Minti - Recent Comments on Question "HELP! I need advice about my 13yo girl's horrible new attitude!"

HELP! I need advice about my 13yo girl's horrible new attitude!

sfogle27 — Thu, 24 May 2007 16:13:55 -0700

WOW! Thank God there's others going through this. Well not that I'm excited in your pain by ANY means, but this can be a lonely feeling. My daughter is 14 and will be 15 this summer. OH MY GOSH, the attitude kills me like a knife! I was brought up VERY respectful with adults so it is a HUGE pet peeve in my eyes when I see teenagers or children disrespectful to adults. I have to say she's VERY respectful to teachers, neighbors and authority, it's just her family at home she's lost her mind with. She's VERY mean to her 10 year old brother. It breaks his heart and I have to keep reminding her that he CAN'T take this so personal. Poor guy loves her to death, but she will admit, she loves him but DOESN'T like him at all. AND IT SHOWS! She's very good with my finance. He lives with us and she loves him a lot. He's VERY good w/ the kids and she has never crossed that line of disrespect to him. A lot of it is her attitude when she talks with the family, her body language, her facial reactions and she can't stand to spend time with the family anymore. She HAS to have a friend there or life isn't worth living! I'm very consistent on taking away her cell phone, I Pod, no friends over, no going out with friends during the day, ect ect. We stay through with our punishment, but it isn't 2 days back in to it and it's MUCH worse and we have to start ALL over. I've taken it pretty personal and after reading this blog, I realize I need to ease up and not take it as serious and understand this is just a phase and my sweet daughter will come out one day. Tough Love!

HELP! I need advice about my 13yo girl's horrible new attitude!

aliensmum — Tue, 08 May 2007 15:52:40 -0700

I'm with you there i have a 13 year old alien child....she has always been different to my other 2 kids but now she has hit high school shes more alien than ever. Her attitude is just awful i really noticed it last night its the facial expressions and the was she speaks to everyone. She can be a very sweet kid but the alien keeps coming out more and more and i am also lost as to what to do. What makes it harder is my partner of 2 years isnt coping well with her attitude especially towards him..he has an 11 year old daughter so hasnt experienced this as yet. We had had some huge blow ups at our house and im scared she will say i dont want to live here anymore im going to dad, we have shared care of her.

Been there and survived

Tadexpress — Fri, 04 May 2007 17:16:59 -0700

Firstly know in your heart your beautiful daughter is still there inside and when she comes through this she will return. It may take a while mine started at 12 and finished at 18 they were the longest and hardest years of my life and I found myself dealing with things I have never experienced with the other three...there is an old cliche that says what doesnt kill us makes us stronger, Im thinking that living with teen girls is one of them. My advice is make sure you dont enter into her boundary pushing games, if she's spoiling for an arguement remain the adult and walk away saying you'll discuss the matter when she calms down and speaks appropriately. You will need to be consistent with that and be like a broken record for it to be effective, the louder she gets the quieter you become. Whatever you do do not give up hope she's going to need you. A great book that came out after I went through this (2006) is called The Princess Bitchface syndrome - Surviving adolescent girls by Michael Carr-Gregg well worth a read ISBN 0143004662. Good luck and best wishes.

HELP! I need advice about my 13yo girl's horrible new attitude!

Southern-Belle — Fri, 04 May 2007 16:35:14 -0700

thank you all so much for your honest & valuable advice, Just reading all of your comments has given me a feeling of empowerment, I don't feel as if I'm the only mum in the world going through this anymore. I now know that I am on the right track by being consistant & not giving in by ending punishments early (even though she tries awfully hard to get things her way) I will also open my eyes to things like the possibility of drugs or the crowd she is hanging with, I will keep going with this sometimes seemingly pointless path of trying to get her to respect me & others by being firm. Also I will try to have more bonding time. I really appreciate everyone taking a moment to put across their views on this, your advice is priceless to me

HELP! I need advice about my 13yo girl's horrible new attitude!

vlooi — Fri, 04 May 2007 10:01:26 -0700

Sorry about the double entry - problems with Minti didn't appear to add the comment at all and then suddenly there were 2!!

HELP! I need advice about my 13yo girl's horrible new attitude!

vlooi — Fri, 04 May 2007 09:59:24 -0700

Teenagers don't know what they are doing because their brains are befuddled with hormones. Keep the boundaries in place, because she wants them there to know that you really do care about her wellbeing and just keep on loving her - even though it is tough! Good luck Mum

HELP! I need advice about my 13yo girl's horrible new attitude!

vlooi — Fri, 04 May 2007 09:54:53 -0700

Teenagers don't see what it is they are doing because their heads are befuddled with hormones!! Keep loving her even though it may be tough! Keep the boundaries in place - she wants them there to know that you really do care about her wellbeing. Good luck mum!

HELP! I need advice about my 13yo girl's horrible new attitude!

nell18-3 — Fri, 04 May 2007 09:53:22 -0700

Yep Been there done that!!!
Its an extremely hard and unpleasant experience parenting a moody, independent and forceful teenage girl
I'm afraid you will have to accept that you are not likely to be "friends" for a while
You have to be the mother and the disciplinarian, You don't have to alienate her, but she does have to know there are rules and they will be kept to.
at the same time, when you catch a good moment, make the most of it, do something fun together, even if its just as simple as watching a chick flick. Or the two of you grabbing a coffee in town. Talk about general and safe topics this time is all about bonding not about picking your moment to have a discussion. However at the end of these moments, make sure she knows that you will always be there for her, she only has to ask!
My daughter, now 19 and I had a highly volatile relationship for years, but perseverance is worth it, she is now my best friend and daughter, we tell each other "I Love You" every day and always greet each other with a hug, so stick with it. you are in for a rocky hormonal ride.

HELP! I need advice about my 13yo girl's horrible new attitude!

llmunchkin — Fri, 04 May 2007 05:15:37 -0700

Hmm, you are her mum first and foremost - not her friend. At this time she doesn't need a friend, she needs a mum. She is going to push every boundary you ever heard of and more, whether she is taking anything or not - some girls just do. Just because you weren't like that at her age, doesn't mean that she won't be.

Set the boundaries and keep them in place. Make sure that she is aware of the consequences if she decides to over step the mark. Find out what (if anything), does motivate her, what does she like? Use these as rewards for when she does do something well - whether it be school work, being on time, being civil, being tidyish...

Your hubby need not be seen to make the rules, however he does need to show support for you and be a united front with you when she is around. Otherwise she will exploit this weakness... GOOD LUCK what ever you do : )

HELP! I need advice about my 13yo girl's horrible new attitude!

MissyK — Fri, 04 May 2007 03:44:40 -0700

Hey mate, I agree with Lexi too, as much as we all would hate that drugs may be the case. My brother is 14 and has respect for nobody, but that's just him. Has been for a few years now, I know he isn't using drugs though, and I hope that it's just a phase your daughter is going through.

HELP! I need advice about my 13yo girl's horrible new attitude!

Deborahsc2203 — Fri, 04 May 2007 03:40:44 -0700

almost every friend of mine has gone through this or is going through this now,, i know we where never like that but it seems that most our like that now times have changed life rules are differnt ,,it could be a number of things the group she hangs out with also might be like that ,, the school , also when you take things away from her extend the time that you take it from her make it longer ,,,

could it be that shes going to be getting her period soon ? their hormones are going nuts inside ,, not that im making excuses for it but they do go realy weird i have noticed just when they are going to get it ,,,

i dont have any girls ive just seen what my friends with girls have been going through with them

my boys have been up and down with their hormones they are not bad boys but at times the things that come out of their mouth

have you both tryed to sit down and have a talk about whats going on with her and how she can make things better for you all ?

HELP! I need advice about my 13yo girl's horrible new attitude!

angelmum — Fri, 04 May 2007 03:29:45 -0700

I would tend to agree with Lexi, however it is a teen thing and I don't think it has changed since I was a teen, I'm 35 and according to my mum and some of my memory I was a shocker, I hated everyone life sucked school sucked, I was always in trouble for something but you know what I wasn't just been the normal teen I had underlying issues no 1 was a family matter and no 2 because of that family matter I was smoking dope.
I have just watched 6 nieces and nephews go through their teens and they were all terrors but the two doing drugs and alcohol were the ones that were always in trouble at school and home.
It could also just be a simple boy or girlfriend problem that she is storing inside her little mind and this is the way she is getting rid of her frustration, sitting down with her and talking to her is probably a wasted solution but does she have an aunt or another friend or family member that she would talk to openly about whats going on in her little mind. Good luck x

HELP! I need advice about my 13yo girl's horrible new attitude!

lexiw — Fri, 04 May 2007 03:21:46 -0700

not saying this is what it is but it is something to look for with sudden behavioural changes. Get a blood test done and see if she is doing drugs. I know it is not something anybody wants to think about but it is a possibility

Lexi xxx

HELP! I need advice about my 13yo girl's horrible new attitude!

MummaBear — Fri, 04 May 2007 03:09:20 -0700

My daughter's only 3 and I've already told her aunty i'll be sending her to the best boarding school (girl's only of course lol) I can find even if it's in the same town as me. HEHE. It's a teen thing I'm afraid and they are getting worse with each generation. When we were teens our parents said they never behaved like us and that we were far worse than they ever were so I came to the conclusion that either we forget when we were teens or they are getting worse. Good luck with it and if anyone has the answer to teenage defiance (apart from saying it's the hormones) let us all know then write a book about it and make a fortune from the sales.