My neice hurts my baby which is scary but we all hope they will fix her. The main problem they have is no consitiency in disapline and the mum can get very short and nasty, then next time she gives her a love while telling her off when she threw a kid on the floor.

Also my nephew is normally a good boy but has reactions to food additivies. when he has some numbers in food he goes crazy - like trying to do wrestling moves on his brother. But almost instantly he was taken off processed foods and every food item checked, and he is a different kid. He has not had any other issues and has no troubles at school. I forget the numbers but try this as it is the quickest and easiest thing to try. If you want to know which ones, let me know and I will ask my brother.

Be petaince right now  your son is going thru a phrase. I feel he will out grow it.It could be he missed a father figure.I hope I didn't get you upset more.But I have 11 years old son and get gets mad and start yelling.

Mickey

good advice everywhere. But maybe it could be as simple as he is bored. He may need to interact with children his own age an not be around adults as much. My 3yr old son was not as dangerous as your son but as soon as he started day care his behaviour improved. The only time we have trouble now is when he is bored or tied.

If you put him in day care make sure you inform them and they can help you and give you statterges that will help.

My mother oftern tries to tell me what to do with my son, the same may be happening to you. My mother does not know him as well as my husband and I do. She thinks back to when I was young but things have changed since then, Hitting was the way to go back then, but not now. He may be confused as to what is wanted of him, if to many people are telling him what to do.

Good on you for doing this on your own, it is not easy to raise a child even with a partner. Hold your head up high, at least your out there with a good and not relying on government handouts.

Way to go girl!!!!!!

I also agree about getting some specialist help for your child.

But most of all, I would stress that the help needs to start with you first.  When things are not quite right with the Mum, the whole family plays up.  Councelling is Ok, if you feel the need to get stuff out and you are not sure about how you are feeling.  But if you are pretty clear about feeling rubbish about yourself and why, then I would recommend the 'Demartini Method' which is very popular in South Africa, so there are plenty of facilitators and training facilitators: http://www.drdemartini.co.za/.  This method will help you to love your life as it is - WITH all the difficulties of being a single Mum & living with your parents.  The reason I recommend it, is because you sound like you need to be empowered, cos you are feeling so powerless & victimised by life.

I've written some blogs about bullying, and will keep doing it, as they haven't quite yet gone into depth about the extremes that you are experiencing (I specialise in the Demartini Method for Mums & families) - http://mummywhisperer.wordpress.com/

Check out my site as well : www.mummywhisperer.com/

If you like the sound of it, I might be able to help you for a very reduced fee/free by email or by skype - it's not an easy way of tackling things, but it will work.

There is much good advice that has been given by many other Mothers. Some I agree with but feel they have not gone far enough. Firmness and changing the situation is quite good but there is something else that someone else has said, "Watch the diet, the  food s that are eaten can have totally detrimental affects on the child". My Grand Daughter (now nearly 16) was such a loving little girl but had absolutely NO personal self control. She could be very naughty and when she went to school, this came out in that she would NOT stay in her seat. The poor teacher was to the point of almost tearing her hair out in frustration. I informed her that she certainly would not look good without her hair and that I would endeavour to do something to help my little sweet one.

We put her onto Glyconutrients and in just under three months she was such a changed child. About a year later my wife and i went away for a month. Our daughter had considered that this Glyco stuff was just one of Dad's stupid fads and so while we were away, Taneka got NO supplementation while we were away and then nothing more for the next 6 weeks either.

The teacher called our daughter in to talk with her and explained that he NO LONGER wanted the girl in his class anymore. Daughter came to mother crying and explained the situation. Mother spoke to me and I just asked one question, "When did this start?". Four weeks after Taneka stopped having her Glyco nutrients and then it was a reasonably fast downhill run.

Mother rang daughter and explained the reason for the fast decline and that she should give Taneka double amounts for at least the next week. When Taneka returned to school after the school holidays, guess what? She was back to her proper self.

My daughter no longer considers the Glyco programme to be one of Dad's stupid fads. It is cutting edge science that is only now beginning to be taught in schools here in OZ. It will also take at least another 15 or so years before you will be getting advice from your doctors or nutritionists about this cutting edge science. In 2003 it was declared to have its own "OME" it is called "The Glycome" or Glycomics. It was also declared to be one of the ten technologies that WILL change the way we live. A number of world leading Universities have installed large research facilities investigating this new science.  the best part about it all is that the "Natural" products really work.

I can pass on to you information giving you a simple explanation as to how this programme works within the body system. My suggestion is to first get that information BEFORE you race off thinking you have some perfect answer to every problem because without the proper understanding of what you are about to do, you may just have the opportunity of falling flat on your face. I have seen this happen so often. It is imperative that folks MUST understand before doing anything like that. Although there is nothing toxic in the programme, folks will get unrealistic ideas of what they should be looking for. The rest of the information and education is very very important. I can put you in contact with others that I have helped and you can converse with some of them if you feel you need to.

To contact me personally try      thisizrob@ozzienet.net         Because I do not sit on people's doorstep trying to get them to do something about this, I have at times been called "Slack". I just feel that people have the right to make their own decisions without someone hounding them. If they choose not to do anything then that is fine by me, after all is said and done, It Is their life that is being affected, not mine and I respect that people want to make their own decisions. I just like them to get ALL the basic information before they jump into something.

Since you are in South Africa, IF I read it correctly, we can help you just as easily as if you were in Australia.  All the best for a happier future.  Robbity Bob

If your son does start daycare, I would talk to them about your concerns as they have the resources to support and help you. I also found my son's behaviour  was always more difficult for me. He was generally well behaved for others. My son is now 9 and he still struggles to a certain degree with anger. When he was 7 he too started threatening with knives. This behaviour needs to be dealt with immediately before he harms someone or himself. My son being older saw a psychologist and this helped tremendously, they also helped me with strategies to deal with situations. .

Your local community centre might be a good place to start as they have access to psychiatrists, psychologists and other programs that may benefit you and your son.  As someone else said your GP can also help you and refer you to the right places.

Hang in there, all the best.

I was just wondering how you were holding up? Seems to me you're wading through some of the most difficult issues in your life and you're doing a darn good job of keeping afloat.  Congratulations for reaching out seeking help. I wish there was more I could offer but I wanted to let you know that we are listening and we are here in the sidelines cheering you on.

Whatever happens, reading your initial post I feel you are a very caring and hard working mother who is putting her all into helping her son. As a parent, that is the best we can do.  And even though there are  times when you think that's not enough, remember, you're a hero. A lesser person would have given him some brain-numbing drowsy drugs and not sought further help.

Keep up the good work and I look forward to hearing good news from you in the future. 

I know how hard it is to be a single mother and it just means we have to be extra strong for our kids.  I hope everything goes well 4 u n ur lil boy. Try to play with him and hug him and let him know that he is loved by mum! If u need someone to chat to, complain to or just to say hello to u can drop me an email gigi_krisma@hotmail.com. good luck!

I understand your situation in a way by reading your past blogs. I feel your son might of got traumatised or got ideas from your parents? (because your living with them) and they disciplined him differently to how you started to discipline him. You mentioned that he was given hidings instead of being put on the naughty chair. Do you still live with them or did you manage to find your own place? I think the environment your son was in while you were at work is the cause of why he is like this now.

For now, i know it is going to be hard but try and spend time with him doing things he likes and do try getting some professional help.

Take care and keep us updated...

P.S. People here do care whether they are single parents or not. They do want to help you and if they say something that you dont like to here, dont take it the wrong way as they are not trying to put you down, sometimes our emotions get in the way and we dont read things the right way...

I have a child, I've worked in childcare centres with other children and babysit on a regular basis as well as studying children's services to keep children safe from harm so I do understand what children get up to oh too well. However, it can't be used as an excuse. If you get child safety locks on your cupboards, it shouldn't matter if chairs are used.

If you want to rant about the difficulties being a single mother (There's many single mother's on this very website who have it worse off than you do), try ranting in your minti blog if you came here for help then I suggest you read everyone's comments and go get professional help for your son and stop trying to deal with it yourself.

I suggested you get some counselling as clearly his behaviour has had some impact on you. The stress even shows in your writing. It'll be good for you too.

Hope all gets sorted for you

Love Pauline

Julie

I hope you can get some answers and treatment so you can feel safe and  be able to enjoy your son.

You are being controlled by your child and it really should be the other way around. Please seek any help that is available to you, from parenting resources to medical specialists.

good luck.

1. Why does he have access to knives and breakables in the kitchen?  I have twins and unconditionally they are not allowed in the kitchen.

2. Does he have a routine? Do you have wake time, breakfast, get dressed, clean teeth, then structure your day (i.e. something educational, free playtime, morning tea, then repeat until lunch, afternoon tea, dinner).  Include play where he can use up a lot of energy.

3.  What foods is he eating?  As hard as it is (being a single mother and trying to manage anyting - I take my hat off to you) I would try and only give him fresh food, nothing pre-made.  That way you will limit preservatives, sugars and food colouring that is often linked to behavioural issues.

4. Behaviour chart - we didn't find the naughty mat really work at all, although we send them (3 yo in July) to the "laundry".  They dont' like that.  With the behaviour chart, they have to earn 10 stickers (displayed on a chart, they get to choose which sticker, which is a reward in itself) then get a reward, it doesn't have to be a big reward but it must be something he wants, it could be a treat or it could be going somewhere like the zoo etc.  BUT it is important to never take stickers away at this age otherwise they will feel all their good work is undone so why bother.  You need to reward him with a sticker for every good thing you see him do something good.  This is to promote good behaviour e.g. using manners, setting the table, sharing, doing something you ask, being well behaved (I use this one when they are in a bad mood and tell them if they are happy until lunchtime they can have a stick - works a treat), the list could go on.  But this is the best thing we have used.  About 5 months ago I started seeing an angry 2yo in my girl, this chart beat that and I very rarely see her (I mean maybe once every few months). Plus it is important each time he earns a stick you give him heaps of praise, make it a big deal!

6. Talk to him - he is almost 3 and understands way more than we ever give them credit for.  Explain to him what he is doing and how it is affecting you. Tell him how you are going to change it.  Get him to help you with the reward chart, get him to help choose the fresh meals etc...

The more you include and love and laugh perhaps it may help.  But as the previous person said this may being something much deeper than these simple remedies.  Wishing you  all the best!

Kirra

When your son starts with his tantrum, get in quick and try to extinguish the situation by totally changing the subject and leave the room, in a fun excited voice, like eg: ooohhhhh !!!! the postie has just arrived, race you to the letter box? Then go. (Without you there, what is he going to do?. When he starts with the outbursts don't answer back, LEAVE THE ROOM. He will get to understand that it is not acceptable behavour and if your not there, he will stop. Sometimes little ones like to control everyone, so as an idea try to get in quick and defuse the situation, don't let him injure you, grab him and hold him tight even if it means laying on the floor to stop him kicking (watch out for the teeth). Hold his arms close to so he can't hit you or grab things to hit you with, talk in a soothing voice (as much as you can) Let him know you love him and he wouldn't want you to hurt him in the same way. You may have to hold him tight to you for sometime, but what have you got to loose. You have to try and get him to learn empathy, FAST. Only then will he understand that it isn't right to lash out. Try to get him outside and burn some energy off, being a tired boy may cool him down too. Make it fun, kicking a ball at the park, chasing butterflys, anything to burn off the energy outside. Even just running together from letter box to the next letter box in the street. Time and good times are the best things you can do for a trouble some child. Switch off the TV, (if you have one) and read books. Good luck, my thoughts are will you. Email me back if you want. gailnew23@hotmail.com

I went through the same things with my oldest in the end I lost the battle she no longer can stay with us for she became too much of a danger this does not have to be the case but the sooner one gets help maybe there can be a solution but trutst me believing it will stop wont work and blaming yourself wont make it different either I use to and still do rake over every memory in my head wodnering if only and in the end I know what I know and that is none of it matters it would of been the same good luck