it was a relief to be home and see him happy.

i sent mum home and neilo and i watched movies then he went home. so THAT was my night!

got home the next day and found pics of myself on facebook! i am NOT an attractive person on the drink! but at least my mates in the pics dont look a great deal better!

hes one to giggle at!

so all in all it went well thanks to everyone for the advice with the bottles you guys are lifesavers and the advice helped considerably!

been having a bit of a down time this week but il be fine soon.

xxxnat

i HAVE already written a blog today but for some reason it deleted itself and i never got to save it! so this will be short!

tobis is terrific hes ten weeks old and hes smiling and giggling all the time awww

hes sooo big compared to chloe and im running out of excuses for myself with the 000 clothes they have just shrunk lol il prob have to sort though the next lot this week and  throw out any 000s with feet or sleeeves lol

chloes starting grade one pretty soon, shes been such a great help with tobias and loves him to peices still! i thought the novelty would have worn off by now but shes still going strong, il miss her soooo much when she is back at school but i think she may be related to dirt gremlins so at least my house may stay clean for more than 5 mins.

im doing pretty well, ive had a few bad days with the DP but thanks to a few very supportive friends (you know who you are) ive made it thru unscathed and the  severe depression doesnt seem to last more than a day or so now so thats terrific!

almost a year off meds now! im fine with going back on eventually but for now im doing pretty well and it just seems to be triggered by stress so with a few lifestyle changes and new coping stategies im handling it alot better.

hahah almost my one year no sex anniversary too! yaay i wonder if i get a trophy or something? had a few ppl trying to not let me make it to the year mark but im soooo not interested at this point! men are too much work!

i may be going out without tobi for the first time this weekend

ive pumped FAAAAR too much hahah but better safe than sorry eh!

i say "may" because my uncles funeral is tomorow so i dont know if i should go and i dont know yet if my mum willl be up to watching the kids so if not il invite a few ppl over for a movie nite not a big deal, but it woudl be soo mcuh fun to go to band nite and catch up with all my boys.

well better go after all this is the second blog ive written now! hopefully this one sends!

heres sum new pics of tobi for all those who ahve been asking!

xxx nat

why i love minti?

well why dont i love minti woudl be quicker!

i love minti because the day i found out i was pregnant with tobias i was a mess and i used minti properly for the first time ever i asked the question about abortion and recieved no judgement just support, i didnt want an abortion, but my ex didnt want the baby MINTI did.

minti was there for me when i misscarried and held my hand though the process.

minti was there when i found out id only lost one of the babies and was still carrying tobias and sat on the rollercoaster of emotions with me that came with that.

minti was there when i had so many down days after being off meds for the  first time, minti helped me cope when i dont know how i would have if i was alone.

minti was there when i had a question, was there when id have a scan and was there for the first kick, the discomfort, the happiness, the anxiety.

minti sympathised when i was waiting for this baby to FINALLY come out and was stuck at home.

minti were there when tobi came home, they have sat with me through my baby blues. my happiness, sadness and gave me advice when i needed it and just listened when i didnt.

so why do i love minti? because minti has been such a massive part of mine and my childrens life, tobi has no dad but he has a massive FAMILY because of an internet site...

ive been tagged by 

www.minti.com/members/sinstress/

www.minti.com/members/lillkatheryn/

www.minti.com/members/amerlinwinga/

www.minti.com/members/janicepovey/

www.minti.com/members/electrifying02/

the rules are:

1. Link to the person that tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
4. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
5. Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website

six random things:

1. i still have most of my baby teeth, ive only lost 6 teeth i have no wisdom teeth(or wisdom haha) and no 12 yo molars.

2.my hair changes clour on its own ( and then with help after i hit my teens coz i didnt like the colours it was choosing)

3. my dog is named harrison because hes my HAIRY - SON hahah

4. i actually LIKE brussel sprouts

5. i  have one full blooded sister, 1 step sister, one half sister and 2 stepbrothers.

6. i have nightmares about sharks and tidal waves, if i have a dream about a shark i am very careful around any ppl i met that day they normally screw me over pretty soon

im tagging

www.minti.com/members/wudgie/

www.minti.com/members/shellshell/

www.minti.com/members/toosh/

www.minti.com/members/monyq83/

www.minti.com/members/harrisonsmommy/

i was justr talking to kel (sinstress) and i have had a thought...mmm i know doesnt happen to often with me!

i saw her stat set asking if anyone wanted to host a party with her kids party plan clothes and i would like to do it. stoopid thing is most of my mates with kids are on here!

soooooo long story short ive spoken to kel and i thought maybe i coudl open a group to have a clothes party on MINTI! we could set it up with all the clothes and pics of them in a month or so (not so close to chrissie) and anyone who would liek to buy something can come in and send and order or order in private thru minti mail?

everyone would have to pay for their own postage.

what do u think? if your are interested let me know. if you think its not a good idea let me know also i just thought it woudl be fun to have a minti clothes party on here!

xxx nat