Minti - Recent Comments on Question "Not a parenting question, libido question after having children!"

Re: Not a parenting question, libido question after having children!

Libby24 — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 01:29:13 -0700

Sadly it is a mum thing (some guys get it after their partner have a child) I still to this day have bouts of it.

Try getting hubby to take you out to dinner or something.
it will come back at a point you just have to work on it. (mine took 5 years)

good luck and chat to hubby about it to. (it helped me a lot to talk to him)

Liz

Re: Not a parenting question, libido question after having children!

Arna — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 00:48:32 -0700

One more thing. what is 'sexy' anyway? Not everyone has the same preferences.

You say you don't feel sexy anymore then get feeling sexy! Wear dresses and no knicker and wisper in your husbands ear that you are knickerless! A suggestion is as good as an act.

Get pampered! Expensive it can be, but if you feel good then it may do the trick.

You could always just try jumping into bed and see where it takes you!

You aren't the only one with this problem! For us been at least a month!

Arna

Re: Not a parenting question, libido question after having children!

Arna — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 00:44:34 -0700

This is normal and it is a parenting question. I am often not in the mood.

If you aren't ready for sex then try other forms of intimacy. Massage, kissing, talking taking a bath or shower with your husband. All these work for me! I didn't just write that!

Sex is not the be all and end all of a relationship. If you feel it is creating real problems, then go and see a sex therapist. they have great advise (I knew a lady who was one) and can help you with ideas and ways to get in the mood.

You have kids now, and they are the best contraceptive in the world. Either they scream all night, you're breastfeeding or they interupt at crucial moments! NOTE: THIS IS NOT A RELIABLE CONTRACEPTIVE IF YOU DON'T WANT MORE KIDS AND THE REGULAR PRECAUTIONS NEED TO BE TAKEN.

Good luck and happy journey.
Arna

Re: Not a parenting question, libido question after having children!

taniagirly — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 23:13:09 -0700

Maybe look at how you are feeling - tiredness makes you want to sleep when you go to bed - not do other things! Are you tired because of lack of sleep?or maybe you are a little down? Sometimes I don't even realise I'm down until I notice how tired I am. That is one of the most common reasons for a lack of libido.

The other is maybe you aren't connecting with your hubby - if you are too busy to really chat or spend time together then maybe thats why your not interested. Definitely the old tricks of sexy lingerie, dinner and a bottle of wine work. Why do you think men would bother otherwise?!

Hormones are definitely a big influence - I found that when I was pregnant I was not interested, but as soon as the baby was born I couldn't wait for some action. Now most of the time I can't get enough. I agree with the other lady's comment below that once you start you can get into it. My husband and I usually have a playfight and a tickle on a Saturday afternoon (while baby is in bed and 3 yr old is watching cartoons!) and one thing always leads to another. But to give my hubby credit he's very persistant!!! In a light hearted way though, and it can help. Someone has to initiate it right?!

Re: Not a parenting question, libido question after having children!

Kellzacar — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 22:14:30 -0700

Hi honey,

Honestly try not to stress!! What you are experiencing is very very normal and many women go through it. There are lots of things that you can do to try and spice things up. The group mentioned below is great. It's also worth mentioning that your preferences have probably changed so some of the fun can be about rediscovering what you like and don't like.

Have fun rediscovering yourself . . . If you find that this doesn't work then a talk to your GP is a good idea as sometimes after having children our hormone level gets mixed up and you may need to have some hormones to help get t things back on track!

Good luck . . .Kellz

Re: Not a parenting question, libido question after having children!

anon — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 20:50:37 -0700

Maybe get a family member to watch the kids for the night while you and hubbby go out for dinner and when you get back have a nice bubble bath with a couple of glasses of wine, then get hubby to give you a nice massage and follow up with a bit of hanky panky. Maybe you just need to be made feel sexy again. If this doesn't help, maybe speak to your doctor or pharmacist and try some horny goat weed or something. And just remember it is normal to feel how you are feeling, we all go through stages like this some time or rather.
Unfortunately I have the opposite prob. Wanna swap hubby's. Lmao.
Good luck....

Re: Not a parenting question, libido question after having children!

monyq83 — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 20:29:44 -0700

What you are experiencing is completely normal. For some women it comes back right away whereas with others it can take months! I found for me every pregnancy was different. With my first it was 4-6mths til it came back, 12mths for my 2nd, and with my last baby I was having sex the very next day after he was born. Wierd how the body works, huh!

There is a group here on Minti called Spice Up Your Life. Its a group for everything bedroom related.... (except this is one place we DO NOT talk about the bedtime routine of your newborn, get the drift?? lol) Come on in and maybe some of the other members can help give you some tips to getting your love life back on track :)

Re: Not a parenting question, libido question after having children!

angelicarose — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 20:03:24 -0700

i had this problem too, i never felt like it but once it had started i found i was in the mood. try just doing it then see how you feel. we (my ex n i) used to skip 4play for that reason and just get strait into it then i found my self enjoying it, but its the same every time, i dont want it but i know once i start it im ok. ??? hope it helps