Minti - Recent Comments on Question "cosleeping"

cosleeping

MummaBear — Sun, 04 Feb 2007 04:20:59 -0800

I just wanted to add that for show and tell last week, a little girl of 5 got up and introduced herself, then introduced her teddy, and told the group that this is her teddy that she sleeps with at night time. After she had finished, I asked the group if they have anything special they go to sleep with at night like a toy or a blanket. About half a dozen of them said they go to sleep with their mummy and they're pretty special people (these were children of mixed ages from 2 - 7 years) and one of them aged 5 said he has a dummy to go to sleep with. He was teased by a 7 year old until I told them to stop, but even one of the children in year 2 admitted to sleeping with mum with no one teasing about it. I think if it works do it, and you'll miss them when they stop, trust me!

As for people mouthing off, I get it all the time from people about going back to work, I got it before that from people about staying home on govt benefits, I copped it for breastfeeding a 2 year old in public, you will be criticised by people no matter what you do and so long as you are looking after their health and well being, and making them feel loved every second of the day, you are doing great!

cosleeping

MummaBear — Sun, 04 Feb 2007 04:07:52 -0800

I'm just wondering what evidence there is that a child WILL become clingy? Sounds like your ex's brother has other issues. My cousin had 4 children in 5 years and even though she refused to put any of her children in a cot she still managed to fall pregnant! Not only that, but each was offered a bed at around 2 and none of them were in her bed for any part of the night by the time were about 10. None of them have emotional issues, her oldest is married with a 12 month old (who shares their bed) and one on the way, the next one down is away from her doing well as a 3rd year uni student, and the other 2 are still in high school with no emotional issues at all. They are confident teenagers in touch with family values and play an active roll in their school. I for one co-slept with mine and on occasion she will come into bed with me if we have a bad thunder storm or if there is a threat of a cyclone or if she is sick, usually because I put her there, not because she necessarily wants to be there. No parent needs to go to counselling because their baby sleeps in their bed! But I damn near needed it when mine moved out!

cosleeping

Joeyjo — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 04:00:28 -0800

Hi there. As the other members rightly pointed out - many cultures cosleep (it's the norm). I, for one, came from such a culture. All of us slept in our parents' bed and then shared one large room with them until we were like 10 or 12. We all turned out ok (no major psychological damage ). The best parts about sleeping with mum and dad? I remember the sense of security - you know that nothing is going to get you while you're sleeping (no monsters under the bed etc); and the mummy and daddy smells on the pillows....weird but that made me feel really safe. Hence, I am not averse to cosleeping. My kids all pile into our king bed each night. My son is now 7 and he sometime prefers his own space so the bed feels more roomy now, which is nice also. So you see, they don't stay in your room forever... they grow up. And then they move out... so to me, it's all very short so enjoy your babies while you can!

Dont Agree

Naya — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 06:09:55 -0800

The thing is... this is what you may need, but not necessarily what all adults need. Some people may actually feel more secure having their children close to them at night and that's okay. I have a lot of people telling me that I should let my mother in law take my daughter into town once in a while... that it wouldn't hurt. But I don't like being apart from my daughter and I really don't think it's necessary for her to be apart from me when I'm hear to take care of her. So am I wrong for not wanting that time away like most other parents enjoy? I think the sleeping issue is much the same thing... it's a personal choice... it's about what you are comfortable with and what makes you happy.

cosleeping

Naya — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 06:02:15 -0800

I really think that it's not an issue as long as you, your husband and your kids are all happy with it. I personally wouldn't do it only because I need my space, but I know people who have and their kids didn't have any problems. It's really a personal choice... and those people getting on your case about it should just mind their own business.

cosleeping

sam22 — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 03:20:13 -0800

damage to the children no but may to your relationship i find night time wether you are in the mood or not it is my time with my husband and just wouldn't want it any other way once in a while the boys come in for a cuddle but not regulary i feel it's really important to have your own bit of space in the house just like my boys have their rooms we have ours and it's important for your relationship to be able to know that thats your time and space ,you have lots of other times to snuggle and cuddle the kids ,i mean i'm not saying it's wrong and it's not nice to have have them in bed for a cuddle just not all the time i think it can really take it's toll on mums and dads time

hope i didn't offend just an opinion

cosleeping

violeta — Mon, 29 Jan 2007 20:33:12 -0800

My son has his own room and bed and knows that it is his place to sleep but he comes and sleeps with us few times a week (usually he comes at 5 or 6 am) so I am fine with that.

cosleeping

rhondarph — Mon, 29 Jan 2007 19:27:47 -0800

I totally agree with Izzy on this one. Sharing sleeping space is very common in other countries and their children dont suffer any for it. My children have all spent time sleeping with us when they were younger and they are all just fine sleeping on their own now. Some only did it while they were babies but one who was a little less secure was still seeking us out at a later age.

Your babies are only 2 & 4 - the only thing that will hurt them is people giving them a hard time about it if they tell their friends and that is not likely to happen until they are at school. The only flack we ever got was from people wondering how we ever managed to have sex uninterrupted - to which I replied that we had 4 children in 7 years so I thought we were managing just fine ......

So long as your children know that your bed is your bed and they begin the night in their bed and only come to you if they wake and they are frightened or needing reassurance, I really don't think this is an issue. It would be different if your child was an adolescent and had not made that seperation. Mine all preferred their own bed from childhood on.

cosleeping

4BOYZ — Mon, 29 Jan 2007 19:19:54 -0800

No, not at all. Its just the chance of someone accidently rolling over someone and suffercating them. It can happen. I'm not saying it will happen to you. But other then that kids do sleep with parents and there are not and psycological damage. If your happy and there happy then go for it.

cosleeping

rosalinda — Mon, 29 Jan 2007 18:40:14 -0800

Its standard in many traditional cultures.

There's only 2 areas of potential 'damage' I can see.. 1) that your sons won't be able to sleep alone when they need to... & 2) that you & your husband may not be getting the privacy you need.

Hmm; it may be best if their school friends don't know either; they could be teased for being 'babies'.

cosleeping

liddia — Mon, 29 Jan 2007 18:10:06 -0800

this really is a tough one..however, trust me when i say that there will come a timewhen they wont want to be in your bed.. my 9 yo hasnt wanted to be anywhere near my bed in forever.. not that having them sleep with me was a regular occurrance. mostly becuase i just DONT sleep when they are in my bed.. my 6 yo however, takes every opportunity that arises when his sister isnt at home to sleep in mummys bed... he thinks that because shes not here he gets to sleep with me.. i dont know the reasoning behind it..lol.. but it works for him... so... occasionally my 6 yo sleeps with mum.. at least until mum gets sick of being kicked to death and sneaks out into one of the other beds.. i would love nothing more than to be able to snuggle up with my babies in bed.. from TIME TO TIME... but it doesnt work for me... if it doesnt bother you.. then dont worry about it.. theyll get tired of it in their own time.

cosleeping

Dru — Mon, 29 Jan 2007 17:52:47 -0800

After reading the many mixed responses I neither agree with it nor disagree. My son always goes to bed in his own bed, and occasionally he will climb into bed with mum and dad through the night.

I personally think that it all comes down to your personal choice, there is no right or wrong answer. If you and your husband are comfortable with the co-sleeping arrangement, then by all means continue.

As for the psychological damage... as I am not a trained professional, I am not really sure, but you yourself will be the first to notice if there are any changes in your children, so maybe just keep an eye on them and if you are concerned then seek some help.

Hope that this helps you out...

Chelle

cosleeping

jenaya04 — Mon, 29 Jan 2007 17:51:46 -0800

I am going through the same thing with my 2yr daughter. I would prefer her to be in her own bed but after trying all the things that all the books ect say to do, it just doesn't work. When she wakes at 3 in the morning it is just easier sometimes to let her into bed with us instead of listening to her cry if I try the controlled crying. The more people I talk to about it tell me that they went through the same and that she will eventually want to stay in her bed as time goes on. I don't think there is anything wrong with it only that it is a personal choice and i certainly don't believe your child will suffer in the long term. Don't stress about it, we just have to hang out a bit longer....they won't be doing it when they are 15 now will they?

cosleeping

rockclimbr4400 — Mon, 29 Jan 2007 17:19:27 -0800

Its your personal choice, kinda like breastfeeding or bottle feeding. Your the parent so you decide. I think either way is fine. I have friends who co-sleep with their children and some who don't. You decide what is best for you and your child.

cosleeping

lexiw — Mon, 29 Jan 2007 17:17:53 -0800

Personally I don't think it hurts I would however try and have them in their own bed by the time they are five. They are at school by this stage or close to it, and will be wanting to have sleepovers and it maybe a bit embarressing if they still sleep in mummys bed. Just my opinion.

Lexi xxx

cosleeping

cheleinkal — Mon, 29 Jan 2007 16:47:41 -0800

Hi, This is just my opinion based on observations and my own experience with my daughter (13 months), but I do think that the parents need to create for themselves a safe haven as they are few and far between even when children sleep every night in their own beds. Your own room might be your only retreat and I think it benefits the martial relationship to have this personal adult only space. Nuturing and protecting the marriage or partnership is right up there in the "Good Parenting" 101 rules, as if that suffers, the children suffer. I also agree with the comments made pertaining to the teachings and disciplineinvolved in teaching a child from the earliest of ages to settle themselves into a deep sleep in their own bed/ personal space. I thik this does more than the obvious which is less hassel for the parents/guardians, it DOES TEACH them to be self sufficient, sel;f discipline, inner strength, good self esteem (not having to rely on someone else) and a host of other personal developement benefits.

I personally have had the desire to have my little girl in bed with me especially when my hubby did night shift and now works away for 7 days at a time, but I have resisted MOST of the time (she has slept with me 4 times in 13 months)as I realise that it is MY want that I would be putting on her whilst it's convenient for ME. When my hubby wants his side of the bed back it would be ridiculous of me to think this would have no repercushions or neccessary transition and wh would I want to put my child through that just because I wanted her there, that's pure selfishness I realised.

I'm not saying that you were being selfish, I don't know why you began putting your kids in bed with you or how often they sleep with you etc. but I do know that there will be a time when they will be to big or to old to do it any longer and no matter how old they are there will be a transition period and this will be hard on everyone.

Why not make the rule that they can come in and snuggle in the mornings with you after sleeping the night in their own beds??? This would be a win win solution for everyone as far as I can see. You still get your family snuggly togetherness & bonding, but you have also insured that your marriage is not being placed 2nd 3rd or 4th in the list of priorities and the kids are learning some life & personal skills that are neccessary to learn.

Good Luck.

Dont Agree

Chezzy — Mon, 29 Jan 2007 16:13:43 -0800

My thoughts on the matter is I do not agree with kids sleeping with parents, adults need time 'Away" too, private time aswell, I feel the bedroom and sleep are a part of dicsiplin and routine for children to get into, eating, sleeping are an important role of routine IMO. Children need to learn bounderies, and I feel that is one.

cosleeping

emmysmum — Mon, 29 Jan 2007 16:08:46 -0800

hmmm i have mixed feelings about this!
Whilst its nice to be able to snuggle up to the kids of a night time, and whilst it may reduce the risk of sids, there are also many cons to it!
One being that the child WILL get clingy and turn into a mummas boy or a mummas girl! Ok so that may not be a bad thing at first, but parents and children need space!
Partners need time for romance and for love, with kids in the bed, it would be a bit hard!
You are creating a rod for your shoulders (its what i believe anyway) and i really think children should sleep by themselves, not with parents....unless sick!
It can have psychological damage, yes! I have watched someone go through this, and its not nice!
My ex's brother went through it and still is, he is now 12 yrs of age, slept with his mum from birth, still tries to crawl in to her bed through the night!
He plays up, he won't go to school, all because he wants to be with mum!
I really would suggest talking to a psychologist about this and also getting counselling to help you get through it!
Good Luck!

cosleeping

Izzy — Mon, 29 Jan 2007 15:47:28 -0800

I wrote an article about co-sleeping here.. http://www.minti.com/parenting-advice/323/Co-Sleeping/ Some concerns that people have about co-sleeping is that it isn't safe. As you can see from the graph I posted on the article, it actually reduces the risk of SIDS.

As far as co-sleeping for an extended period, I don't think there's harm in that. How old are your kids? In some poorer countries, a lot of people co-sleep because there are no separate bedrooms for the people in the house. If extended co-sleeping works for you and your spouse, then continue to do so.

The only thing I want to add, is that it's probably time to think of other sleeping arrangements by the time your child/ren reaches pre adolescent age. They need privacy at this time.