Minti - Recent Comments on Question "Teenage girl sleepover at boyfriends house"

Re: Teenage girl sleepover at boyfriends house

Deborahsc2203 — Sun, 29 Jul 2007 15:41:09 -0700

whether we like it or not .. Debs right ,where theirs a will with all our teens theres always a way ......, i would also like to add that i would like to get to know his parents as well.. im like this even when my boys want to stay at their friends house and its guys ,, i like to know where my children are and whos house and who are the parents ,, when my boys have friends over here to sleep i Have also spoken to their parents to let them know their kids are safe at my place etc,,,its good though that your daughter has come to you and has asked you about this instead of lieing about it ,,,

i have made it a good point to get to know my childrens friends and to know their parents as much as i can .not to the point of pounding them with heaps of questions etc,,, i have a pretty good communication with my teens so far

have a chat with the parents or the mum ...... maybe the mum also has concerns about her son etc,, ask about the rules at their place and also let her know your fears,,

keep the communication up with the other mum or dad ,,,

if your daughters over their place staying the night at least you will know the parents and know that shes safe and not out roaming round the streets with friends etc,,

Re: Teenage girl sleepover at boyfriends house

August88 — Sun, 29 Jul 2007 06:46:33 -0700

At 15 it is great that she is coming to you and asking this. All you can do is tell her your concerns and ask her how she feels as they do have there own mind at this age. It is all scary as we were there once too. I only have sons but I still do the same for them. I don't want them to be tied up paying for a kid they may or may not see for the next 18 years either. All you can do is tell them your fears and ask them theres and hope that they make the right decisions as they will do it anyway. Getting to know the boy and parents is great but after 6 months I am sure you already know. The fact she is asking means she values your opinion and wants your blessing. In the end you can only be there for them, but she sounds responsible to me. Good luck. I feel your pain. It is making me squirm writing as I am going through the terrible teens with mine now. AAArrrrgggg! No hair left, see? Ha ha

Re: Teenage girl sleepover at boyfriends house

Ngairi — Sun, 29 Jul 2007 06:40:41 -0700

I agree. I have told my boys for years that "they keep it in their pants til they are 18, and after that keep it covered!" However, they also know that if they do have a girlfriend then it will be ok for them to sleep over after they have been going out for a while. But I do want to meet the other parents first as well. Haven't actually had it happen yet, even tho they are fast approaching that bit (just about 15 & 16) I have told them that so long as nothing inappropriate happens where the youngest can see, that is fine. But I do keep going back to the saying tho, and all their mates cop it too!

Leisa

Re: Teenage girl sleepover at boyfriends house

Arna — Sun, 29 Jul 2007 06:09:47 -0700

My kids are a long way off this stage but I would tell them not until they are 16. Here in Australia this is the legal age of consent for sex.

Explain what can happen if they are reported for underage sex. He can be charged with statutory rape even if the sex was consentual.

I don't mean to say that this is there intention but teenagers are teenagers and they listen to their hormones more than they should. Just remember what you were like at that age.

Not looking forward to this stage myself!

Arna

Re: Teenage girl sleepover at boyfriends house

madchanny — Sun, 29 Jul 2007 03:09:08 -0700

i very much agree with Deb here, hey it was only 6 years ago when i was 15!!!

Be open and honest with your teens! Its the only way you are going to be able to guide them. You cant keep teens locked up from sex, for all anyone knows, their child could already be skipping school and doing the deed in all sorts of places!, trust me on this, i had many friends skip school, or classes just to go back to their houses for that reason...
EDUCATE... tell them everything there is about sex, STI's, pregnancy, and of course...protection & what to do if a condom/rubber breaks!
If you let them stay at their boy/girl friends house, make sure that they have protection! Who cares if they deny doing anything! Make them take it just as a precaution... boy or girl.
You could be lucky, i mean, i slept over at a boyfriends house and he slept at mine at 15 and all we did was watch movies and sleep!
xx

Re: Teenage girl sleepover at boyfriends house

blackwidowkate — Sun, 29 Jul 2007 00:46:54 -0700

Hi
Sorry guys but it is time to smell the roses.
Have you noticed it is mums without teenagers that say don't let them go.
Mums with teenagers say yeah talk to the parents and if you are comfortable let them go.
We will be picking my teenage daughter up from her boyfriends place at about 8pm tonight
She has once again been there for the weekend with my blessing.   Gosh it has been a peaceful weekend
Until you have these teenagers of today its not a easy question to answer.
When my daughter was nearly 15 she had a boyfriend which we didn't fully approve of so we said no and she ran away to his place
Guess what police offered to take welfare around there the next day and make sure she was in a safe environment.
There is nothing you can do from about 13-14 onwards nowadays legally.
Yes its scary. In the end my daughter had sex with her boyfriend. Like she said to me i nearly made it to 15 mum aren't you proud of that.
What difference does it make if she sleeps over there or not. Chances are she is already sleeping with him anyway...you don't need to stay over their place....
At my daughters school there is about 4 virgins left in the class.   The rest sleep with either their current boyfriend or who ever wants them for the night or day whichever it is
Sad world but be happy that your daughter has a steady boyfriend and is willing to come talk to you
How many of you truly know where your teenager is unless they are at home with you.
Are they truly at their girlfriends house?
I was at a open house party for my friends sons birthday helping her supervise
About half of the girls 13 years upwards parents thought they were sleeping at a friends house not out partying and drinking.
C'mon mums understand your teenagers and be open with them. They only do it behind your back or at school anyway.   17 couples have had sex at school in the lunch hours and after school that i know of already. The school can't watch them all the time They know where to go
Then they lie and say they are not having sex when they are.   Open your eyes and keep the lines of communication open.
After all it is not as if all of you haven't been a teenager. I can see the smile on half of your faces remembering what you told your mum....
My daughter has the implant in her arm.   You cannot stop them so be sure to protect them. They may just want to do sleep overs and be happy in seperate rooms but they can just as easy be at a park having sex with their boyfriend.    At least you know they are safe there from perverts.
When my daughters boyfriend sleeps over it is seperate rooms for them.....Still didn't stop them having sex in my house after everyone was asleep.
Didn't stop my husband catching them while i was shopping and everyone else was watching tv having sex in the middle of the day under a doona with the door wide open....Yeah right we weren't doing anything....Can someone please take the idiot sign of our foreheads and get the kids to realise we are not stupid and ignorant.
Good luck with your daughter. Be proud of the fact she comes to you and asks...soon she wont unless she gets to sleep over
Sorry guys just speaking from experience here
Luv Deb

Re: Teenage girl sleepover at boyfriends house

cheleinkal — Sun, 29 Jul 2007 00:43:00 -0700

Yes we were shown one in Middle school as well, and if anything it turned me off wanting to go through it before I was properly ready. she's 15, she's not 5. If she's interested in sex (which has not been verified, I am asuming), then I think the responsible thing would be to show her as much as is possible the ramifications of the act incase she's under the impression that you get a lovely little baby alive type of doll/baby the fantasy of motherhood instead of the reality. I'd rather have my child (when she's a teen) decide through as much factual info as possible what she is wanting and willing to do rather than her live out a fantasy that may well bite her on the arse for the following 18 years minimum.

To each there own.

Re: Teenage girl sleepover at boyfriends house

bleshu — Sat, 28 Jul 2007 23:53:45 -0700

I agree 100%!!! 15 is way too young. Even after I had a child of my own and was 20yrs old my boyfriends were not allowed to stay over at my mums place. It was a respect thing. When you are young you have different boyfriends and relationships, my mum didnt want any of them trapsing through her house. It was the same rules for my brother. It wasnt until we were both engaged that my mum would allow the sleep overs. Maybe she went a little too far and yes I still ended up pregnant at 19 but my mother wasnt subjected to the in's and out's of my social life.

I would still give her a sex/relationship talk and get her on birth control but there is no way I would allow my teenage daughter to have sleepovers with the boyfriend, nor would I allow my sons to have their girlfriends over.

Re: Teenage girl sleepover at boyfriends house

jenaya04 — Sat, 28 Jul 2007 23:19:35 -0700

Why? Most kids at school have a sex ed class dont they? I remember seeing a birth video and it didn't scar me and it certainly didnt make me promiscuous. It is a fact of life and as kids are having sex at a much younger age then sex ed needs to catch up and be taught at an earlier age.

Re: Teenage girl sleepover at boyfriends house

georgiepar — Sat, 28 Jul 2007 21:40:11 -0700

tuff question maybe you could suggest that they stay in your home over night that way you can keep an eye on them yourself no ones eye is better than your own . but still have separate rooms maybe,. i hope you work it out

Re: Teenage girl sleepover at boyfriends house

mumto4 — Sat, 28 Jul 2007 21:37:19 -0700

do you really think this is appropriate to shoe children ftage of someone giving birth i think that is very irrisponsible not a good idea at all

Re: Teenage girl sleepover at boyfriends house

cheleinkal — Sat, 28 Jul 2007 20:57:13 -0700

I think thats a very poor idea. She is still a child, yes she asked permission, probably because up to this point her mother has earned her respect and has done a wonderful job of parenting her. To say yeah, go to your boyfriends house and do what ever, would be irresponsible and potentially life changing for both the boy and the girl if she were to get pregnant, and who's to say that the boy hasn't got some disease from someone else or what ever..... they're kids, kids need rules, kids need to be parented, not given their own way because they said please.

Re: Teenage girl sleepover at boyfriends house

cheleinkal — Sat, 28 Jul 2007 20:54:13 -0700

I'd counter her question with a "Why do you want to sleep over?"question of my own. If she's honest and it's sex related (why else would they need to sleep over?) I'd sit her down give her a pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases talk. I'd make her watch footage of giving birth and I'd find something from teens that are parents and let her read how much harder it is than they thought it was going to be. I would then tell her that I will speak to the boyfriends parents and see what they think and take it from there, but as for when can she, when she's more mature, I was 17, I'd say 18 but maybe negociate to 17, thats when. That was when my Mum let me have boys stay at our house, she'd rather know where I was etc, and we even talked about it the next day like grlfriends and that was awsome and brought us closer together.. I don't at all envy you this time in your life. I don't care how long they've been dating they're still children..... how many boyfriends or changes of attitude in general due to mental growth and discovery did you have between 15 and 17 or 18 yrs old...... there's a world of difference and they still ned to be parented not be allowed to make life long mistakes at that age if it can be at all avoided.

Re: Teenage girl sleepover at boyfriends house

princesskc88 — Sat, 28 Jul 2007 20:12:03 -0700

hey its been 6 months thats pretty good! i think you should let her as she has given u the respect of telling you she wants to, otherwise it will be down be hing your back

hope that helps

Re: Teenage girl sleepover at boyfriends house

Domestic-warrior — Sat, 28 Jul 2007 19:46:14 -0700

Very tricky and not sure what the right answer is because every situation is different. How well do you know the boy, do you know his family, does he come to your house much?? Get the drift? When i was 15, i never told my parents what i did i just went and did it. It wasn't really that i was doing anything wrong but i think they would have thought that. Well, it probably wasn't all good!

Keep the lines of communication open, have the sex talk if you haven't already, get to know this kid and his family. I think getting to know your childrens friends and family can make the world of difference. Maybe organise to have them over socially. When she's 18 she can do what she likes but untill then you need to come to some sort of argeement. If you flat out say 'no' she'll find away to do what she wants to do. So try to compromise, a little at a time. Good luck on this one! Julie