Minti - Recent Comments on Question "loss of baby"

Re: loss of baby

mummy2girls — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 05:45:53 -0700

i have had the awful experience of miscarriage and although i wanted to be left alone at first i found that it was helpful to have people around me whom i trusted. i didn't really want to talk about it initially but it was comforting to know that my friends and family were around me and nearby if i needed them. let your sister in law talk to you about whatever she wants to it may be best for her to raise the subject of her loss so that she doesn't feel pushed into talking about it if she doesn't feel up to it. but it may also help her if you invite her out for a coffee in town or window shopping anything that could be a distraction may help.

also please don't forget about the baby's father he will be feeling the loss too. although he won't have the physical issues of the miscarriage i'm sure that he too will be feeling lost and emotional about the loss of his baby.

our thoughts are with you and your families at this sad time i hope that our comments are of help to you all, lol xxxx.

Re: loss of baby

vikt — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 00:10:44 -0700

I have had 2 miscarriages and lost twins at 15 weeks, all I wanted was to be left alone until I was ready to talk to people. I would suggest that you send them a card, just let them know that when they are ready to talk that you will be there for them both.

Re: loss of baby

rach — Thu, 31 May 2007 18:38:01 -0700

Be there for them both (your brother will be hurting too, although you know men nothing hurts them) Let them know you will be there anytime day or night to listen when they need to talk. Dont go all weird on them, be normal.

When i lost my bub all my friends avoided me and the once that did come around would be all weird with me. Then when i wanted to talk about it, theyre was no-one that wanted to listen. Everytime i would bring it up with them they would just say "its for the best, everything happens for a reason, you can try again in a mth or so, or the worst its happened just forget about it and pull yourself together" So i can tell you what NOT TO SAY!

I had one friend bring me a lasagna and a tossed salad. I didnt know she had done this until i opened the fridge for a snack. She would also drop me in milk and bread, & fresh fruit and vegies. As i spent alot of time in bed & would only snack on food, she made sure i always had healthy snacks. This was such a help for me, as i really didnt feel like facing anyone.

A good gift idea is a angel pendant on a necklace, that way your sister-inlaw can keep her lost angel close to her heart.

Make sure you have time to say goodbye as well. That baby was your neice or nephew!! I hope this has helped.

Rach

Re: loss of baby

llmunchkin — Thu, 31 May 2007 17:37:06 -0700

Oh, if only we could turn back the clock to help each other... I would have!

Re: loss of baby

llmunchkin — Thu, 31 May 2007 17:36:07 -0700

If you want them to know that you care and are there for them, but are worried about crowding them. Just tell them that, send them a card, as you would for anyone who has suffered a loss. Don't say you care, don't say you understand, or it was for the best or anything like that. Just say the simple truth, you are sorry for their loss, you want them to know that you are there for them if they would like to talk about it. Make sure they know that if they need help with anything big or small, you will be there waiting whenever they need you.

Re: loss of baby

Deborahsc2203 — Thu, 31 May 2007 16:44:30 -0700

just be there for them and let them know that ,,

i lost my child and no one knew what to say so all my friends and family stayed away from me ,, that was alot harder as i didnt have anyone that i could talk to or cry with ...

go over and make her a coffee etc,,, it will take time for her to heal .. im still not over my loss and wished that i had someone just come over and be there for me

Re: loss of baby

crystalmoon — Thu, 31 May 2007 14:46:10 -0700

Just letting both parents know you are there for them and will listen to them is a gift in itself.Having a person who will let you poor your grief out and let you talk about your loss is so important to be able to heal.My thoughts are with you all.Hugs Crystal

Re: loss of baby

sluxton — Thu, 31 May 2007 14:15:44 -0700

The hospital would have given her relevant contact numbers and given her some councelling. The best thing you can do is send her a card showing you are thinking of her and let her know she can call you anytime. Give her a bit of room for a few days as she and her husband will need time together during this time. You know the relationship you both have so you'll know when to ring. You'll probably find that she will cope better than you expect as she will have had a lot of professsional help in hospital and it might be a week or so before you see or speak to her. My sister in law lost a baby about 3 years ago (full term) and 3 weeks ago, one of my closest friends lost a baby (34 weeks). It is a very sad time for every one including grandparents, friends, family etc. If you have a good relationship, see if she'd like a visitor for a cup of tea initially. She may not be up to long visits and chats but you'll be the best judge of that if you are really close to her. Thoughts are with you and your family.

Re: loss of baby

rockclimbr4400 — Thu, 31 May 2007 09:33:50 -0700

Make sure she knows you are there for her, and she can get pregnant and try for a baby again. Also be sure to say something like it isn't your fault, you will get through this. Be a good listener and provide a shoulder to cry on.

Re: loss of baby

jd2 — Thu, 31 May 2007 09:13:24 -0700

i've lost three and i can't tell you what to say but i'll tell you what not to say "theres time, your still young enough to try again" , " you'll survive others have", "soon enough you'll be holding a baby" they are just a few that hurt, keep in contact she will need you but keep it simple ask her if she wants you to pop in for a brew or call to say your just going the supermarket do you need anything, she will know your there and will open up when she's ready but she has to decide when that is. Hope shes ok watch out for the depression her keeping busy might not mean she's ok at all.

jo xxx

Re: loss of baby

Shell7 — Thu, 31 May 2007 08:58:58 -0700

thank you for the advice. thought that the best idea was to let her deal and want to talk just not sure. didnt want her to think i was not there but felt if it was me i would not want to be crowded too soon

Re: loss of baby

Kellzacar — Thu, 31 May 2007 08:54:08 -0700

Hi there,

When i lost my son I was totally overwhelmed by people thinking they were doing the right thing. Honestly the best thing you can do is just be there when she needs you. Pop in and be as normal as possible, maybe do a little around the house for her.

Just being there will be a comfort and follow your hunch, you will know when she is ready to talk and then just sit there and listen. Sometimes all she will need is for some-one to listen. I know it was what i wanted. I wanted someone just to listen to me without the "you must feel's" or the "i'm so sorry's"

Best of luck . . .Kellz

Re: loss of baby

Shell7 — Thu, 31 May 2007 08:44:02 -0700

Thankyou for your advice. Dont want to be too full on ...but dont want to interfere either

Re: loss of baby

hermy — Thu, 31 May 2007 08:33:19 -0700

i really don't think there is much anyone can say or do at a time like this......you really don't want to hear sympathies........just be there for her let her talk, only if she wants to, if she doesn't then just be there.......regards Sandra xxx