Let them know how you feel & what happens when the routine is disrupted.  It is not a bad thing to control when they babysit, after they are asleep is a good answer.  You and your family routine needs to be respected, and you are deserving of that.  It just isnt worth the trade offs sometimes. 

I am pretty lucky with my mum and dad, as they follow the main rules we have set. Like bed times/ nap times, not junk b4 bed or meals. brushing of teeth, u know all the important ones. But i guess now i think about it, the rules and routines we have set for our kids is alot like the once i had growing up. My dad is the worst for breaking the no junk food b4 bed time or meals rule. lol its kind of funny cause he use to do that when i was a kids too, he has always been a big softy for the puppy eyes and the big lip. his excuse is he just wonts them to be happy. But my mum puts him right in his place. lol. When my kids where smaller (like baby age) and my mum babysat for me she asked me to write her the kids routine for the time she had them. (we lived in different towns, so she didnt see the kids all that often to know what their routines where) But this made it alot easier for both parties, she didnt stick to it word for word but she stuck to the main things (bed times, food, ect ect) I dont see my inlaws, my mother-inlaw has only met Taj once when a baby, and my father-inlaw ive never met and he has never met our kids either. so i really cant comment on inlaws babysitting.

Maybe you could try writting your bubs daily routine out for them. And if they still dont stick to it,i would agree and only get them to babysit if bub is asleep for the nite. with strict instructions on what happens if bub wakes in the nite, (like a what to do and what not to do list!!

Hope this has helped, and good luck

Rach

(sorry for venting) but i hope that this helps

my monster in law looked after our son once ,, she didnt follow our rules and we are felexible to a certain extent ( knowing that our son is in her place etc,,)

she gave him food that we dont give him like (  chocolates etc,,)

and just found anything that i have done with my son wrong or found little things to winge about in a sly way

she didnt even pack up his bag and we had to go thoughout the house to find all his things ( some we still cant find)

I spoke to my partner about this also as its his mother ,, this is when he stepped in and said to her because she asked if she could have him for the night again ........that this  wont be happening because we do things the way we want to with our son and thats the way we would like it to be respected and if he was to go to her place in the future that she also has to do it our way or he just wont be having anymore sleep overs there again ,,

well she didnt like to be told that but we stick to what we have said ,,,and has kept her mouth shut so far

she had her children and raised them the way she wanted to , now its our turn ..

its good to come from the mouth of her son to her ,, so she cant be finding things to pick on me about also ....